Secret Keeper
Chapter 6
He had faded into the shadows, around the corner of the tower where none could look upon him, but the moonlight did. It shown upon him with such radiance that it was nearly blinding, and it filled Remus’s senses completely. As soon as the light flooded his eyes, he felt like he was floating. Swimming in light with everything falling below him and leaving. He hung calloused and numb before everything plummeted and the light burned. As it fell, it became twisted and gnarled, taking Remus with it as he fought desperately to gain control. Not this night, he pleaded to whatever higher power would hear him, to whatever force created the demon within him hoping that once, just this once, it would show mercy and spare him this night. It was a futile battle and he knew it but still he fought as he had done so many nights before. He battled as a scared child would the monster in the closet or under the bed, the shadows after a nightmare. But the shadows in this nightmare were disguised as the light, and they were far more sinister.
They had forgotten; they had all forgotten and now it was to cost them dearly. The blue moon had caught them off guard, situations had caused Remus to lose track of the days, and his body was changing. It all happened so quickly, mere moments caught within the moonlight. In the last few precious seconds where Remus existed and the werewolf was still held at bay, he heard screams. Some a multitude of girls, shrieking in pure fear as his form slowly began to alter and grow grotesque. Another was just of his name from a female voice that vaguely, with what was left of him, he knew it to be Lily. Still there were others, shouts of curses and other such profanity as his friends rushed toward him. But they didn’t rush at him, they rushed past him. As the were in him gained control, one last thought flashed through his mind: It was too much; they have finally abandoned me.
His body slowly lowered to the ground in defeat. He knew he wasn’t passing out but he was fading away. Everything hurt; his heart, his body, and his shattered mind as the beast slowly gained control and shredded him. Dark gray hair grew quickly and his bones snapped, lengthening and shortening, changing into something not quite canine but not quite human. Instead it was something hideous, something monstrous, something hellish. He spun around nearly on all fours, a frantic cry emanating from deep within his eyes and a vicious snarl forming on his mouth. The last of the conflict. He was losing, and fast. A spark of him knew he had to leave, he had to save what was left of him before he was gone completely, and he had to save his friends. But it was too late. Within a heartbeat he was gone. The beast had won.
Through blurred vision, a new primitive and wild mind emerged and tested the surroundings. The light covered everything in a haze and sounds of the night and world surround him exploded in his ears. A twig snapped, sounding of thunder crashing across the sky, and he saw a tall shape quickly hunch over in the tree-line and grow four paws as fur erupted over its entire body. He ignored it, recognizing it as an animal, and continued to widen his senses. He smelled fresh meat within the air, prey not far off and some so close it was like picking fish from a still pond. The tantalizing scent was mere feet away and it lead him directly to a shadow standing not far in front of him, pressed against the stone of the castle tower, reeking of fear. His tongue ran across his teeth, anticipating the meal. A step was taken and the figure pushed farther away, whimpering. Food.
In what came as unexpected and complete shock, there was quick movement to the left of him. It rushed by with amazing speed before turning and barreling straight at him, but he stepped aside easily and swung one dangerous paw at the offending creature, catching its legs and sending it tumbling to the ground. Even as he turned and watched the animal fall, relishing in the idea of yet another soon-to-be fresh kill, something hard slammed into him and knocked him to the ground. He growled at the animal that got in his way of a second kill and answered it equally, showing it what happened when a creature came between him and his prey. He snapped and bit hard on what he knew to be thin leg of a stag as another force crashed into him from the side. The black animal had returned with all the force as it had when it arrived, a beast in the ferocity of its attack. They were pushing him away, simply that, and there were only two. However, they attacked him with such force that it surprised him; he had not expected such strength to pulsate from two animals not of his kind. Still, they were creating more and more distance from him and his meal and he very quickly grew annoyed. Now the lesson began; now he would teach them about dealing with his kind.
He fought back equally and sporadically, surging forward and leaping aside at the final second to create a surprise gash along a leg or face. He bit and slashed with everything he had, every instinct and ounce of raw power he held. Yet it was not enough. With every injury he caused to these creatures, they brought it back double. They fought with intensity; with a strange, alien power that somehow steadily forced him backward toward one focal point: a swaying tree with branches drooping to the ground. They had changed their tactic, no longer driving him away but also attempting to hurt him, to disable him from causing any other damage, and to slow him down. They became blurs within his vision, moving in such speeds and coming to focus only when they stopped and stared at him before they attacked, and when they were sure he knew what was coming; they were making sure he knew. He growled at them, a gurgling, monstrous rumble from deep within him. They were playing with him! They were like cats! They threw their kill around and taunted it before giving the final swipe and stopping the heart. He won’t let that happen, he will not be their kill, his heart will not stop, and he will prove it to them.
His attacks grew in intensity as he fought back. He lashed out with both paws and stripped the flesh from the stag’s side. It stumbled back and he let out a victorious howl that echoed throughout the strange structure looming in front of him and all through the forests surrounding. The very sound energized him and he let it rise. Both creatures stopped in fear, a look of extreme disbelief showing through their eyes. He had gained the upper hand and he loved it; it made him feel empowered and stronger. He was going show them what it was to fight, to feel pain, to live. He was alive and drew upon the rage bubbling from deep within him, an anger and pure agony he had never felt before but somehow knew that these creatures in front of him were the cause. They would pay.
