“More or less.” Lily nodded.
“I may have to have a chat with her about that later,” James said.
Lily smiled. “What time do you think it is?”
James shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said yawning, “but I’m not going anywhere until tomorrow.”
“Me either. You would need a forklift to get me anywhere,” Lily said, and playfully pushed James off the couch and stretched out.
“How is that fair?” James asked her.
“Hmm, it’s not,” Lily said sleepily.
James picked her up, cradled her against his chest, and lay down on the couch with her beside him.
Lily wrapped an arm around James’ neck and they fell asleep in each others arms.
When James woke up, he found himself alone on the couch. He glanced around the room quickly and found Lily seated on the floor staring blankly across the room, absently tracing a pattern on the floor.
James ran a hand through his hair and sat up. “Morning,” he said.
Lily glanced up at him and tried to smile.
“You okay, Lils?”
Lily sighed. “Not really, but I’m just thinking about things.”
“A knut for your thoughts,” James said.
“I’m scared,” Lily admitted.
“Of what?”
“Well, this is our last year at Hogwarts. We’re never going to come back. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Bloody hell, I don’t even know were I’m going to live. I obviously can’t stay with Petunia.”
“Don’t be silly. You’ll live with me,” James said.
“What?”
“You’ll come live with me.”
“Live … with you?” Lily repeated, confused.
“Yeah. Like, in a house. Together. You and I. With my parents, at first, until I get my own flat.” James shook his head at her. “Girls worry about the silliest things,” he said to himself.
“Right, because needing somewhere to live is completely bonkers,” Lily said sarcastically.
“No, but you should have realized I wouldn’t just leave you alone once we left Hogwarts,” James replied. “Am I really that bad of a boyfriend?”
“Not at all.” Lily smiled. “You’re right. I should have realized.”
James nodded. “Problem solved. Now the next problem would be my stomach. Let’s go get a bit of breakfast. I’m starved,” he said, helping Lily up off the floor.
“Let’s,” Lily said, and they left the room hand in hand.
They arrived at the Great Hall to find the other Marauderesses and Marauders seated and eating. When they saw James walking in with Lily, they all smiled at her as if she were made of glass. Which was pretty close to how she was feeling inside.
“Hello, Lily,” Remus said.
Peter smiled at her around a mouthful of eggs.
Sirius winked. “How’re you doing?”
“Not bad,” Lily answered.
Jess, Emma, and Kylie beamed at her.
It was almost three weeks later, and the Marauds were all crowded around a table at the Three Broomsticks, loudly celebrating the Gryffindor victory over Ravenclaw that morning. That’s what they said, anyway, but they all knew they had been looking for an excuse not to do a History of Magic essay they should have been doing.
They were just about to toast to the best seeker (Emma), keeper (Sirius), and chaser (James) that Hogwarts had ever seen, when an old classmate came over.
“Congratulations on the victory, guys,” Frank said.
“Hey! Longbottom! How’s the world outside of Hogwarts?” Sirius asked.
Frank shrugged. “It’s hard work.”
“You’ve been out there for what, a year?” Remus asked him. Frank nodded, glancing around the table.
Lily and James however, weren’t paying a bit of attention. Lily was holding one of James’ hands in hers, brushing her smooth fingers over the rough calluses he had from years of playing Quidditch. James was watching her absently as she held his hand sympathetically.
“Lily! It’s great to see you’ve decided to stop being stubborn!” Frank said loudly, grinning at her.
Lily looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on, Evans. You’ve loved James since fifth year, you just would never admit it to anyone.”
“It was way before fifth year,” Kylie muttered, but Frank didn’t hear her.
“Was it that obvious?” Lily asked worriedly.
Frank laughed. “No. I only figured it out when I asked you out in seventh year. You said no, and I believe your exact words were ‘Sorry but I’m not ready … for any … ‘ and then you stopped and stared down the hallway. Then I noticed James walking down the hallway where you were staring, and then you mumbled something about ‘waiting’ and ‘Potter.’”
The Marauds laughed hysterically and Lily buried her face in James’ chest. He wrapped an arm around her even as he laughed.
“So tell me, how did it happen?”
Lily smiled at James. She realized for a moment, that Frank was acting as if they were married. And then she realized it felt completely natural acting that way.
“Wait, how did what happen?” Lily asked.
