Life is But A Dream by Pondering.
Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream.
Chapter V: Belief
The five of them bunched together tightly so they could fit into the boat. Monday was right at the front, crouched down, still with the rope in her hand. They were so squashed that she couldn’t even move her head to see if everyone was in.
Sirius, however, being the last one to board the vessel, could see the seating arrangements. Snape was behind Monday, and then Peter and James were directly in front of him. The sleeve of Monday’s white pyjamas was ripped, the only part of her Sirius could see. He could see Snape’s greasy, rarely washed hair bobbing behind Monday’s arm, as he was the tallest of the five.
“All aboard?” Monday’s voice was muffled. She waited for a few seconds and then nodded absent-mindedly to herself; she moved her right hand to the pole the boat was tied to and untied the hastily made knot securing the boat. She shifted her feet slightly to make sure the boat wasn’t in immediate danger of capsizing (for falling into the stream too early would be rather disastrous) and the boat peacefully started to make its way downstream.
The occupants were silent for a few minutes, feeling the boat rock underneath their mass, looking forwards, to all the darkness. It made Sirius feel insignificant…like there was meant to be something more…something else…not just rivers, streams, boats and eccentric women. There was a purpose; there was a method behind this madness.
He just had to find it.
A few moments of this silence, then Peter piped up, “Where are we going?”
Sirius wished he knew the answer to that question too. Were they going forward, or was he going back? How different would the world be, if he had died back then? Would anything have changed? Or had he failed?
“Somewhere,” Monday said vaguely, “The year is thought to be 1996.”
The boat turned around the corner back to the start, or at least where Sirius had first started, where he had fallen into the veil. The colours were no longer around them. They were in the darkness. Even though it was possible to see the darkness from the colour place, you could not see the colour from the inner realm. Odd.
Sirius heard Monday curse silently under her breath. “We’ve gone too far. We’re not meant to be this far in…”
Sirius yet again had the disconcerting feeling of not having a physical body. He was just…being. He was just there. The boat and stream, or river, or whatever it was, had disappeared underneath him.
“Bail out!” Monday said all-too-cheerfully. “We have to look for the stream again. We seem to have lost it.”
“Bail out of what?” Snape asked. “I fail to see the purpose of exiting a vessel that I can not see, nor touch.”
Monday seemed to ignore Snape’s comment and asked idly, “Do you believe there are really such things as souls?”
There was another awkward silence. Finally, James mumbled, “Well…there are Dementors, and such…”
As if they were simply discussing a trivial matter over a cup of tea in a quaint, clean living room with lacy tablecloths and curtains to match, Monday replied, “Well I don’t think that Dementors eat souls, per se; I think that they eat our memories.”
Another prolonged silence occurred.
“…see, it’s your memories that make you who you are. When you come across new situations in life, you look back at your memory to tackle them…memories define your personality…”
“And how do we go about searching for the stream?” Peter asked, but Sirius ignored him, and went ahead to ask his own question.
“Yes,” Sirius replied to Monday’s suggestion. “You’re also one of those people who believes in Horned Sumpled Cornsacks, aren’t you? Do we really have time to chatter about Dementors?”
Monday snorted with a snort that sounded like it came from some sort of wild pig than a human being. “I believe anything exists if you believe in it, and I believe the correct term is Crumple-Horned Snorkacks.” Her eyes glazed over for a moment, as a smile crept upon her lips. “I believe we have all the time in the world.”
Sirius believed that Monday Lovegood was a little touched in the head.
“So what about ghosts?” James asked. “Aren’t they departments of imprinted souls or something?”
“Imprints of departed souls, Potter!”
“I didn’t ask for your advice, Snivellus!”
Rattling on as though she had never been interrupted, Monday spoke. “My theory is that the soul is like a container that holds your memories, you lose this…and well…ever seen the victim of a Dementor’s Kiss? Not a pretty sight. They lose function and deteriorate over time. They cannot even remember being potty trained as a child, which could possibly lead to a few - messy…accidents. However, that’s not the issue here. The issue here is that we have to find the stream, so we can escape back to our rightful time. Whether the world will be as we know, is a slightly harder question to answer. Have you gotten out of that boat yet?”
“There is no boat, woman!” Snape shouted.
This answer obviously displeased Monday, as she snarled in reply “How do you know there is no boat there if you cannot see it?”
Without any warning the boat started rocking. Wait…the boat. Where had it come from? And the stream was back, lapping the sides of the boat. Suddenly, it was returning back where it had originated from. Even though it was starting off slow, Sirius had the feeling it would start gathering speed.
