Disclaimer: I was disappointed this morning to wake up and look in the mirror, only to find that I wasn’t JK Rowling. As bigger shock as this was, I am ignoring it and will carry on toying with such fab characters.
My take on the Babysitting Challenge set here on the Petulant Poetess.
Thanks to my wonderful beta, BrierRose17, or Megan, whatever she would prefer *grin*, she was very sweet when helping me with this fic, cheers hun.
Day One
“…And you’ll be okay?”
“Hermione, darling wife, you will be away for the weekend; not a whole month.”
“But last time I left you with the children, you locked them in the broom cupboard! And I was only gone an hour!”
“That was different.”
“How?” she asked, tapping her foot.
“I was an inexperienced father at the time...”
“You still are!”
“That is not a fair point, Hermione. Now please, the children and I will be fine; will you go and enjoy your Charms conference now?!”
“Okay, but--”
““Maddy! Violet! Your mother is leaving. Get you arses--”
““Severus! I’d appreciate if your language stays squeaky clean: I don’t want to encourage bad language!”
“Maddy! Violet! Please come and say goodbye to your beautiful mother.”
She blushes and whispers, “I’ll miss you,” then kisses me softly
“I’ll miss you too.”
“Remember: Harry and Ron are only a Floo away…”
“I do not need the help of Potter and Weasley.”
“You might. Bye, Darling,” she says, picking up our two year old daughter who looks just like her mum- brown curls and huge, chestnut eyes. All the students love her. She runs around school, causes chaos, but with one look at her, you forget why you want to be angry with her in the first place. But the angelic look won’t wash anymore. Not while Hermione’s gone.
“Don wan Mama t'go.”
“I’ll be back soon.”
“But dada will be a poo.”
Hermione laughs and kisses Maddy’s nose. “Love you. I’ll see you on Sunday evening.” She puts her back down. “Bye Vi,” she calls to our other daughter who is eight. Violet runs out and hugs her leg. “Bye, Mum.”
When Hermione finally leaves, Violet and Maddy look at me; Maddy grins but Violet scowls, letting her raven hair fall over her face. “Don’t even think about asking me to look after her.”
“Please Violet; Dad needs to mark some essays.”
“Nope.”
We look down at the non-existent Maddy. “Where’s she gone now?”
Rrrrrrrrrrrr-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipp
“Oh no,” I mutter angrily, storming into my open study. Maddy is standing in the middle of a paper pile tearing up parchment quicker than a shredder. “Maddy! Maddy! No! What does Daddy tell you about Daddy’s study?”
“Daddy is a poo,” she says, putting a bit in her mouth
“No. No, Maddy, don’t eat parchment. It’s not good for you.”
“Uncle Freddie gimme some.”
“Your uncle gave you Weasley’s edible parchment: it’s not the same little one,” I say, sweeping her into my arms and carrying her into the lounge where Violet is sitting, reading a book. I put her down next to Violet “Aww, Dad, come on! I can’t read when she’s around.”
“Tough.”
“Dad…?”
“Not now Violet, I really need to mark these essays.”
"Daddy, where do babies come from?"
“Err… ask your mother when she comes back.”
“But, Daddy, I want to know now.”
I roll my eyes. “Violet, why the sudden curiosity?”
“In this book, the princess and the prince have a baby.”
“What has your mother made you read now?”
“Where do they come from?”
“Oops! Daddy, I did it again,” Maddy calls from the bathroom
“What do you mean, Maddy?”
“I did it again.”
“Did what?”
“I made the toilet go BANG!”
“Shite…”
“Mummy says Dad shouldn’t say things like that,” Violet says, giving me an evil look.
“Mummy isn’t here. Now carry on reading while I sort out your little sister and our newly exploded toilet.”
I rush into the bathroom and find Maddy standing, laughing at the smoking toilet. I gasp, moving her away from the toilet and ask “What on earth did you do, Maddy?”
“Don’t member.”
“Well, stand there and don’t do anything,” I mutter as I extinguish the toilet. I look back at her standing in her little Muggle dungarees and t-shirt, hair flyaway, smiling with her hands outstretched, indicating she wants to be picked up. I pick her up. “Will Maddy be a good girl and play nicely with her teddies while Daddy does his work?”
