A Butterfly's Wings by pen11
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise.
The moonbeam slanted through the gap in the curtain illuminating a dusty table. A small lamp in the corner cast deep shadows over a man sitting perched on a hard-backed chair. The grimy mirror reflected a grim expression, almost one of despair. Sirius Black was in a dark mood.
Events of the previous few days had given little cause for celebration. Sirius had been all too aware of the pitiful shortcomings of the Christmas festivities Moony had organised at such short notice, although the love that had always been present at such celebrations was there in abundance.
The news that Voldemort was now targeting the Potters specifically had meant that the small family had been uprooted yet again. In these desperate times, it was impossible for any of them to settle. The small cottage where Sirius was currently living would serve for a few more weeks only before it would become imperative that he moved on. Sirius had heard that his brother Regulus had been involved in the attack on the Potter’s previous home just hours after they were safely away.
A small movement glimpsed through the curtains caused Sirius to reach immediately for his wand and pad stealthily to the window. Fallen onto the dirty ground was his brother, already starting to pick himself up. It was obvious that the heavy rain pounding the ground had mixed with oil on the road making it impossible for the Death Eater to keep his balance.
The sight caused Sirius to grin menacingly. The thought that his brother had come to attack him seemed to amuse him. He had wanted to exact retribution for what had been done to the Potter’s. James, fearful of the effect on Sirius, had extracted a promise from him that he would not kill his brother or even harm him unless in self-defence.
Without stopping to think why Regulus might have come alone Sirius strode to the door and blasted it open, emerging wand first. He waited expectantly for Regulus to cast the first spell.
Regulus, now standing, left his wand in his pocket. He kept his head down, unable to meet his brother’s eyes, unsure why he had come. The weight of what he had done compounded by the knowledge he had gained laid heavily on his soul. “Sirius…”.
“Give me one reason,” snarled his brother, “why I shouldn’t blast your treacherous heart out where you stand?”
“We’re brothers, Sirius.”
“You think I consider you my brother now after you attacked my friends and my godson?” Sirius lashed out, “From the day you took the Dark Mark you and I were not brothers. My true family would risk their lives for me, but you strike out at them and then come here to me. Fight me, you little coward”
Sirius stepped forward, levelling his wand at Regulus’ throat. His face clearly showed his loathing at everything his brother had become. Real fear danced in the younger man’s eyes, but he spoke with determination. “You won’t hurt me, not and break a promise to your precious Potter.” Regulus carefully pulled out his wand and handed it to his brother. “And now I cannot hurt you. So let me in.”
Shocked, Sirius stepped back and blinked. His promise had been made at an Order meeting; there should be no way that Regulus could know about it. He turned away and marched into the house leaving the door open. Once they were both inside he slammed the door. The two men stood only a few feet apart.
“Explain,” he hissed, “How a Death Eater can know information relating to what is said in an Order meeting.”
“Someone, I don’t know who, but someone in the inner circle reports directly to Voldemort.” Regulus replied feeling a little vindicated. “At least I never pretended to be one of you. You always knew what I was-"
“I refuse to believe you were never capable of more than this,” barked Sirius, years of frustration coming to the surface. “You were weak, not evil. But you still betrayed the wizarding world, like the rest of the Blacks. ‘Always pure,’“ he snorted in disgust. “I never once thought it of you Regulus.”
Defenceless Regulus looked down. I’m so sorry he thought wildly. I wasn’t strong or brave like you, I didn’t know anything else, didn’t have the support you had…Raising his head he stated calmly. “Well, it’s too late now”
Sirius stared at him. “Why are you here?” he demanded.
“It’s New Year’s Eve” Regulus laughed mockingly. “A time for new beginnings.”
“So you came here. Wanting what exactly? Forgiveness? It wasn’t ever me that you hurt-”
But I did thought Regulus as Sirius continued.
“-so you came to the wrong place. If you want to defect again, Dumbledore’s your man.” Sirius paused, all his anger temporarily forgotten in hope. “We could use the intelligence; you must know things that we could use. You would be protected.”
Regulus shook his head. “I want out, but I can’t do that.” I know too much, and Lucius Malfoy knows that I know too much. You think you know what it’s like to be hunted now, when the focus is elsewhere. Anyone connected with me is already dead. I can’t do that to you. Not on top of everything else.
He moved to sit down at the table. “I’ve done so much, it can never be repaid. I’ve even killed people. Isn’t it strange that that’s the only unforgivable curse I have performed?”
Silently Sirius drew up another chair, letting his brother to continue, knowing it had to be said.
“Do you know how it feels to take someone’s life? It literally tears you into two parts. There’s no way back from that.” Regulus looked at his hands as images of what he had chosen to do with them flashed through his head. A crying Muggle child silenced for ever. Houses burnt to the ground. Information passed on that had caused hundreds of deaths.
There was a time when we did everything together, Sirius remembered. If I hadn’t been sorted into Gryffindor…if the Potters hadn’t adopted me as one of their own…if Snivellus had been killed…if Remus hadn’t kept us the right side of expulsion…if Dumbledore hadn’t taken a chance on a Black and allowed me into the Order….
How many people do I owe my soul to? And what would every single one of them say to me now?
“Regulus…” he began, but then he thought of Lily and her simple way of taking care of all the Marauders. He silently reached out and touched his brother’s fingertips across the table. The younger man grabbed hold of his hand and held on, shoulders shaking, breathing jagged.
Drawing on what he had heard Dumbledore express, Sirius began to speak. “It’s the choices we make that are important Regulus. What you did… … well, it’s done. You’re not the only one who’s made mistakes. Nothing is ever beyond redemption. Come back to us Regie. The war’s not over. We need warriors.” Sirius hesitated. “I need you to fight with me.”
How long have I needed to hear this wondered Regulus. He listened to what his brother was saying, finding comfort in the connection between them. Taking strength from it so that he could find a way of doing the task he had set for himself. He allowed himself for a moment to just sit.
Gradually Regulus quieted himself. Dropping Sirius’ hand he stood and moved to the door. He turned and held out his hand. “My wand.”
“You’re running away.”
“I “ There’s something I have to do. It has to be me. I can’t,” - I won’t - “tell you what, but it’s the most important thing I could do now. You have to trust me.” I know that Voldemort split his soul, and I know where he put half of it. For the sake of our world I have to do this.
Sirius slowly handed over his wand. “Do what you have to do little brother, but then you come back.” Regulus only smiled at him sadly before apparating away. Sirius was left with more to consider than simply who the traitor within the Order was.