“How did what happen?” Frank said, in complete shock that she could even ask that. “You two! This!” he almost yelled excitedly. Lily and James looked at him, puzzled. “I mean really, look at the two of you. I had to practically scream at you for you two to even look at me instead of each other! When I left, Lily, you wouldn’t even admit to yourself that you loved James, and James, well, you were just a mess. What happened to change things between you two?”
Lily looked at James and smiled into his warm eyes. “It was last year, actually.”
Lily raced up to her dorm, threw her bag on her bed and turned to the mirror. She ran a hand through her hair and checked her outfit before tearing back down to the common room. She was already supposed to be outside the portrait hole waiting . Her tutoring in the library had run over, and now she was late for a date with her boyfriend, Will, a Ravenclaw in her year. If Will hadn’t been so sweet, she would have given up trying to fit in classes, tutoring, homework, and a boyfriend.
She climbed out of the portrait hole and saw him across the hallway, leaning against the wall, hands stuffed in his pockets, his blonde shaggy hair laying perfectly, and his grey eyes looking said, as usual. It’s just not possibly to have eyes the color of rainclouds and not look sad, unless you were laughing.
He flashed her a small smile and she kissed him on the cheek.
“Hey. What are we doing tonight?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I thought we might take a walk around the lake.” Lily smiled and slipped her hand into Will’s. It didn’t even occur to her that when people said ‘take a walk around the lake’ at Hogwarts, your relationship was about to change. She was so happy with Will, or she thought she was, that she never once thought it could be a bad change.
They strolled around the lake casually, but it was tense and not like usual between them. They walked past a sad willow tree, and Lily felt a tug on her hand. She realized Will had stopped walking, so she turned to him. His eyes looked sad, even more so than usual.
“What’s up?” she asked, beginning to be concerned. She could feel a dropping sensation in the pit of her stomach.
He gave her a half-hearted smile and she pulled her hand out of his grip.
“How are you?” he asked easily.
“I’m fine. How are you?” she answered cautiously, wondering what was going on.
“I don’t know, Lily,” he said, shaking his head.
“What do you mean, ‘you don’t know’?”
“I mean, I don’t know that you’re fine,” Will told her.
“Will, what are you talking about? Look at me, I’m fine!” she said firmly. “I’m fine.”
“I’m looking at you, Lily, and I don’t know how you can say that you’re fine. I know you well enough to see it. You’re exhausted, you’re stressed.”
“Will!” Lily protested, but Will held up a hand.
“Just listen to me, please.”
“Will, you’re scaring me.”
“Lily, please. This is hard enough already. Just listen.”
Lily closed her mouth and nodded nervously.
“Like I said, I can tell you’re exhausted. You stay up all night sometimes so you can finish your work. I can tell you’re stressed trying to tutor people and get your own work done. And you’re still spending time with me almost every night, so I feel like it’s partially my fault. Just listen!” he added, upon seeing her begin to argue. “I don’t think you should be giving up sleep just to spend time with me. It’s not healthy. But, I know you won’t do any thing about it. So it’s up to me. It’s my job as your boyfriend to take care of you, when you can’t take care of yourself. And right now, taking care of you, being a good boyfriend, means backing out. That’s why I have to do this. Lily, I really think we should just be friends.”
Lily laughed. “That’s sweet, Will. But don’t worry about me. I can manage my life just fine.”
Will didn’t laugh, didn’t smile. “I’m not joking, Lily.”
“Oh, come on, Will. Stop.”
“Lily. I’m so serious right now. I’m breaking up with you. But, it’s not because I don’t love you. I want you to understand that.”
Lily shook her head frustratedly as her eyes welled up with tears. “No, no. You are joking. We “ I know we weren’t having any problems.”
She let her head drop so her smooth red hair fell in front of her face as tears spilled down her cheeks. Will folded her into his arms and pulled her head in against his shoulder.
“Damnit, you’re making this hard, Lily. It’s not that we were having problems, I wouldn’t say. I love you but “ “
Lily cut him off, “Then forget this whole bloody stupid thing. I love you; You love me; where is the problem?” It was easy to hear the tears in her voice.
“Lily, come on. You have to see that us being together is hurting you. Not being with you is going to hurt me, but I’m willing to live with that, if it is better for you.”
“Oh, so this is my fault now? That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?” she accused him.
“That’s not what I’m saying, and you know it,” Will told her. “I’m leaving, Lily. Once you think about this a bit, I’m sure you’ll see it’s the right thing to do.”
