- But this was no normal duel... they would not be shouting hexes and jinxes at one another... this was a fight to the death with fear. -
It was a quiet day in the castle. The weather outside was beautiful and for that, all of the students were taking advantage of it and roaming the grounds. But not Remus Lupin. He was locked up in the third year dormitory, staring blankly at the box he had commandeered from Professor McGonagall’s office almost two months ago. He had done a lot of work with it on his own, more than he had done with his teacher at least. During the days following his break into her classroom he had expected her to corner him and demand that he return her possession, but she hadn’t done anything of the sort. She didn’t even seem to have discovered that it was missing. She hadn’t done so much as look at Remus during classes, so he suspected that she completely forgot about the lessons. He didn’t mind though, it lessened his guilt somewhat.
Remus had been severely shaken by his confrontation with Wilkins that night. He knew he shouldn’t have taken everything that boy said to him to heart, but at times he just couldn’t help it, particularly when everything he said was true. Remus had lost everyone who had ever cared for him, even if some of them were still alive, they weren’t a part of his life anymore. Everyone had abandoned him or forgot that he was still around, even his family.
His father was still furious with him for attacking that Ravenclaw, and his mother was the same way. Even in her weakened state she was still able to harbour anger quite well. The pair refused to answer his numerous owls, all of which tried to explain what occurred and that he never meant for it to happen, but all the letters were returned unopened. He had also tried contacting Cassie, but she seemed to be out of reach of mail and now he was left to wonder if she was angry with him. He knew Lucy still was… but he had been mean to her. He couldn’t exactly hold it against her. He just wished he had one ally, and he wouldn’t mind if it was her.
His friends, he thought, had no reason to abandon him the way they had. They knew better than anyone that he’d never purposely hurt someone. It wasn’t the kind of person he was. They had no right to get up and walk away from him the way they had, leaving him completely alone. Every day he went about his routine, struggling to avoid meeting his former friends’ eyes. He wasn’t ready to face them and tell them they were wrong; he didn’t know how to say it.
It was hard to believe that it was almost June and Wilkins was still reigning freely, though he had not caused any trouble recently. He must have been saving up his energy for the final confrontation with Remus. He would need his energy too; Remus had been preparing every night whenever he was alone, usually before he had detention. Whenever his roommates had gone to the Great Hall for dinner he would take out the box and practise. He made sure not to work himself too hard, for fear of James, Sirius and Peter walking in and seeing what he was up to. He could tell they had become curious as to why he was never going down to dinner anymore, but they never said anything.
So one night in late May as Remus was picking himself up off the floor, the dormitory door opened and in came three of his roommates. They were having a lively conversation and took no notice of Remus until they saw him stand fully upright.
Sirius raised an eyebrow and stepped forward. “What were you doing down there?” he asked with a hint of mockery in his voice. Remus ignored him and hastily shoved the glowing box under his bed with the rest of his belongings.
“I asked you a question,” Sirius said.
“I know you did,” Remus said vaguely, sitting on his bed and taking his Charms textbook off his nightstand, opening to the reading they had been assigned for homework. “I just don’t feel like answering.”
“Fine, then don’t,” Sirius dismissed uncaringly.
“I won’t.”
Remus leaned over his book, blinking back the headache that was slowly creeping up on him; he knew he had hit his head too hard on the floor when he fell. He knew that this pain was worth it. He had been able to eliminate many of his fears since he’d broken into the Transfiguration classroom. He was no longer scared of losing his friends, as he didn’t exactly have them, but he still cared enough to worry about them losing their lives. Remus could never hate someone to the point of wishing death upon them, except Wilkins. Remus wasn’t a naturally hateful person; it took special cases to make him wish such a thing.
He leaned back on his bed, laying his Charms book flat on his stomach and gazing sleepily at the ceiling. True he was getting farther on his own than he had with Professor McGonagall, he felt worse than he had when he was working with her. It took more energy out of him to egg himself on, that part had been the professor’s. At least he was making progress… that was all he really wanted.
