- "Look Remus, I don't know that much about family dynamics, you know what weirdos I live with, right?" -
The next few days preceding Christmas, Sirius and Remus did their best to have fun. It came as a rather easy task, as the grounds were covered in three feet of freshly fallen snow, perfect for having the snowball fight of a lifetime. The only time their plans were deterred was when Remus had to leave for the full moon. The day of Christmas Eve, as they were putting their cloaks on, Remus realised that he hadn’t been out on the grounds, outside of class, for a long time. The last time he had been out there, willingly, was the day his brother died, and that was some time ago. He needed the fresh air desperately, so he had no objections to Sirius’s request.
Walking down the corridor, they came upon Severus Snape walking past them. The two slowed their pace down, expecting Snape to make his usual snide remarks but, as he passed, nothing came, which was admittedly shocking. Sirius, unable to restrain himself, turned on his heel and followed Snape, leaving Remus to watch. Normally, Remus would have tried to stop Sirius, knowing that Snape wasn’t in the mood to listen to his antics, but Remus wanted to see exactly what Sirius was doing.
“Snape!” he shouted, slapping a hand on the Slytherin’s shoulder, making it sound as if they were old friends. Snape merely glared at him. “And how are you?”
“Shove off,” Snape snarled, doing his best to break free from Sirius.
“Snape, old chum, why don’t you join us on our trek out into the snowy depths of the grounds?”
Snape glanced over at Remus, who was looking mildly interested in what was taking place, and huffed.
“And bring about another of Lupin’s outburst? I don’t think so.”
“I won’t have an outburst,” Remus claimed, deciding to play along with Sirius.
“Remus has been outburst free, in case you haven’t noticed,” Sirius added defensively.
“Only because he doesn’t have Larry to take it out on,” Snape said pointedly. He did have a point. If Wilkins was around, Remus might have, indeed, started another arguement. But Wilkins was gone from the castle at the present moment and Remus had found that his mood had taken a positive turn.
“We all know you think he’s a psychopathic murderer,” Snape said; although he didn’t sound mocking this time, almost as if there was a small… very small… part of him that actually agreed with Remus. “You basically announced it to the entire Great Hall when McGonagall had to pull you out.” He laughed shortly. “Do you really think someone our age can actually kill somebody?”
Remus opened his mouth, ready to snap at Snape. Sirius sensed this, as he stepped away from Snape and back to his friend. Gripping Remus’s forearm, Sirius dragged him down the hallway, letting Snape go about with his day. They hurried down to the grounds, hoping to find a good spot to have a snowball fight. And they did, down by the lake, which had finally frozen over.
They took a few minutes to collect their snowballs, each of them having stacks nearly five feet high when they were finished. Sirius grinned mischievously as he packed his snowball together, smirking at Remus, who was immersed in fixing up his own pile.
“Think fast, Remus!”
“Wha-?” But before he could even finish his word, he was hit square in the face with a rather large snowball.
Almost immediately, Sirius began cackling hysterically and fell backwards into the snow, still rolling in laughter. Remus, now covered in snow, took this as an advantage. He looked at the particularly large pile of snowballs he had constructed, and then at Sirius, who was still laughing uncontrollably. It was too good an opportunity to pass by. He went over to his pile and carefully slid his arms under the bottom, heaving the pile up. He turned to Sirius, who had not noticed any of this, and smiled malevolently.
“Think fast, Sirius.” And before his friend could even react, or close his mouth, Remus dropped the entire pile on Sirius. He could hear Sirius’s muffled curses from under the snow, which had mostly fallen on his face, but did nothing to help and merely strolled away. Staring at the frozen lake, he listened as Sirius spat large amounts of snow onto the ground and mumbled under his breath.
“That was cruel, Remus Lupin!” he said, though not bothering to hide the humour in his voice. He marched over to Remus and dropped a snowball on his head, causing Remus to grin. “You had that planned the whole time, didn’t you?” Sirius questioned, taking the liberty of brushing the snow off his friend’s head.
“No, not really,” Remus replied proudly. “Good though, wasn’t it?”
“Very.” Sirius tapped the lake with the toe of his shoe and stepped out on it.