“We’re not ever going to just be friends, are we?” Lily whispered after him, after he had let go of her and begun walking away.
Will turned around slowly, his grey eyes miserable and misty. “I don’t think so.”
Lily watched him walk back around the lake and towards the castle, streams of tears running a course down her cheeks. Will had been her boyfriend for almost five months “ since the beginning of term almost. He was always sweet and funny, not to mention rather good-looking. But he had been more than all that. He had kept her mind away from James Potter. While Will was around, she didn’t have to pretend to hate James, because she was happy to be with Will, even if she never really loved him the way she did James. He had been everything James wasn’t. Sweet, considerate, blonde, skinny, short (for a boy, but still taller than Lily). And now he was gone. Because she did have enough time. I don’t know why he was complaining. I spent time with him everyday. That should have been enough, Lily thought angrily. She tried to wipe her eyes free of tears, but was unsuccessful.
Then Lily spotted a figure striding around the lake in her direction. She squinted through her tears to see if Will had changed his mind and was coming back to apologize. To say he was wrong and they should still go out. To keep her distracted from James Potter. But as the figure got closer, she realized it was too tall to be Will. Too tall and too muscular. With dark, unkempt hair. It was James Potter striding towards her, coming closer every second, and she was a mess, with tears still trickling down her face.
Lily leaned her back against the tree and slid down to the ground, hugging her knees. Her life was falling apart. The universe obviously was working against her to destroy her life. As soon as her sole distraction from Potter leaves, walks out of her life, Potter walked in. And sat down next to her. Very close.
“Hey,” he said quietly.
“Hi,” she answered, trying to keep the tears out of her voice.
“So, how was your date?” he asked gently.
Lily burst into tears again. She was so upset, she hardly realized what she was doing before she threw her arms around his neck, wailing, “He, b-b-broke up with m-me!” For a moment, Lily though she had made a terrible mistake in seeking comfort in Potter, but then James wrapped his strong arms around her.
“Hey, come on. It’s not that bad. He was a wanker, anyway,” he soothed, stroking her hair. “He didn’t deserve you. You were doing him a favor, going out with him.”
Lily continued sobbing. “I just don’t see why he broke up with me! Everything was fine!”
“Hey. Shh!” James reached up a hand, where Will had caused her tears, and he wiped them away.
“Come on, it’ll be okay,” Lily felt James say, his voice deeper because her ear was pressed against his chest. “It’s really not that bad.”
“It is too!” she sobbed. “It’s horrid.”
“Lily, watching you cry is like losing a Quidditch match. That’s what’s horrid.”
Lily smiled, and then realized what she was doing, whose arms she was currently wrapped in, whose hand was brushing her tears away. She jerked out of his arms, quickly swiping at her eyes to dry them.
“I’m sorry. You must think I’m a silly cow right about now.”
“The only silly cow I’ve seen lately is Will. And not only is he a silly cow, he must be completely mental if he just broke up with you,” James said to her.
“Well, he obviously thinks I’m the silly cow,” she almost whispered it.
“Lily, there’s something I need to say, and I think it will do you good to hear it,” James said.
“What is it?” Lily asked warily, hoping it wasn’t what she was thinking. She was terribly afraid he would tell her how much he loved her and how he always had. If he told her that now, with her in such a state, there was no question as to what her response would be.
James took a deep breath. “So, a duck walks into a pub.” Lily let out a small laugh from her relief.
“Your face was so serious!” she laughed.
“It’s all in the delivery,” James admitted. “So, this duck walks into a pub, and he asks the bartender, ‘Do you have any grapes?’ The bartender says no, so the duck leaves. The duck comes back the next day and says, ‘Do you have any grapes?’ The bartender says no, and the duck leaves. Next day, the duck walks in again and asks, ‘Do you have any grapes?’ The bartender says, ‘No, and if you come in here and ask that again, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor!’ The duck leaves. The next day, the duck walks in, walks up to the bartender and says, ‘Do you have any nails?’ ‘No,’ the bartender says. And the duck asks, ‘Do you have any grapes?’”
“James, that is without doubt, the worst joke I’ve ever heard,” Lily laughed. She looked at James and he smiled apologetically. “But somehow, it was hilarious.” James grinned.