Remus looked down at his watch and saw it was approaching seven thirty in the evening; he had detention with Professor Sprout that night. He really couldn’t wait until his detentions were over. Professor Dumbledore had gone all out with his punishment. Every night he would serve detention with a different professor, even the ones he wasn’t in classes with (such as the Divination, Muggle Studies, and Ancient Runes witches) and they would have some difficult task prepared for him. Today Professor Sprout had him fertilizing the Imp Bells for the first years, which, when put into perspective, wasn’t very difficult, it was just unpleasant.
Remus slid off his bed, pulling his robes on as he did so, and went to the dormitory door, only to be stopped by James.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Where else?” Remus shot back. “Detention.”
When he finally made it to the greenhouses and saw the fifty Imp Bells set out for him, all of them in bad moods, he groaned in disgust. He had his work cut out for him.
Remus didn’t know what it was about this particular day, but he knew there was something different about it. There was a strange air about the castle and he had a strong feeling that it had nothing to do with the impending exams that were heading their way after breakfast. He just had a feeling that something different, or big, was going to happen that day… and he had a suspicion of what it might be.
The night before, when he had returned from his detention with Professor Vector after alphabetizing every single of the three thousand and forty two textbooks about Arithmancy, Frank Longbottom had approached him with an important message that he was to report to Professor Dumbledore immediately. The moment he got the message a sense of dread settled in his stomach. He knew that it had to have something to do with his mother and his first thought was that she had died. When he finally met with the Headmaster he learnt that she was still alive, but barely. It was only a matter of a day or two that she would to cease to exist.
Remus had returned to Gryffindor Tower, knowing what he had to do in order to prevent this. His time had finally come to confront Wilkins, to strip him of the grip he had been holding on him for the past year. He didn’t know if he was fully ready, but he knew he was ready enough to at least try. He just hoped that he would succeed.
Remus stared down into his breakfast, his stomach fully rejecting any food that was to be put in it, so he packed up his books and went to his first exam “ Transfiguration. When he entered the classroom he saw his professor sitting at her desk, writing on a piece of parchment. She looked up when she heard someone enter, but made no other sign that she even knew Remus was in the room. She only got up from her desk when the rest of the class filed in, and handed out the exams.
Remus glanced down at the paper, reading the first question several times, as his mind was clearly elsewhere and not where it should be at the moment. After the seventh time he looked the question over, he managed to find the correct answer and could do the rest of the test. Once the entire class had completed the written portion of the test, they were given teapots that they had to transfigure into turtles. That part went better then the first had. Remus was very good at transfiguring inanimate objects into living creatures and he had a turtle sitting on his desk in a matter of minutes.
The rest of his exams for the day “ Charms, History of Magic, and Care of Magical Creatures “ all went fairly well, although his History of Magic one was threatened with his false answer about how the Giant Wars ended with all of the giants fleeing to the moon. He was far too distracted at that point to even realise what he had written until he was half way down to the Great Hall. He thought about going back up to correct the problem, as he still had time, but quickly thought against it when he remembered that Professor Binns would not be looking for the paper with the name Lupin on it, but the name Lambert, instead.
Remus sat at the end of the Gryffindor Table, closest to the Staff Table, and quickly shoveled down his dinner, feeling oddly hungry. He needed enough time to figure out how to slip Wilkins the message that he wanted to meet that night. He had thought about giving the information to an unsuspecting Slytherin first year, but then thought that there might be a miscommunication by the time the kid went from Remus to Wilkins. In the end, he thought it best that the message went through Snape. Snape absolutely loathed Remus and would love to see him get hurt, which he knew Wilkins would do, so he would make sure that the message was given correctly.
Getting up from the table, he looked over towards the Slytherins and saw that Snape was missing from the group, so he must have been on his way. Remus hurried out to the Entrance Hall, nearly knocking Peter over in the process, though he did not stop to apologise. He skidded to a halt when he saw Snape walking down the marble staircase, alone. Remus went over and offhandedly leaned against the banister post. He gave Snape about two seconds head start towards the giant doors that led to the dining hall, before calling out the Slytherin’s name. Snape stopped and Remus could see from the boy’s profile that he was highly annoyed by the disruption.
“What do you want, Lupin?” he asked exasperatedly.
“You hate me, don’t you?” Remus said in a friendly manner, as though he and Snape had been best friends since infancy.
