It has been said that honesty is the best policy. In theory that’s a great idea, but not always true. There are documented cases to prove it. One of those cases would be the infamous pumpkin juice-spiking incident that took place at Hogwarts one year. In retrospect, if Fred and George had known that their little ‘day of honesty’ instance would come back to bite them on their collective bums, maybe they would have rethought their decision to pull what they deemed to be a harmless little prank. Don’t understand what I’m talking about? Well, maybe if we go back a bit, you’ll understand. Let’s head back to Hogwarts on that fateful day of truth-telling and you’ll see what I mean.

Hermione Granger sat in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, her brilliant mind being put through the paces as she tried to piece together the puzzle that had been today. Across from her, and the only other visibly sane person at the table, sat her best friend Harry. Harry seemed a bit jumpy, for Ginny Weasley sat on his left side, grinning up at him and occasionally pinching his bum. Hermione understood Harry’s problem, for she had an overly amorous Weasley seated next to her as well. Ron was currently, to Hermione’s great relief, engrossed in drawing hearts all over a piece of parchment that bore sentiments such as ‘Ron + Hermione= Love’ and ‘Mr. and Mrs. Ron and Hermione Weasley’. He was, however, sitting ridiculously close.

Hermione wasn’t entirely sure why the two blonds to her right were sitting here with them at the Gryffindor table. Draco and Luna were currently involved in a rather spitty-looking snogfest. The only person Hermione could talk to and get a straight answer out of was Harry, so she directed her comments at him.

“Okay, Harry, I think it’s safe to say that we’re the only two sitting here who don’t appear to be affected by the truth potion anymore.”

“Bloody shame, too,” Ron muttered as he drew arrows through the hearts on his parchment.

Hermione rolled her eyes and continued. “Anyways, we need to figure out what the link is between the people who are all still being affected.”

“Well just here we have Ginny, Ron, Malfoy, and Luna,” Harry observed.

“Oh yes, Harry, you can have me anytime you want,” Ginny said in a whisper. “All you have to do is ask.”

Hermione shook her head. “Come on, Harry…think! Something is definitely wrong here. This goes beyond a normal truth potion.”

Ron had stopped drawing and was now running his hand slowly up Hermione’s leg. She smacked the offending appendage, getting a pouty-lip face out of Ron. Luna and Draco had gotten quite involved in what they were doing and seemed to have forgotten that they were surrounded by people.

“Oh for Merlin’s sake,” Hermione said with exasperation. She pulled out her wand and flicked it at them. “Rictusempra!”

Draco and Luna were now too occupied with rolling on the floor and laughing to tear off each other’s clothes. Harry’s eyes went wide. “I’ve got it!” Harry said, slamming a fist on the table. “The people who are still being affected are all purebloods!”

Harry looked pleased with himself for about five seconds before saying, “Uh oh.”

“What is it?” Hermione asked, again fighting off Ron’s hand and trying to think what purebloods and truth potion had in common.

Harry reached down into his bag and pulled out a bottle. “Read the warning label on this. It’s a new type of truth potion.”

“Where did you get this from?” Hermione asked suspiciously.

“Fred and George,” Harry explained. “They send me samples of all of their new products.”

Hermione looked carefully at the tiny print under the word ‘Warning’ and read it aloud.

Warning:Please keep out of reach of purebloods. Pureblood side effects may include drowsiness, dry mouth , frequent urination, and extremely amorous tendencies. If any of these side effects are seen in purebloods please discontinue use and see your family Healer.

“I agree with the dry mouth thing,” Luna spurted out between bursts of laughter.

“I didn’t-HAHAHA-hear you complaining-ho ho- a minute ago. For pity’s sake, Granger! Teeheehee!” Draco implored.

“Oh very well," Hermione consented, “but please try to contain yourselves. Finite Incantatum!”

Draco and Luna did as Hermione asked and behaved themselves, settling for giving each other ‘come hither’ looks.

“Harry…we have got to go see George and Fred. But we need to see them…yesterday,” Hermione said, tapping her chest in a hinting way.

