Lily stared at the ceiling. She was lying on one of the cots in the hospital wing after she had hobbled up there to see the nurse. It seemed she had sprained her ankle during her adventurous day. Though the nurse had been able to mend it, Lily’s ankle was still tender so she was required to stay there overnight. Despite having the room to herself, she was having trouble falling asleep because of all the thoughts running through her head, most of which involved a certain black-haired Quidditch Chaser.
Lily had disliked James since their first year at Hogwarts because not only had he seemed like a spoiled little boy that expected everything to be about him, but on top of that he had teamed up with Sirius Black, becoming one of the most annoying trouble makers ever. She couldn’t stand that he acted like he was a cut above everyone else, the king of the castle who demanded that his subjects adore and pay homage to him in the form of amusement. What’s more, he didn’t care that he humiliated others or caused them pain. Lily hated that in a person -when they didn’t think about, or even care for that matter, how their actions might affect others. She understood people, or at least tried to see past a rough exterior and figure out what was really going on inside the individual. All she saw in James Potter was some superficial ego, waiting for the satisfaction of hearing her say yes to going out with him to complete his popularity status. Not that she thought that much of herself. She just figured that after having said no to him all these years, it would be the perfect jewel in his crown to get the one person who seemed to loathe him to turn around and adore him. At least that’s what she had thought since their fourth year when the little prat had started asking her out.
It had come as a complete surprise to her, more so even than when he had banished her into the lake a few seconds before that. Hexing her was just something James would do to someone that was annoying him, so she wasn’t too surprised that he did something like dunking her in the lake. Though her pride had suffered a little for looking like a drowned cat in front of a crowd of students, she was more hurt by James asking her out. To Lily it was a slap in the face because it obviously wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. Lily was self-conscious enough about her freckles and red hair that made her stand out like nothing else that she didn’t need any reminding that no way was any boy going to look at her twice. After that little stunt, Lily lost what little respect she held for James. Hexing someone was one thing, but insulting a girl’s looks was way over the line. From then on, it was James no more. Potter would do just fine.
Since then she had spared little real time or thought to his antics. She didn’t expect too much of him or take him very seriously. So why couldn’t she stop thinking about him? His actions earlier had quite shaken her up, and she wanted to know why. It wasn’t like her to get all jumpy around boys, especially James Potter.
With Miles, things were laid back and easy. Lily had actually been sort of surprised when he had asked her out. She had known who he was because, besides being on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team, he was also a prefect like her. It was after one of their meetings that he quietly pulled her aside and asked her to go to Hogsmeade with him. A bit flabbergasted as well as gratified, she had said yes, figuring that even though she didn’t really know him, this would be the perfect opportunity to find out what he was really like. Admittedly, she had been more than a little jealous when all of her friends started dating and she had yet to be asked by anyone. But then she all about smacked herself when she realized she was throwing herself a pity party over something as stupid as that. Lily didn’t need a boyfriend to have fun, and frankly, she knew that she definitely didn’t want to start acting as silly as some of the girls with boyfriends behaved.
She was glad she could feel so relaxed around Miles. She enjoyed their long talks together and was comfortable when he held her hand. She respected his studious desire to understand things and loved when he got so caught up in talking about this or that thing that he had come across in his studies that he got a big, boyish grin on his face and waved his hands around animatedly. They did have their disagreements on certain topics every now and then, but for the most part he was proving to be a great friend.
Wait a minute, she thought. Do I really think of him as just a friend? He’s supposed to be more than that. He’s supposed to be my boyfriend. That was really what was troubling her. She had never felt the way she did earlier today with James during any of the hand holding or conversations with Miles. Lily was very confused as to why James, who she had a distinct distaste for, could suddenly get her all wound up, when she didn’t feel anything strange or different around Miles. Down by the Forest, Lily had realized that James was going to kiss her and that she was going to kiss him back, and that’s why she had panicked and slapped him. She still felt all prickly whenever she pictured him leaning down. What was wrong with her?
She sighed and rolled over. She didn’t think she would be answering that question any time soon. Better focus on what she could work out. Lily had fancied a little boy in the school she went to before she came to Hogwarts, so she knew what that felt like. But when she came here she was too busy learning magic and having fun with her friends to think about boys. She hadn’t really felt that way again until earlier today with James. If she hadn’t felt something with Miles, it could only mean one thing: She just liked him as a good friend and nothing more.
Really? she thought disappointedly. He is a nice enough bloke. I wish for his sake it hadn’t worked out this way. She knew she would have the sad fate of telling him soon enough that there wasn’t any real affection there on her part. She hoped he wouldn’t be too let down. I have to tell him, she thought. It wouldn’t be fair if he thought I like him just as much as he likes me, when I don’t.
Sighing again and tossing around in bed some more she thought, I will do it… as soon as I get out of here tomorrow.
But she didn’t. When she went to find him after breakfast he was off in the library studying vigorously for his N.E.W.T.s.