“Gee, what tipped you off?” Snape retorted sarcastically.
“Then you would love to see me get hurt, wouldn’t you?”
“Well yes, I would enjoy that.”
“Especially if it was of my own doing?”
“That would make it even more amusing
.”
“Then would you do me the favour of telling Larry Wilkins that I’d like to meet him out by the greenhouses at ten o’ clock tonight?”
Snape looked confused by this request, but heeded to it anyway. Remus thanked him and went on his way to the common room. So it was to be that night that Wilkins would cease to exist… or at least that was his hopeful outcome. Even though he didn’t show it, Remus was still considerably weakened from his solo practise. He knew that physical weakness had no measure to his state of his mentality. He was just as strong as ever in that aspect. He had learnt over the span of two months since he began working on his own, that he was able to defeat his fears, to convince himself that he had nothing to be scared of.
That still didn’t keep him from being apprehensive about the whole situation. Yes that night could very well be the downfall of the Fearnck known as Larry Wilkins, but it could also be the downfall of the host to the Fearnck, Remus Lupin. Wilkins’s words still rung in his ears, if he died in his attempt no one would care, no one would even remember that there had ever been a boy named Remus Lupin. He wondered how that was possible, to live for fourteen years and then to not even be a memory once he was gone. Could his family really forget all about him? Would they really think that they’d only had three children instead of four? Would they really think that Blake had been their only son?
Remus shivered at the thought. He couldn’t bear to fathom the possibility that his mother and father would think that they’d lost their only son when Blake was killed. They wouldn’t even remember what it was like when Blake died. They wouldn’t remember the grief they had experienced when they first received the news; they wouldn’t be able to recall the tears they had shed at his funeral… They would know nothing of that time. It would be that way even if Remus prevailed, the only difference was that Remus could try and convince them of what was true. He wouldn’t be able to do that if he was dead.
James, Sirius and Peter would never know that at one point they had been training to become Animagi for their werewolf friend. They wouldn’t know that they had been constructing the Marauder’s Map with a fourth person if Remus was gone. They would look at his name and wouldn’t be able to figure out the identity of the boy. They would think that Sirius had just had a brain lapse when he was writing it and made up some strange, fictional name. But Remus knew what he had to do before he went to confront Wilkins; he had to make amends with them, even if they didn’t want to hear it. He knew that if he didn’t come back it was something that had to be done.
His three roommates entered the dormitory at around nine thirty that night, talking excitedly about the Quidditch final that had taken place that past weekend. Gryffindor had been a part of it and had managed to snag the victory. James, in particular, was feeling extremely giddy about it, having scored the majority of the goals in that last match against the Slytherins. He was currently doing a stunning reenactment of his fifth score, one that had him dangling upside down on his broomstick (although he wasn’t able to do the upside down part) and he had to throw the Quaffle in order to swing himself upright. He had originally been aiming towards one of his fellow Chasers, but it soared right past his teammate and through the middle goalpost.
They didn’t bother to look Remus’s way when they began getting ready for bed, still talking about the match. Only when Remus cleared his throat loudly did they bother to look at him.
“Yes?” James asked impatiently.
“Look,” Remus said slowly, choosing his words carefully. “I know you hate me because of what I did. But I want you to know that I’d never do that on purpose, I’d never purposely hurt someone, not a complete stranger, or you guys, or even people I hate.”
“What about Wilkins, aye?” Sirius snarled.
“Wilkins isn’t a real person, you know that!” Remus said desperately. “He doesn’t deserve to live. He’s stealing away from me what little sanity I have left. He’s going to pick at me until I have none, and once he has me out of the way, who knows what he can do? Look, I know you guys aren’t going to be able to remember this if I’m alive or dead, or if Wilkins is alive or dead, but I want you to know that I really am sorry. You guys have looked out for me the way my brother would have… I’m always going to be grateful for that, and for the time when we were actually friends. I really hope you can find it in yourselves to forgive me for whatever I did.”
He waited silently for the three of them to say something, even if it was just to tell him to leave and that they weren’t going to forgive him. Anything would have been better than the uncertain silence. Clearly they weren’t going to say anything and he didn’t have any more time to wait. He had someone to meet.
