It was Christmas Eve, the night of the school Ball. James sat in front of the mirror, anxiously tugging at his new dress robes. They were a brilliant shade of maroon, and everyone had told him he looked especially handsome in them, but James didn’t think so. The more he looked at himself, the more he felt he wasn’t good enough for Lily. For the last hour he’d been doing this, staring at himself and repeatedly trying to “fix” his robes.
James pulled at his collar and straightened the folds on his shoulders for the third time. A strange, squirming feeling had erupted in the pit of his stomach, like his insides were twisting themselves around each other. He felt like he was going to be sick. He told himself that it was just nerves, that he’d felt this way before, at major Quidditch matches, but this was a hundred times worse. He’d gone out with other girls before... But this time it was Lily! Lily, the one girl who hadn’t immediately worshipped the ground he stood on, like all the others did. The one girl who had always openly mocked and despised him. Lily, the one who so obviously hated him... And he was going out with her! I must be out of my mind.
Sirius walked in suddenly, pulling a comb through his long black hair. He stopped and stared at the sight of James twitching nervously in front of the mirror. Then he grinned and walked up to his friend. “Give it up, Prongs, you already look as good as you’re gonna get. Just relax! It’s not as if you’ve never gone out with a girl before.”
James turned to Sirius, a look of anguish on his face. “Please, Padfoot, you got me into this, tell me out to get out of it! This’ll be horrible, I can feel it. And Lily isn’t just any girl ” She’s not like the others, she’s made it clear she hates me! Why’d she even say yes, Padfoot?”
Sirius shrugged, throwing the comb onto his four-poster bed. “Dunno.” His face suddenly grew pensive. He said thoughtfully, “Maybe... Maybe she really does like you... but she’s just hiding it. After all, like you said, Lily isn’t like other girls.”
James groaned. “Thanks a lot, Padfoot. Tell me something I don’t know.” He stood up and stretched, sighing. “Oh well, I guess now there’s nothing for it. Wish me luck.”
“Right,” said Sirius in a businesslike way. “I’m going downstairs, I’ve got to meet Natalie before she goes without me.” He sighed theatrically. “If I don’t get down there soon, she might decide to go with someone else. After all, women have the patience of the giant squid.”
James snickered, the headed for the door with Sirius. At the bottom of the steps, both Natalie and Lily were waiting. James felt his breath catch as Lily looked up at him. She was wearing silky green dress robes that accented her blazing hair magnificently. Her hair was tied into a graceful knot at the back of her head with a matching hair ribbon. She smiled shyly at James, who realized his mouth was hanging open and quickly shut it. Captivated, he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
Sirius smirked visibly, then winked at James. “Well, we’ll leave you two at it,” he said, taking Natalie’s arm and guiding her to the Great Hall. She looked as though all her wildest dreams had come true. James wondered if she knew that her date went out with a different girl every month.
James grinned nervously at Lily, holding out his arm. She took it lightly, but the slight touch sent little shivers through his whole body. They walked into the Great Hall, where some wizard band was playing. James didn’t even care who it was, he was just glad to be here with Lily. He was aware of himself grinning like an idiot at her.
“Well, um... So here we are,” he said, feeling stupid.
“Yes,” she said softly. Her eyes sparkled up at him. “Do you want to dance?”
“Oh.” He mentally kicked himself as he answered, “Well, I’m not all that good...”
“That’s alright, I’ll teach you!” she said brightly. James protested, but a moment later Lily had dragged him out onto the dance floor, where James caught a glimpse Remus and his date, a pretty blond girl. Remus saw him and made a face over the top of the girl’s head. James had to force himself not to laugh. He pulled his attention back to Lily.
“First you’ve got to get the rhythm of the music,” Lily said. “Let yourself be carried away by it, and then just ” dance!” Another song started, and James found himself swinging through the crowds of students with Lily. He was incredibly bad at it, but Lily didn’t seem to mind, and only laughed when he tripped or lost the pattern. She has a very nice laugh, James reflected. It was much sweeter than her scornful laughter at him had been.
He had a lot of fun, but after three songs he was exhausted. “I’ve got to go sit down!” he laughed. “My feet are killing me.”
Lily grinned. She had become much easier with him. “Mine are too. Nobody else seems to mind, though.”
“Maybe they’re just better dancers,” James suggested impishly.
Lily burst into merry peals of laughter. “That is possible, isn’t it?” She swept over to one of the tables lining the Hall and leaned against it, face flushed happily. “Whew! I think I need some fresh air. When I get hot like this my temper has to match it, and you wouldn’t like that.” She gestured toward a small doorway, which James knew led onto a balcony outside. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all! I’ll come with you.”