“No. Maddy wan Daddy to play teletubby wiv her.”
“What the hell is a teletubby?”
“Squishy with television in his tubby tummy.”
“A squishy with a TV in his stomach? What the hell has your mum inflicted on you?”
“Will Daddy play?”
“No, Maddy. You play with your sister,” I instruct, putting her next to Violet on the sofa and going into my study, shutting the door behind me. I settle down and mark one extraordinarily bad essay before I hear cackles of laughter coming from the lounge. I look at what is happening, and find Maddy being swung around by Violet. I watch as Maddy’s feet catch Hermione’s favourite vase and knock it over. I quickly run over to it and catch it, seconds before it hits the ground
“STOP!” I bellow. “This is your mother’s favourite vase; if you smash it, and she’ll go mental!”
“Sowwy, Daddy,” Maddy says, looking angelic.
“Get ready to go to lunch. We’ll be leaving in fifteen minutes.”
“But Dad-”
“No arguments, Violet. And no games.”
She takes Maddy’s hand and leads her into their dressing room. I sigh. This is going to be harder than I first thought.
Violet emerges from their dressing room wearing appropriate robes. “Dad, Maddy won’t get dressed.”
“For goodness sake!” I say, rolling my eyes. What on earth made me think about having children? And what on earth possessed me to let Hermione get pregnant so soon? And why did we have a second child?
I look at Maddy whose sitting, arms crossed, on the floor. “Maddy no get dressed.”
“If you don’t get dressed, your little, purple dinosaur toy will end up in the fire!”
“Daddy burn Barney?”
“Yes. And he’ll take away your fairy Barbie.”
“You no take away Barbie,” she scowls, pouting.
“I will if you don’t get dressed.”
“Ok… Will dada help me?”
“Yes, anything to get you to lunch.”
“Will Auntie Minnie and Uncle Albee be there?”
I smirk at Minerva and Albus’ new nicknames, “Yes, they will”. I put her in her tartan dress and pick her up. “Come on Maddy, lets go to lunch”
“Lunch, lunch, lunch, lunchy, lunchy lunch, lunch,” she sings.
Violet is waiting for us when we finally emerge. “Can we go now?”
“Yes. And God forbid, either of you misbehave like last time…”
“It’s not out fault that Dan and Emma came over and we played ‘it’.”
“Yes, but you didn’t have to play it in the middle of lunch, did you?”
“Hagga laughed,” Maddy says between giggles.
“I would expect nothing more of the oaf.”
“Mum says Hagrid isn’t an oaf,” Violet says moodily.
“Why is it that you cling on to every word that your mother says, and blatantly ignore every bloody word I say?”
“Bloody is a baaaad word,” Maddy says, poking my cheek.
“Yes, Mads: bloody is a bad word. But Daddy is a bad man. That’s what Uncle Won said to us, isn’t it?” Violet asks Maddy. Maddy nods enthusiastically and squirms inside my arms
“And what else did that imbecile say?”
“That you’re a…”
“Yes? Go on.”
“A snivlin’ old bat that needs to take his head out of his backside.”
“Right. No. More. Sweets. For a week!”
“But, Dad! Uncle Won said it not us!”
“But you listened to him. If your mother wasn’t so set on making sure you know those people, I would make it a rule that you never set foot in that house, ever again.”
“I’m hungy; can we go to wunch now?”
Lunch was a nightmare, but I have never been so exhausted by the thought of having to take them home.
“Right then, you two, if we’re done…”
“Oh, look at the little cherubs!” Rolanda says, just as we’re about to leave. The girls turn around and give their best smiles to the Quidditch coach. “Hello Madame Hooch,” they chime.
“Oh, no, no, dears, I am your Auntie Rolanda.”
“Rolo!” Maddy squeals
“Yes, even better. I am your auntie Rolo.”
“Do you have any Rolos?” Maddy asks sweetly, giving Rolanda her angel eyes look. I roll my eyes; she’s bound to get something out of a look that heart-warming.
“Rolos? What are they? No, dears, I don’t, whatever they are... but I do have a lolly for you both.”
“No thanks, Rolanda; the girls are banned from sweets”
“You have to be kidding. Take a chill pill, Sev, let the kids have a treat.”