“If you do forgive me… I’m glad you do,” he said in a defeated voice. “I really am.”
Giving them one last look, he turned around and made his way to the greenhouses. Maybe they did forgive him, maybe they didn’t. All Remus knew was that he meant what he said. If they couldn’t find it in themselves to listen to what he had said, then it was no longer his problem.
Remus looked around at the dimly lit corridors, marveling at the fact that he had not passed Filch or Mrs. Norris at least once, it was as though everything had set itself up for this moment. He had navigated his way perfectly to the Entrance Hall and out onto the grounds where he could see Wilkins’s silhouette waiting down by the greenhouses. A lump formed in Remus’s throat that he could not swallow, this was it…
He coolly approached Wilkins, who had spotted him from the moment he stepped out of the castle, and folded his arms across his chest.
“You’re on time,” Remus said nonchalantly. Looking down at his watch, he corrected himself. “Actually you’re a bit early.”
“Well, I believe in being punctual,” Wilkins said lazily, not realising what was about to take place.
“So Snape gave you the message… knew I could trust him with something like that.”
“Yeah, he seemed really happy about it too… Said something that you could get hurt.”
“Or you could, either way someone wins.”
“Yes, someone wins… I think that someone will be me, so why don’t we just get this over with and we can all get on with our lives? Or at least I can… You, on the other hand, will have no life.”
Remus’s eyes flashed. So Wilkins thought he was that weak and that he would never stand a chance? Well that showed how much the Fearnck knew. Remus had been practising, he was ready for anything.
“You think you’ve got it all figured it, don’t you?” Wilkins mocked, folding his arms across his chest and circling around Remus. “You think you’ve got all of your worst fears conquered?”
“All of them… except one,” Remus said, turning around with Wilkins, never daring to look away. “You’re the one thing I just can’t seem to get rid of.”
“That’s because you’re too scared,” Wilkins jeered.
“I’m not too scared,” Remus snapped. “I’ve just been waiting for the right moment, and it’s now.” He pulled his wand out from his back pocket and held it in front of him, poised and ready.
“You really think you’re strong enough to beat me?”
“I know I am. I’ve never been more sure about anything else.”
“Fine,” Wilkins said loudly, giving his own wand a complicated little wave and Remus then noticed he could hear nothing except his own breathing. The sounds of the night had been blocked away. “Let the games begin!”
Remus and Wilkins stood facing each other, their wands in the ready position, as if this was a normal wizard duel. But this was no normal duel… They would not be shouting hexes and jinxes at one another. This was a fight to the death with fear.
“So what would you do if I told you that right at this very moment, your ex-friends were falling down the stairs?” Wilkins challenged, stepping forward with every word.
At first Remus believed him, the way he had said it… it was so believable. He could actually see James, Sirius and Peter sliding down a flight of stairs. He could hear their shouts from where he was standing. Then another thought evaded his mind… Wilkins was just messing with his mind “ James, Sirius and Peter were still in the dormitory. They had been getting ready for bed.
“No they’re not,” Remus his fervently. “They haven’t left the dorm.”
“How can you be so sure?” Wilkins egged on. “Can you see through solid brick walls? Do you know for sure that they’re still in their room? And what would you care anyway? They hate you.”
Remus’s mouth twitched as he listened to this, but he wasn’t going to let Wilkins push him into something he knew wasn’t true. They did not fall down the stairs.
“I don’t believe you,” Remus said forcefully, squinting as a bright light emitted from the tip of his wand. He smiled as he saw the colour on Wilkins’s face begin to drain away; it was working. “They’re still in their room where they should be, you haven’t done anything. And it doesn’t bother me when you say that they hate me…”
“Okay fine, I didn’t do anything to them,” Wilkins admitted, throwing his arms lazily in the air. “Your mother on the other hand…” He let his voice trail off in such a way that Remus felt his face pale.
“What’d you do to her?” he questioned angrily.
“She’s hanging on by a thread… She probably has until tomorrow morning before she croaks, and you know what? It’s all your fault.”
Remus’s wand arm lowered when he heard this… His mother was going to die. Looking up, he saw a strange glint in Wilkins’s eyes and he quickly realised he’d been tricked. Yes his mother was going to die, but she had more time than Wilkins was letting on.