The black animal, one that was closest to resembling himself lunged at him, his fangs bared and ready. They sunk into his shoulder and his howl became one filled with pain. With one mighty blow, he threw the dog creature aside. There was a yelp as it slammed into a nearby tree, a loud crack resonating through the air, and then laid there motionless. Triumphant, he advanced. A sudden stabbing pain exploded from his side and stopped his advances. He had enough time to realize that prongs were being forced into him before he was lifted and hurled a few feet away, in the same direction they were pushing him to begin with. He could hear screams, ones filled with terror as they joined the previous howls still echoing throughout the night. He reveled in the screams and they gave him power, re-energizing him. He jumped to his feet and glared darkly at what attacked him. The stag stood there, magnificent in its evident pain, as blood poured profusely from its wounds. It lowered it head and slowly took a step forward. A challenge. Good.
The stag charged at a full gallop and he jumped above the antlers, landing and clawing into the beast’s back, ripping the already opened gashes wider than before and sinking his teeth into the still unmarred skin. It released an unmistakable howl of agony and slammed to the ground, rolling onto its back in order to push him off. He gouged into it, clinging all the more. Something within him wanted to hurt this creature badly, wanted to rid it from existence. The stag cried out as all attempts to free itself from him failed. Soon only a few more pushes, a few more bites, and the cries would stop. There was a loud snarl and the black dog plowed into him, sending him skidding across the ground. He looked up to see it snarling in rage over the fallen stag. Pools of blood blanketed the ground around the stag and that seemed to enrage the dog all the more. He pulled himself to his feet, barely noticing the throbbing pain from his injuries, and he rushed the dog. It leapt aside and sunk its teeth into his neck. In return, he did the same, pulling away and chomping on the dog’s face. It yelped again and tried to get free but failed. Now he had the dog in his grasp and one swift twist would end everything. Yet before he could move, something struck violently into his side causing him to release the dog and sending him flying across the lawn again. The stag had kicked him and was now struggling to its feet, white foam forming at its mouth and dripping to the ground. The dog got to its feet and stood equally with the stag, a steady flow of blood streaming from the gash on its face. They advanced together but he stood his ground. When they came a foot from him, the stag reared and pounded its front hooves into his body. The dog snapped and lunged and swiped at him. The onslaught drove him back, proving to be too much, and he found himself coming ever closer to the moving tree.
Within minutes, he was standing under the swinging branches. They were shifting and swaying above him dangerously and he had to concentrate on dodging them as well as the creatures in front of him. Then, suddenly, the branches stopped. The stag and dog’s attention snapped to something by the trunk of the gigantic tree and he noticed a new scent in the air. A rat. The dog growled and barked loudly. He saw this, heard this, and knew that this was his time to attack again while their attention was diverted. He took his chance and lunged into the air at the dog. The dog looked up and he saw his own form reflected in its dark eyes. He also saw the reflection of the branch. Whatever had caused the branches to stop swaying had gone away. It struck him viciously in the side and sent him flying into other branches. They pummeled him continuously and endlessly, shattering bones upon impact. He fell, broken and bloody, and saw the branches stop again. The dog and stag limped over to him and stared down just as the light began to fade again and he was enveloped in the passing darkness.
When Remus finally awoke, his entire body felt as if a troll had come and beaten him with its club while he slept. Bandages and casts adorned his body, some old and soaked in red while others were fresh and tight. His ribs were bruised and broken, probably the most injured part of him aside from his heart. He couldn’t move, nor did he dare to, and he barely wished to open his eyes for fear of being blinded while every sound he heard exploded in his ears. Each time this occurred, his already pounding head screamed out and threatened to burst. Without opening his eyes, he could sense bright and soothingly warm sunlight pouring through an open window and a cool breeze caressing his broken body. Nature seemed to be apologizing for something, and when he thought back on previous events, as well as current, he could easily guess what had happened.
Remus wished for the arms of sleep to wrap around him and bring him into sweet oblivion and deadened sensations once more, but this was his life and so his wishes never came true to begin with. A haggard sigh escaped from his lips and suddenly new sounds came to him. There were voices coming from the other side of the room, hushed and sorrowful, almost regretful. Going against what his body was telling him, he strained to hear the conversation. The recognizable tones of James and Sirius floated to him.
“I still can’t believe he was that strongly “”
“And I still can’t see why you find it so hard to believe. Think of everything that’s happened. Of course he would’ve drawn upon it unknowingly. Things like that are strong, Padfoot, and he was exceptionally strong.”
“He was? Bloody hell, look at you! I’m surprised you aren’t in a coma right now, with everything he did.”
“Yeah? Better be glad Madam Pomfrey is as good as she is, otherwise you’d have a very unattractive scar running down the entire length of your face. Not to mention everything else wrong with you.”
“I don’t know... I think it might’ve shown character.”
