“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
Remus looked away from the unicorn grazing near the Forbidden Forest and found himself staring into a pair of smiling emerald green eyes. His heart skipped a beat.
“Yeah… yeah, it’s amazing,” he said with a lopsided grin. Lily let out a small laugh and joined him on the grass. Remus watched, fascinated, as the sunlight highlighted Lily’s fiery red hair. She was beautiful, yet he never had the courage to say so.
“We’re so lucky to see one before we leave,” she said, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.
“I know.” Remus nodded. “I was taking a walk when I saw him. He just cantered out of the forest. Good thing I didn’t scream, though. I would’ve scared him away.”
“You would’ve scared half of Hogwarts away,” said Lily teasingly. “I doubt Professor McGonagall will ever forget that day with the boa constrictor.”
Remus reddened slightly, recalling those fateful moments when he confronted the great snake in class. She grinned, seemingly thinking about the same thing, and rested her head on his shoulder.
He stiffened, startled by her actions, and he looked around nervously for any sign of James, his heart thudding wildly. Next to him, Lily sighed wistfully.
“Oh Remus, I’d give anything for just one more day here,” she murmured.
“Yeah…”
Remus didn’t dare say it out loud, but he would’ve given anything to have her, even for just one day.
“Lily…”
Remus Lupin rested his forehead against the windowpane as he stared absently at the sunset. In his hand he held a glass of brandy, which he had been drinking until his thoughts landed on his old friend.
He shook his head mentally to clear it. Even now that he was back at Hogwarts, he still couldn’t take his mind off her. It was frustrating. Guilt like no other seeped through him whenever he thought of her”James never knew how he felt.
Remember tonight, Remus.
This simple thought jolted him back to his senses. Tonight he had to endure another bout of madness and violence. A sharp, needle-like pain shot through his hand as he moved it. He winced.
Yep. It’s tonight, all right.
With some difficulty, he shut out the image of fiery red hair and emerald green eyes from his mind’s eye and made his way slowly back to his desk. He collapsed into his high-backed leather chair with a heavy sigh and set his glass on the table before him.
Scattered pieces of parchment littered the polished oak desk. He blinked at them, trying to remember what he had been doing before he had stood up to watch the sunset.
Ah, the grades of the seventh years, he thought to himself, gathering the pieces together and placing them in a neat pile. Grading his students was probably the most tedious part of his job; he didn’t know how the other professors managed it. Too lazy to continue he glanced around, trying to find something else to do. His eyes then fell on the bottom-most drawer.
He debated with himself.
Did he dare?
Stiffening his resolve, he bent down and pulled the drawer open. An old, worn-out shoebox lay there and he picked it up and placed it in front of him. Lifting the lid, he found the Marauder’s Map lying among the array of old photographs and folded pieces of parchment.
“Harry must be missing this,” he murmured to himself as he picked it up. He stared at it, memories flooding his mind once more.
“Move over!”
“I haven’t even seen it yet!”
“Well, I want to see it!”
“You’ll both get a chance to see it!” Remus chortled as both Sirius and Peter nearly squashed him in their frenzied desire to see their finished masterpiece. They had worked tirelessly for several nights; James and Remus had just finished adding the finishing touches.
James stood up from his four-poster and dragged the two boys off their rumpled friend.
“Now boys, easy on your poor mummy.”
Sirius gave an impatient grunt but allowed James to pull him away. “When in a decade’s time, you’re ready to show it to us, you will, won’t you?” he barked at Remus.
“Oh, all right,” Remus sighed dramatically and brandished the thick folded parchment at them. Like a tot beholding his first lollipop, Sirius’ face brightened and he snatched it from Remus’ grasp. Both James and Remus chuckled as Sirius unfolded the map on the floor, Peter at his side.
“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!” Sirius declared, tapping the parchment with the tip of his wand. Instantly, strings of ink appeared from where his wand tip touched the parchment and they twisted and turned to form a map of Hogwarts. ‘The Marauder’s Map’ was written in bold letters on top.
“Bloody wicked!” Peter gasped. He looked up at Remus. “I take that you added the little ink dots?”
“A specialty of mine, so to speak.” Remus rubbed his nails on the front of his robes casually.
“The Marauder’s Map…” Sirius grinned, looking like a young man whose genie had granted him all his three wishes. “Our key to ultimate rule-breaking right under Filch’s nose...”
Remus smiled slightly at the memory. Memories of his friends, the only people that meant more to him than his own life. He never could imagine how his Hogwarts life would have been without them.
Breathing deeply, he placed the map to one side and selected another piece of parchment from the box. Unfolding it, he recognized James’ handwriting at once. He glanced at the date and his stomach twisted into a knot. It was the letter James had sent him the morning of their deaths.
31 October
Moony,
I’m sitting here in my study at two o’clock in the morning, writing you this, and I don’t know the hell why. Lily is in the room with Harry. They should both be asleep by now”why I’m not in there with them… well, for one thing this blasted headache is irritating me.