“Are you trying to get Harry to look at your jumblies?” Ginny asked menacingly, jumping to her feet. Harry pulled her back down and then nodded at Hermione, understanding that she was referring to her Time-Turner.

“Shall we?” he asked.

“Oh please take me and Ron as well,” Ginny pleaded.

Hermione started to protest, but Harry stopped her. “No, Hermione, I think we should take them. Even though they’re both a bit out of sorts right now, I really do care for Ginny, and I know you care for Ron. There’s no telling what would happen to them if we left them alone. I’d rather be able to keep an eye on them. Who knows? Maybe traveling back in time a day will put them back how they were yesterday.”

Hermione nodded. “Well, the chain is conveniently long enough, so we’ll take them. We’ll have to get special permission from Dumbledore to leave school grounds, but I think he’ll consent if we tell him what it’s for. Let’s get a move on.”

Diagon Alley was full of the usual hustle and bustle as Harry and Hermione pushed their way towards Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes. They were followed closely by two very lecherous Weasleys who occasionally wolf-whistled at them or pinched their bums.

“Ron!” Hermione yelled in exasperation as the ginger-headed boy smacked her bottom. “Please stop!”

Harry and Hermione had hoped that by traveling back to the day before Ron and Ginny had been affected, that they would be back to normal. This had not been the case. If anything, Ron and Ginny’s side effects were worsening. Harry had explained to quite a few shopkeepers that Ginny was narcoleptic as she kept falling asleep in various bins and leaned against several clothing racks. It was certainly a better excuse than telling them she was having a bad reaction to drugged pumpkin juice.

Hermione looked over her shoulder as they rounded the corner to Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes. She sighed loudly. “Harry, she’s at it again.”

Harry turned around to find Ginny curled up on top of a stack of new and improved thicker-bottomed cauldrons. He walked back and carefully pulled her down, taking a hold of her hand and bringing her back to where Ron and Hermoine stood.

“Wanna go sleep,” Ginny grumbled, stumbling along after Harry.

“We’re almost to Fred and George’s, Ginny. You can take a nap there.”

Moments later, the foursome stood across the road from the Weasley twins’ joke shop. This was mainly so Harry and Hermione could go over the plan once more. “You do remember what we’re doing, right?” Hermione asked Harry as she looked strangely at Ron, who had begun to quickly shift his weight from one foot to the other, bouncing a bit.

“Actually no,” Harry admitted, shifting his arm to support Ginny who was currently snoozing against his shoulder, snoring loudly. “If you remember correctly, I was busy plucking a sleeping Weasley out of a rubbish bin while you were going over ‘the plan’.”

Hermione looked baffled as she watched Ron begin to jump up and down and then recapped for Harry. “Okay, by now Fred and George have already doctored the pumpkin juice shipment. We go in and tell them about Ron, Ginny, and the others, without letting them know that we know they did it. If they confess and offer to help, we’ll let them off the hook. If they insist on playing innocent…well…let’s just say revenge is a dish best served to a Weasley.”

Harry nodded. “Are we all set then? My arm’s starting to fall asleep and I’m pretty sure Ginny’s drooling all over my shoulder.”

Hermione acted like she hadn’t even heard Harry. Her attention was fastened on Ron who was now holding himself and doing a little dance, a look of pain on his face. “Ron, what in Merlin’s name is wrong with you?” she asked in an exasperated tone.

“I have to wee!” Ron blurted, before taking off in an awkward sprint towards his brothers’ store.

“Frequent urination?” Harry asked, picking Ginny up and slinging her over his shoulder.

Hermione rolled her eyes and nodded. She and Harry, with Ginny over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, took those last fateful steps towards Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes.

As they entered the store they were met with cries from the storeroom of, “Bloody Hell!” and “I could wee forever!” Fred and George stood behind the counter wearing identical cat-that-ate-the-canary smiles.

“What did you let him drink?” George asked. “He’s been peeing for five minutes straight.”

“Is that Ginny you’ve got, Harry?” Fred asked.

