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There’s a lot to be said for self-delusionment when it comes to matters of the heart. “ Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider.
Ronald Weasley shivered as a cold breeze suddenly blew around him, chilling his nose and numbing his hands. He drew the collar of his robes up once more as he waited for the students to finish their Apparition practice, leaning against the window glass of ‘Melvoin’s Magical Repair Shop’. But even then this cold, lingering mist could not burst the bubble of delight and ecstasy which he’d felt after managing to Apparate for the first time in his life. Sure, he’d overshot it a bit, but he had atleast moved from one place to another. His confidence shot up a few notches…maybe he really did have a chance of passing that Apparition test. If only the weather was cooperating…
Damn weather…It’s April, for God’s sake…
The weather was baffling, to say the least. It had truly been a glorious morning, with the sweet smell of dewy grass and blossoming buds in the air. The walk to Hogsmeade had been refreshing and soothing; they had perhaps seen the first few golden rays of sunlight in many months. This was, until of course, a mysterious, cold draft had settled down by mid-afternoon, bringing an inclement and gloomy atmosphere upon the mass of students waiting impatiently to finish their practice.
Ron shivered once more as he watched Professor Wilkie Twycross help Justin, instructing him to concentrate and focus his attention solely upon his goal…the three D’s again. For the life of him, Ron couldn’t make out how the hell they were supposed to help you in Apparating; he’d certainly Apparated without them, hadn’t he? His heart lightening at the thought of his success once more, he shifted impatiently on his other foot, his stomach rumbling. C’mon, finish it off already…
Finally, to Ron’s relief, Twycross stood up straight and said, “That’s it for today, everyone. Before we head back to Hogwarts, let us all have a quick drink at the Three Broomsticks to warm us up, shall we?”
The group of sixth and seventh year students muttered a heartfelt consent to this statement, and started towards the pub, eager to get out of the cold. Ron shuffled along with the crowd, keeping an eye out for Hermione. They had gotten separated when they were taking their places for Apparition, and hadn’t managed to meet together yet.
“Ron!”
Ron turned and waited until Hermione caught up with him. A little breathless, she said, “Ron, you did it! You Apparated, well done!”
Feeling slightly warm around his ears, he replied, “Yeah, but it wasn’t that good. I was supposed to turn up outside Madam Puddifoot’s, but I ended up at Scrivenshafts…”
“You still Apparated though. And that’s a great achievement -”
“You’re telling me this? Oh no, the sky’s falling…”
She rolled her eyes, but the corners of her mouth twitched. They entered the Three Broomsticks to a warm and smoky atmosphere with the inviting scent of Butterbeer wafting in the air. Ron inhaled deeply, and felt him warming up from the inside.
“I’ll go get the drinks…” Hermione said, before she left him to find a table.
He headed to a vacant table at the corner of the room, and took his seat as he waited for Hermione to return. She came back carrying two mugfuls of hot butterbeer, and took her seat across the table. Ron grabbed his drink and drank deeply as a warm, contented feeling stole over him. Hermione was sipping her drink as she stared thoughtfully at the wooden table. Vaguely, she said, “I wonder what Harry’s doing.”
“I dunno…he said that he’s going to go after Malfoy in the Room of Requirement, didn’t he?”
“Yes,” she said, suddenly looking rather annoyed, “He did. I don’t know what’s up with Harry lately…he seems to be obsessed over Malfoy. I mean, he set two house-elves after him day and night? He didn’t even think-”
“Hermione, not spew “ er “ SPEW again!” he corrected himself as he received a glare from her. “Look, Harry’s just trying to find out what Malfoy’s upto. Something does seem fishy about him.”
“But he should be concentrating on how to get that memory from Slughorn,” she said disapprovingly, her voice dropping to a whisper. “I don’t know why he’s wasting his time…”
“He’ll get it eventually, Hermione. Stop badgering him.”
“I don’t -” she stopped herself as she looked at Ron’s face, “Well, so I badger him a little. He’s so irresponsible sometimes…both of you are like that.”
Ron pretended to look annoyed, but said humourously, “Where would we be without you, eh?”
Hermione smiled again, and took another sip of her drink. Apparently very interested in a particularly jagged end of their small wooden table, she said slowly, “Ron, I -”
But she cut off as she spotted Twycross making his way to them, with an occasional detour to avoid the crowded tables and a huge smile on his face.