You won’t have to cope with the after effects of Honeydukes Jolly Lollies. “if you insist.”
She hands them a large lolly each. “You two beautiful girls enjoy them, won’t you?”
I sweep them out of the Dining Hall before the children have any more sweets handed to them. When we arrive back at our quarters, I take the jolly lollies from them. “Have them later. I need to work.”
“Well, why should we have to listen to you?”
“If you don’t, I’ll send you to stay with Fleur and Bill in France.”
“NO!” they both scream
“Fleur is the worst!” Violet exclaims.
“Fleur is an arsewipe!” Maddy says.
“MADDY! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?” I roar.
“Arsewipe: Fleur is an arsewipe.”
“Don’t you ever, ever say that word again! Never ever say it.”
“Is it a bad word Daddy?” she enquires innocently.
“Yes.”
“Is it worse that bastar-“
“Never say that either. Now, Violet, will you tuck Maddy in? She needs to have a nap.”
“Whatever you say Dad,” she says, shrugging casually.
“If you do it, I’ll buy you that book you wanted.”
“Mum got it for me.”
“I’ll buy you a different book…”
“No.”
“I’ll buy you a new book and give you five Galleons.”
“Okay.”
She marches Maddy into the nursery and there is finally some peace.
I settle down in my armchair, as I’ve finally finished marking the pathetic fourth year essays, and put my head on the back of the chair and breathe out loudly. My eyes begin to close when there’s a tug at my trouser leg. I open one eye and see a beaming Maddy. “Will you play with me, Daddy?” I groan and shift in my chair. “Not now, Maddy.”
“But I wanna play. Now!”
“Daddy needs a rest before dinner.”
“Now. Now. Now. Now, now!!”
“Violet!” I bellow.
“What?!”
“Play with your sister.”
“No way,” she says adamantly. “None my friends have to look after their sisters and brothers”
“Gabrielle and Minnie Weasley are not your friends, Violet. Nor do Dan and Emma Potter”
“They are my friends!”
“They are your cousins and your godfather’s children.”
“And they’re my friends as well!”
“Don’t make me argue with you Violet. I’m not a pushover like your mother.”
“I’ll tell her you said that. Mum is going to be sooooo mad.”
“Listen, Violet. You know full well that your Mum doesn’t need to hassle over sorting you out. Now get ready for dinner.”
“I am ready.”
“Then… read. Do whatever.”
She slams her bedroom door and I look back down at Maddy, whose bottom lip is wobbling. “What’s the matter, Maddy?”
“Don’t like fight. Maddy scared.”
I pick her up and cuddle her close. It’s moments like these where I realise that having children wasn’t the worst mistake of my life. “Ssshh little one, don’t be scared”
“I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, Maddy.”
“We goin' to din dins soon?”
“Yes. Are you hungry?”
“Wery, wery Hungy”
“Let’s go then. Violet! We’re leaving, are you coming?”
“Yeah, wait a sec.”
“Now ‘Vi.”
“Wait, Daddy, I’ll be there in a sec.”
“1…2…3…”
“I’m coming!”
“…4…5…”
“Wait!”
“6…7…8…9…”
“I’m here,” she mutters, running out of her room. “Can you carry me?”
I sigh, “Aren’t you too old for that?”
“I’m eight; not eighteen.”
“Can’t you just hold my hand?”
“No. Maddy’s right, you are a poo.”
Maddy blows a raspberry at Violet. “No he isn’t. Dada nice!”
“Oh, for Gods sake.”
“Ah-ah, don’t say that, Violet.”
“Din dins,” Maddy wails
Day Two
“What do you mean, ‘you missed?’ How hard is to get your wee down the toilet, Mads?” Violet shouts.
“Violet! Don’t shout at your sister!”
“But she’s peed all over the toilet seat!”
“Clean it up then!”
“Eww! No!”
“What, so I have to do it?”
“Yeah!”
“For crying out-blooming-loud, will I ever get peace?” I mutter to myself as I climb out of bed and into the bathroom.
When I finally get the bathroom cleaned up, I climb back into bed. Moments later I’m joined by Maddy and her entire toy collection. “Maddy… do all your toys have to come into my bed?”
She nods. “Mummy lets me.”
“Fine,” I say, giving up.
Violet walks in the door. “Daddy will you read to me?”
