A/N; I don’t own anything you recognize, you know it. See you at the end!
Chapter Five “ It’s Time
Two days later, the household woke up to a beautifully sunny day. Gathered around breakfast, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ron, Ginny and Harry were planning their day.
“Your mother and I have some errands to run today in Diagon Alley and we will also have lunch with the twins. Do you want to come with us?” asked Mr. Weasley.
“I’ll come!” immediately replied Ginny.
Harry swallowed his mouthful of toast and added, “Me too. I need to talk to them.”
“Ron?”
“I’d like to stay here, if that’s ok with you, Mum.”
“Why?”
“I just don’t feel like going out.”
“It’s settled then,” Mr. Weasley declared. “We leave in half an hour.”
About fifteen minutes later, everyone was getting their things to go shopping. Ron was in his bedroom looking under his bed for a pair of shoes when Harry knocked on the doorframe.
“Could you check on Hedwig while I’m gone? Just to make sure she doesn’t run out of water and food? She traveled a lot this week.”
“Yeah, sure,” Ron answered popping his head out.
“Hey, who wrote to you?” asked Harry upon seeing the letters from Hermione on Ron’s desk.
Ron quickly got out from under his bed with his tennis shoes and went to gather the letters.
“Hermione,” he simply replied, putting the letters in one of the drawers.
“I didn’t know you two wrote to each other,” said Harry, looking puzzled.
“Neither did I. I received those two weeks ago.”
“Really? But it can’t be…”
“I know, Harry. She wrote to me before she… passed away, and her parents sent the letters while we were still out there fighting. Mum gave them to me when I came back home.”
“What does it say?”
“A little bit of this, a little bit of that… In the first one, she basically yells at me for being a git at the Yule Ball in fourth year.
Harry snorted. “And the others?”
“I haven’t read them all, yet,” Ron half-lied, looking away from his friend.
“Oh.”
At that moment, Ginny entered the room.
“Come on, Harry. We’re all waiting for you.”
“Sorry. Bye Ron, see you this afternoon.”
“Have fun, both of you,” he replied as they were leaving.
The red-haired let out a big sigh and sat on the corner of his bed. They were all finally gone. He had been waiting for an occasion to be alone in the last few days. Yes, he was happy they were all reunited again. Yes, he was having fun with Harry and it was really entertaining to see him around Ginny but he felt like he was wearing a mask. He didn’t feel that good inside. And Harry seemed to be doing so great… Was he playing a comedy too?
He put on his tennis shoes and went outside to think quietly in the garden. June was almost here and the grass was perfectly green, moving peacefully with the wind. Ron sat on the stairs leading to the back door and looked around him. Everything appeared nice and at peace. It was a beautiful spring day, with all one could dream of in a world now Voldemort-free. He could hear birds chirping in the distance, tree branches cracking under the wind and two or three gnomes rummaging near the shed. It all seemed perfect. Why was he feeling so messed up then? Why couldn’t he enjoy it like anybody else?
He suddenly looked up as an owl flew over one of the tall trees. It was that stupid stone owl that started it all. It was that ugly thing that let Malfoy know there was a Mudblood in the house… How else would he have known they were there? It was its fault Malfoy came to fight them. It was its fault she was dead.
“Damn enchanted owl!” he said aloud.
His hands clenched into fists and he didn’t even notice it. His nails were digging in the palms of his hands, but he didn’t feel the pain. The only pain he was aware of was the one running through his veins; the one that seemed to lurk in every part on his body.
Ron rose up and seized a rock on the ground. He stared at it, trying to transfer all his anger to the stone and threw it as forcefully as he could against the trunk of a tree. The rock bounced on the wood and fell some distance away. He stood there and realized that it didn’t help at all. He could throw a thousand rocks, and it wouldn’t change a thing. He threw another one nonetheless, just for the sake of it.
The gangly young man unclenched his fists and his shoulders dropped. He was not going to bail out. He would read that last letter from Hermione. He had been waiting for a moment of tranquility since he had an idea of what this last missive would say. He knew he would get emotional if he was right but he had to read it. He had avoided seeing the truth for so long; it was now time to face it. Now was the perfect time to do it too. If not, who knows how long it would be before he would get another occasion like this? A deserted Burrow was something rarely seen.
He went back inside the house, picked up the last sealed envelope from his desk drawer and went back outside. He sat against the trunk of the tree he had aimed at a few minutes before and felt the parchment of the envelope with his fingers. It was thicker than the other ones and also appeared to have some magic in it.
This was confirmed when he tried to break the seal. It wouldn’t break. Instead, three words appeared on the parchment: ‘State your name’.
“Ronald Weasley.”
At this, the seal dissolved into vapour and he was able to get the letter from the envelope. He unfolded the parchment and another piece of paper fell on his lap. It was blank but he had a feeling it wasn’t here for nothing and put it carefully aside. Maybe there would be some instructions about that in her words.
Ron,
There’s no way around it; if you read this, I’m dead. I wrote this letter in case that particular situation would happen. I couldn’t go without telling you a few things. And these words are here because I didn’t have the time, or the occasion, or the courage (yet) to say them face to face. This missive is the point of no turning back. I intend on writing nothing but the truth, so here goes.
