Letter from Lily Evans to Charlotte Appleby.. Wednesday, 14th July, 1976
Bonjour indeed,
I would berate you for telling Potter about Vermin, but I don't have the energy.
Things are ok here at the moment. Petunia and Vernon went to Sheffield to meet Vernon’s parents and sister yesterday, so they'll be gone for a few days. I'm still bored as arse though. It's awful staying here for the holidays now, all of my old friends have moved on, they all think I go to Eton, and I wouldn’t know what to say to them anymore, so it's rather lonely. We've only been into our hols for two weeks and I'm dying for seventh year. I sound like a right swot, don't I?
Don't complain about sightseeing, do you have any idea how much I want to go to Paris? You missy, do not appreciate culture! And I can't believe you managed to drop your wand off the Eiffel tower, what exactly were you trying to do? Immobilize pigeons? Baton practice? The inner workings of your mind confuse me.
Potter sent me a very sweet little letter yesterday, and I might as well be honest with you Char, I'm glad he's writing to me. At least his ramblings provide a release from boredom, and thinking up smart replies take up some time too. So I suppose I should thank you.
I know you're going to rub what I just said in my face when you get back.
Love,
Lily xx
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Letter from James Potter to Lily Evans.. Friday, 16th July, 1976
Lilykins,
Methinks that my last letter rendered you speechless. I would giggle, but it's not very manly, is it?
Your adoring, as always,
James Potter
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Letter from James Potter to Penelope Evans.. Saturday, 17th July, 1976
Dear Mrs. Evans,
You do not know me, but I felt compelled to write to you.
My name is James Potter. I will not be so arrogant as to presume that your daughter may have mentioned me to you, because she doesn't like me very much, so just in case she hasn't...
I'm a Gryffindor in Lily's year in Hogwarts, that’s all you really need to know about me. You've probably seen me before on the platform. I'll refresh your memory. I'm the devilishly handsome bloke who picked up your handbag when you dropped it two weeks ago.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing to you, Penny (can I call you Penny?), is because I owe you a gigantic thank you. Why, you may ask?
For Lily, of course.
Your beautiful, intelligent, vivacious and charming daughter has been the only source of sunshine in my dreary old life for the past six years. Her mere presence is enough to render me deliriously happy, her smile enchants me, her eyes dazzle me, and even though she yells at me every time I encounter her, I feel like I have been bestowed the greatest honor on earth when she does. I am a mere minion who worships the ground she walks on. I am hopelessly in love with her.
Therefore I would like to thank you for giving the world your daughter. I bow down at your feet, I humbly deposit myself for your scrutiny. I would thank your husband, but he is a rather large man, who, as I gather, is very protective of Lily, and I fear he would try to kill me. You may think I'm a cheeky sod for writing to you like this, but I feel you need to know that you have created an angel, although you're probably aware of that already. How anyone could know Lily and not adore her senseless, I do not know.
Alas, I must retire now. My mummy wants me to wash the dishes. You have my sincere respect and admiration,
James Potter
P.S. I fully intend to marry your daughter.
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Letter from Lily Evans to James Potter.. Satuday, 17th July, 1976
Potter,
Firstly, don't call me Lilykins.
Secondly, don't try to charm me.
Thirdly, you will never, ever, feed me anything but the crap you feed me now.
Fourthly, I wasn't rendered.. GAH!
You may wonder what the above GAH! was for, Potter. I will tell you. As I was writing that sentence, my mother came in and showed me a very interesting letter she received earlier.
I am going to knee you in the balls when we get back, Potter.
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Letter from James Potter to Lily Evans.. Sunday, 18th July, 1976
Lily, my love,
I like your knees, they are very pretty. It heartens me that you think my balls worthy of being abused by your beautiful knees.
James xxx
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Letter from Lily Evans to Charlotte Appleby.. Monday, 19th July, 1976
Charlotte, I'm going mad.
Potter wrote a letter to my mother.
My mother!
Apparently, he's going to marry me.
He wrote the biggest amount of crap I have ever heard, sent it to her, and now she bloody adores him! I'm serious! She thinks he's wonderful. She came running into the room to show me the letter, and then bombarded me with questions, such as 'Why on earth do you dislike him, he's a darling!'.
Oh, I'll just send a copy of the letter, and let you see for yourself.
Do you want to know the worst part Char?
Well, I can't tell you.
Lily xx
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Letter from James Potter to Lily Evans.. Tuesday, 20th July, 1976
Lily dear,
Is there a reason you're not writing back to me?
James Potter x
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Letter from Lily Evans to James Potter.. Tuesday, 20th July, 1976
I'm ignoring you,
Lily Evans
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Letter from James Potter to Lily Evans.. Wednesday, 21st July, 1976
Why'd you write back to me then?
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Letter from Lily Evans to James Potter.. Wednesday, 21st July, 1976
To tell you I'm ignoring you.
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Letter from James Potter to Lily Evans.. Thursday, 22nd July, 1976
So, why'd you reply to that one too?