“What are you reading?”
“Fairytales!” she squeals.
“Which one?” I say pulling a face. I hate bloody fairytales. Especially the ones where the beautiful girl gets off with a retched handsome prince. It’s completely unrealistic. I mean, look at me and Hermione… That’s hardly a fairytale.
“I want to read this one!” she says, pointing at Cinderella
“Sorry, Vi, I’m not in the mood. You two sit in bed while Daddy has a shower.”
When I come out of the bathroom, I find our bedroom wrecked. There’s potion on the floor, water spilt, books ripped, and in the middle of the up heaved bed, is Maddy and Violet, jumping.
“What the hell have you done?”
“Played campsite!” They grin as they jump around some more.
“Trashed the campsite more like. Get the hell out of mine and your mother’s bedroom and sit in the lounge, silently. I’ll deal with you when I’m done cleaning up this hellhole!!”
“Dada angwy,” Maddy observes as they jump off the bed.
“Very. Come on, Mads,” Violet says, tugging on Maddy’s arm
I glare at them as they walk out. I clean up the room with a wave of my wand. I hear and owl at the window at let it in. I open the letter hurriedly:
Darling Severus
How are things? “A nightmare,” I say to myself as I carry on reading. The conference is gong wonderfully. My presentation was a huge success and as of now there is a new charm for drowsiness. I’m sure it’ll come in handy with the girls! How are they? Are they behaving? Have they caused much trouble? I hope everything is still intact at home and that you haven’t given up and flown out the window, or locked them in a cupboard. Remember, if you need them: Harry, Ron, Remus, Ginny… anyone, is there to help. I’m sure some of the staff would volunteer to help you. It’s not such a bad thing to admit you need help, Severus. Honestly Darling, they won’t hold it against you. I have some wonderful news when I return. Keep up the hard work. I love you so much. Missing you all, so very much
From Your Hermione
Xxx
Desperate times call for desperate measures. I grab a handful of Floo Powder and chuck it in the fire. “Number twelve, Grimmauld place”. I stick my head in the fire, “Hello?”
Potter suddenly appears. “Hello… Severus.”
“Potter, I need your help.”
“Pardon?”
“I need you help.”
“Say it a little louder, I can’t hear,” Potter says, deliberately winding me up and bathing in my pain.
“I NEED YOU HELP!” I shout.
“All right, all right. No need to yell.”
“Potter, please: I’m desperate. I’m losing my marbles with the girls, and I’m at the end of my tether, and Hermione’s not home until tonight.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Come to Hogwarts and help me.”
“For how long?”
“A couple of hours, or if you don’t have the time…”
“I have the time. Shall I bring Dan and Emma?”
“If you want. Please, I’m on the verge of a breakdown!”
“We’ll be along in five. See you soon.”
I pull my head out of the fire and sigh. Potter may be the biggest pain in my arse, but he can handle the girls much better than I can.
“Uncle Harry!” Violet squeals as he walks in. “Dan! Emma!”
He waves at me. “Hi Severus.”
“Thank you for coming.”
“You’re welcome. You look-”
“Shattered? Drained?”
“Yes. I’ll look after the girls. You can have a rest.”
“I need to do some school work if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all.”
I leave them to it and I manage to successfully complete all my marking in a couple of hours. When I come out from my study, I find Harry relaxing in a chair. “Where are the children?”
“Looking at something in Vi’s room.”
I bang on the door and I hear, “Quick put it away so my dad won’t find it”. I walk in. “What are you doing in here?”
Violet put something behind her back. “Nothing!”
“Then what is that behind your back?”
Maddy giggles and Dan and Emma nudge her. “It’s nothing, honestly!”
“Then if it’s nothing, you won’t mind me looking…”
“I can’t: It’s secret!”
“Ssshh,” Maddy grins, as she holds one finger to her lips.
I pick up Maddy and snatch the box from Violet’s grasp. “Get outside where we can see you, this instance!”
The children walk out and Maddy whispers, “It’s a flap-flap tweet-tweet!”
“What?”
“A birdie!”
I open the box, and gasp. There’s an eagle chick sitting in the box. “Where the hell did you get this?”
“Hagga,” Maddy mumbles.
“Hagrid gave you this?”