“You’re lying,” Remus said dubiously. “My mum’s got more time.”
“Gee, you really are too smart for me,” Wilkins said. “Fine, then just get it over with, get rid of me! Take your best shot.”
Remus’s wand completely dropped when Wilkins said this. He was putting him on. He wasn’t going to just let Remus fire away at him, and this was true because the second Remus’s arm fell there was a large wolf on top of him, clawing away at his face.
“Not again,” Remus moaned, only to have the wolf’s claw get inside his mouth and chip part of his front tooth away, along with a large portion of his braces. Remus spat the gritty substance onto the ground, along with the blood that had accumulated. He tried pushing the creature off him, but it was too heavy. It clawed at his face, his arms, his legs, his stomach, anywhere he could draw blood.
“Get off me!” Remus shouted, cringing in pain as the wolf bit his hand. “Get off me!”
The wolf barked in sheer glee and refused to listen to Remus’s shouts. Getting furious, Remus used his remaining energy to slide out from underneath the wolf when he saw the opportunity. He stood woozily up, dripping with his own blood and sweat; he faced away from the wolf, gasping for breath.
“Almost got you there, didn’t I, Lupin?” Wilkins said loudly, drawing his opponent’s attention back to himself.
“The keyword is almost, Wilkins,” Remus replied angrily. “I still got out before you did any real damage.”
“As if having hundreds of open wounds on your body isn’t damage.”
“I’m not giving in! That’s just what you’re trying to make me do! I’m not scared of you! I’m not giving in to you!”
Remus looked carefully at Wilkins, who stood rooted to the spot. He saw that a light seemed to go out behinds the boy’s eyes. He was doing it… he was getting through.
“I’m sure you’re not scared,” Wilkins went on, disregarding the effect that Remus’s words were having on him. “You’ll say anything to get your way.”
“I mean it,” Remus said truthfully. “Nothing you say or do is going to ruin me anymore.” It was true. If he had to do anything to retain his sanity and give his brother the justice he deserved, it was to not give Blake’s killer the satisfaction of scaring him into remission. Wilkins didn’t deserve the triumph… He was going to die the filthy creature that he was. “I’m not scared of you anymore. You used to run my life, making me some scared little kid afraid to lose everything he’s ever had, but not anymore.”
Wilkins was losing energy; the colour that had once darkened his skin was now fading away, making him into a transparent ghost. He was losing the malicious grin that had once spread across his face. He was losing his hold over his host. He was really losing this battle…
“Afraid of losing, are you?” Remus sneered, using the same almighty voice that had once been used on him. “Afraid of losing to a weak little boy? It doesn’t seem as if I’m the weak one now, does it?”
“You’ll never win,” Wilkins breathed, refusing to give in to what he knew to be true. “You’re not powerful enough, you’re weak… How can you even think you’ll win after what I just did to you?”
“It’s not about physical strength,” Remus proclaimed. “It’s about believing in what you know is right. Haven’t you figured that out by now? Knowing what’s right can get you places; it can help you defeat your worse fears.” Remus stepped back and observed Wilkins’s deteriorating form. “It's not so much fun being on that end is it? Trust me, I know it’s not. I’ve had plenty of experience on that side.”
Despite the front he was showing, Remus was growing tired. He felt his energy slowly evaporating from his body; he was growing cold from his lose of blood, but it was only his drive to finish the job that kept him going. He sensed that the end was near, but it was not for him as had been predicted. He felt his body slowly falling forward to the ground. Landing on his knees, he still held his wand up, not letting Wilkins leave from his sight.
“Life’s only worth living when you know that no matter what someone does to you, they can never fully break you,” Remus gasped. “No one can control you. No one can make your decisions, or scare you into making ones you don’t want to make because you know they’re wrong or bad for you. Only you can make yourself who you want to be… and only you can achieve your goals because you want them badly. And I want this badly. So for the last time, Larry Wilkins, I am not scared of you! I don’t believe in you! You’re not going to take over my life and destroy everything I ever loved!”