“Yeah, could I maybe…”

“Take her upstairs and lay her down if you want,” George offered.

“So,” Fred began, turning his attention to Hermione, “you four skivving off classes?”

“Actually no. We have permission from Dumbledore to leave school grounds. We’ve actually come from later today using my Time-Turner. Someone spiked a shipment of the school’s pumpkin juice with a rather potent truth potion that has inconvenient side effects. The potion wore off of everyone except the pureblooded students. That’s why we’re here. As you can see, Ron and Ginny are still being affected, as are loads of other people.”

Fred gave George a strange look. “You don’t say! Sounds awful. Of course we’ll help,” Fred said, trying to sound sincere. “What can we do?”

“Thank Merlin for the bloke who invented the loo!” Ron yelled from the storeroom.

Hermione sighed. Apparently the weasels weren’t going to come clean. It was time to serve up a great big slice of revenge. “I’m so glad you’ll help. Actually, there’s not much we need but a place to stay for the evening and use of your lab so I can try to work up an antidote.”

“Anything to help out our poor, afflicted siblings,” George said. “We’ve got plenty of space for your all to sleep, and feel free to use our lab for whatever you need.”

“Excellent,” Hermione said, steepling her fingers. “And of course you’ll let me cook dinner for you as our way of thanking you.”

Fred looked thoughtful. “Well, we’re going dancing with Angelina and Katie later, but we could eat first.”

“Brilliant,” Hermione said as Harry came back down. “Harry, Fred and George are going to let us use their lab.”

Harry nodded, understanding that this meant the twins had admitted nothing.

“Oi! Where’s the toilet paper?” Ron yelled from the storeroom.

Hermione clapped her hands together. “Okay, well, Harry and I will go up and start dinner while you two go get paper for your brother. We’ll eat in an hour.”

Exactly an hour later, everyone, including Ginny who was temporarily awake, was gathered around the table to dinner. Hermione served everyone, setting two especially large plates in front of Fred and George.

Fred rubbed his hands together eagerly. “Fish and chips! Great choice, Hermione.”

He and George shoveled their food in, occasionally showering praise on Hermione for her culinary prowess. When they were done, they both wiped their mouths and got up from the table.

“Well, it was excellent, Hermione, but we’ve got to run,” George said, looking at his watch.

“You four make yourselves at home,” Fred offered as they headed for the stairs. He grinned rakishly at them. “You children be good now.”

As soon as they heard the bells over the door downstairs tinkling and signaling the twins’ exit, Harry rounded on Hermione. “Did you do it?” he asked.

Hermione smiled deviously. “Let’s just say I marinated their fish in about four bottles of ‘special sauce’. I have a strange feeling they’ll be home earlier than they expected. Come on, let’s go to the lab and look like we’re trying to come up with something.”

“I’ll be right there,” Harry said, nodding towards Ginny. She had fallen asleep face first in her plate. “Let me lay her down.”

Hermione used the time while they were waiting on the twins brewing up some basic potions as practice for school. She didn’t have to worry about handsy Ron as he was in the toilet every five minutes or so. Harry had conjured a cot in the twins’ lab so Ginny could sleep and they could keep an eye on her. Hermione was putting the finishing touches on a batch of Draught of Peace when the bells over the front door again tinkled heralding the return of the twins. They had been gone for about an hour. It didn’t take the two affected twins long to find the four in the lab.

“There is something not normal going on here,” George announced upon their arrival.

“That was certainly a short date,” Harry observed, trying hard to keep the amusement out of his voice. “What happened?”

“I…I don’t know,” Fred stammered. “One minute we were having a good time. The next minute crazy things were flying out of our mouths.”

“Yeah,” George agreed, “scary things. Like how we had no plans to marry either of them anytime soon. Made the girls pretty mad.”

George looked at Hermione strangely. “I hope your research is going well, Hermione. And blimey but don’t you have a nice rack!”

The sound of swearing and flushing could be heard coming from the bathroom. “I heard that, George, you bloody wanker! Leave Hermione alone…she’s mine!”