Remus watched interestedly as Sirius began spinning around like he was a figure skater. “Having fun?” he called as Sirius went further out.
“Of course!” Sirius called back, before his legs crisscrossed on the slippery ice, making him fall over. Remus bit back a laugh and vigilantly stepped out onto the ice to go help Sirius up. He held out his hand and Sirius took it appreciatively, although the second he was back on his feet, he let go of Remus in such a way that he sent his friend spinning around in circles, falling to the ground.
“That hurt,” Remus whined, getting back onto his feet and moving towards Sirius.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to spin you that fast,” Sirius apologised.
Remus nodded doubtfully and began skating around, while Sirius spun in place. They were quiet for some time, the only sounds coming from the wind and two Hufflepuffs that had assembled themselves by a snow covered tree. Then, without warning or else Remus would have plugged his ears, Sirius began singing.
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas!” he sang loudly, slowly, and badly. “Just like the ones I used to know… Where the tree tops glisten and children listen…” He stopped singing for a moment, a grin splitting onto his face. “Jingle bells, Remus smells, the Giant Squid laid an egg! Professor Hanks lost his… uh… ranks, when Remus got in the way!”
“You have problems,” Remus muttered, shaking his head as he skated past Sirius. “How do you know those songs anyway?”
“Ted Tonks,” Sirius answered, then elaborating when he saw Remus’s blank face. “My cousin’s boyfriend, you remember, Andromeda? He’s a Muggle-born.”
Remus nodded slowly and started skating backwards, earning the nickname “show-off” for the rest of the afternoon. They considered having another snowball fight, a fair one this time, but ended up skating on the lake for the rest of the day, not getting off until their noses were nearly blue from cold.
Rubbing their hands together furiously, they hiked back up to the castle, eager to reach the warm fire awaiting them in the Gryffindor common room. Sitting down in the common room they sat with their Chocolate Frogs, spearing them on sticks and holding them over the fire until they melted. The common room was nearly empty, save for a sixth year that was snoozing on the couch, so they couldn’t be overly loud. But being quiet didn’t keep Sirius from swearing loudly as he burnt the roof of his mouth. Remus sniggered as Sirius jumped up and ran over to the window to grab a handful of snow, as there was no water around at the present moment. He slammed the window shut and stuffed a piece of snow in his mouth. His shoulders relaxing as his mouth began to cool, he sat back down.
“Merlin, that hurt,” he said, his voice stifled from the clump of snow.
“That’s why people usually cool hot things off,” Remus said pointedly, a smirk on his face.
Sirius shoved Remus in the shoulder and focused on swallowing the snow. “So, what’d you do the other night when you took James’s Cloak?” he asked; his mouth snow free.
“Went to the Owlery, like you said,” Remus replied simply. He had not mentioned the letter he received to Sirius, nor had he followed Blake’s request of owling their parents and telling them not to feel guilty. He wanted to do it, but he just found that he was too lazy to start writing. Now he felt guilty for not doing so, but promised himself that he would later, although he wasn’t quite sure about what he wanted to say. Right now, he only felt like sitting near the warm fire.
“Get any letters?” Sirius asked curiously.
Remus nodded, somewhat hesitantly. “My mum said she was looking through Blake’s school trunk and found a letter he’d written before he died.” Sirius was quiet, so Remus went on, knowing that he wasn’t about to be interrupted. “He said he was having this bad feeling, like something was going to happen. He made it sound like he knew what he was getting himself into when he went after Wilkins; he was telling me all this stuff he never got to say.”
“You alright?” Sirius asked. He knew the letter would have affected Remus in some manner, though he didn’t know if it was good or bad. Either way, he wanted to know if his friend was okay.
Remus nodded. “The letter made me feel better,” he admitted. “Blake also told me that I should write to my parents; tell them that it wasn’t their fault. They feel guilty that I’m a werewolf… my dad really does.”
“Did you write to them yet?”
Remus shook his head.
“Well why not?”
“I dunno, I don’t really know what to say.”
“How about ‘it’s not your fault’?”
“That’s what I want to say, but for some reason it doesn’t seem good enough.”