A light like no other streamed out of Remus’s wand, illuminating the whole of the Hogwarts grounds, consuming the two boys inside it. Along with the light was a thundering roar, so loud, so powerful, that he never heard the last words Larry Wilkins ever said to him before he was gone and Remus fell to the floor, drained of any force that he may have had.
He laid there on the cold grass for quite some time, breathing heavily, trying to fill his lungs back up. He had done it… Wilkins was gone from his life forever… After an entire year of pain and misery he’d gained his control back. And with that one good thought resting in his mind, he allowed himself to slip away, unconscious.
Remus woke up for the millionth time that year in the Hospital Wing, the bright June morning light illuminating the infirmary and blinding him at the same time. Shielding his eyes from the sunlight, Remus sat up, wincing in pain as his ribs ached with his movement. He didn’t know what time it was, and his vision was too blurry to see the time on the clock on the nightstand beside his bed. Holding his arms out in front of him and shaking the sleeves back, he saw that they were wrapped in thick bandages. Pulling the covers off himself and pulling up one of his pants legs, he could see the same went for his legs. Wilkins obviously wanted to make sure Remus still had the scars.
Remus leaned against the headboard and thought back to the night before. It had been such a feeling to discover that he was no longer living in fear. He had had that power all along and yet he had never bothered to tap into it and use it. That was what had kept him going, even when he wanted to give up right there and pass out, he knew that he had to complete the task, rid the world of an evil. He couldn’t lose. Now the only thing left to do was to see if the book had been right: Did people really forget that Larry Wilkins had once existed?
He didn’t have to wait too long to receive his answer. The door to the Hospital Wing swung open and Professor McGonagall strode in, coming to check on her pupil.
“Are you alright, Mr. Lupin?” she asked concernedly, giving Remus his first clue. If the book was wrong then she would still be too livid with him to care about his wellbeing.
“I’m fine, Professor,” Remus answered, half truthfully. He hesitated for a moment, watching as Professor McGonagall observed him through her square spectacles. She nodded, seemingly pleased, and turned to find the nurse. “Wilkins is gone, Professor McGonagall,” he said before she could leave.
She stopped in her spot and turned around very slowly, raising an eyebrow at him. “Who, Mr. Lupin?”
But before Remus could give her an answer, Madam Pomfrey had come out, ranting and raving about how she had found him out on the grounds, bloody and beaten, and she was getting too old for this job. Remus repressed the grin that was creeping up on his lips… he was too happy for words to describe. Wilkins was gone, the book was right; no one knew he had ever existed. Then another thought found its way into his head… that also meant that the past year was almost as if it had never happened.
Remus was released from the Hospital Wing later that day, the only remnants of the previous night being the scars that ran across his body. His hands in his pockets, he made a beeline to Gryffindor Tower, knowing now that the final step in this whole nightmare had to take place. He had been battling with himself about it all morning and well into the afternoon. He could be selfish and make the wish that would benefit himself, a wish that would make him happier than he had ever been. He could be generous, however, and make the wish he knew had to be made.
Remus walked quietly into the empty third year dormitory, figuring that his roommates were taking advantage of the beautiful day. He crouched down beside his bed and pulled out the infamous box that he had stolen from Professor McGonagall two months previous. He sat down on his bed and placed it in his lap.
“I really want to be greedy right now… I really do,” he said helplessly to the inanimate object. “Right now I have the chance to rid myself of the curse that I’ve had since I was four… this stupid plague… something that’s made me miserable for so long. But I could also wish to get my friends back. After all, Blake would have wanted me to have friends. And that’s another thing, starting last night I made his death nothing… as if he died in vain, with no purpose. But I can tell people why he died… make it worth something, even if no one believes me. At least they’ll know one version of the tale “ the truth.
“But I can’t be greedy when there are people out there, people who mean so much to me, who need this more than I do. If they can’t make the wish themselves, then I can do it for them. No matter how much I want to be normal… it’s not worth it when there are other things that can be done.” Remus ran his hand along one of the vines that decorated the box. Sighing, he closed his eyes and hung his head. “Mum… I love you too much to have anything happen to you. You’ve always wanted what’s best for me; you’ve always tried to make me feel better, or like I was normal, even if I’m not. That stupid fire… everything that’s happened this year… this wish is yours. I wish that you, my mother, was going to be okay. That you’ll live and continue being the great mother you are.”
