“NO, POTTER! I WON‘T GO OUT WITH YOU!”
Lily screamed the whole sentence out in one infuriated, face-reddening breath.
There was the usual pause in which Lily’s emerald eyes, which currently seemed like rubies due to the fury clouding them, bore into James’s soft hazel ones, although they had a more hardened look to them at the moment.
Giving a final heated huff, Lily spun around, her flaming hair whipping around in one smooth semi-circle, and marched down the silent hallway, leaving James Potter standing with his fists clenched, as still as stone.
The students in the corridor silently and automatically moved back to let the fuming Lily Evans through, creating a separate aisle made of human walls.
As Lily made her way down the hall, unobstructed, she had to gather all her strength in order to dam up the flood of tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.
She tightly clutched the corners of her heavy textbooks and quickened her pace, rushing past the gray blur of people and stone walls that encased her.
Before she knew it, she was at the top of the staircase of Gryffindor Tower, dazedly staring at the door of her room.
I’m sorry, James.
Suddenly, a huge wave of emotion swept over her and crashed upon the many jagged and troubled thoughts that filled Lily’s mind.
She yanked open the door and hurled her books to the innocent wall before launching herself into her bed. In the privacy and solitude of her room, Lily buried her face into her pillows, her red hair tangling about the corners so that it seemed as if flames of fire were licking them.
As Lily felt the cool cloth of the pillowcase caressing her hot, tear-stained cheek, she finally was able to tear off the wretched mask- the mask of false strength, security, and intelligence.
As she relished the thought of being alone and by her true self, Lily wondered why the world was built the way it was, or rather, why humans had to shape and mold it that way.
“Humans are the most incredibly stupid things in this world. All those wise scholars and philosophers of our time say that human beings are distinguished from animals because we have the ability to think and to feel. I think that’s all bullshit. Animals are better than humans. They don’t have to tear down the world that was given to them in order to barely live happily. On top of that, humans destroy each other for no reason, whether it be physically or emotionally.”
At this thought, Lily slowly lifted her head out from the depths of her pillows, wiped her face off with her neatly pressed sleeve, and rolled onto her back. Her tears welled up in the corner of her eyes before trickling down in small rivulets across her smooth skin and plunging into the white, soft pillows. Her sparkling eyes locked on the blank ceiling above.
As routine called, Lily tried to focus her mind on the ceiling and imitate it by trying to be as smooth and blank-minded as possible.
But not this time. All that she could see was him. That messy hair, the silver glasses, and those eyes…those determined eyes.
Lily blinked.
Suddenly, she pulled one of her pillows from beneath her head and forcefully threw it at the ceiling with a yell of frustration, sorrow, and anguish.
Why must humans be this way? Pushing, pulling, and tugging at themselves and at one another. Couldn’t we just all be equal? But no, of course not. Humans are superior and thus need to establish that fact firmly and strongly. And, of course, the world needs to know which humans are the more superior. Can’t all be on the same step, now can we?
Lily heaved a sigh, closing her eyes, and trying to wrestle with and force the mask of stolidity back on top of her being once more.
Why couldn’t we just all be the same? Muggles and wizards. We both breath. We both feel. We both want to love and be loved in return. Must society be constructed to form a chasm between the two? What‘s worse is that I‘m stuck in that chasm…a Muggle-born.
Lily slowly turned her head to the side. There on the wall was a clipping of the Daily Prophet, the all too familiar Dark Mark gleaming eerily on it’s front page. It seemed to grin at Lily’s thoughts.
Lily glared back at it. She conjured a dart with the flick of her wand, caught it in her hand, and threw it at the morbid skull. The dart pinned itself right between its hollow eyes.
Practice makes perfect.
Lily gave a small smile of satisfaction. For some reason, pinning darts on the Dark Mark had become a favorite, stress-relieving game for her, probably because she hated the violence and hatred the mark symbolized.
She eyed the snake that was protruding from the mouth of the skull.
Who does that Voldemort think he is? He’s just another human if you think about it. ‘Lord’, please. Give me a break. A real lord would have the decency to grow some hair! He’s the devil, causing all this mayhem.
Lily gave the Dark Mark a smoldering glare, and this time the snake seemed to slither back into the skull’s mouth in fear before the skull itself shrank back from the fuming Lily.
Stupid, stupid baldie! They should call him Baldie-mort! If it weren’t for all the trouble he was causing, I would have been able to be with James a long time ago!
Lily chuckled to herself at the thought of how the school would react if they found out that she loved James Potter.
It was true that she had loathed him before for his gargantuan ego, but as the years slipped by, she had had seen him be kind, gentle, loyal, and just on many, many occasions. Also, she had noticed that he had shrunk his head size by a large degree over the last two years, and she couldn’t help but be a little touched at the thought that he had deflated it for her.
But it wasn’t only that. Lily knew they were just perfect for each other. She just knew that everything from James’s liveliness to even his stubbornness was the missing piece in herself. And she was certain that her own studiousness, skills in organization, and fiery temper would suit James perfectly.
So why on earth was she here in her bed, lamenting this fact and rejecting James by the day instead of accepting him and spending every waking moment with him and not just every second in her dreams?
The answer was simple: Voldemort.
It had been known for a while that Voldemort targeted Muggles and Muggle-borns and anyone who defended them. In fact, much of the society was starting to distance themselves from these guiltless individuals as the pictures of the ones Voldemort punished grew in amount and horror. Even Lily had been experiencing some the prejudice despite her popularity.
If I go to James now, I know we won’t be able to break away from each other. This is our last year at Hogwarts, behind these safe stone walls. Out there, in the world, I can only bring danger and harm to James. On top of that, he’s a pure-blood. I can only defile his family name.
Lily winced at this thought. She felt so disgustingly hypocritical thinking it. She was always openly advocating equality for all, and, here she was, pushing away James for his blood.
But it’s true. So true that I can almost touch it.
Lily gave a small, bitter smile.
If I could touch this fact, I would have killed it years ago.
“I MUST FORGET ABOUT HIM, AND HE MUST FORGET ABOUT ME!” Lily shouted out loud, just as she did every other day.
But despite saying this mantra, deep in Lily’s heart, she knew it was impossible.
She would not forget about him, and he would not forget about her.
They would not and could not because they loved each other.