“Come, on, let’s go back up to the castle,” he suggested. He stood up and held a hand out to her, and she took it gratefully. They walked back around the lake, Lily with an arm around his waist, and James with an arm around her shoulders. But they were just friends, for the night; not Lily Evans and James Potter who, as far as the Hogwarts population was concerned, maintained a strict love-hate relationship. They were just friends, though it was incredibly hard for Lily to keep up the façade.
“So what is this really about, Lily?” James asked her.
Lily shivered. It was incredible how he could see right through her. “What do you mean?” she asked innocently.
“I mean, what’s really going on? This is the first time I’ve ever seen you cry.”
“Will just broke up with me! What the bloody hell are you talking about, Potter?”
“Lily, that’s a lie, and you know it.”
“It is not!” she protested. He was so arrogant! How was he just going to pry into her life like that? He had no right!
“Oh, come off it,” he told her. “I know you two were going out and everything, but you were never really all that into it. And if you try to deny that, you know you’re just lying to yourself. Come on, Evans. What was this really about?”
“Do you really want to know?” James nodded. “Are you sure? You really want to know? Fine then.” Something inside Lily had snapped. Somewhere between her vulnerability after Will left and now, she had involuntarily agreed to let herself be in love with James, as she so obviously was. Her marks, her classes, her tutoring, her parents; they could all just bugger off if they didn’t like it. She loved James Potter.
“Fine. I’ll tell you. You’re right! It’s not really about Will breaking up with me, because I didn’t exactly love him. It’s about him leaving me. Leaving me alone when I needed to him as a distraction. A distraction from who I don’t want to love, but for some reason do. I had refused to let myself feel that way about him before, and Will came along, and he pushed those feelings further away. And now he’s gone and they’re all coming back. I was out here, trying t get a handle on my life, to make sense of everything I was feeling. Then you came along.”
“Me?”
Shit! Take it back! Take it back! I didn’t mean it!“Yes, Potter. You. Darling, dearest. You are the apple of my eye. You are the O’s on my exam results. You are my missing half,” she said dramatically, rolling her eyes. “I want you, James Potter. Baby, I need you.”
Lily watched James carefully for a reaction. She tried to keep her face calm, and serious, but on the inside she was practically hyperventilating from what she had just done. And then, James began to laugh. He doubled over in hysterics. Lily joined him nervously, laughing her relief that he hadn’t taken her seriously. But some part of her was hurting, offended that he thought it was a joke, because of course, it was all true.
“And that was it,” Lily told Frank over the loud background chatter in the Three Broomsticks.
“You were serious?!” James asked Lily in disbelief.
“Completely serious,” Lily informed him. “But I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted you to know right then, before I blurted the entire thing out. So when you took it as a joke, I just went with it. And I think it was good for us to be good friends for a while. I really do.”
“Good for us?! What the hell, Lily?”
“Hey, can I ask a question?” Frank said. “Sorry for interrupting, but I have to ask. James, what made you think to go talk to Lily, and how did you know where she was?”
“It was actually completely by chance,” James admitted.
James Potter, sixth year Gryffindor sat in his dorm with the other Marauders, going completely out of his mind. Not five minutes ago, he had seen Lily Evans, the love of his life, run through the common room (looking absolutely stunning, as usual) on her way to a date with her boyfriend. It drove James crazy to think of her with being with anyone other than himself.
James had only recently discovered the wonderful Muggle invention of the superball, and was currently throwing one as hard as he could against the wall repeatedly.
“James, mate, I think you should try and relax a bit,” Remus said to him.
“How “ can “ I “ relax?” James said angrily, each word punctuated by the sound of the superball slamming against the wall. Then he caught it and quickly turned on Remus. “How can I relax while I know for a fact that she’s out on a date with dome nancy-boy book-worm Ravenclaw, doing God knows what?”
“Honestly, mate, Will’s a decent guy,” Sirius said.
James slammed his fist into his headboard. “I don’t care! And it doesn’t matter. He could be the nicest bloke in the world, and it still wouldn’t matter, because he can’t love her like I do!”
“James,” Remus tried to think of a response.
James hopped up from where he was sitting on his bed and grabbed his broomstick. “I need to clear my head. Stop thinking about her.” He made for the door, glancing at the Marauders’ Map lying on a desk. He slid it into his pocket and called back to his friends as he closed the door, “I’ll be back in a bit.”