The box in Remus’s hands began decreasing in weight and growing fainter and fainter until it was gone… The wish had been granted. Remus sighed and stood up, walking over towards the window. He gazed out onto the grounds. Looking at the familiar beech tree he had spent afternoons with his friends, he could see that they were there, watching a group of sixth years wrestling by the lake. His mother was going to live… that was what he really wanted, but it didn’t mean that he had to let his friends get away from him. They would have no memory of ever being friends with him.
He thought back to that night so many months ago when he sat with them in the common room, scared to death of what he had just discovered, and they assured him that they would never let their friendship come to null, and how Sirius had made it so. Turning around, he went to the nightstand that belonged to Sirius; the one he knew contained the Marauder’s Map. He pulled the piece of parchment out of the draw and stared at it, Sirius’s words ringing in his ears - If we need proof, we’ll have the proof. This was what those words were for.
Remus went out onto the warm and sunny grounds, grasping the map in his hands and weaving through the groups of students. James, Sirius and Peter were still sitting at the tree, this time talking quietly. He stood in front of them and cleared his throat. They looked up at him, not angrily, but merely curious.
“Yes?” Sirius said.
“Look, I know this is going to sound weird to you, but I have to tell you it,” Remus rambled out quickly.
“What?” James asked, turning so that he was facing Remus.
“I know that this is going to be hard to believe but… we were friends at one point this year. You’re not going to remember it because of some things that happened… We had an arguement and I apologised for it last night and I dunno if you accepted it. But I have proof that we were actually friends.”
He held out the Marauder’s Map and Sirius took it, recognising his own handwriting.
“‘Messrs. Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black and James Potter, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers are Proud to Present The Marauder’s Map’,” Sirius read to his friends. “This is my handwriting, but I don’t remember ever writing it,” he said to Remus, handing the parchment back. “Are you sure you have the right people?”
“Yes,” Remus pleaded. “I know it's you guys. Those are your names, aren’t they? And that is not my handwriting. Don’t you remember? Earlier this year you found me on the grounds! Some kid had attacked me and you brought me to the Hospital Wing where you promised you’d never tell anyone that I was a werewolf, and we became friends. You helped me when my brother died… and you volunteered to become Animagi for me, to help me on full moons. Sirius!” Remus said, turning to the long, black-haired boy. “Remember Christmas Eve? You and me went skating on the lake and you started singing Muggle songs and I asked you where you learnt them, since your family hates Muggles, and you said you learnt them from Andromeda’s boyfriend “ Ted Tonks!” He looked for some signs of comprehension on the boy’s face, but saw none. “Remember on my birthday? You guys woke us all up ridiculously early, singing Happy Birthday? Remember the Fearnck?! That’s the reason you wouldn’t know any of this!”
“I think I know what a Fearnck is,” James said suddenly, looking up as though he was recalling it from a dream he had once had, not knowing that the boy standing before him had told him what it was.
Remus smiled. James hadn’t known what one was before he told him.
“That’s because I told you!” he said hurriedly. “I told you what one was when I found out that it was the cause of all the bad things that had been happening. That was why Sirius had signed the Marauder’s Map like that, because once a Fearnck’s gone no one remembers exactly what happened during the time it was around, except the person it came from, and that was me. Everyone else who was affected by it during the time would just forget it. They’d remember bad things had happened, and maybe what they were, but they wouldn’t remember who had done it, and they wouldn’t remember the good times. Please believe me… You guys said you’d have your memories, but they weren’t enough to help you remember. I had a wish… an unconditional wish to have anything I wanted… I wanted to wish that you guys would remember, but I changed it to help my mother who was dying.”
“Your mother who was in the fire,” Peter said slowly, staring down at the ground, wearing a strange expression on his face. He was beginning to remember…
“Yes!” Remus said happily.
“She’s going to be okay?” Sirius asked, his façade looking much like Peter’s.
“Yes… I think she is.”
“I still don’t fully remember,” James said, standing up and moving towards Remus. “But flashes are coming back… You were out on the grounds after some student attacked you and I found your brother once it happened.”
“I’m not sure if you did, but you might’ve if that’s what you remember,” Remus said, shaking his head.