“Miss Granger, I wanted to compliment you on your marvellous performance at the Apparition test today. I do not believe I have ever seen a more dedicated and and talented student in my entire teaching life, and I have been working for more than just a few years, I assure you. You have truly realised the intent and meaning of the words “ destination, determination and deliberation. I’m very impressed with your -”
Ron tuned out the incessant flattering. Well, it did seem like flattering to him, in any case. Hermione was beaming, with many repeated ‘thank-you’s as Twycross continued to praise her Apparating abilites. He watched with a grin as he saw the way her face flushed with pleasure, her eyes twinkled and her bushy hair seemed even more frazzled than ever. He’d never really seen a girl like her before…
“- and I’m sure you are sure to succeed in every endeavour that you should attempt, and you will definitely go far if you continue to strive with the same dedication and determination. Well done!” Twycross said enthusiastically, as he shook her hand. He gave one last approving nod as he jostled off, pushing through the milling crowd.
“Glad he left!” Ron said, with an exaggerated sigh of relief, “I was sure he was going to court you with all that praising and flattering.”
He suddenly realised what he’d said and fought to suppress the horrible blush he could feel was creeping across his face. Stealing a covert glance at Hermione across the table, he found her looking down at the table again, crimson in the face, though he couldn’t make out whether that was due to Twycross’ praise or his comment.
They passed a few minutes in awkward silence before she spoke, rather slowly, “It’s been a while since we’ve been alone together.”
Ron took a very large gulp of butterbeer and choked. Coughing and feeling his ears go red, he said, “What?”
“I mean, we used to be always together, whether for Prefect meetings or a few trips to Hogsmeade, but then…well, today does seem like a change.” She said, looking anywhere but at him.
Dim as he knew he was, even Ron could recognize what she was trying to say and became vaguely uncomfortable. As much as he tried to suppress it, he couldn’t overcome his feeling of relief that Lavender had not yet turned seventeen. He felt the guilt pricking his conscience as he remembered when she’d asked him to stay back that morning just because she couldn’t go, and he’d brushed her off by saying that he needed to practice. But really, he had needed a practice, surely she could have thought about him too?
He stumbled out of his thoughts as he realised Hermione was waiting for him to say something. At a loss for words, he mumbled, “Er, yeah -”
She took a deep breath as though mustering up the courage to do something, looked him straight in the eye and said, “Ron, can I ask you something?”
“Er, yeah,” said Ron, rather apprehensively. Instinct told him this was not a conversation he would normally take part in, or like to participate in, for that matter.
“In the first term - before the Quidditch match against Slytherin “ erm,” she said, going rather pink, “Why were you so upset with me?
Oh no. This was definitely not a conversation he wanted to take part in.
“Upset? When was I -”
“Oh, stop it, Ron!” she said irritably. “You know what I’m talking about.”
“Er- oh- that,” Ron mumbled. He could feel his ears going red again.
“Ron?” queried Hermione in a low voice. He looked up into her eyes, which were glinting in the dim firelight. A cocktail of emotions burned within them, a combination of doubt, daring and hurt. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“I -” he said, moving his gaze away from her’s. He had no intention of breaking the renewed and fragile bonds of friendship that had developed between them after the brief period of hostility. Even in his mind, Ron knew his excuses were weak.
She moved her hand across the table and enfolded his. This simple gesture beckoned his gaze towards her again, and he found himself mesmerised in the deep pools of hazel.
“Ron, please tell me,” she repeated again, looking more hopeful.
He couldn’t tell her, he couldn’t. She would think him a fool and a jealous prat. Their friendship would falter once more, bringing on a relapse of what had happened in the previous months. He was not willing to take that risk…
But was it really friendship anymore? Even Ron had to admit that something had changed after his little trip to the Hospital Wing after getting poisoned. He remembered the times when Hermione came to visit, the way their friendship had bloomed into something more, much much more…occasions where Ron could genuinely feel the mutual feelings between them.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Hermione, it’s really a dumb reason -”
“Well, that doesn’t matter,” she said quite relentlessly. “We’ve known each other for more than five years now, and it should be all the easier for you to tell me.”
“Look, Hermione, it’s not something which is easy to discuss, alright?” said Ron, slightly nettled.
Her gaze hardened, and she took her hands away from his as she leaned back on her wooden chair. “Well then, Ron,” she replied back, incensed, “I thought we’d come past the stage where we’d have these formalities between us. I guess it was foolish of me to think that, right?”
“It’s not about formalities, Hermione,” Ron retorted back, “It’s just -”
He could see the tears forming in her eyes as she stared back defiantly.
“Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it anymore,” she said angrily. “I thought you could trust me, Ron, after all those visits at the Hospital Wing, after all those conversations, I thought -” her voice cracked. Her eyes were burning with a fire only he could spot during their infamous arguments. With a deep breath, she added in a hurt voice, “Thank you for proving me wrong.”
With that, she placed her mug on the table, and stood up. Wiping her eyes on her sleeves, she stormed across the room and out of the pub, completely oblivious to Twycross’s shout calling her back.
Damn it!