I should let him study, she told herself. Besides, I don’t think it would be very nice to drop something like this on him right before such a big exam. Better wait till after he’s done with them.
But between taking her own end-of-the-year exams, packing, and having some last minute fun with her friends, she never got around to doing it.
By the time they were boarding the Hogwarts Express to go home she felt as if her insides would eat herself alive from all the guilt. Still, when she passed him in a compartment with his friends, she thought, He should have this last train ride home with his friends without anything troubling him.
Waving and smiling she moved on to where Alice, May, and Ginger were storing their luggage and joined them.
“Another year gone by,” Alice said, reminiscing. “It seems like we were just boarding the train for the beginning of the year.”
“I know, doesn’t it?” May agreed, wrestling with her bag a little.
“Here,” Ginger said, taking it from her and rearranging things to make it fit. “I’m glad it’s over with, to be honest. Just one more year and then we’re off to bigger and better things.”
Coming up behind her and smirking, Sirius Black replied in a mocking tone, “What could possibly be bigger and better than you?”
“I’m going to pretend like I didn’t hear that Sirius Black,” she replied tartly.
May giggled and turned to Remus, Peter, and James who had come up behind Sirius. “What are you four planning for the summer holidays?” she asked.
“Oh you know, the usual mischief and mayhem,” Sirius replied for them. “Setting a few stray cats on fire, exploring the woods by James’ house, that sort of thing.”
At the mention of James’ name, Lily had glanced at him and then quickly looked away as he was staring at her. The nerve of him! she thought. He actually has the gall to blatantly stare at me after what he pulled. She resolutely walked into the compartment and out of his view.
“Well, we’ll catch you lot later,” Alice said, sensing trouble.
“See you, then,” said Remus as he started to move past the girls that were filing in after Lily.
“What was that all about,” Alice asked once they were all sitting down and the door was closed.
“Oh nothing,” Lily replied offhandedly. “I just don’t plan on being around Potter for more time than I have to. I might ask you why you’re not with Frank.”
“Oh that’s easy. I told him I’d meet him about halfway through the trip so we could each have time for our friends.”
“Gosh. It'll must be hard on you two next year,” May remarked.
Alice sighed and frowned a little before saying, “Yes. I’m not looking forward to the long breaks when we’re apart, but it’s not like there’s anything we can really do about it besides seeing each other over the holidays.”
Lily nodded quietly and thought to herself, It’s a good thing I’ll be spending the holidays away from James Potter. I’m sure I’ll forget all about him during the next couple of months. Pushing him out of her mind, she spent the rest of the trip talking and playing Exploding Snap with the girls.
Once the train rolled into the station however, she was the first to jump up and grab her things. She had to talk to Miles before he left. Charging down the steps, she landed on the platform with a soft grunt and began searching for the wiry, brown-haired Ravenclaw.
“Miles,” she shouted as she spotted him and made her way through the crowd.
“Lily! Hey!” he said.
“I need to talk to you.” they said at the same time.
“You first,” he said quickly.
“Alright,” she gulped. Breathing was a little hard at the moment. “Look, Miles. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you this past week, but I’ve put it off because of N.E.W.T.s and all that. But I’ve got to tell you now because I think it’s something you really should know.”
Taking another breath and looking away at the other students around them, Lily said, “I think we might be better as just friends.” Looking fearfully back up at him, she saw that he was smiling.
“Me too,” he said, sounding relieved.
Surprised, she said, “Really?”
“Yeah. I kind of realized that too. I didn’t want to upset you or anything, but I thought it best if we broke it off. With me leaving Hogwarts, it’d be hard to keep in touch and still stay close. And really, we haven’t gotten that serious yet.”
“Yes, I suppose you’re right,” Lily agreed. It did seem rather logical the way he put it. “Friends?” she asked.
“Friends,” he said and reached to pull her into a hug.
* * * * *
James stepped off the train and into the bustling crowd of students and parents. He and Sirius would have to make their way back to his house alone, as his parents had left for a week in Madrid a few days before. Looking around for his friend, he saw that a crowd of girls had cornered him and were badgering him about his plans for the summer holidays. Grinning and shaking his head, James headed towards the barrier.
He stopped however, when he noticed Lily and her boyfriend, Miles, talking a few feet away. James took satisfaction in the fact that Miles was not coming back next year, and that hopefully, such time spent apart would lessen Lily’s regard for him. He frowned however, when he saw them hugging. That couldn’t be a good sign.
James remembered what it was like to hold her as they were freefalling together for the briefest of moments. Wishing he could run after her and hug her goodbye too, he watched her walk through the barrier and disappear. He couldn’t keep letting her slip away. Lily Evans was going to realize that she was the one for him if it was the last thing James did.
Stronger Together by Pevensies_Pensieve
Chapter Notes: Their 6th year is brought to a close and both James and Lily have thoughts about how they want their summer holidays to go.