The sound of the toilet seat slamming down carried into the lab and in came Ron. George looked extremely apologetic, but it didn’t stop him from saying what he said next. “Sorry, little brother, but Hermione’s making me feel rather randy, and for some reason I had to tell her. I’ve always thought she was put together well.”

George looked like he wanted to sink through the floor. Fred was rolling with laughter. Ron came to stand in front of George.

“So that’s how it is?” he asked, bending over and taking off one of his trainers. “Sorry, but I don’t have a glove.”

Ron smacked George across the face with the smelly red shoe. “I challenge you to a duel!”

George looked stunned as he said, “Pistols or wands?”

“Meet me upstairs in an hour,” Ron said, putting his shoe back on. “That should give you time to find any weapon of your choice.”

George and Ron both stormed out of the lab on their hunt for weapons. Fred still rolled on the floor with mirth. This was too much for Hermione, so she decided to make him uncomfortable as well.

“All right, Fred, it was your idea to doctor the pumpkin juice for Hogwarts, wasn’t it?”

“You’re absolutely right,” Fred revealed, a look of horror spreading across his face. “It was a really strong batch of truth serum too.”

“Anything else you’d like to tell us?” Harry asked, amusement plainly heard in his tone.

Fred covered his mouth with his hands, trying hard not to speak. His face became redder and redder with the effort of it. After about a minute of squirming, Fred dropped his hands from his face and out of his mouth burst an explosion of confession. “I like to read Danielle Steel novels! I have every single one of them and read them when George isn’t around. The reason I don’t want to get married is because I’m secretly hoping they’ll change the law and make polygamy legal, that way I can have more than one wife. I’ve always thought that even though George and I are identical twins, that I’m much more handsome and dashing. Hermione, you really do have a nice rack, and a rather well-shaped arse. And, I’m currently wearing pink underwear.”

Fred began to smack his head against a nearby table leg as if it could somehow stop him from speaking.

“Anything else?” Hermione asked deviously.

Fred looked like he wanted to cry. “I like to watch old Muggle television shows like The Dukes of Hazzard, Saved by the Bell, and Full House. I’m also partial to Spongebob Squarepants. I wish I lived in a pineapple under the sea!” he blurted, wrapping his arms around his knees and rocking back and forth. “One time, George and I nicked Harry’s Invisibility Cloak and snuck into the prefects’ bathroom to watch Hermione bathe.”

“I knew it!” Hermione yelled, blushing furiously. “Oh, uh…how about an antidote, Fred? Do you have an antidote for the truth potion before George and Ron kill each other?”

“Yes, there’s an antidote,” Fred answered, tears trailing down his face. “It’s in a pink bottle in the refrigerator. It takes an hour for it to work. I think I need a hug.”

Hermione felt bad for making Fred cry, so she helped him up off the floor and hugged him. Fred grinned at Harry over Hermione’s shoulder. “Mmmmm…nice and firm, just like I knew they’d be.”

Hermione shoved Fred hard into the nearest table, causing him to fall back to the floor and the freshly made Draught of Peace to spill over his head.

“Keep an eye on him, Harry” Hermione instructed as Fred got up, smiling stupidly. “I’m going after the antidote.”

Harry nodded to let Hermione know he could handle it.

Almost the instant Hermione made it up the stairs she was pinged on the forehead by something that made her skin sting. She looked down at the floor to find the offending object was a rubber band. Before her very eyes the rubber band burst into flames, slowly melting into a pool of burnt rubber. Another one sailed past her head and exploded against the wall, leaving scorch marks on the paneling.

“Surrender, you bloody wanker!” a voice Hermione recognized as George’s shouted from some hidden location.

“Never, you man whore!” Ron responded, also in hiding. “Suddenly Katie’s not good enough for you so you have to go after Hermione as well!”

Hermione carefully picked her way across the room, ducking rubber bands that seemed to pop, explode, electrify, and catch fire on contact. She was so busy ducking that she didn’t see the box on the floor in front of her. Hermione found herself sprawled on the floor as rubber bands continued to sail overhead. She looked back to see what she’d tripped over. As she read the side of the box, Hermione rolled her eyes.