Ron couldn’t help but swear as he ran a frustated hand through his hair. He sat in his seat for a moment, debating whether to follow her, and in the end, gave in to his gut feeling. He knew they needed to talk, even with much reluctance on his part, and this combined with fear of her safety in the darkening sky outside compelled him to increase his pace. He vaguely heard Twycross calling out, “Mr. Weasley, would you please come back, we’re going to head back to Hogwarts in a short while and it’s not safe out there!” but ignored him completely as he rushed out.
The biting chill was a stark contrast to the sugary warmth of the Three Broomsticks, and Ron instinctively drew his robes closer as he watched on either side for any sign of Hermione. He spotted the silhouette of a lone figure on its way to Hogwarts, with ever-increasing speed. Ron took off after her in a run, his breath coming in gasps.
“Hermione, wait up!”
She turned, and saw him running towards her. Turning back resolutely, she started walking again, but at a much slower pace. As Ron finally caught up with her, she folded her hands and stared straight ahead, giving no indication that she knew she had company.
“Look, Hermione “ I’m sorry,” he gasped, trying to catch his breath. “Really, I -”
Hermione didn’t say anything but continued walking.
“Look,” he caught hold of Hermione’s arm and pulled her back to face him. “We’re fighting for no reason -”
“No reason?” Hermione said, cynically.
“Ok, fine, so maybe there’s a reason, but it’s pointless, really -” Ron reiterated, now slightly annoyed.
“Oh yes, pointless to you perhaps. I don’t get it, Ron, why is it so hard for you to answer a question? Why are you acting as though the world’s coming crashing down on you?”
“The world crashing “ on me?” Ron spluttered indignantly. “Hark who’s talking? You’re the one who’s overreacting on this -”
“Oh yes “ it’s always me, isn’t it?” shouted Hermione, looking close to tears again. “I’m sick of this, Ron, sick of waiting!”
“Waiting?” repeated Ron dazedly, as she wrenched out of his grasp. Hermione’s eyes widened, and she shook her head as she started walking again with a maddening speed again.
“Hermione “ wait!” He stumbled over a jagged crevice on the ground as he pursued her. “What did you say?” he demanded as he caught up with her and pulled him to her again.
“Nothing,” she said shortly, not looking at him.
“Yes you did,” Ron said, catching her chin and forcing her to look at him. “You said that you were sick of waiting.”
She didn’t say anything, but stared defiantly into his eyes. Suddenly, Ron couldn’t think of anything to say.
Hermione broke free of his grasp once more and said more patiently, “I just wanted to know why you weren’t speaking to me last term, Ron. I want to clear it right now…I don’t want this to hang between us.”
Us. Ron shivered unconsciously as she said the word.
“I told you, Hermione, it’s not -” Ron said futilely. Hermione’s eyes blazed with renewed anger as she said vigourously, “No, Ron, I don’t understand. Would you care to explain?”
“It was noth-”
“Ron -!”
“I told you -”
“Just tell me, will you?”
“It was “ it was just “ you snogged Krum, dammit!” Ron burst out, almost aggressively. He turned away from her so she couldn’t see him losing his composure. Without even realising that Hermione was standing still, completely shocked, he continued, “You snogged Krum, and I was jealous, alright? I was hurt even more when I realised you’d lied to me, all the times when you said that you and Krum were friends. I acted stupidly, I know, but I wanted to prove to you that I could snog too, I could have a date too if I wanted!”
He ran a frustrated hand through his already ruffled hair, with an uncontrollable and inexplicable desire to kick something. He hadn’t admitted the entire truth…his heart had broken the day he’d found out that Hermione had snogged Krum. The pain he’d felt, the amount of hurt he’d had to endure…something had broken inside of him that day. He’d been filled with a strong feeling of revenge, and it had led to devastating consequences. He had joined up with Lavender, knowing that Hermione would be hurt beyond words. It had been a bit of relief when Hermione had attacked him with birds…he’d expected a lot worse. And yet, he’d been filled with a savage pleasure of knowing he’d hurt just as much as she’d hurt him, if even lesser. But that had been short-lived too.
He stumbled out of his thoughts as he realised that Hermione hadn’t said a word. He turned to find her white as a sheet, staring at him with wide eyes. Finally, she managed to choke out, “Who “ who told you that?”
“Does it matter?” said Ron, turning his back on her again. “And don’t worry, I’m not holding out against you just for snogging Krum. You can go to Bulgaria if you want, nobody’s stopping you,” he finished, rather mockingly.
“Ro- Ron!” Hermione seemed to have lost the ability to speak coherently. “I never -”
“You don’t have to lie to me, alright?” Ron broke in heatedly. “I thought we were friends, Hermione! I thought you could trust me enough to tell the truth! And you were the one telling me about trust and friendship?” he finished cynically.
