When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me.
--My Immortal by Evanescence
I step over a rock in my path and stumble, tripping over my own feet. These feet. These stupid, stupid feet. The feet that wouldn’t move when I needed them most. I hardly pick them up any more; I drag them. What’s the point? He’s gone. I can’t be happy, not while knowing that I could have saved him.
I, Ginevra Molly Weasley, could have saved him. In fact, I should have saved him. After all he’d done for me, after all he risked, and I didn’t save him. He saved my life, and five minutes later, his was taken away from him. Like candy being taken from a baby. Quick and unforeseen.
I can’t get that image out of my head. When the spell was cast and it hit him in the chest. The light fading from his eyes. That glow…gone. Just like that. That sound as he hit the ground. I remember it vividly. It was like nails clattering to a cemented floor.
My hair trails behind me, unkempt. I cry silent tears of penitence, of guilt. So this is what it feels like to feel guilt. I have felt guilt before, but none like this. I have been wearing black for the past two weeks, and I expect I will for many months to come.
Everything seems grey and bleak. In my world, it truly is. I feel like I shouldn’t be happy. I pass by many headstones, small and grey, engravings on them. I see a black casket, not too far away. I don’t quicken my slow, steady pace. I had been dreading this day for the longest time.
I finally approach the casket. I pass by his parents. His dastardly parents. They don’t care that they lost their son. They just care for their image. In fact, his mother was cradling a newborn girl. For a moment, I feel pity for this girl, knowing that she’ll have these monsters for parents.
I dry my tears very quickly. I don’t want them to see me cry; they’re not worth it. We exchange cold, hard looks. Their steely eyes meet mine and I stare them down as best I can. Tears well up in my eyes. I tear my head away quickly, and walk over to the casket.
There he lay, untouched. His pale eyelids cover his eyes. His hands lay beside him in a peaceful sleep from which he would never wake. I reach down and open his eyes. They had a faint glow to them. His pupil was constricted to a very small size and his grey irises are outlined with a pale blue band, so pale that it was almost grey. I don’t know what I’m accomplishing by doing this. Maybe I’m looking for a sign that he is still alive in some way. I don’t know.
I run my fingers through his blond hair. Something is missing, but I can’t put my finger on it. What’s missing from his persona? I just can’t figure it out. Then, it hits me. He’s not breathing. No hot breath was coming out of his mouth or nose, and his chest isn’t moving up and down. That breath once chilled me to the bone, but now it’s missing.
I bend my head over his. A single tear crawls out of the corner of my left eye and creeps down my cheek. It drips off of my chin and drops into his right eye. It sits there for a moment, and then slowly travels down his face, leaving a salty trail down the side of his cheek. I can’t bear to look at him any longer. I gently close his eyes and turn my head away.
My hair is now sticking to my face as I cry in solitude. He is no longer here. He is in the unknown world, beyond the world of the living. His body is nothing but an empty shell without a nut.
‘Death is nothing but the next great adventure.’ I remember when Harry told me that proverb. I try to think of it as ‘the next great adventure,’ but I can’t see the brighter side of death. I have only and always will think of death as my enemy. It has taken away my will to keep going each day. Having been so close to death myself when I was eleven, I have known what it feels like.
A minister in black steps forward and says something of which I don’t hear. I have blocked out all sound since he was killed. Or maybe I’m deaf? I don’t know and don’t care. All I pay attention to is his body. The empty shell. Will someone please come out and tell me that this is all some sort of joke? Please?
The service must be complete, for someone is carrying a torch toward the casket. I cup my hand over my mouth, telling my brain to close my eyes. I can’t bear to watch this. But I don’t close my eyes and somehow witness the whole thing. The flames are dancing around as a breeze sweeps through the cemetery. They seem to be laughing at me, telling me that I’m pathetic and that this wouldn’t have happened if I had just pushed him out of the way of the ‘Avada Kedavera’.
The casket catches fire and I watch as the fire engulfs the whole thing. This is it. I’ll never see his eyes or his face again. He’ll never make fun of me, or tease me anymore. The reality of the situation sinks into my skin, whispering to me that I’ll never see him again. Oh, I’m so confused. The red and orange mass of flames reflects in my eyes as I watch the casket burn to the ground. I stand here for the longest time, never tearing my eyes away from the pile of ashes that stands a few yards away from my feet.
His parents turn to leave. I, however, stay and walk over to his ashes and sink to my knees. I grasp a handful of them and try to keep them in my hands. They slip through the cracks in my fingers. I am now sobbing, not caring if I mess up my appearance.
I remember the last thing he said to me. “I love you.”
I had been startled when he first said that. I hadn't known what to say. But now, my mind is racing. A surge of anger swept through me.
“I loved him!” I screamed to the sky. "Why did he have to go?” I asked more quietly this time.
I get off of my soot-covered knees and also turn to leave, still sobbing. And for a brief moment, I feel as though I am being kissed by an unknown spirit, who heard my call. I hear a whisper, so quiet that it was almost silent, saying, “I love you.”
“I love you too, Draco Malfoy.” I murmur. And I’m sure that he heard me.
A/N: I had this plot bunny that wouldn’t go away and here’s the result. Did you like it? Please R&R. Kudos to my beta Periwinkle for all the help. You’re the best!