Other disclaimers: Not surprisingly, it was a song that inspired me to write this one-shot. The song is called: "Ocean Soul", and it's played by the band (I bet you already know) "Nightwish".
Dedicatory: To all those that believe that even in the darkest of hearts there's hope of redemption.
Tom watched the waves below him. From the dominant position over the sea, he could see very far into the horizon, where the ocean and the black-pitched sky kissed and gave birth to the stars and the moon high above him; a paradise and its mirror.
The scent of sea brought by waves of wind reached his face, caressing his body. He took a step closer to the edge, bending slightly over to see down the edge. Many feet below, the ocean crashed against the hard rock, in an onslaught of power and rhythm.
Without warning, his tears started falling down his face, carried by the wind into the sea, mixing them into a concoction of sadness and defeat. He just couldn’t do it any more. He had tried with all his heart to ignite the light inside him, but the entire world had its claws turned against him. His only friends were fear and power… and death. Yet, he refused to let his innocence die, to become into a shell full of hatred.
He was gifted with an extraordinary intelligence, with power beyond imagination. He knew that. But they had only brought him pain and rejection every time he had tried to use them for good, every time he had fought against his own darkness.
One more night
To bear this nightmare
What more do I have to say?
He fell on his knees as his sobs grew stronger in intensity and pain. He had tried, he had truly tried. But his own darkness along with the hate of the world was too much to bear alone. The never ending acts of hate around him had hardened his heart, and the strange joy that revenge brought to him was too tempting.
And still, he refused to give up. But although he had tried with all his strength, mind and soul, he hadn’t been able to stop himself when he had killed the pets of the other children of the orphanage; when he had burned, with the simple touch of his hand, the skin of that girl’s arm that had made fun of him. He regretted every wrong thing he had done with his power, but it hadn’t been enough. He had been severely punished every time, despite his shouts begging for forgiveness. The punishments still marking his skin were a constant reminder that trying to do the right thing was wrong.
He had tried to apologize to the people he had done wrong, but they had all walked away from him, leaving him to sunk in shades of loneliness and sadness. But it had taught him something… fear gave you power. Not one of the boys who he’d done anything had ever bothered him again. At the simple sight of him, they lowered their heads in panic, fearful of his power, and walked away as fast as they could. Even though this had brought him some peace and rest, it had also tortured his young heart so needed of love. No one had cared.
Crying for me was never worth a tear
My lonely soul is only filled with fear
Not even one soul had ever opened to him. Tom’s hands clutched to the edge of the cliff as he closed his eyes tightly, making more tears wash down his face. Not even one soul… He felt as though he was marked to suffer… marked to his internal, solitary agony. Every experience he’d ever had with affection had brought him nothing more than pain to his young heart.
And yet… he didn’t want to give up to his darkness, because he knew that once he did, he would forever be lost in it, and his gifts would turn into the fall of many.
As he beheld the ocean in front of him, he desired to be the wind that swung just above the surface of the waters; the foam that crowned the waves like a glittering jewel under the shinning moon, coming and going, so free and careless.
This was his only choice to win over the twilight of his soul. It would be so easy; he only had to give one more step forward and then close his eyes as his body would brake the harmony of the air to meet its destiny where the waves crashed.
Long hours of loneliness
Between me and the sea
Tom slowly stood up, fathoming the consequences and blessings of giving that last step. He would get rid of his pain, of his burden of isolation from affection and of his dark side. This was his only path ahead for redemption, his only door to Heaven. His own personal hell that his life had turned into would finally freeze to let his starlight soul fly free.
He stood straight and opened his arms to the sides as the wind rocked him back and forth, inviting him to dive into the darkness of the night to touch the light within.
As his tears, for what he was about to do, ran down his face, he gathered all his strength to invoke his internal power, awakened by emotion; love, hate. His power coursed through all his body, surrounding him with an invisible cloak of energy.