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Letter from Lily Evans to Sirius Black.. Friday, 23rd July, 1976
Make Potter shut up, please.
How are you by the way? And Remus and Peter too, if they're there.
Lily Evans.
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Letter from Sirius Black and Remus Lupin to Lily Evans.. Saturday, 24th July, 1976
Lily,
How are you, old chap? I'm spiffing.
James is a free spirit, and can do as he pleases. It is not my place to make him shut up. As you are a ferocious campaigner for elf rights, I would have thought that you, of all people, believed that all living creatures have the right to free speech. You should be ashamed of yourself. Fie on you!
Sirius Black.
--
To Lily,
How are you?
I'm staying with James and Sirius at the moment, as you obviously would have gathered, since me and Sirius are sharing the same parchment.
I'm doing well at the moment. Full moon's coming up, and I can't say I'm looking forward to that. Mostly I've just been hanging about with these two, and trying to stop Prongs from offending you when he writes to you. Honestly Lily, if you think the letters you get are bad, you should see what I convinced him not to write. I didn’t know about the letter to your mum, however. I can assure you that I would have stopped him. Although no harm seems to be done. She wrote back to him and she seems to like him. It made his day.
Write back, it's always nice to speak to you,
Remus
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Letter from Charlotte Appleby to Lily Evans.. Saturday, 24th July, 1976
Lily,
I took a break from laughing my arse off to write this to you.
I was just about to affix a reply to your other letter, when Waffle came sailing in the window, so I thought, I'll just reply to both.
It's good that you're happy Potter wrote to you, he's such a lovely bloke.
I can't believe he wrote to your mother! The vile cretin!
He he, I know I'm horrible, look at me contradicting myself!
Potter is a genius! Marry him and have Potter babies!
I found his letter to your mummy adorable. Oh Lily pie, he loves you! And now he has Penny on his side, you might as well give in and let him deflower you. (Ha!)
My poor baby, I wish I could give you a hug and make up for the absence of friends, but most unfortunately, I have to go to the Notre Dame cathedral, and then join my parents for a cruise on the French Riviera. Oh, the torture I must endure! You can't see me but I am throwing my hands over my eyes in quite a dramatic fashion...
J'adore you, my dear,
Charlotte xx
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Letter from Lily Evans to Charlotte Appleby.. Sunday, 25th July, 1976
Charlotte, my bestest best friend,
Have you noticed the tone of our letters are getting gradually more informal?
Let's tackle your last letter one by one, shall we?
I hope you managed to reattach your arse, you'll probably need it one day.
Waffle is a nice owl. I love him so.
As for Potter, I am severely annoyed with him at the moment. So much so that I am going to chop his unmentionables off and puree them with mangoes. Therefore, it would be quite impossible for me to have Potter babies. My mother is probably picking out my wedding dress already, but she wants grandchildren, so she'll drop it.
How unfortunate that you are in Paris. You are now rubbing it in so much that I'm surprised I don't actually have the word 'Paris' smeared all over my face.
J'adore you too,
Lily xx
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Letter from Lily Evans to Remus Lupin.. Sunday, 25th July, 1976
Dear Remus,
Hello! I'm glad to hear you are doing well, and I'm even gladder to write to you. Intellectual conversation at last!
Thank you for protecting my delicate eyes from Potter nonsense, what would I do without a friend like you? How is everything in Potterland anyway? Can I hazard a guess? At this precise moment in time, Sirius is sitting somewhere, staring out from beneath his fringe and pouting darkly, and Potter is eating.
I'm good, aren't I?
Charlotte is in France at the moment, and I am horribly bored. Do you have any idea when we will be getting our letters from Hogwarts? I still can't believe you actually told Dumbledore you would refuse Head Boy-ship if you were offered. You'd be so good at it Remus, everyone respects you so much.
I must finish now. I can see an owl at the window.
Love,
Lily
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Letter from James Potter to Lily Evans.. Sunday, 25th July, 1976
Evans,
Please write back, please write back, please write back?
See what you have me doing you wretched woman, I'm begging.
James Potter
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Letter from James Potter to Lily Evans.. Tuesday, 27th July, 1976
I'm really really sorry...
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Letter from Sirius Black to Lily Evans, Wednesday, 28th July, 1976
Prongs tried to drown himself in a basin full of dishwater yesterday. We think you've finally broken him. Who knows what he may do next? We fear he may be planning death by papercuts.
It is up to you to end this child's suffering.
James was a quiet baby...
Sirius Black
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Letter from Lily Evans to James Potter, Wednesday, 28th July, 1976
James,
Don't drown yourself.
I've been forced to come to the conclusion that I'd be terribly distraught if you died.
So write away, I rather miss you,
Lily Evans.
Letters by Sarah Kavanagh
Chapter Notes: Disclaimer: I am J.K. Rowling!!! Mwah ha ha...
Eh.... that was a lie. I'm not. At all.