They walked outside, away from all the other students, who were still dancing. Lily sat down gracefully on a stone bench that had been placed against the balcony’s railing. James sat next to her, and for several moments they both silently sat there, looking out over the grounds. They could see almost everything within the castle walls. Stars had begun to come out, and they twinkled peacefully above the two friends on the balcony. The sky cast a velvety black blanket over the school.
The setting was far too romantic for James. After a minute he turned his back on the scenery and studied Lily out of the corner of his eye. Her cheeks were flushed, and her red hair was coming out of its elegant bun, but to James she looked like an angel. He realized he was very lucky to be here with her.
Which brought him back to that first question. James opened his mouth to ask Lily herself, but she beat him to it. “You’re wondering why I said yes, aren’t you?”
James nodded, surprised. How did she always know? “Yeah, erm... Yeah, why did you...?”
“I wasn’t quite sure myself,” Lily said softly. “Not at first. I regretted it the moment I left you standing in that classroom. Hey,” she raised a hand and looked at James, who’d been about to protest, “don’t get your wand in a knot. I said I had regretted it. I wondered why on earth I was going to the Yule Ball with such an arrogant jerk.”
This time James knew better than to protest. He stood there, just watching her.
Lily continued, “But tonight ” Tonight you showed me a different side of you, James Potter. You’ve proven that you can be more than how you act, and for that... Thank you.”
She put her hand on his arm and he froze in surprise, then relaxed. It was obviously just a reflexive action, to show her gratitude. James briefly wondered why he was so jumpy tonight.
Lily kept her hand there as she murmured, “I guess I said I’d go with you because, well... because I wanted to give you another chance.” She looked up at him and smiled. “You know... You can be quite the gentleman when you want to, James.”
Her hand dropped back to her lap, and James could suddenly breathe again. What was the matter with him?
Lily stared out over the grounds in silence. James felt the need to fill in the quiet, but he didn’t want to blurt out anything stupid, so he didn’t talk either. After what felt like hours the music inside the castle became very quiet again. A cold wind suddenly swept over the balcony.
James shivered and pulled his robes tighter around him. The ball must be almost over by now. He glanced over at Lily. She too was shivering, but she had no extra robes to keep her warm. “You’re cold!” James exclaimed. “Why didn’t you say something?”
Lily blushed and said, “Oh, no, I’m fine,” but she was obviously freezing. James was perplexed. “D’you want to go back inside?” he asked.
“Oh! Do ” Do you want to? I think it’s lovely out here.”
“Er ” Well, then, if you want to stay, I won’t stop you. Are you sure you’re not cold?”
“No. Are you? You’d better get inside.”
“Yeah.”
Neither of them moved. James looked sideways at Lily, then tentatively put his arm around her shoulder. Just to keep her warm, he told himself, though he knew that was partly a lie.
Lily stiffened, but after a moment leaned into his embrace. They sat like that for a few minutes, just the two of them, alone in the dark night.
The music in the castle finally stopped, and James heard people leaving the Hall for the warmth of their dormitories. Lily didn’t move, though, so neither did he.
Lily slowly drew away from him and stood. James stood up too, clearing his throat to disguise his embarrassment. “Well... Thanks for coming with me,” he said awkwardly.
“Thank you for asking me,” Lily said.
She was staring up at him with her big, shining green eyes. James was suddenly aware of how close they were. Too close. He was practically on top of her, so close he could very nearly count the tiny freckles on her face.
Then he saw the tears in her eyes. “Whatever is the matter?” he asked, confused.
Lily dashed angrily at her eyes. “Oh, I don’t know!” she suddenly burst. “I’m being stupid! It’s just...”
James had no idea what was going on in her mind, but he felt he had to do something. He hugged her, pulling her against him. She relaxed in his arms, and he felt her hand carefully slide up along his back to the base of his neck.
James stroked her long red hair, which had become completely undone. He marveled at how beautiful she looked... In fact, to him, she had never looked better. A longing to do something he’d never before dared, something his brain insisted was recklessly stupid.
James bent down, closed his eyes, and kissed her.
And to his surprise, Lily returned the kiss. Her lips were full and sweet. James felt everything around him melt away, everything except her. Feelings welled up inside him, feelings stronger than he’d ever known he had. He lost himself in her kiss.
Time slipped by and disappeared as they stood there together. After what may have been a year, or a week, or just a minute, they drew apart. Lily’s eyes were wide as she gazed up at him. There was a look in them that James couldn’t quite read. He was spellbound by her face...
She stepped back, toward the door. “Well...” she said softly, “Goodnight, James.”