“Look, Remus, I don’t know that much about family dynamics. You know what weirdoes I live with, right?” Remus nodded, he knew that Sirius absolutely detested his family and their pureblood mania. “But I do know that if your parents really love you, then they wouldn’t care, they’d just know you meant it. Now you go write that letter right now, mister!” Sirius added jokingly.
“What are you?” Remus asked. “My mother?”
“If I have to be.”
With that, he shoved Remus in the direction of the stairs. He hesitated on the bottom step, thinking of just leaving it until later like he had originally planned, but one look at Sirius (who was feigning a glare and pointing a finger up the stairs) told him that he would not be able to get back into the common room if he didn’t write it. Walking through the open doorway, he looked around for his trunk, which was, for one odd reason or another, resting on Peter’s bed. He snapped the clasps open and shuffled through the various items, coming upon a quill, an inkbottle and a piece of parchment. He sat down on his bed, placing his Charms book under the paper so he could write, and scratched his chin with the tip of his quill as he thought of what to say.
He knew that he had to tell them that it wasn’t their fault. They had no idea Fenrir Greyback would take his anger out on their son. They had no way of predicting that Remus was going to become a werewolf, unless they had Seer blood in them, but that was highly unlikely. He knew that Sirius was right in saying that if he just told them that it wasn’t their fault, they would believe him. They did love him, even though they could be hard on him sometimes, particularly after Blake’s death, but it was just because they were afraid of losing another son. He wanted to put their minds at rest, let them know that they no longer had to feel guilty.
If he had to write something, he might as well just write what he was thinking.
Mum and Dad,
I read the letter that Mum sent me, which was supposed to be from Blake, but he never got a chance to send it. He said that you two feel really guilty about me being a werewolf and that I should let you know that it wasn’t your fault, and it’s true. You didn’t know what Greyback was going to do. You didn’t know he was going to come after me, especially since you had Cassie and Blake at the time, it could have been any one of us. So don’t blame yourselves, Dad especially. You were just writing what you thought, he had no right to question your opinion, because you were right about the kind of person (if you can even call him that) he is. It’s not your fault, so don’t feel guilty anymore.
Love,
Remus.
Remus set his quill down and reread his letter. They would have to believe this because it was true… Greyback had no right to question his father’s opinion, particularly when the opinion was correct. Greyback was a filthy man who thrived on ruining the lives of others. What man wanted to turn a child into a werewolf all because their parents did something or said something he didn’t agree with? He was a plain dictator with thoughts like that. He had to make everyone conform to his way of thinking… his way of life. He didn’t understand that he wasn’t perfect; no one was going to bow down to him, thinking he was an almighty god. If anything, they would condemn him for the way he acted, not glorify him for it.
“Finished writing?”
Remus looked around and saw Sirius entering the room, holding the box of chocolate frogs they had been eating. Remus nodded, holding up the parchment so Sirius could see it.
“Good,” Sirius said as he placed the box back into his trunk. “Come on; let’s go to the Owlery so you can mail it.”
On Christmas morning, Remus discovered that, along with his usual presents of an Exploding Snap deck and large supply of candy, he also got a reply to the letter he sent his parents. They claimed that they didn’t feel guilty, only then to contradict themselves halfway through the letter. But they were happy to have gotten the letter and to see that their son was thinking about their wellbeing. They were particularly happy that he didn’t blame them for what happened to him (although he thought they knew that already).
Looking at the foot of his bed, he saw that he had several other presents. He discovered that he had gotten a Muggle book from Cassie entitled The Outsiders. He vaguely wondered why she had gotten him a Muggle book, but decided not to bother wondering after looking at the first few pages, it seemed like a good book. Placing it on his nightstand, he picked up the next package and saw that it was from James. Pulling the bright red paper off, he saw that it was another assortment of candy.
“You’re going to have about ten cavities when you’re through with that,” Sirius pointed out from his bed, as he was tackling a gift from his cousin, Andromeda.
“I don’t mind,” Remus said lazily. He’d already had a long history of dental problems, ranging from largely spaced teeth to have a bunch pulled, a cavity seemed like nothing. He opened his gift from Peter and saw that it was a model Quidditch stadium where you could watch actual World Cups.