James walked through the castle slowly, broom over one shoulder, head hung low watching his feet move one in front of the other. He tried to think of Quidditch, but Lily kept coming to the front of his mind. He picked up his pace, anxious to get out in the fresh air where he didn’t have to think or worry about anything other than flying.
He was almost running by the time he was through the front doors, and flew headlong into someone who was climbing the stairs to the castle.
“Sorry,” James grunted, anxious to be on his way, but paused and glanced back at the boy he had knocked over “ Will, Lily’s boyfriend.
“Didn’t you have a date with Lily tonight?” James asked.
“Yeah, I did.” Will replied, picking himself up off the ground.
“What happened?”
Will shrugged, avoiding James’ eyes, stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked into the castle.
“What a little bugger,” James said to himself. He would kill to be on a date with Lily Evans, and here was the little Ravenclaw nancy ditching her. James pulled the Marauders’ Map out of his pocket, along with his wand.
“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” he said, tapping the parchment with his wand. Then black lines spread across the surface, and he quickly scanned the area labeled “Hogwarts’ Grounds.” He found her dot across the lake under a willow tree. “Mischief managed,” James whispered, tapping the parchment again and stowing it away in his pocket before setting off hastily around the lake.
As he got closer to the droopy willow tree where he had spotted Lily on the map, he slowed his pace to a casual walk. He reached the limp, outer branches, and spotted her sitting against the tree trunk, hugging her knees, undoubtedly crying. He walked over cautiously and sat down beside her. “Hey.”
“Hi,” she answered. James could hear the tears in her voice.
“So, um, how was your date?” he tried to ask gently, but Lily burst into tears. After thinking a moment, James realized he should have brought it up in a less tactful way.
James froze in shock when Lily tossed her arms around his neck, sobbing, seeking consolation. “He b-b-broke up with m-me!”
The shock wore off and James realized he had been waiting five years for this, but perhaps without the crying. But even so, he realized this was his chance to show Lily that he really cared about her and was sincere. He wrapped his arms around her quickly before she could rethink the situation.
“Hey, come on. It’s not that bad. He was a wanker, anyway,” James smoothed her hair gently. “He didn’t deserve you. You were doing him a favor, going out with him.”
His efforts to calm her were in vain however, because Lily continued sobbing. “I just don’t see why he broke up with me! Everything was fine!”
“Hey. Shh.” James pulled one arm free, leaving the other wrapped about her, and brought his hand up to her cheek. With a thumb, he brushed away the tears on her cheek. The whole bloody mess was stupid Will’s fault. Who the bloody hell in their right minds would break up with Lily Evans anyway?
Lily leaned her head against James’ chest and hugged him tighter. She was obviously not quite herself. But James wasn’t going to complain. “Come on, it’ll be okay,” “It’s really not that bad.”
“It is too!” she said into his chest. “It’s horrid.”
“Lily, watching you cry is like losing a Quidditch match. That’s what’s horrid.”
James felt her lips twitching into a smile as her tears slowed. And suddenly she pulled back out of his arms, rubbing at her eyes. It was nothing less than he had expected. He had been waiting for her to realize what she was doing the entire time.
“I’m sorry. You must think I’m a silly cow right about now,” she said, wiping again at her eyes.
“The only silly cow I’ve seen lately is Will. And not only is he a silly cow, he is completely mental if he just broke up with you!” James couldn’t even imagine going out with Lily, much less ever breaking up with her. What the hell was the git thinking anyway?”
“Well, he obviously thinks I’m the silly cow,” Lily said, almost whispering it so James barely caught it.
“Lily, there’s something I need to say, and I think it will do you good to hear it,” James said earnestly.
“What is it?” Lily’s voice was shaky.
I love you. He wanted to say it so badly. He doesn’t matter anyway. He’s just a stupid git and he’s not good enough for you. But I love you. It would have been so perfect. But he looked into her eyes, full of apprehension. Full of fear that he would say exactly that, and so he didn’t.
He realized he had been quiet for some time as he thought, and Lily was waiting to find out what it was he needed to say to her. Quick! Think! Say something!
“So a duck walks into a pub.” James could have hexed himself right then and there. Of all the things he could have thought of to say, he comes up with some stupid joke about a duck in a pub. What was he thinking?!
However, to is surprise, and great relief, she laughed. Genuine, tear-free laughter. But it was so stupid! He waited for her to speak before he could say anything else dumb.
“How did you possibly keep such a straight face when you said that? I mean, you started out so serious, I was actually scared for a minute! And then you come up with that.”