“D’you want me to ” to walk you back to your room?” James asked thickly. He was having a hard time pushing the words out through his mouth; he was still stunned by what had just happened.
“No... I’m okay. James?”
He looked at her. “Yeah?”
Lily smiled, a wonderful, heart-wrenchingly sweet smile. “Thank you for... tonight.”
James nodded wordlessly. “Goodnight,” he whispered.
Lily hesitated at the door. Then she reached out and lightly touched the side of his face. She smiled again, and moments later she’d disappeared back into the castle, leaving no sign of her ever having been there.
Or almost no sign. Glancing down, James saw on the bench the green ribbon Lily had used to tie her hair up. He picked it up and stared at it. He briefly debated bringing it to Lily, then decided against it and placed the ribbon in his robes pocket.
He wandered dazedly around the castle and finally ended up in the Gryffindor common room, where he collapsed into an armchair. He stared at the fire and didn’t move a muscle when his three friends burst in an hour later, laughing, insulting each other, and comparing their dates all at once. Sirius was the first to see James, and he whispered something to the other two, who immediately sobered.
Sirius approached and flopped into the chair across from James. He smirked and, clasping his hands together, leaned forward expectantly. “So... How was it?”
James didn’t say or do anything to show he’d even heard his friend.
Sirius’s smile grew wider. “You don’t look so good, Prongs. You’re all pale and shaky, and what’s with the silence? You look like someone tortured you.” Peter and Remus snickered and drew up two more chairs.
“How bad was it?” asked Peter.
James shook his head, unable to speak. He could still taste Lily’s lips on his own, burning a hole on his mouth.
“Did she smack you in the face for being a rude, selfish little worm?” Remus asked congenially.
“Oh, yeah, that reminds me. Snivellus didn’t have a date! Not that I expected different... I suppose I owe you, Prongs?”
Again, no answer. Sirius waved his hand in front of James’s face. He didn’t even blink. “Hellooo! Earth to Prongs! Discussing the Ball here! How... did... it... go?”
James suddenly found he could move again. As if in a trance, he stuck his hand in his robes and pulled out the ribbon. He held it out to Sirius, who grabbed it and stared down at it. “A... ribbon. Okay, so, uh, how exactly does that answer my question?”
“She tried to strangle you, then?” asked Remus, who was clearly eager for some violence on Lily’s part. “Came up behind you and tried to choke you with her hair ribbon?”
James was getting tired of their stupid guessing games, but he didn’t dare tell them what really happened. He didn’t trust himself.
Sirius was studying James’s blank face. After a moment, something about his expression seemed to click, and Sirius let out a whoop. “Alright!” he shouted, laughing hard as he danced around his friends. He then bent down and vigorously shook James’s hand. “Well done, Prongs, well done,” he said, grinning. “Never knew you had it in you!” He turned to Remus. “Come on Moony, pay up.” He held his hand out and snapped his fingers at Remus, who looked mildly annoyed. “He didn’t actually say he kissed her,” he said stubbornly.
Sirius sighed and swung around to James. “Well?”
James nodded silently. Sirius smirked at Remus.
“I’m glad I didn’t get in on that,” Peter muttered as Remus dropped several fat Galleons into Sirius’s hand. Sirius hid them in his pocket and jingled them happily. “Pleasure doing business with you, Moony. That should teach you not to make bets you can’t win, especially against me.”
“You were betting on me?” James said. He’d expected them all to be surprised, then congratulate him. Not this!
Sirius grew serious. (Ooh, nice wordplay there.) “I knew you could do it, Prongs. These two, they need to have a little faith in your abilities. Was it a good one?”
“What?”
“The kiss! Was it a good kiss!”
“Oh. Er, yeah, I guess. I’m really tired, you guys, I think I’ll go to bed.”
James left them in the common room, gossiping like third-year girls. Their teasing bothered him this time. He had wanted them to be a little more serious, for something this important. James went back to the dormitory and lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling long after Sirius, Remus, and Peter came up.
James saw Lily many times over the next few days, but she didn’t act very differently toward him. Only little things... Her touch when she passed him, a smile when he glanced at her...
But James knew. Things had changed between them, changed for the better. They were more than just friendly strangers now. And hopefully this new James would be able to keep it that way.
A week later, James noticed that they would be having a Hogsmeade visit that weekend. He considered going with his friends and raiding Zonko’s, as they normally did, then he saw her. James smiled. Yes, things had definitely changed.
“Hey, Lily... D’you want to go to the village with me this weekend?”
~~THE BEGINNING~~
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A/N: Hi everybody! So that’s it! I couldn’t exactly put “The End” there, because we all know that’s not true. ;) Anyway, I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading!!!