“Oh don’t get your Alan Whickers in a knot,” Sirius said boorishly. Peter had forgotten his essay for potions class and was sure that Professor Slughorn would wring him dry if he returned, yet again, to the class without producing the papers. “Please, Remus….” Peter whined, but Remus did not heed to Peter’s pleas, for he was lost in his flowering world of Lily Evens and her surpassing beauty.
“Earth to Moonshine?” Sirius beckoned, snapping his fingers in front of Remus’ glazed eyes. “First it’s James and that Evens creature and now it’s you? Why can’t you gents learn that it’s much better to be a four woman man than it is to be a one woman man?”
Remus smacked Sirius’ fingers away from his face. “Where is James anyway?” he asked, scanning the table once over. He didn’t need an answer, because it was then that he saw James, attempting to woe Lily at the end of the table. His Lily. He felt his face turn red and excused himself. He was angry with himself for being insanely jealous of James. He, James, could easily talk to Lily. Where as Remus, who happened to share a very long and very passionate kiss, couldn’t even mutter a hello. And yet, Lily still seemed to despise James.
He hurried to the boys’ lavatory where he could have sometime to think in private. Locking himself in the furthest toilet and sat down with a sigh, burring his face in his hands. “What have I gotten myself into?” he asked with a pitiful whimper. He couldn’t stand the fact that he was showing less backbone than usually, let alone not telling his best friend about his infatuation with the girl of his dreams.
Remus shook himself out of it, he most certainly didn’t want to have the same spineless cowardice that was so apparent in Peter. He would just have to learn how to act as if nothing had changed. Which wouldn’t be too difficult since the others had no idea what was happening, and Remus intended to keep it that way.
The first order of business was to not lock himself in the bog again. The second was to think of a good excuse to tell the guys. A million ideas streamed through Remus’ head, and he muttered them all out loud just to see how they sounded, and each one sounded worse than their predecessor. Without even noticing, his feet had carried him to the potions door, and he trudged in, knowing he would never be able to lie to professionals.
“Alright then, Remus?” Sirius asked Remus when he plopped down in his assigned stool.
“Breakfast didn’t agree with me,” Remus decided half-heartedly. Technically it was true, he hadn’t been agreeing what had gone on at breakfast and not the food itself, but still…it hadn’t agreed with him. The next two hours were filled with the sounds of quills on parchment and the fat professor droning on and on, and chattering with his favorite students, whom he felt would become successes. Then it was a quick rendezvous in History before trudging back up to the common room for the mid-afternoon break.
Remus was itching to feel Lily next to him, but he just couldn’t risk it. Then, as if an angel had answered his unspoken prayers, James interrupted his troubled thoughts. “Evens tells me you’re tutoring her in some class or another?”
Remus swallowed hard. “Yes,” he managed to say. “She doesn’t seem to grasp certain things but it appears that she is fascinated by the subject.”
James gave a little whoop, ignoring Remus’ overly formal response. “This is fabulous! This is a prime opportune moment for me, and do you know why? Moony, you have to drop hints for me!” he had said this all very fast, as if he would die if he didn’t get it out in one breath. Remus was a little taken aback, he was sure that James would have demanded Remus to stop tutoring Lily in honor of their friendship. “How do you mean?” he asked James slowly.
“I mean,” James said, slightly annoyed, “Tell her how charming I am, and how good a kisser I am.”
“And have her think I’m a fairy? Or that I camp up during holiday? No thank you.”
“Well say that you’ve heard rumors then,” James begged on bended knee. “I’ll owe you a big one!”
“You don’t need to owe me anything,” Remus answered. A twinge of guilt plagued his heart. His mouth opened in protest, but his brain had a protest of its own. if I tell him, he’d be sore at me. He’d beat the Mickey out of me too. “Sure, no problem,” Remus managed to say. “W-what are friends for?”
James gave another whoop and patted him on the back. Then preceded in telling Remus lists of things to say should the topic come up and when and where they should meet for tutorials.
The weekend came quickly and Remus had found the comfort of Lily’s arms yet again. They had chosen to study outside, and although the air was frigid, it was much better than the stuffiness inside the common room. Besides, the grounds had been abandoned and they had the whole of it to themselves. They had done an hour of actual studying, because Lily said she took her grades seriously and Remus had to respect that. Then they spent the next half-hour talking of their families.
Remus was having a wonderful time, swapping embarrassing Christmas stories when Lily dropped a quite unexpected bomb on him. “Okay it’s my turn,” she said whipping tears of laughter away from her sparkling eyes. “My sister, Petunia, absobloodylutely hates the fact that I’m the only witch in the family----”
“You’re the only witch in your family?” Remus asked hurt.
“Yes why?”
“Then why do you need help on Muggle Studies dammit?” he asked. Lily had lied to him, and how was he to know that? She hadn’t had a conversation at all with him until this year. Lily, who finally seemed to understand his sudden burst of anger, quickly added, “How else was I to talk to you?”
“How does a formal ‘hello’ sound?” Remus shot back bitterly. He stuck his hands in his pockets and lumbered away from her. He never, in all of his dreams, thought that his first real relationship would be built upon a very stupid lie. Lily trailed after him, “Remus…hey, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking, okay?”
“Clearly,” he said heatedly spinning on his heels. “I don’t want this to be placed on a pedestal of lies. Be honest with me, that’s all I want.” Lily nodded, and Remus brushed back a strand of her hair. “You are so beautiful,” he murmured then blushed profusely. Lily laughed a bit and took his hand. They walked about the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, enjoying the quiet and the comfort of each other’s bated breath.
“This is perfect,” Lily reflected. They found a soft patch of ground under a leaning chestnut tree and huddled together for warmth. Remus wrapped his arms around her and she rested her head in the swoop of his neck. They watched the leaves trickle down, down to the ground. He could hear her heart beating against his wrists. “This is perfect,” he agreed and bent down for a kiss. She turned towards him and smiled. “That was sweet. Thank you.”
“You're welcome.”
“Can I thank you again?” Lily asked and bent his head towards hers. Her fingers massaged his hair gently and he slowly laid her on the ground. Their kiss was sweet and innocent and exciting. Remus pulled back and looked at her. “My Lily,” he whispered.
“Your Lily,” she agreed with a small smile. He rolled off of her and they held each other a moment longer. Then Lily looked up at him, with that tantalizing smile he had fallen in love with. “Breathe into my mouth,” she whispered.
The silence of the morning filled with deep breathing. Their lungs filled with the precious sweet breath, and their full chests pushed against each other’s. Remus hand never experienced anything like it. It wasn’t kissing, and it was better than he could possibly imagine. They were sharing something that was life giving, and Remus knew their love would be as pure as oxygen.