“It’s all in the delivery,” James admitted to her to her, and then proceeded to tell the rest of the joke about a duck in a pub. Like ducks were allowed in pubs. Really, it was just silly.
“James, that is without doubt the worst joke I’ve ever heard,” Lily said, laughing.
He smiled apologetically, knowing full well that she was right.
“But somehow, it was completely hilarious.”
James grinned at her. At least she appreciated his efforts. “Come on, let’s go back up to the castle,” he suggested. He stood up and held out a hand to help her up, not really expecting her to take it. Again, to his surprise, she did. She even gave him a small, grateful smile, and when she stood up and let go of his hand, she slipped her arm around his waits. He went along with it and put his arm around her shoulders, concentrating very hard on breathing regularly. But he wasn’t going to kid himself. He knew they were just friends. No matter how much he wished differently, that’s all it was.
Oh, and how badly he wanted it to be more. His skin burned where he touched her, he yearned to hold her like this every day. To always know that when they parted, she would back in his arms again soon. But he knew the truth. He knew this night was just one friend seeking comfort in another. And so he contented himself with having her in his arms for this short time. He pushed the rest of his feelings aside and served as just her friend.
“So what is this really about?” he asked her. He knew better than to think some silly boy could make her cry like that.
“What do you mean?” Either she was a bloody good actress, or just dumb.
“What I mean is, what’s really going on? This is the first time ever that I’ve seen you cry,” he said. And it was true. Lily Evans did not cry.
“What’s going on is that Will just broke up with me! What the bloody hell are you talking about, Potter?”
There was no way she was that dumb. She was supposed to be smart! “Lily that’s a lie, and you know it.”
“It is not!” she tried to argue, but her eyes told James differently. They told him that there was much more to it, and he knew there was.
“Oh, come off it. I know you two were going out, but you were never really all that into it,” he voiced his observations. “And if you try to deny that, you’re just lying to yourself. Come on, Evans. What was this really about?”
“Do you really want to know?”
He nodded. Thank Merlin, she finally admitted it!
“Are you sure? You really want to know? Fine then,” she said testily. Was she seriously angry at him for trying to help?
“Fine. I’ll tell you. You’re right! It’s not really about Will breaking up with me, because I didn’t exactly love him. It’s about him leaving me. Leaving me alone when I needed to him as a distraction. A distraction from who I don’t want to love, but for some reason do. I had refused to let myself feel that way about him before, and Will came along, and he pushed those feelings further away. And now he’s gone and they’re all coming back. I was out here, trying t get a handle on my life, to make sense of everything I was feeling. Then you came along.” She stopped and looked at him.
“Me?” he asked timidly. James couldn’t have spoken louder if he wanted to. He had a guess, a hope, a dream, as to where she was going with her little speech, but he hardly dared think about it. Even the disjointed, incomplete thoughts he had about it sent his heart beating so wildly he was sure she would both feel and hear it. It almost consumed him as he waited for her answer.
“Yes, Potter. You. Darling, dearest. You are the apple of my eye. You are the O’s on my exam results. You are my missing half,” she said dramatically, rolling her eyes. “I want you, James Potter. Baby, I need you.”
He didn’t know what to say. His breath caught in his throat. What could he say? He wasn’t sure his heart was still in his chest, or else it had fallen out, because it had gone numb. He didn’t know what to say. So he began to laugh. Could she really be serious? It was ridiculous! Lily Evans loved him! That was the last thing he had expected to hear when he had come outside. His laugh began as a slight chuckle, then crescendoed into a silent, mouth-open, doubled-over laugh. It was just ridiculous! Lily Evans loved him! What would people say?
This, to his horror, she began to laugh as well. Was it all just a joke? Some cruel joke she had played on him? One look at her face, crinkled up adorably in laughter told him the truth. It was all a joke.
He kept laughing. What else could he do? But it wasn’t the happy, true laughter of shock and disbelief but ultimate joy had had had earlier. This was angry laughter, bitter, full of disappointment and resentment.
Angry at himself for actually believing that Lily Evans loved him. There was no reason to believe it, but he had chosen to hope. Silly ass.
Disappoointed that it wasn’t true. That his dreams weren’t about to become real.
She laughed, and he laughed with her, so he could pretend that it didn’t really matter. That he hadn’t believed her. That he hadn’t dared to dream.