His body started to rise towards the stars, slowly but steadily, like a broken angel seeking for the forgotten home. The moonbeam illuminated his figure turning him into a little star. He closed his eyes as he forced himself forward, just above the waves; ready to finally let go of his life and his emotions to meet once again with his mother, the only love he’d ever had and that he had never felt.
The wind seemed to gain strength as he floated with dignity, pushing himself further into his fate.
He then cried. He cried harder than ever.
Every tear shed was each one of the sins committed by him and against him; sins that the wind wiped away into the night as if they were poems recited to the moon. But as he sailed the wind, he only wished one thing… to feel at least for the shortest of time what it was to love.
But his power started to falter away when the young boy’s tears turned into despair, making his figure drop lower, like a wrecked ship, towards the blazing sea. He couldn’t feel love. No matter how much he wished it, he couldn’t feel something he didn’t know. He yearned the one thing that was completely unknown to him.
The closer he got to the dark waters, the stronger his sobs became. The pain inside him was growing along with the despair of not having known the warmth of loving words, of a caring hand. Why did he have to give up everything, when everything had been denied to him? And yet, the only thing he asked for was love… but not even that he was destined to feel.
The time slowly dripped by, taking with it the distance between the boy and the waves. He suddenly could feel the drops of water that bounced off the wall into him. It was a light, stinging breeze, but a cold omen of what was waiting for him. The drops of water mixed with his tears, becoming one in essence and purity.
The sound of the water breaking against the rocks grew louder as he got closer, and even when his feet finally touched the water, his wish still burned alive in his heart, like a flame that refused to die.
The waves started to surround him with cold, welcoming arms as he sunk into them. They were inviting him to give up… to let go and forget. But he resisted to die without experiencing love within his heart, though his power was growing weaker by the second.
The water wrapped around the boy as he slowly but willingly sunk into the waves, and yet he still had the agonizing hope that he would feel love blooming inside him.
But when the blanket of water finally covered his head under the twinkles of the stars, only one thing occupied his heart… hate; hate towards the world; hate towards his father for leaving him, towards his mother for being weak and dying, towards the heavens for leaving his tears unanswered… towards love, for being the one thing he now knew he would never feel.
Losing emotion
Finding devotion
Should I dress in white and search the sea
As I always wished to be – one with the waves
Ocean Soul
It was under that sea where his heart turned black; this hate what made his heart boil, fueling his power, giving him the chance to break through the surface of the sea into the dark wind of the night. His lungs welcomed the air, but his heart damned every living thing over the surface of earth. No one had ever cared for him; why would he care for them?
As his hatred defeated the chains of the sea trying to pull him down and lifted his body back to the top of the cliff, he made an astral pact with the stars. He would make the world suffer. No matter how much it would cost him, he’d make the entire world suffer the pain that had burned through him. He would be as indifferent to their pain as they were to his. He would kill mothers and fathers, shattering the families apart and leaving the remaining pieces to despair.
Through fear and power… the world would succumb into its own darkness to taste the fires of the hell he had just been born from, as a dark phoenix.
The boy, Tom Marvolo Riddle, had died under the silent dance of the waves. Lord Voldemort was born from the ashes of the sea.
I only wished to become something beautiful
Through my music, through my silent devotion
The End
A/N: Hi, everyone. Well, this story is also kind of personal and I have to say that I liked it very much. But that doesn't counts because I'm the author, so please leave your review and tell me what you liked/disliked of the story :)
I hadn't ever before written something like this, nor read any other fic about the Dark Lord's life, so I really don't know why this idea popped into my mind, but somehow I feel that we all lose innocence at one point of our lives, and we spend the rest of it trying to regain it.
I want to thank Lurid for betaing my story and making sure it was ok. Thank you very much Stephanie :D
On another note, I would like to use this space to recommend the story of my friend Mr. Hermione Granger, called: "Confessions of a Death Eater". It is his first fanfic but it is certainly very original, so give it a shot and go read it :D
Again, thank you for taking the time to read, and I'll be forever grateful if you would also take time to review :)