“Aren't you excited Hermione?” Ginny asked, upon her return. The bride was currently standing, staring at her reflection in the mirror, expressionless.
“Of course I am!” she replied, answering a little too quickly. "Why shouldn't I be - it's my wedding day! It's everything I have ever dreamed of - the perfect dress, the castle cake, a lovely groom. Right?" Ginny couldn't help but sense a tinge of uncertainty in her friend's voice, but she supposed all women had that on their wedding day. "I mean, nothing's wrong, is it? You'd tell me, wouldn't you?"
“Yes! The dress - it's gorgeous, Hermione. You look amazing! As for the cake... well, who doesn't like cake!" Ginny tried to smile reassuringly up at her friend, but Hermione's expression didn't loosen.
"And?"
"And what? Oh, Terry." Ginny couldn't quite convey the excitement that she felt she ought to into her voice. It had never been much of a secret that the Weasley family hadn’t quite taken to Terry. It was never mentioned, but they all seemed to harbour the secret hope that maybe one day it would be their son and brother, Ron, who Hermione would turn up with on her arm at some function or dinner.
"Oh, Terry's alright. Bit boring maybe, but -”
“Terry’s not boring! He’s really sweet!” she protested huffily, her mood changing from uncertain to defensive in an instant. “Anyway, just because he’s not the sky-diving type and he doesn't do Wonski Feints every other day doesn't mean he’s boring! What exactly would you deem "interesting" anyway?”
“Oh, I don’t know, doesn't he ever, you know, get into giant chess matches with live pieces, or, well, how about go down to battle in the Department of Mysteries, or face giant spiders in the middle of the school to save you or something? Or even just play Quidditch?” Ginny enquired innocently, averting her gaze from Hermione's glare.
“Wow, Ginny, your hints are so hilariously subtle," Hermione said flatly, narrowing her eyes. "Are you trying to say that you don't think I'm doing the right thing here?” she asked her Maid of Honour accusingly.
“No, no, not at all…” Ginny trailed off, realizing what a truly terrible Maid of Honour she was turning out to be. Honestly, how many decent Maids of Honour tried to convince the bride to leave the groom at the altar?
“Yes you were! Hang on a minute - you think we read too much, don’t you?”
Ginny tried to refrain from shouting and banging her friend‘s head against a wall - or against that of a certain brother of hers.
“Yes, Hermione, that’s exactly it!” she settled for saying exasperatedly, placating herself with the fact that, even in her frantic state, Hermione wouldn’t be able to miss the sarcasm heavy in her voice.
“Anyway, be realistic Ginny! Where could I find someone like that?”
It took all Ginny's willpower not to find a pillow to scream into, but luckily she was sufficiently distracted as she observed a chicken trotting past the open door, followed haphazardly a few seconds later by Luna. Perhaps only having responsibility for the twins wasn’t such a bad thing after all…
“Stark - raving - mental!” gasped Terry, making Ginny jump as he too appeared at the door, although unlike the chicken and Luna, he entered it. Staggering into the room, he looked a lot worse for wear then the average groom ought to on his wedding day.
“Terry! You’re not supposed to see the bride before the wedding! It‘s bad luck!” Ginny cried, shocked by his sudden arrival, as she jumped in front of Hermione in a vain attempt to shield her from view.
“Those - two -”
“Calm down,” Hermione sighed, having difficulty deciphering her fiancé’s words. “Wait a minute, are you talking about Fred and George?” she asked, and as she took in Terry's dishevelled appearance the realization dawned. She spun around to give Ginny an accusing glare.
“Yes,” Terry hissed venomously. Ginny rapidly muttered her excuses and fled the room faster than Harry whenever Romilda Vane threatened a visit.
“What did they do now?” Hermione noted for the first time the extent of his distinctly unorthodox appearance - which she hoped was from his encounter with the twins rather than simply a desire to get married in half a robe and purple spotted underwear.
“They stuffed me in a bird cage!” Terry yelled. Hermione thought she heard a stifled giggle from outside the door, but wisely decided to ignore it.