“Ron, listen to me!”
“I don’t want to hear you making excuses! What you did was completely right, it’s your life after all!” he said, unsure of how much longer he could stand this conversation. “After all, what am I compared to Krum, or - or even Harry? They’re smart, they’re tall -”
But he couldn’t finish what he had to say. Before he had even realised it, Hermione had come up to him and slapped him hard on his right cheek. Dumbfounded, he stared at her as she looked up at him furiously; tears were flowing freely down her face now.
“Stop it! Stop it, alright?” She seemed to be having difficulty breathing. “Will you even listen to me once?”
She paused, took a deep, shuddering breath, and said slowly, in a gentler voice, “Ron, I did not snog Krum.”
He moved his gaze to the uneven ground, saying resignedly, “You don’t have to lie to me, Hermione. Really. I was a prat before -”
Cutting his words midway, she placed her hand on his cheek and gently lifted his face. Looking straight into his eyes, she said quietly, “I’m not lying. Does it look like I am?”
Gazing into those glistening sparkles of hazel brown, Ron hardly dared believe her, and yet his heart was lightening in spite of himself. But something didn’t add up “
“But “ but Ginny told me that you’d snogged Krum “ and even Harry believed it -”
“What?” Hermione said, disbelievingly. “Ginny told you? Ron, Victor merely gave me a good-night kiss after the Yule Ball “ we never snogged. I don’t get it “ why did Ginny -?”
“Er - well, we were fighting, and she was “ um - a little upset” said Ron added uncomfortably.
“Well “ that would explain it,” said Hermione, her face dawning in comprehension. “I’m still going to have a word with her, though.” She smiled wryly. “So, this was all a big misunderstanding?”
“I guess,” said Ron, feeling his insides shrivel up with embarassment. And now she was going to ask “
“But Ron, that happened more than two years ago. You couldn’t have been angry with me for such a small thing, could you?”
Small thing? Ron snorted mentally. He’d found it hard to concentrate on anything else for weeks after he’d heard about it.
Hermione was still gazing at him with a curious expression. He knew the question was coming ...
“Ron, why do you envy Krum so much?” she asked, but her eyes revealed that she already knew the answer.
Ron couldn’t think of anything to say. He was suddenly very aware of how close she was standing to him, how her hands were on his chest, how her face hovered before his. He felt his body numbing involuntarily and his mouth going dry.
She was too close, much too close…
“There you two are!”
Twycross’s voice rang through the woods, echoing far up the road and breaking Ron and Hermione apart. With an inexplicable twinge of annoyance, Ron stared at the Professor rushing up the street, breathing heavily.
“Really, we’ve been searching all over Hogsmeade for you two. I’m very disappointed; I expected a far better behaviour from school Prefects!” he exclaimed. “Really, this is very irresponsible; you should feel lucky if I don’t report you to your Head of House -”
Hermione hung her head, looking slightly mortified at being caught in such an embarassing situation. And yet, Ron could sense that she wan’t regretting it. His heart warmed as he remembered “
“Mr. Weasley!” Twycross said disapprovingly, “Are you even listening to me?”
“What? Yes, yes of course, sir,” said Ron, lying unabashedly.
Twycross cast them another disapproving look, before saying, “Well, go on then, back to the castle. The rest of the class will be following you shortly.”
He waited until they reached the castle gate, which was relatively close, before trotting back towards Hogsmeade. Ron and Hermione made their way across the lawn, walking side by side as an awkward silence fell between them. Ron glanced sideways and found Hermione pink in the face, looking at the ground. He suddenly felt very uncomfortable.
“The weather’s become warm again, hasn’t it?” said Ron impulsively, speaking the first thought that came to his mind. He cringed inwardly.
Oh no, I’m talking about the weather…
“Yeah,” said Hermione, in a higher voice than usual. Ron felt like kicking himself.
Hermione looked deeply uncomfortable too. Before Ron could fathom what exactly was wrong, she said, “Ron…you’re still with “ Lavender.”
Lavender. Ron’s heart sank. He’d completely forgotten about her. He glanced sideways once more, feeling a mixture of guilt and misery at the thought of facing her again. No doubt, she’d confront him and demand whether he had been with Hermione, whether he had thought of her, and probably reprimand him for not staying back with her. Suddenly, he knew how Hermione felt.
But somehow, even the unhappy prospect of meeting Lavender couldn’t dampen his mood. And somehow, Ron knew deep within that Hermione was feeling the same. As they walked along the corridors and stopped before the Fat Lady’s portrait, Ron gave Hermione, much to her surprise, a brief and lingering hug before entering the Common Room, mentally preparing himself to be excited and ecstatic when informing Harry of his successful Apparition.