Some things are weighing heavily on my mind. One thing is your fight with Sirius. I know things haven’t been easy lately. Some sick, twisted psycho is after my family and me; Padfoot’s dysfunctional family is getting more”well, dysfunctional; you have problems with your lycanthropy; Wormtail has issues of his own…
I mean, everyone’s got something going on. You have to give each other a break. I told Padfoot too. We’re all friends and I, for one, have faith in each and every one of you. We need to trust each other, especially in these times. Neither of you are spies for that git. I know and firmly believe that. I know none of my best friends will betray me. Hell befall you all if you do. (I’m not kidding)
Another thing is, well, I’m scared. No, terrified is a better term. I’m terrified for my family, for my friends… and for myself. I dread to go to sleep at night because I’m scared I’ll wake up the next morning to find my family and friends hurt”or worse.
Whenever I look at Lily and Harry, I can’t help but think about the evils waiting for us out there. I can’t help but wonder how my life would be without them, how painful it would be to lose them. Every night, I keep having these dreams about them getting hurt”or killed. And every morning I wake up sweating and shaking. I’m frightened. I don’t know what else to do. I trust Dumbledore and I believe him when he said that we’re protected, but I still have my doubts. What if Voldemort finds us? What if I lose the two people I love the most? What if they lose me?
Moony, you’ve done so much for me already, and I’m eternally grateful for that. But I have to ask you for one last favor. Please watch over Lily and Harry”if ever the inevitable happens sooner than expected. And this stupid feud with Padfoot “ I can’t stand seeing you two fight anymore. Or hear your snide comments about each other, for that matter. If Padfoot won’t listen to me, I know you will.
Please take care of my wife and my son. I love you like a brother, Moony. Thank you.
Prongs
Remus felt icy shivers run down his spine as he read his friend’s last words to him. It was so ironic that he picked out this particular letter to read while Sirius was out there, away from the dreary walls of Azkaban.
He hadn’t forgiven him. He never will. How could he? How could he just let go of the fact that one of his best friends sold their friends to Voldemort? How could he stare at Harry’s young and innocent face, disfigured by that scar, and not get angry? How could he look into Harry’s eyes, so much like Lily’s, and not recall the pain and sorrow he experienced when he found them dead?
How could he let go of the fact that Sirius once accused him of being a Death Eater?
He remembered that night so well… The night when Sirius first voiced his accusations. They had had a peaceful and enjoyable dinner with the Potters. During coffee in the living room, the attack had come, completely unexpected.
Remus stared at the man before him with a mixture of shock and hurt. Lily looked aghast as she clutched a gurgling baby Harry while he played with his Quaffle pillow. James was sputtering.
“I”how”Padfoot…” He looked at Sirius, then at Remus, and then back at Sirius again, with a look of absolute incredulity on his face. “You”you can’t be serious!””
“Sirius, how could you?!” cried Lily. Harry was cooing in her arms, squeezing his pillow as hard as he could. She stood up and carried him upstairs, clearly not wanting her son to witness this.
Sirius ignored her and looked at James grimly. He then turned back to Remus. “I am,” he said severely.
“Clearly,” said Remus hotly. “Seeing how seriously you want to destroy our friendship.”
“Oh, no.” Sirius shook with uncontrollable rage. “I don’t have to do that. You destroyed it a long time ago.”
“Bloody hell!” shouted James angrily. “Have you both lost your minds?”
“Do you honestly believe him, Prongs?” Remus now turned to James, his eyes flashing. “You know I’d never betray you! I’d give my life for you and your family if I have to! Why on earth should I become a spy for Voldemort?”
“Maybe you should ask yourself that question!” fumed Sirius. “You go around sneaking off after Order meetings without telling us where you’re going; you secretly meet with traitors like Snivellus about James and Lily’s whereabouts… You honestly thought I was that stupid not to realize what you two were doing?! That attack on them wasn’t a coincidence! You nearly got James and Lily killed!”
“That meeting wasn’t what you thought it was!” yelled Remus. “Snape is a spy for our side, not for Voldemort! I had nothing to do with-- ”
“Liar!” Sirius cut him off, his rage giving him a slightly maniacal look. “Don’t you dare say you had nothing to do with it! You and Snape should bloody well rot together for all I care!”
“Sirius!” cried James, outraged.
Remus looked at James and then shook his head. He felt as if a Bludger the size of an armchair hit him square in the stomach. He looked back at Sirius, his insides filling with anger and betrayal.
“It’s either you’ve had too much to drink, or Mundungus Fletcher pulled a hex on you again,” said James seethingly. “How dare you call Moony a”hey, where are you going?” he said as Remus reached for his coat.
“I’m leaving,” Remus said flatly.
“I’m not letting you go until we settle this!” said James angrily, anxiety evident on his face.