“So that’s what that big, ominous looking present was then?” she asked, with a determinedly straight face. “That’s a relief, I thought it might be more Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes merchandise!” Terry gave Hermione a look of utter disbelief. "Okay Terry, I can see you're upset -"
"Hermione, I was upset when they served me chicken for dinner that was still clucking and flapping it's wings before it proceeded to eat the rest of my meal. I was upset when they insulted my tie. I would say that they crossed the line from upsetting me to traumatising me sometime after they gagged me with a House-Elf's putrid socks and sometime before they stuffed me, the groom, into a birdcage, on our wedding day!"
"Right..." Hermione nodded slowly, considering the matter. "Do you think we should take them off our Christmas card list?"
“Hermione!" Terry exclaimed incredulously, unable to understand his fiancée at all at that moment. "They are completely, utterly, unhinged! Or had you not noticed? Thank Merlin this is the last time we ever have to see them again! I swear Hermione, this wedding has been one catastrophe after another! I don‘t know how much more I can take! The only consolation is that each disaster brings us closer to when we'll finally be married.” He sighed, falling backwards into the seat Ginny had just vacated. The fact that it was a stool and had no back for him to fall onto didn't help his already ruffled hair and clothes.
“I thought it was going rather well, actually! But then I suppose in comparison to being chased through the Department of Mysteries by a dozen Death Eaters, or releasing an illegally imported dragon to Romania, losing a great-aunt in the toilet for half a week and having the groom imprisoned in a bird cage doesn't seem so ba - Yes, well, things never go smoothly, well - ever." Hermione tried to placate him by patting his arm, realising her choice of words weren't the most soothing. "Hang on - what do you mean, we won’t have to see them ever again? What about when we’re visiting at The Burrow? Or in Diagon Alley? I know what they did was awful, but I think you’re being a bit extreme, dear.”
“Oh, no! I absolutely refuse to see those two - two - maniacs ever again!” Terry was too busy rubbing the back of his head and trying to straighten out what remained of his robes to notice the look of amazement on his bride-to-be’s face.
“Terry! I know they can be completely maddening; absolute clowns with no thought whatsoever of the consequences, and - well, a lot more, but they’re still Weasleys! They’re still my friends! We can’t avoid them forever!” Hermione cried, unable to hide the disbelief from her voice. The lack of affection between Terry and the Weasleys had been mutual, and that both parties merely tolerated one another for Hermione's benefit had always been clear, but Hermione had never thought that Terry felt so strongly about not wanting to see them.
“Oh, we can try Hermione!" Terry replied. "Anyway, there'll be plenty of time to talk about it after the wedding, won't there? Only half an hour - can you believe it?”
Terry’s smile had returned as he calmed down enough to leave the room, blowing Hermione a kiss as he went.
“No,” she whispered. “I can’t.”
Ginny had been given strict instructions to deliver the twins to Mrs. Weasley and to shepherd Terry out of harm’s way. She wisely decided to make sure Terry was safe before tackling the twins, and so when she found Harry and Ron en-route, she delegated them the task of making sure Terry was fully ready for the swiftly upcoming wedding.
Needless to say, Harry and Ron were slightly less than overjoyed at this request, and voiced it rather loudly until after a threatening wave of Ginny's wands, when they rediscovered their long-time love of picking out bow-ties.
“Isn't it ironic," Terry began to his less than enthusiastic chaperones, "Hermione was set to go out with you the day she and I got together. So I guess, if it wasn’t for you, we probably wouldn’t be doing this today!” Terry, whose mood had lightened considerably the more distance had been placed between him and twins and the closer it got to the actual wedding, told Ron cheerfully as he combed back his hair. Harry could tell from the lethal expression on Ron’s face exactly how big a fan of irony he was.
“You know what‘s funny?” Terry continued, straightening his robe in the mirror as he prepared to leave.
“No,” said Ron, with gritted teeth and an expression which all too plainly showed that pretty much all he would find amusing right now would be to see Terry dangled upside down by his ankles by Millicent Bulstrode, preferably whilst he was wearing pink underwear. But somehow Terry seemed to have missed the look upon his face, or had just taken it to be something Ron had eaten, as he carried on regardless.
“Back at school, I always thought it would be you and Hermione!” Terry finished with a small chuckle, turning to leave the room. Harry was surprised to see that Ron’s glare had faded and that Terry had remained intact.
“Yeah,” Ron's expression had grown softer, sadder, as he agreed quietly. “So did I.”