The problem was that James, Peter and Snape weren’t in the boat. As they started floating backwards, James’s voice rang from somewhere in the darkness, “You told us to get out of the boat, and it seems that we did!”
Monday’s eyes widened. “As much as it pains me to say this, I was wrong. For now, get back into the boat! It seems that we have found the stream, at any rate. Get in the boat!”
“There is no boat!” Peter exclaimed fretfully. “You’re deluding yourself! There’s no boat! Just like there’s no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny! There is no boat!” he summarised.
“Sirius…you believe me…don’t you? You saw the boat before…all of you did…why won’t they believe…”
Something had clicked in his brain, and that something dimly made sense to him. “Monday,” Sirius said determinedly, “The reason you see the boat is that you believe in it. Anything is possible if you believe in it…that’s how we all saw the boat before…we all wanted to escape…and our belief was there. But as soon someone starts doubting, it is no longer there for them, and when someone starts doubting, they can no longer use it. That’s why those three are not in the boat. They’ve stopped believing.
“I’m glad you understand, Sirius,” Monday responded. “Unfortunately, they don’t.”
At that moment, raised voices were heard from the darkness.
“I want to go home…I don’t want to stay here,” Peter whispered, and then added, “I believe. Do you two?”
“I’m not sure…” James muttered loudly, “ I - I guess I do…I believe.” There was a pause. “And besides, Padfoot will need all my help putting you back where you belong.”
“Excuse me? Where I belong? We’ve been dead for the past fourteen years, or so everyone will think. I don’t think that the Ministry will allow dead men to tell tales.”
Their voices became quieter as the colours started drawing in their surrounds. They were back on the stream of Time. However, Sirius could faintly hear James’s last sentence.
“Don’t worry. You’ll get yours, Peter.”
The boat abruptly felt heavier, and with good reason. There were two additional people in it. James was glaring at Peter as if words could not describe the immense hatred he felt for him at that moment. Sirius would have adopted this glare, if he wasn’t distracted by a rock that was becoming closer and closer. Sirius managed to catch a glimpse of a person kneeling on the rock. It was Snape.
“He’s Doubt,” Monday whispered, as if this explained everything. “I don’t think he can see us. He hindered our progress, by not believing. Now, his disbelief will stop us going further.”
“But…I thought we weren’t meant to go further? Aren’t we meant to go back to the latest possible day? Sometime in the summer of ’96?”
Monday’s face paled. “You expect me to go in the water? I can’t swim! I’ll drown!”
The wind rushed past Sirius’s ears as they started going faster. Noticing the rock looming up towards them, he smiled. “I don’t think you’re going to get a choice in the matter, Mon--”
He was unable to finish his sentence as the boat hit the rock at full speed. He was dumped into the river, and felt the familiar sensation of the freezing cold water burning his skin. He involuntarily struggled to the surface, before remembering he was supposed to drown. This was not going to be the end, and he knew it for sure this time. He shut his eyes. There was nothing but darkness.
Then he heard pounding in his ears, the sound of his thumping heart—he was alive. There was still a chance for them all. And as soon as he was alive, he collapsed, and welcomed the wave of unconsciousness that washed over him.
~*~
June 1996
Lily Potter was currently of the opinion that Monday Lockhart was insane. More insane than usual, that is. Monday was the Minister for Magic’s rather…odd newly wed wife, and also the Head Unspeakable at the Department of Mysteries, a title she had obtained two years ago. Monday had been working in the department for the last twenty years.
The last time Lily had the misfortune of having a conversation with Monday was back when Monday was a Lovegood and Lily was training to be an Unspeakable. The training had stopped when she had gone into hiding, and after That Night, she had never resumed it, instead taking up the Potions position at Hogwarts. They saw each other from time to time, but apart from a nod or a muttered hello, they had never really interacted.
Lily had grown accustomed to calling that night, ‘That Night’ over the last fourteen or so years since…everything had happened. Sirius had had some absolutely crazy nightmare and had followed some irrational urge to go to Peter’s flat ‘looking for evidence.’
And where did it get him? Dead. Where did it get her husband? Dead. Even though she knew it had been Voldemort who had taken away James’s life, she still blamed the whole thing on Sirius. If only he had thought about the consequences instead of running rashly into things.
