3. One Kiss and the Sky Vanishes
Severus Snape slowly walked along the corridor, the memory of consoling Lily still reverberating around his mind. She had seemed so vulnerable, and all Severus had wanted to do was kiss her into a world of blissful oblivion where everything else would vanish. Yet he knew that it would never happen. Lily was so amazing and kind – it seemed impossible that she could ever see him in the way that he had seen her for almost two entire years. He would just have to continue as he was, trudging on in the background as love entered and left her life at its ease.
The corridors were silent as he paced up and down them, working his way further and further down the building, images of autumnal hair and jewelled eyes flickering through his mind’s eye. He wondered where she was patrolling at that moment; hoping that he would accidentally run into her so that they could have another intelligent exchange.
Having reached the ground floor, Severus turned towards the cold passageway that led to the dungeon. He began to descend, running his hands along the coarse rock of the walls and shivering as the fibres caught on his skin.
And there she was. Lily Evans stood by the door that led to a classroom, smiling weakly at the new arrival of Severus. She seemed to have warmth radiating from her which neutralised the bitter air that attempted to reach his body.
“I’ve been chasing second years back to their respective dormitories,” she explained. “So once that was done, I decided this was the best place to find peace and quiet so I could cool off.”
Severus nodded, eying the hollow passages with affection. These very walls reminded him of his passion – the one thing that had made Lily notice him, and how she had begun to recognise him as a friend. “I love coming down here when it’s empty. The place has a feeling of calm…tranquillity, even.” He smiled.
Lily smiled back, her hair illuminated by the firelight. “It’s amazing how similarly we think,” she stated with conviction, fixing Severus with an intrigued gaze.
Severus’ body tingled with electricity a she looked at him. His eyes travelled over her half-smile and he suddenly found a hint of upset hidden in the salmon folds of her lips.
“Are you alright?” he asked, concern creeping into his tone. Her eyes were now oddly bright as she slid them away from his.
“I’m fine,” she replied, her voice becoming gradually less steady, “don’t worry.”
“But I do worry,” Severus insisted. “What is it that’s wrong?”
Lily’s voice gave way as she turned to face Severus, her eyes glimmering as the tears within them reflected the light of the fire behind him. “Oh…I don’t know…I’ll be ok. It’s fine – really.” She stemmed the flow of tears as she steadied her voice.
“Everyone in this world seems to be so prejudice!” she suddenly cried out. “I don’t know why my friends have to be like this! Why do they force me to choose?” Tears slipped from her eyes as she spoke, travelling down her ivory cheek and falling to the floor.
Severus moved closer to Lily as she attempted to brush away the remaining teardrops from her eyes. “Lily…I don’t know what’s happened. I don’t know who is making you choose what. But you have to go with what feels right to you. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. I love it that you are not afraid to speak up for what you believe in,” he insisted, staring into her eyes once more.
There was a long pause. Then Severus took a deep breath.
“And, Lily,” he murmured, “you’re beautiful.”
Their faces were now only inches apart. Lily was staring straight into Severus’ eyes, and she could see such honesty shining from them. Suddenly, the grey in them seemed reassuring and yet captivating at the same time. She could feel the heat emanating from his chest, and it passed though her body as well, making her want to move closer in.
Severus returned Lily’s absorbing gaze and could only see the emerald green that was bewitching his mind. He could feel nothing but her hand coming to rest on his shoulder, could hear nothing but her nervous breaths as she drew closer, could smell nothing but the faint musk that always reminded him of Lily.
And eventually, neither of them cared what the other was thinking, neither cared what running through their own mind. They finally lost each other in the intensity of the moment and their lips met in a breathtaking kiss.
And just for that one moment, the sky vanished, and the world did not matter.
*
It was later on that week and Severus was standing outside, the cold wind biting at his face. Hearing a jeer from behind, he turned to see James Potter’s face. He was accompanied, as usual, by Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.
“So, Snivelly, what’ve you been so happy about these past few days? Finally understood how shampoo works? Oh, no, I guess not!” sniggered Sirius.
“Have you got nothing better to do than make fun of people, Black? Oh, no, I guess not!” Severus retorted, mimicking Sirius’ unkind voice.
Suddenly, five wands were drawn. Severus looked around. Their were no teachers here, and Black, Pettigrew, Lupin and Potter were all advancing towards him. He let his anger and hatred of the four boys before him build up before he began sending hexes at them, the fiery sparks blazing through the air towards them. They were quick to retaliate. The fight became more and more heated until eventually, Severus yelled, ”Sepensortia!” A snake erupted from his wand and went flying to the ground, slithering towards James. Just as he looked up in triumph, he suddenly became aware of someone standing directly across the courtyard from him, frozen in utter horror.
Then suddenly, she was gone. He tore after her, hopelessly searching every place he could think of before the bell rang and he realised he was too late. The damage was done.
*
Once again, that night Lily had patrol duties. She left the Gryffindor Common Room quickly, refusing to talk to or even look at anyone. All she knew was that she needed an explanation. A reason. Something.
She knew he would be looking for her too. He would hopefully be about to show her that he was somehow not to blame, or entirely justified – but then again, how could he be? Thoughts raged through her head as she searched the corridors. Finally, she realised she knew where he would be. She just wished it didn’t have to be so. It was where they had truly discovered each other…where they had kissed only days ago…
Lily found herself descending the steps to the dungeon without being conscious of directing herself. Reaching the bottom of the steps, she saw him standing there, by the fire, watching her walk towards him.
She stopped a good distance away from him, and for a moment, they just looked at each other. Then Severus took a step forwards and began to speak.
“Lily, I’m –”
“Was there a reason?” she cut him off with a question uttered in the softest of voices. He didn’t answer.
“Did they insult your family? Did they bring back an awful memory of yours? Or was it just that you loved being able to inflict pain?” she asked almost accusingly. Again, Severus said nothing.
Lily’s eyes searched Severus’ face. It was blank and empty, as if he was trying to deliberately shut her out. It was at this moment that Lily knew she couldn’t trust him anymore. She knew then that he was just the same as the rest of them.
“I made myself believe you were different,” Lily said quietly, her voice calm, yet laced with utter sorrow. “I ignored what all my friends told me about you. I trusted you. I thought that maybe you had changed now. But you haven’t. You’re just like them, you know. Potter, Lupin, Black, Pettigrew. And that’s why I have to go.”
He looked deep into her eyes, trying to capture her again, but she could no longer see the enchanting man she saw before. She could see only Severus Snape, a Slytherin that was so well-known for his involvement in the Dark Arts and cruelty to other students.
With the realisation of her words, his eyes became hollow. His face contorted into a look of pure agony. Suddenly, the stars had all burned out. He opened his mouth, but no sound would come out.
“I really thought we could work…” Lily choked out as she backed towards the door leading up to the entrance hall. She turned and unlatched the black door, swinging it open. Just as she was about ascend the steps, she swivelled back to face Severus.
“Maybe if things had been different…maybe if you had…” she whispered, then hurriedly climbed up the steps.
“Lily!” Severus called desperately, abruptly regaining the ability to move and speak. “Lily! Lily…” But she had already gone. He turned back to the room.
He had been so close. So close to getting all that he had ever dreamed of. And he had ruined it all because of that stupid Potter. The anger at himself and loss burned in his heart. It was all his fault.
Everything suddenly seemed so much darker than before. He stared into the midnight that swirled in the air, fighting the urge to let tears spill out.
He could still see Lily’s captivating eyes dancing before him, haunting him, because now they were completely out of reach.
Like emeralds caught in a fire.