“Hey, thanks, Remus!” Sirius said excitedly when he opened Remus’s gift, which was an assortment of Zonkos’ products.
“I figured you’d have fun with that,” Remus said, looking at the box. Picking up the wrapping paper, he noticed that he’d missed a gift, but there was no name on it. Curious, he picked it up and ripped the paper off it. He wasn’t quite sure what it was, it didn’t really look like anything. It was a round ball with many different engravings in it, but the object kept changing its form the longer Remus held it. The engravings faded away and were replaced with indentations going around the middle of the gift. Now, unless Remus was mistaken, it now was beginning to resemble a pair of dentures.
“What’s that?” Sirius asked, eyeing what Remus was holding.
“Someone apparently thinks I have bad teeth,” Remus said, going to place it down on his nightstand, but crying in pain when the gift bit him.
“What happened?” Sirius asked, bewildered.
“It bit me!” Remus tried prying it off his hand, but it was stuck. “Sirius… it won’t come off!”
Sirius hurried over and tried helping Remus pull it off, but whatever it was, it was insistent on staying in the position it was in.
“Who sent you this?” Sirius asked furiously, still pulling at the jaws.
“I don’t know!” Remus answered, his voice constrained as the pain increased. He was beginning to feel sick, the longer it took for them to get it off. Whose idea of a joke was this?
“I think I got it… yes!” Sirius said triumphantly, ripping the horrid excuse for a gift off his friend. Almost immediately, it dropped limply to the ground, unmoving, looking as though it had never done anything wrong. Slowly, Sirius edged towards it, his wand poised, he levitated it to the garbage bin and sealed the lid shut once the gift was inside. He hurried back over to Remus, who was holding his fiercely bleeding hand, his face scrunched in pain.
“What moron would send someone that?” Sirius went on angrily.
“I don’t know and I don’t care!” Remus looked down at his hand and saw that blood was slowly seeping through the crevices between his fingers. “It won’t stop bleeding.”
“Come on, Hospital Wing.”
The two rushed out of the dormitory, through the common room, completely disregarding the fact that they nearly trampled two first years and sped out of the portrait hole. As they were racing to the Hospital Wing, all Remus could do was think of who would send him something like that. What did he do to deserve a present that would attack him after he opened it?
“Sirius “ slow “ down “ please!” Remus panted, stumbling forward as they climbed up a flight of stairs. He could hardly run, his energy seemed to be draining from him with each step that he took. Whatever that thing was, it was made him exceptionally weak and he could hardly keep up with the speed Sirius was running in.
“Remus, Madam Pomfrey can help you,” Sirius said, turning to face his friend, who was now leaning against the wall for support near the landing of the stairs. He walked forward, wearing a pleading look. “It’s only another hallway before the Hospital Wing.” Stepping back a bit, he got a closer look at Remus and saw he looked a little green over his pale face. “Okay, Remus,” he said after a moment. “I’ll get Madam Pomfrey and bring her here, alright?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Sirius spun around on his heel and hurried up the hallway towards the Hospital, leaving Remus alone. Remus couldn’t help it, but he was slightly disgusted with himself for not being a little more suspicious about the fact that he’d received an unmarked Christmas present, especially when he knew there was someone out there who had it in for him. Now he was sitting here, alone, in a deserted hallway, his hand refusing to stop bleeding and a strong fever coming on. What kind of Christmas was this?
Placing his bloody, though unbitten, hand to his sweaty forehead, he felt that he was burning hot. His stomach was churning painfully, threatening to come up… What was in that “ that thing? It had to have been some poison that prevented his blood from clotting and causing him to develop a fever. Why else would he feel like this? Looking up at the direction his friend had gone in, he wondered where Sirius had gotten to, completely forgetting that he had gone to get the nurse. He blinked as his vision blurred, hoping Sirius would come back…
“Here he is,” said a voice that seemed so far away and yet was only a few inches from him.
“What happened to him?” said another voice, a woman’s voice this time. She sounded worried… but why did she? Was there something wrong?