Rubberband Bangers- Why have an ordinary rubber band fight when you can have a real rubber band war? Every box now includes three of General George’s Super Duper Paralyzation Bands.

Deciding that she was safer on the floor, Hermione crawled on her hands and knees to the refrigerator. Inside was the pink bottle Fred had mentioned. Hermione pocketed it and turned around just in time to see George pounce on an unmoving Ron. Ron, who’d obviously been hit with one of General George’s paralyzation bands, choked and sputtered as George poured the contents of a bottle down his throat. Hermione groaned as she realized it was a bottle of U-No-Poo.

“Fan-bloody-tastic!” Ron screamed. “I can’t stop peeing and now I won’t be able to poo!”

“For Merlin’s sake,” Hermione said, reaching for her wand. “Incarcerous!”

Vine-like cords shot forward, winding around and incapacitating the two feuding Weasleys. Hermione propped both of them against a wall and gave them each a dose of antidote. “All right, boys,” she said, heading for the door. “I’ll be back in about an hour to untie you.”

“But, ’Mione!”

“No! I’ll be back in an hour!”

Hermione hopped down the stairs, firmly clutching the antidote. Down in the lab, Harry had very obviously not been able to handle things. It looked as though Ginny had woken up and used her wand to do a Full-Body Bind on Harry. She had him laid out on the cot, sitting astride him and snogging him senseless. Harry pleaded to Hermione with his eyes for help. Using the same spell she’d used on George and Ron, Hermione bound Ginny.

Hermione then turned her attention to Fred, who was skipping between lab tables humming Hogwarts’ school song. As soon as he was bound, Hermione unfroze Harry and together they set Fred and Ginny next to each other on the cot. Hermione then doled out two healthy portions of antidote.

“Now, you two sit and be still for an hour,” Hermione instructed.

“You betcha,” Fred said with a saucy wink. “You know, Hermione, my lap is a bit cold. You could sit on it and keep it warm for me.”

Hermione let out a growl of frustration and grabbed Harry by the wrist. As she led him out of the lab, Fred yelled, “Wait, Hermione! I was just telling the truth!”

Harry and Hermione spent the next hour browsing around in the twins’ store. When the hour was up, they freed the four Weasleys who were now back to normal. Ron or Ginny could neither one look Hermione or Harry in the eyes.

“Don’t worry about it, Ron. We’ll sit down and have a…chat…when this is all over with,” Hermione assured him.

“You and I as well,” Harry whispered to Ginny.

Hermione rounded on the twins. “As for you two, I expect enough antidote to cure all of the purebloods, free of charge. I also want a no pranking Hogwarts again promise, understand?”

“Oh, yes! Of course!” George quickly agreed.

“Yeah, you’ve got too much dirt on us to ever have to worry about us pranking you again. We’re scared straight,” Fred agreed.

And so with a load of antidote and the knowledge that they’d had revenge on the twins, the foursome made their way back to Hogwarts. They were then able to cure everyone who was still affected by the truth serum and everyone lived happily ever after…or did they?

…Back at Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes…

“You know, dear brother, it’s a shame that Hermione pulled a fast one on us,” Fred admitted to George.

“I know what you mean,” George agreed, coming to stand by his brother at the front of the store. “I like to be the pranker, not the prankee.”

As the twins looked out on the bustling shoppers of Diagon Alley, a smile spread over Fred’s face. Across the way he saw the man who had delivered the pumpkin juice to Hogwarts, pulling a loaded-down cart behind him.

“You know, Forge, it seems as though both of our younger siblings are smitten.”

“You’re quite right, Gred.”

“Forge, do we have any of that sample of Cupid’s Dart potion left?”

George grinned widely. “Why yes…yes we do.”

Fred clapped George on the shoulder. “How about we invite our favorite delivery man over for a break? You could show him around the store.”

George chuckled knowingly. “And what will you be doing, brother dear?”

“Sowing the seeds of love, Forge my boy. Sowing the seeds of love.”