“We must’ve been friends if I wrote this,” Sirius said, taking the map back and observing it, a smile creeping on his face. “Definitely my handwriting.”
“Trust me, I’d never make this stuff up,” Remus assured them. “I mean, I always wanted friends, but I’d never trick someone into thinking it. I really wouldn’t.”
“Remus Lupin is a Marauder, we must be Marauders... It describes us perfectly!” James stated.
“If you feel weird about it, I’ll understand,” Remus said quietly, suddenly realising how odd this must be for them, to have someone tell them that they were forgetting an entire nine months of their lives.
“It’ll take some getting used to,” Sirius reasoned. “But I think if we try this may very well be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
Remus stood by the entranceway to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, having just said goodbye to his friends, who were on their way home with their families. His family had still not arrived yet and he was left to patiently wait for them, sitting on his trunk in the middle of the train station. James had promised that he would write during the summer, inviting him to stay over at his house, along with Sirius and Peter. The end of the school year had been the best Remus had ever had, now that he had his friends back and he no longer had to look at the hideous face of Larry Wilkins. He had passed all of his exams and was happy to be entering his fourth year of Hogwarts, this time in different spirits then he had when he entered his third year. He had to spend a good majority of his time explaining to his friends exactly what had gone on during the year, but he didn’t mind doing it, as long as they fully understood.
“Remus!” said a voice from further ahead of him. Remus looked up to see his father coming towards him, his mother and sisters following. He stood up to meet them. “How are you?” his dad asked when he approached him.
“Great,” Remus replied brightly. He moved over to hug his mother and sisters. Getting a look at his mother, he saw that she looked perfectly healthy, almost as if she had never been in a fire at all. The wish had worked… He’d have to thank Professor McGonagall one day.
“We’re sorry we’re late,” Cassie said to him. “We were visiting Blake’s grave and we didn’t notice the time.”
Remus nodded mutely, considering that they no longer knew how he died… but at least they still knew enough to visit his burial place. He wondered when the time would come that he’d have to tell them what really happened to their son. He looked down at Lucy, who had said nothing to him since they arrived.
“You’re not mad at me, are you?” he asked her, kneeling down to her level. He had almost forgotten the last time he had seen her and they had gotten into a fight, she had never forgiven him for it.
She gave him a bewildered look. “Why would I be mad?” she asked.
“I dunno. You were mad at me the last time I saw you.”
“How come?”
“Oh… err… no reason, something I did. I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you mad.” Lucy said nothing to this, but Remus knew that she had definitely accepted his apology. Remus turned, instead, to his mother. “You’re okay then, Mum?”
“Yes, Remus, I am,” she said cheerfully.
“Good… So are we heading home, then?” Remus now knew that, as a result of the fire, his family was currently living in an apartment somewhere outside of London until they could find a new home.
“No,” his dad said. “I think we’re going to go down to Diagon Alley first.”
Remus nodded contentedly and followed his family to their car. Getting in the backseat, he slumped down and stared out the window. They were going back to where it all began, the place where Larry Wilkins had first made his appearance. Remus’s life had been turned completely upside for one year and, strangely enough, everything had turned out right. Blake was no longer there in his life, but he was always going to be around. His presence was in their family “ in his mother, his father, Cassie, Lucy and even in Remus himself. If he couldn’t be there in person, he could at least make sure that his spirit and personality was within his family, so they would really never forget him. It was amazing how a quest to justify his brother’s death had become a mission to save his own sanity. But the mission had not been in vain.
His mother was no longer lying in St. Mungo’s, inches from death… that one wish had saved her life and restored her to perfect health. He had his friends again and for the first time ever after years of waiting, he could not have better ones. Remus no longer had to look over his shoulder at every minute of the day, fearing the next time his Fearnck would strike. He knew he had been losing his sanity, making rash decisions without a second’s thought, but sometimes those decisions had come out for the better and actually helped him. Maybe Wilkins had brought so many terrible things into Remus’s life, causing him physical and emotional pain, but he had also given him many of the things he wanted. He had made his life mean something… He made it seem as if his life were something worth fighting for, as if it was real and not as he always thought it had been… simply… just simply imaginary.