So when Monday Lockhart, wife to the rather charming Minister, Gilderoy Lockhart, had approached Lily four hours ago, she was a little surprised. After she had heard what Monday had to say, Lily was utterly flabbergasted. That Lockhart woman had to be playing some horrible joke on her. People did not just come back from the dead in real life. In reality, dead people tended to stay dead. Maybe a strong Confundus Charm was at work here? Monday Lockhart’s brains were completely addled.
Seething with frustration and rage, Lily had slammed the door in her face. What had that woman been doing here, anyway? Didn’t she have a honeymoon to be on? Didn’t she have better things to do than fabricate completely untruthful stories and feed them to people who might find them upsetting?
Remembering what had happened earlier that morning, Lily pushed on the heavy wooden door forcefully, and her face reddened slightly when she remembered that she was meant to pull. She yanked the dusty knob towards herself, as the door opened inwar—
SMACK.
The door made contact with her face, sending her reeling into the bookshelf behind her. Luckily, the bookshelf was anchored down with a Reinforcement Charm, but it did not stop a few books from falling down, round where she sat on the cold stone floor, feeling a bit dizzy. She hoped no one was around to witness this rather embarrassing moment.
Unfortunately, luck was not on Lily’s side today, as there had been someone else on the other side of the door. Perhaps that was why the impact had hurt so much. Remus Lupin had been pushing on her front door while she had been pulling.
Trying to clear her sight of all the nice, pretty stars twinkling in her vision, she shook her head viciously. Her hair had become quite a mess. She tucked a few wandering strands behind her ears, and tried her best to smile at her visitor. “Err, hello Remus. Sorry about the mess,” she said apologetically as she knelt down, plucking a few books of the floor and putting them back on their rightful home in the bookshelf. Remus got onto his hands and knees, and helped Lily pick some of them up.
Once they were both upright again, Lily climbed upstairs to fetch the potion for Remus. Every month she brewed the Wolfsbane Potion for Remus, and he dropped by when he needed it in the summer. During the term, Lily delivered the potion to him.
She walked back downstairs with a smoking goblet, and went into the kitchen where she knew he would be sitting.
Harry was seated at the kitchen table next to Remus, writing an essay of some sort. He lifted his head up as Lily entered the room with the smoking goblet. “Hey, Mum.”
“What’s that for?” she asked, indicating the piece of parchment Harry was writing on.
“Defence Against the Dark Arts. Werewolves,” Harry smiled at Remus, who was sitting next to him.
Remus tapped his fingers on the underside of the wooden table. “I got a rather peculiar visitor today,” he said simply, looking Lily straight in the eyes. Lily understood that look. She glanced quickly out the window. It was a traditional warm summer’s day, with not a single cloud in sight.
Lily smiled at Harry. “You’ve been working very hard at that essay, you know. Shouldn’t you go outside, take a breath of fresh air for half an hour or so?”
Harry raised his head from his parchment and smiled at his mother as he set his eagle-feather quill down. “Are you trying to get rid of me?” he asked, green eyes narrowing.
Lily sighed. “Remus and I just want to discuss a matter of, ah- personal interest, and we’d probably bore you to death.”
Harry grinned slowly at her. “Sure, I’ll go, and leave you two alone. Is it all right if I take my broom out too?” he asked her, nearly tipping over his ink bottle in his eagerness to get outside and feel the wind whip around him and the summer sun beating down on the back of his neck. He ran to the door, looked back at his mother and said, “Ron’s coming over today with Neville, isn’t he?”
“Yes to both,” Lily confirmed. “Ron and Neville aren’t coming for another three hours, though. So go on, enjoy yourself!”
Harry didn’t need telling twice; he raced out the door, grabbed his broom from the shed and within seconds had flown up a tall tree.
Remus, who had remained seated at the table during this exchange, frowned. “Was it really necessary to throw him out like that?”
Lily, growing more frustrated by the second, slammed the goblet of Wolfsbane Potion in front of Remus. A few droplets fell out, falling onto the table. Remus raised an eyebrow.
Forcing her voice to be calm, Lily enquired, “So I take it that you received a visit from that Lockhart woman too?”
Remus looked wounded. “I came here to pick up a potion and visit a friend. Does a tragedy have to occur for me to do that?”
Lily smiled weakly.
“But, yes, I was planning to come here today at the same time as Ron and Neville, as you very well know. I arrived three hours early so you knew something was amiss.”
Lily fumed, resisting the urge to stamp her feet. “Can you believe the nerve of that woman?” Her angry emerald eyes flashed upon Remus’s face. “I hope you slammed the door in her face!”