“Yes,” Violet says nodding. “It was my birthday present from him!”
“Potter?”
“Yes?”
“Take this back to Hagrid and then you: Dan and Emma, may go.”
“Err…ok…”
“DAD!”
“Violet I’m ashamed and disappointed with you. You know you should never keep something from you mum and dad, rest assured your mum will find out about this.”
Potter picks up the box and smiles as he leaves. “Good luck.” I turn back to my children. “You have disappointed me this weekend. Both of you. I don’t want this behaviour to be repeated!”
I sit back down in my chair and watch as they very quietly go into the playroom. My eyes shut and I go into a dream of my wife and I, and what we did to create these tykes in the first place.
“Aah!”
I sit bolt upright and glance at the time. I’ve been asleep an hour.
“Eww, Mads. That’s horrid, take it out!”
“Can’t!”
“Why not?”
“Stuck!”
Violet runs out. “Daddy! Maddy’s finger is stuck up her nose!”
“What?”
“It’s wedged up her nose! She can’t get it out! We’ve tried and it’s not budging!”
I look at Maddy who is standing in the doorway, one hand clutching her blanket and the other with a finger stuck up her nose. “I can never see an excusable reason as to why you, or anyone for that matter, would insert your finger into your nostril.”
“Bogey,” Maddy confessed.
I roll my eyes as Violet gags. “Too much info,” and Maddy grins. After several attempts, I finally manage to remove Maddy’s finger from her nostril and she hugs me. “Fank ooo, Dada!”
“That’s okay.”
I put my hand in my pocket to discover the lollies Rolanda gave the girls. I hand them back to the girls and watch as the sugar takes its toll on Violet. “Daddy, I don’t feel so good…”
“I do!” Maddy screeches as she jumps up and down.
I hold my hands over my ears. “I will be so glad to have your mother back!”
“Never fear, Severus,” I hear her say. I turn around and see her standing in the doorway. I run over to her and hug her so tight that I lift her off the floor. “I’ve missed you so much, Hermione”
“And I missed you too, Darling. How was it?”
“Awful.”
“That good?” she giggles.
“It was a nightmare.”
“I’ll make it up to you.”
“Oh, I can think of some ways you can repay me…” I whisper suggestively
“Oh really?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Mummy!”
Maddy totters over to us and Hermione picks her up. “Hello princess, how are you?”
“Okay.”
“Where’s your sister?”
“I’m here Mummy,” Violet says, jumping on her.
She holds them closely. “You two look like you could do with some dinner. Let mummy unpack and then we’ll get Dobby to bring some in… is that ok?”
“Yes,” they say, nodding.
I pick up her suitcases and carry them into the bedroom. “So Severus, what happened while I was gone?”
“It would take too long, Hermione,” I say before kissing her.
“A few examples?”
“Well, Violet asked me where babies come from, Maddy got into my study, she made the toilet smoke, and they had several tantrums, got hyperactive on air, and wrecked our bedroom.”
“Oh dear. It’s certainly been an eventful weekend then.”
“Mmm hmm.”
“You must be so worn-out.”
“I am. Two children are enough to kill you…”
“Ah, well you know my wonderful news I wanted to tell you…”
“Yes?”
“I’m pregnant.”
I feel my jaw drop. “You’re what?”
“I’m expecting… we’re expecting another child, Severus.”
“Wow. Err… tell me, after this one, that’s it right?”
“Yes, I think three is enough.”
“Well, I guess I better prepare for more sleepless nights.”
“I think we can put that into practice without a baby, Severus,” she quips.
“Too true, Hermione… too true.”
Violet and Maddy run in. “We’re ready for dinner now.”
“Good girls,” I praise. “Your mummy and I have something to tell you.”
“What is it Mum?”
“Mummy is having another baby.”
Violet jumps up and down and Maddy smiles. “A baby bro or sis?”
“Yes, sweetie.”
“Mummy,” Violet starts, “where do babies come from?”
A/N: Hey everyone!! Woo. I really enjoyed writing this fic, it was so much fun and I was laughing at most of it… sad that I laughed at my own story isn’t it? Lol. Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading, I’d love for you to leave a review.
Under Pressure by BlackMagic
Chapter Notes: This is a response to the babysitting challenge set on thepetulantpoetess.com.