“No.” Remus shook his head again and then raised his eyes to Sirius. “You think I’m a spy? Fine. Believe whatever you want. But this ends everything, Sirius Black.”
With that, he turned and Disapparated.
Back in his office, Remus clenched his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Since that night, he and Sirius had never spoken to each other. What had started as silent and unspoken suspicions had turned into a full-fledged war.
That ill-fated night with Snape had been an Order mission that Dumbledore had forbidden them to talk about. He and Snape had met in secret, discussing plans and on-goings on the other side”until now, Remus didn’t know how he was able to handle being inside a small room alone with him”when Sirius stumbled upon them by accident.
At first his friend had stared, dumbfounded, at them and then started yelling angrily that it was impossible to put a reasonable sentence across. They had parted ways with Sirius storming off in an incredible fit.
Two weeks later, the tension between them reaching sky level, they had met at the Potters. Everything fell apart that night.
Remus stared down at the letter in his hands. James’ last words…
Their deaths affected him greatly. It was a wound that never healed, a huge part of him that melted away into nothingness. Ever since then, he felt hollow… empty. He had never found anything else that would fill up the empty spaces they left, or at least even numb the pain.
And who was the one responsible for it?
Sirius.
The same anger that had flooded him when he saw them dead awoke again, far greater than anything he had experienced in his whole life. It filled even the huge part of him that had died with his friends, and the part of him that wasted away because of Sirius’ betrayal.
Sirius Black is a Death Eater, he thought angrily. He sold James and Lily to Voldemort and he bloody well deserves to have been in Azkaban. I don’t care if he escaped. I’ll hunt him down myself. I’ll make him pay for everything”for accusing me and for betraying all of us. I’ll kill him for it!
He hadn’t realized that he was shaking. His hands gripped his hair as he attempted to stabilize his breathing. Silent tears that streamed down his face went unnoticed. It took a few minutes to get himself together.
When he had finally calmed down, he folded James’ letter and placed it back in the box. As he did so, his gaze fell on the Marauder’s Map. He was struck with a sudden thought: Buckbeak’s execution.
Remus pushed the box aside and spread the map neatly out in front of him. He then pulled his wand out of his robes, touched its tip to the parchment and whispered, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”
Strings of ink spread out from his wand tip and formed a map of Hogwarts. Remus pocketed his wand and then shifted the map so he was looking at the grounds.
“I thought so,” he said softly to himself. Harry and his friends, Ron and Hermione, were walking slowly towards Hagrid’s hut. The three of them must be under James’ Invisibility Cloak; their footsteps were unnaturally slow and restricted.
Taking a swig of brandy, he watched as the three tiny ink dots paused in front of Hagrid’s front door. His eyes left the trio for a moment to scan the map. What he saw nearly sent him reeling.
Right there, near the back of Hagrid’s hut, was another ink dot. It was labeled ‘Peter Pettigrew’.
Remus spat out the brandy he had just drunk as his eyes widened in surprise. Peter Pettigrew? Alive?!
“No, it couldn’t be!”
Remus straightened up in his seat and focused his gaze on the tiny ink dot. The Marauder’s Map never lies”and it now showed that Peter was indeed right there, on the grounds, accompanying the trio as they exited Hagrid’s hut and traipsed back to the castle.
“Am I seeing things?” he muttered, suddenly concerned about his own sanity. He blinked several times but the ink dot showed that Peter remained.
He leaned slightly forward as he watched with unwavering attention, his breath catching in his chest. The trio paused a little way away from the Whomping Willow. An ink dot labeled ‘Crookshanks’ was making its way towards them. Suddenly, Peter started for the tree with Ron at his heels. Ron caught up with him at the base of the willow. And then, a new ink dot appeared, by the name of ‘Sirius Black’.
Remus gaped at the map with a mixture of shock and bewilderment as Sirius collided with Harry and then started dragging Ron and Peter into a hidden passageway. Harry and Hermione then tried to get past the willow, but they seemed to have been stopped by the flailing branches because their dots kept jumping back, away from the tree.
Crookshanks scurried over to the base and after a few more seconds, Harry and Hermione followed him down the hole and into the tunnel.
Remus sat back, his mind numb from disbelief. Peter was alive? But how?
If Sirius hadn’t joined Voldemort, how had he escaped from Azkaban? And if he didn’t tell on their friends, who did? There was no other way Voldemort could’ve known. Sirius was Secret-Keeper for James and Lily.
For moments that seemed like eternity, he sat there, frozen in shock, his thoughts whirring in his mind.
Wasting no time, he jumped off his chair and tore out of his office, completely forgetting to wipe the map clean. He raced down the marble steps and flung himself out of the front doors. Panting heavily and wincing from the pain in his joints, he slowed down to a fast jog until he reached the Whomping Willow.
In his hurried departure, he didn’t notice Severus Snape walking towards his office, carrying a goblet-full of a frothing potion.
In the sky above him, thick clouds obscured the bright, full moon.