They chuckled for a bit, but it died quickly.
“What now, James?”
“With what?”
“What do we say? How do we explain this? Madam Pomfrey is going to push us to know, and Dumbledore ””
“We let them know as little as possible.”
“And that would be?”
“…I don’t know.”
“And what of Evans, then?”
James’s answer was immediate this time. “We leave it go. She made her choice.”
“And she chose you.”
“Kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it? What more does she see in me that isn’t in him? He’s so much more than either of us.”
“Are you kidding me? Don’t tell me you didn’t see it before. James, Evans constantly thought of you. If anything, she was torn between you two.”
“You heard what she said...”
“Yeah, and I saw what she did. She came in here, she saw you.”
“She spent more time with him.” He paused. “You think... this situation... do you think it made her change her mind?”
“Evans isn’t the kind who would change her mind like that just so she could take care of someone. She kissed you today. She kissed him as well, yes, but it was different. She kissed you longer. She looked at you differently. I think she really cares about you, and you doing all that you did last night made her realize just how much. James... she was right there...”
“...I know. I know what she saw.”
“So now she knows.”
“Yes, she does.”
“So then, are we going to let her keep what she saw?”
“I can’t lie to her, you know that.”
Sirius sighed. “Yes, very well. Alright then,” Remus could hear him stretch. “It looks like we have a new recruit in the group.”
“Looks like it.”
And that was it. Nothing more was said out loud. Internally, Remus’s mind was a chaotic mess of questions and thoughts, mental images and possibilities. What happened to him while he was unconscious? How much did Lily see? If she saw everything, if she saw what he had evidently done, would she still be as close to him as before? Things were changing, he knew that much, but he was afraid to know just how much.
Sometime thereafter he had fallen back to sleep. His dreams were scattered with traumatic flashes and snapshots of horrific memories and actions from the night before. He could not remember much but when he finally awoke, it sickened him to such an extreme that he risked the consequences of movement and leaned over the side of the bed, thankful that a large bucket awaited him there. His wounds felt as if they were eating him alive or held hammers and pounded relentlessly at his body. Every movement afflicted him and only in staying motionless did he find relief. The hospital wing was empty except for two beds toward the other end of the room. The curtains were drawn around each but stopped before it restricted view from one bed to the other. Remus knew that was where James and Sirius lay. He also knew they were sleeping, as there was no sound emitting from them.
The silence of the room disquieted him. It didn’t feel real, yet not magical at the same time. It felt wrong. Uneasily he forced himself into a sitting position, ignoring the pain, and glanced about him. There were a few get-well cards and gifts scattered at the bottom of his bed and on the tables around him but there were probably more around James and Sirius’s, as they were more popular. Some of the presents were the usual polite comments and well-wishes along with the randomly placed Chocolate Frog or Bertie Bott’s Beans. Others were more meaningful, such as fresh roles of bandages or a new book for him to read in his spare time. He knew Lily had given him those, as she knew they were needed and loved, and he loved her for it.
Then he remembered the main events from the past night, and his heart wilted. She was his now and evidently it was what she had always wanted. Remus had caught her at a time where she was most confused and as much as he tried to stay away from her, his presence had only worsened things. Acting as himself, he had shown Lily what she had seen all along but in a clearer way. Helping James with courting her, he had allowed her to see him for what he really was and allowed her to make her decision, however rushed it may have been. Either way, she must’ve been happy with it otherwise James and Sirius would have been talking of other matters and in a different way.
He had officially lost. Sighing, he settled back into his pillow and reached for the book nearest him. His wounds were healing slowly but at least he could move. Once he was reading he would be still and somewhat comfortable and he looked forward to that. The book was of a boy who gained power over a kingdom but lost it again; one who found a twin in life and switched places; one where both went through painstaking adventures and still came out on top; one where the question of which one was truly rich and fortunate and which wasn’t had yet to be answered through the years. He had been meaning to pick it up for quite some time now and was glad to finally have it. However, right before he started opening it to the cover page, a sound caught his attention. It was the grating sound of metal against metal. He looked up to see Lily walk out of the curtains from James and Sirius’s beds, her back to him, and slowly pull the curtains closed again. Then she turned around and stared at him. Her gaze was soft and sad.
“Hello, Remus,” she whispered. She also stayed right where she was.
“Lily...” he answered, his voice barely audible even in the near silence.
They stared at each other, each waiting for the other to make the first move.
“You found the book I gave you,” she said finally.
“I did, thank you.”
“It was no problem, really.” She looked down and her hands were twisting, twining, and unlatching in front of her. Lily was never the kind to fidget, yet there she was, fidgeting.
“Lily...”
“What you did,” she blurted out. “For James... I just... thank you for pushing him.”
Remus blinked and shook his head, trying to make sense of what she had just said. “Excuse me?”
“I know you were helping him. I knew you were helping him all along. I... I wanted to thank you. I always... with him... I mean...”
Remus held up a bandaged hand. “I know. And... it was an honor to help out.”
She smiled at him.
“Lily, I have to ask...”
“Yes?”
“Are you happy?”
Her smile widened. “Yes. I am.”