Remus, who was taking a sip out of his goblet, set it back down on the table. “Actually, I was quite interested in what she had to say.”
Lily’s eyes flashed angrily. “You mean after she told you about…J-him and Sirius, you simply allowed her inside the house? Is that it?”
“Well, I was a bit suspicious. I mean, I am not completely gullible.”
Lily smiled sadly. “I know it’s been hard, these years, but that’s no reason to believe in completely fabricated fantasies.”
“Anyway. As I was saying,” Remus continued, rubbing his chin. “I let her in and made her a cup of tea.” His other hand drummed a rhythm on the table.
“Did she like the tea?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“It doesn’t. Carry on.”
Remus cleared his throat. “Before I was interrupted, I was saying that I made her a cup of tea. As we drank the tea, Monday told me about her mother’s work. Apparently, there is this veil in the Department of Mysteries that no-one really knew much about. Monday’s mother’s research notes showed that to use the Veil, one must dream. She dedicated the last few years of her life to it.”
Lily frowned. “What happened to her mother?” she asked.
“It comes up later. Let me continue.”
Lily nodded, giving Remus her permission.
“So, Monday was intrigued by her mother’s work and decided to continue it. Things went wrong and she was killed. Apparently, the Veil can be used after death as well, but in the end, you will always be dead. I think you have three chances, or so ‘the mad Lockhart woman’ told me.”
Lily’s eyes widened. “But she’s never died before. At least, not when I can remember.”
Remus smiled at Lily. “People generally die once. They don’t usually come back to life after.”
“An alternate reality, then? That sounds highly unlikely. Time turners can only go back a few hours.” Lily absent-mindedly picked up Harry’s quill and starting doodling on his werewolf essay with it.
“According to the notes, her mother changed something back in time. She once saw a boy, about ten, drowning in a river. His screams haunted her mind, so she went back to save him.”
“That’s bad.”
“Is it really that bad to go back in time to save someone’s life?” asked Remus.
“You could change the course of history by doing something like that!” Lily snapped.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“So, she saved him, went back to her own time…”
“And she had altered the world so much she had inadvertently brought around the circumstances of her own death. At least, that is what Monday managed to gather.”
Lily wrinkled her nose. “That’s a bit morbid.”
Remus looked down at Harry’s essay and frowned. “I don’t think Harry’s going to appreciate that.”
Lily set the quill down and sighed. “On with the story, Remus.”
“So, Monday’s mother died, leaving Monday to unravel the mysteries of the veil on her own. As I said before, something went wrong and she died. Apparently, if you use the veil whilst still alive, you can swim around at your leisure.”
Lily’s brows furrowed. “Swim?”
“But if you are dead, you can only drown.”
“That makes sense?”
Remus shrugged. “So, Monday was too afraid to test her own drowning theory after she died and became stuck in the veil.”
“So?”
“She waited. It is hard to tell how much time goes by when your consciousness is floating in darkness, or so I was told.”
“And then?” Lily asked quietly.
“Then someone fell through.”
“Fell through?”
“The veil was in the Department of Mysteries…someone went through it…”
“Who?”
“Sirius,” Remus stated sadly. “Monday says she talked to him in the veil, then she sent him on the way and then…he drowned.”
“He drowned?”
“So he got sent back into the past. Do you remember any time that Sirius was acting…rather strangely?”
Lily’s eyes widened and she sat bolt upright in her chair. “That Night.”
Remus frowned. “What night?”
“The night that they…” Lily’s voice wavered, and then lowered. “…died. Go on.”
“That is when I told her to get out of my house,” Remus said grimly.
“What did she do?” Lily asked curiously.
“As she walked out the house, she yelled back at me that there was no point running away from the truth, and that I could come over to her house and visit the four of them, if I wanted to.”
“The four of them? Who came back, then, apart from - from…James and Sirius?
“I don’t know. She was too busy obeying my wishes at that point in time.”
Lily’s face crumpled, and before she knew it, tears were squeezing out of her eyes and onto her cheeks. “Tell me what to do, Remus.” She bit her lower lip down until it almost turned white. “Please.” Worry lines were etched onto her forehead.
Remus put an arm around Lily’s shoulders. “I’m sorry Lily, I don’t know. But…”
“…but?”
“The truth will set you free.”
Life is But A Dream by Pondering
Chapter Notes: As usual, thanks to crazy_purple_hp_freak for her brilliant beta'ing and prodding me when I needed prodding!