One last thing before we get into the real stuff: I put a voice recognition charm on the seal to make sure you were the only one who could read its content. And don’t lose that little piece of parchment. It’ll be useful later on.
I’m scared, Ron. I even catch myself shaking in my bed some nights of the week. This Horcrux chase we are diving into is so huge. Not only in terms of the task itself but also of what could come out of it; its effects on the whole magical community. And Harry has such an immense role to do, with the prophecy and everything else. Think about it. We are three barely of age witches and wizards and we want to find and destroy Horcruxes. Dumbledore only managed to destroy one himself! And he was Dumbledore! What are we compared to him?
I try to take it one day at a time because I can’t see much ahead. I don’t really know where this will lead us, or what we are going to face and meet. Come to think of it, I don’t want to look ahead because the ultimate point will be Voldemort himself and Harry jeopardizing his life facing him. I refuse to think of that even if my brain tells me it’s better to prepare ourselves. I just can’t. I’m not even sure we will reach this point of the mission. We have so much to do to get there.
I think that if I take it one little step at a time, one problem after the other, I won’t stress as much as I do when I consider the whole situation.
You probably think that it’s not that bad since you don’t see me shaking and panicking during the day but it’s there. We’re all nervous and insecure. Harry is great at mastering himself, probably because he is so focused on what he has -and wants- to do, but I sometime catch him staring outside with his forehead against the window and I can see he is worried too. He has so much on his shoulders. The best thing we can do is support him as much as we can and help him to go as far as he can reach.
And you, Ron, I know you are as scared as I am. You were never the best person to disguise your feelings. Do you know you’ve taken the habit of biting the inside of your cheeks? You do it so often these days that you must be bleeding from time to time.
The only reason I can remain somewhat calm in the day is that I know you and Harry would defend me with your lives if the need was there. I know someone is there to protect me. You did it at Hogwarts and you do it now too. I sleep better at night because I know you’re both in the house, in rooms close to mine. I’m more courageous when you’re at my sides, it gives me strength.
I’m also scared to never see my mother and father again. You must feel the same here too. Merlin, your mother must be a wreck since you’re gone. My parents are Muggles, as you know, so they understand the importance of the cause for the sake of both the magical and Muggle world, but they would rather have me home with them instead of the front line in the battlefield. I have a picture of them in my luggage and I look at it every single day. I love them so much. I want to hug them again, I want to fight over the television remote (Muggle device), I want to bid them goodnight too.
I don’t want to die!
I could use a hug, right now. I would like for you to comfort me, hold me tight and tell me it’s going to be okay… I know I’d feel safe in your arms. You are my protector and you’ve always been this way. I’m so thankful for that; I need your support to stay strong.
There’s nothing official between us, you and I are both aware of that, but it’s there anyway, whether you acknowledge it or not. I care about you and you care about me. I don’t think of you as a brother and you don’t think of me as a sister either. I know it.
I’m getting choked up here. I don’t want you to read this letter. Because if you do, it means I never got to tell you how much I love you. We are leaving tomorrow to destroy the cup in the Malfoy Mansion and if we succeed and come back here safely, I’ll tell you. I have to.
Why is it so hard? Three simple words with so much behind them. There’s the history, the present and the future in those words. There’s you and me, and something so powerful we will never understand the full extent of it. But there’s you and me in it. It’s all that matters to me right now. You and me. Ron and Hermione. Weasley and Granger. Pureblood and Muggleborn.
You and me.
One part of my life seems to be revolving around you. I look up at you for courage and strength. You make me laugh, we fight. We fight less than when we used to at school but the stress still gets to us sometimes. I like when we fight. I don’t like the argument itself but the energy of it gives me a kind of drive to go on, to look in more books and to try harder. Even the negative turns out positive around you.
I love to watch you prepare a meal. You were never the best at organization and you definitely need some in the kitchen. How many times have you served the main course, then dessert and finally vegetables because you forgot to heat them at the right time? Nothing is routine with you. There’s always something unexpected and unplanned. I like that you can turn an ordinary day into a maze. Never boring to be around you.
I can’t help but laugh when I see you flee at the sight of a spider. Remember the time you thought that big hairy one was in your sweater? I never saw a guy get half-naked so fast in my life! I still smile when I think of that afternoon. Your skin was so pale under all those freckles. Maybe it was because you were so scared of the spider, I don’t know.
I never touched you even if I wanted to many, many times. I don’t mean to grope you. Just to feel your skin under my fingers, see the texture of your hair, get close enough to smell your neck and things like that. I think that just means I wanted to get closer to you, more intimate. To cross the ‘friends’ line.
To feel your lips against mine. To feel them on my skin.