“He opened a Christmas present and it bit him,” the first voice explained, his voice full of anxiety. The voice sounded familiar, but Remus couldn’t quite place where he’d heard it before… Maybe on his mother’s radio? “It won’t stop bleeding.” Oh wait… it was Sirius who was talking.
“And you just left him here?” said the woman disbelievingly.
“He said he couldn’t make it to the Hospital Wing, and look at him, he really can’t.”
Remus felt a cold hand touch his hot forehead and winced, causing whoever it was to draw their hand back.
“Mr. Black, in the infirmary I have a cabinet with all of my potions, you know which one I’m talking about, don’t you?”
“The blue one, right?”
“Yes, that one. There’s a potion in there, labeled to stop bleeding and another one that will lower fevers. Get them and bring them here while I see what I can do for him now.”
Remus heard Sirius’s footsteps pounding away from them, loud against his ears.
“Remus, can you hear me?” the woman was saying now, her hand under his chin and presumably turning his head so she was facing him. “Remus?”
Using a great deal of strength, Remus managed to wrench his eyes open, blinking against the brightly lit corridor. He found that he was face to face with the school nurse, Madam Pomfrey. Her eyes were moving swiftly as she observed him, staring into his eyes to see if they were dilated. She pried open his mouth and looked to see if there was anything wrong with his throat.
“What happened?” Remus asked thickly.
“According to your friend, you were bitten by something,” the nurse answered, turning to see that Sirius was approaching them, holding the two bottles.
“Oh,” Remus said absently, not able to recall what had bitten him.
Sirius handed Madam Pomfrey the first potion, she quickly uncorked it and tilted Remus’s head back to help him swallow it. The potion stung his throat, making his eyes water as well, but almost instantly his hand ceased to bleed, though it still throbbed painfully. Madam Pomfrey lifted his arm and, miraculously, could still see the bite through the amount of blood the accumulated on his hand. She inspected it for quite a while, trying to decipher where it had come from, but was unable to come to a conclusion.
“You saw that it just resembled a pair of dentures?” she asked Sirius, who was hovering over them. She uncorked the second bottle and poured the contents down Remus’s throat. This potion didn’t sting like the first one, but it was freezing, causing him to shiver. Almost instantly, he could feel his fever decreasing, but not quick enough for his liking.
“Well, it kept changing its shape, that’s all I could see from where I was standing,” Sirius said quietly. “I didn’t really go over until it bit him.”
“There was no note on the package?”
“No, Remus said there wasn’t.”
The nurse sighed and nodded. “I recommend his spending the night in the Hospital Wing, he doesn’t look too well.”
And, indeed, she was right. Even after taking the potion, Remus looked as if death was upon him with his ghostly white skin, his bloodshot eyes, sweat all over his face, and his robes splattered with blood. Remus wasn’t about to spend his Christmas in the Hospital Wing, he had already spent it in hallway, sick to his stomach.
“No,” Remus said to this, placing his hand against the wall so he could stand up. “I’ll just stay in the common room; I don’t wanna go to the Hospital Wing.”
Madam Pomfrey’s mouth twitched. It took a lot of protesting on Remus’s part to make her see his way. Remus looked to Sirius for assistance, but Sirius was not willing to give any. He was on the side of the nurse, Remus needed to stay in the Hospital Wing. But Remus had always been unbreakably stubborn about certain things, this happened to be one of them. Remus knew that the nurse possessed a soft spot for him, and knew how to use it to his advantage, even in his weakened state. In the end, Madam Pomfrey found it easier not to argue with the boy. She knew she was going against her better judgement when she allowed him this, although she did make sure he went straight to his dormitory to rest. Remus did as he was told, even if he didn’t want to spend his holiday in his bed. After washing the blood off his hands and changing out of his stained robes, he climbed sleepily into bed. After a few minutes of attempted sleep, he noticed that he hadn’t heard the dormitory door close, signaling that Sirius had gone. Rolling over in his bed, he saw that Sirius was sitting on his own bed, reading a book, looking rather bored. “Sirius, you can go do something. You don’t have to sit there,” Remus said pleadingly. He didn’t want Sirius boring himself on account of him, which he knew he was doing.