Earlier, I told you I needed you mentally to stay strong and such. Now I’m telling you I need you physically as well. A hug here and there, a caress as you bid me goodnight, a kiss when you just come out of the shower…
Is all this even possible? Am I just dreaming impossible things? What about you? Do you feel the same? I know you like (love) me, but I can’t tell exactly what your feelings are towards me. I can’t guess how you would react to a kiss from me. I can’t predict what you will do when I tell you all this in a few days, or when you will read this letter. I guess that’s why it’s so frightening to tell someone you love them. It’s the unknown and the feeling of not being in control. I read this in a book I can’t remember the title. Every fear we have is either based on a sentiment of loss of control or fear of the unknown.
I wrote at the beginning that I intended on telling nothing but the truth and I realize that I’m taking a lot of detours.
I love you, Ron.
That’s the most truthful thing you will read in this letter. Lately I even came to think that to me, the alphabet consisted of only three letters: R-O-N. You came to be almost everything to me. Practically everything revolves around you in my life. You’re my safe place to fall when I have a bad day. You’re my protector and my hero. You’re my friend and my, maybe someday, boyfriend, fiancé or husband. I think of you when I need strength, I look at you when I want to be reassured and I dream of you when I want to feel loved.
You impressed me with your loyalty. You surprised me with your relaxed vision of life. You defended me against Malfoy. You are brilliant even if you don’t always use your gifts well. You’re always true to yourself and you hide nothing, even if that leads to fighting. For all that, I loved
you.
You stood by my side in battles. You’re always there for me when I need to. You’re courageous, strong and proud. You’re a true Gryffindor. You are a true friend to Harry and me. You defend and protect your family. For all that, I loved you more.
You are Ron Weasley, and for that I love you. No matter what.
It’s true, I love you. And you probably loved me at some point of your life too. But if you are reading this letter, dwelling on those feeling won’t be of any help. You will need to move on, Ron. I know you will try to hold on to those sentiments. It won’t be easy and you will probably need some time to heal before, as I would have had to if the situation was reversed. As much as you love me, as much as I counted for you, I’m no longer on this Earth. I don’t want you to forget me. I just don’t want my memory to hold you back in life. You have to keep going on. You are a fighter, Ron. You never gave up and now is not the time to start.
Life will go on, you will grow old, and people around you are going to marry, have kids and die too. I don’t want to think that I will ruin the rest of your time on this planet. I want our time together to be a positive experience, something you can look up to that will put a smile on your face that you will recall without regrets or bitter feelings.
There’s life past death. There are years and years awaiting you. Don’t waste them on a memory.
I told you that the small piece of parchment would be useful later on… Now is the time. It will be my last gift for you. I hope you will appreciate the full meaning of this present and that it will help you remember me by. When you will be done reading, stretch you arm and turn you palm up to the sky. Then pronounce the incantation on the parchment and you will receive your present. To me, it’s like giving you a part of me. Again, I hope you will like it.
I can’t believe this is goodbye. I never imagined I would have to say this to you some day. Please, don’t mind the spots left by my tears. The ink is still drying and I’m damping it with tears even more. It’s not very neat but I can’t help it. It’s almost as bad as if this goodbye was real.
Please remember me as the girl who loved you with all her heart, as the friend and as the man you were. A part of my soul belonged to you and I was ready to share it with you. I hope I will have helped you go further with your immense potential, that my memory will be a pleasant one to you and that you realize how much you meant to me. Go on with your life and know that I’ll always be around, in you head, heart and soul. Know that I will have thought about you until the very end and that you helped me go this far. You’re my alphabet.
I love you. Three simple words. I love you.
Your Hermione
Ron grabbed the smaller piece of parchment, did as he was told and read the words that slowly appeared on it aloud. Only a moment later, a wand materialized in his palm.
Hermione’s wand.
Ron’s mouth was hanging slightly open. She was right in thinking this was the best present.
This was something she carried with her everyday since she was eleven. It was the symbol of the magical part of her life, of her time at Hogwarts, the fights she fought and all her wonderful magical achievements. And it was something important to her.
He also had an idea she could not have foreseen when she wrote the letter. He quickly stood up, went to his bedroom and opened his trunk. Ron pulled out a long drawstring bag made of dark velvet. Opening it, he took out a wand and went downstairs to the fireplace. He kneeled down in front of it and placed the newly fetched wand on the ashes.
He seized Hermione’s wand and used it to set fire to the other one with a shaking hand. Then, the red-haired sat in front of the flames and watched them lick and burn the slender piece of wood, a silent tear occasionally running down his cheek. It was like a symbolic revenge to her memory. Her wand destroyed the one owned by Draco Malfoy.
It brought some peace to Ron’s soul to have been able to do this. As he watched Malfoy’s wand being consumed by the flames, being reduced to ashes, he took steadying breaths, playing with Hermione’s wand in his fingers, feeling every part of it he could, his vision blurred.
A/N; Sorry it took me so long to update but I had beta trouble. I lost me regular one due to computer crash and finding new ones is a headache. Nonetheless, Songbook99 and Greeneyes stepped up and were a great help, so thank you so much. There’s a fine line between being sentimental/emotional and just syrupy/corny and I didn’t want to cross it too much. That’s why I wanted feedback before posting… Well, I also want (and need) to know what you think of this chapter, of course!