Sirius looked up and marked his page. “You sure, Remus?”
“Yeah, I think I’m just gonna sleep… tired.”
Sirius nodded and moved towards the door. He watched his friend for a moment, thinking angrily about the person who could have sent them that. He knew who Remus was thinking of, and he had to agree with him. It must have been Wilkins who had done it. Who else could it have been? Who else would have a motive to? Sirius shook his head, hoping that Remus discovered how to get rid of that kid as fast as possible. No one deserved that kind of pain, especially Remus.
“You alright, Remus?” he asked as he was about to step out of the room.
“Yeah I’m-” but the end of his sentence was drowned out with the rumble of a snore as he fell asleep.
It was several hours before Sirius came back into the third year dormitory, returning back from the feast down in the Great Hall. Not many students had chosen to stay at the castle for the holidays. There were only two Hufflepuffs, three Ravenclaws, Snape spoke for Slytherin, Sirius and a fifth year he didn’t know from Gryffindor. When Professor McGonagall noticed that Remus was missing, she questioned Sirius as to his whereabouts. Sirius simply said that his friend was feeling a little sick and wanted to sleep. He thought that Madam Pomfrey would have informed them about this by now. Maybe she was in one of her moods where she was too angered by something to immediately tell a professor.
The feast was rather dull, not at all up to its usual standards, which usually involved a piece of turkey flying inconspicuously in Snape’s direction. Sirius was too invested in the events that had taken place earlier to care about Snape. The other students didn’t seem to want to talk, so they ate in silence, with the exception of the teacher’s small talk. However, Sirius did manage to snag a good number of gifts out of the crackers scattered about the table, his favourite being the dark red wizard hat. Collecting his gifts, he retreated to Gryffindor Tower to check on his friend.
When he entered the dormitory, he found Remus sitting in his bed reading the book his sister had given him. Figures, reading a book, Sirius thought, grinning a little. He dropped his things on his bed and sat down to take his shoes off. Getting a closer look at Remus, he noticed that he still looked fairly sick. His face had not regained what little colour it had, nor did Remus seem to be completely at ease, he still was wearing an expression that show he was in some pain.
“How was the feast?” Remus asked once he’d finished reading the page he was on and marking it with his quill.
“Eh, pretty boring actually,” Sirius answered truthfully. “You didn’t miss anything.”
Remus nodded, glad that if he had to miss the feast, that he didn’t miss anything at least. He set his book down on his nightstand and stretched his arms out in front of him, yawning widely.
“I’ve been sleeping almost all day and I’m still tired,” he said with a laugh.
“Yeah, well… we still don’t know what that thing was,” Sirius reasoned, pulling at his left shoe, which was refusing to come off.
“Having difficulty?” Remus asked upon seeing this.
“Yeah, stupid thing always gets stuck.”
“You ever stop to think your foot might be too big for it?”
“Then why’s my right one fit?”
“I hate to break it to you, but your feet are freakish.”
“Oh quiet, Lupin,” Sirius retorted jokingly. “Ever notice that your right ear is bigger than your left?”
“I have, in fact.”
“Good.” Sirius pulled at his shoe and sent it flying off, narrowly avoiding hitting Remus square in the face, as he ducked just in time. Sirius got up from his bed and went to retrieve it, tossing it casually in the air once he had it. “I think it’s time to get rid of this,” he stated, dropping it in his open trunk.
“Might be for the best,” Remus agreed, picking up his book, yet again, and opening to the page he had marked. Excusing himself to the bathroom, Sirius left the room and Remus began to read again. He liked this book. It was a book about someone who was born into a group of society that wasn’t well respected. He could relate to that, although he wasn’t born a werewolf, he was still part of a group that no one accepted. Still, there was hope for the people in this book, because of their friendship, and Remus knew that he had the same. His friends would do anything for him, they wanted to become Animagi for him, but he wouldn’t let them. Why shouldn’t he? He had no other reason, except for the fact that he didn’t want them getting in trouble.
But if they really wanted to help, who was he to deny them this? They were smart, they knew what they were doing, and they were going to do it for him. Turning back to his page, he started to read again.