Lucius stared at Lily’s back door for a long time, after she left him. He was unable to fully comprehend what had gone on between them. How had she even known who he was? He certainly hadn’t remembered her. And if she knew what he did to her parents, why didn’t she attack him? She had a chance to make him pay. She didn’t take it. She simply told him to go away. He didn’t understand.
He also didn’t understand why he was standing in her yard, trying to understand. The task was over. He could finally leave. After reporting to his master, he could go home, and start trying to pretend that the whole thing had been nothing more than a twisted nightmare.
He forced himself to look away from Lily’s home, and Apparated to his master’s side.
He found himself in a small room, which was vacant of any furniture or decorations. He had no idea where he was, and he didn’t really care. As soon as his master had been informed of the evening’s events he could leave.
His master was staring out the room’s single window. He turned to regard Lucius, as he appeared in the room. Lucius fell to his knees.
“Is it done?” his master demanded.
“It is, my Lord. The Evans’ are dead, and the message has been delivered.”
“You sound tired, my friend. Tell me, how did your first kill make you feel?”
Lucius hesitated. He knew that this was not a wise thing to do when talking to the Dark Lord, but yet it could not be avoided. He did not have an immediate response for such a question. At least, not one that would not result in him receiving the torture curse.
Finally, he did what he always did. He said what was expected of him.
“It felt good, my Lord.”
“Crucio,” his master hissed.
Pain surged through every part of his body. He could feel tears welling behind his eyes, but he would not allow them to fall. If a man did not have his pride, he had nothing. Lucius Malfoy would not cry. A Malfoy never cries.
Eventually, the pain ceased. It felt like it had been hours, but in reality it had probably been only a few seconds. The Dark Lord wouldn’t want to drive one his servants into insanity. What use would he be to him then?
“You should not lie to me, Lucius,” he told him, in a very cold voice. “I thought you would know better than that by now.”
“I am sorry, my Lord.”
“Many of my servants have had difficulty with their first kill,” he continued. “This is nothing to be ashamed of. However, lying to me is not the same thing.”
“It will not happen again, my Lord.”
“See that it doesn’t. You may leave, now. I suggest that you go home, and rest. It is obvious that you have had a hard night.”
“Thank you, my Lord,” he said, before Apparating back to his mansion.
It was still early morning when he arrived in his study. He assumed that Narcissa was still asleep. He was glad. He wasn’t ready to talk to her just then. He wasn’t ready for anything just then.
He collapsed in his leather chair. He could still see Lily’s accusing eyes staring at him. Why hadn’t she attacked him? She had every opportunity, and every reason. Perhaps she realized that reliving that night in his memories would be punishment enough.
He could still hear the screams of her mother, in his head. He covered his ears, but it did nothing to block out the woman’s pitiful cries. Cries that had been caused by him. How could he have done it?
He couldn’t get the screaming out of his head. He flipped his desk over, and let out an exasperated cry. Then he collapsed to the floor, and finally allowed the tears to fall. He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. It didn’t matter that he was a Malfoy. The tears came, just the same. He allowed the sobs to escape from him; he had no energy left to fight them.
Narcissa came running into the study. Obviously, he had awakened her with his fit. He continued to sob, without looking up. He wasn’t even aware that she was in the room.
She walked over to him, lowered herself to the floor, and wrapped her arms around his trembling shoulders. “What happened?” she whispered to him.
He looked at her, with confusion in his eyes. It was almost as though he didn’t recognize her. Didn’t recognize his own wife. The look in his eyes scared her, but she did not pull away. Lucius was her husband, and it was her responsibility to take care of him.
“What happened?” she repeated.
Finally, a glint of recognition appeared in his eyes. He knew who she was. He even seemed grateful to have her there.
“I”I killed them,” he told her.
“Killed who?”
“Lily Potter’s parents.”
Narcissa didn’t know or care who Lily Potter was. She just wanted to comfort her husband.
“Was this a task from the Dark Lord?” she asked, as softly as she could manage.
He nodded, and started to sob again.
She held him tightly. “It’s okay,” she whispered into his ear. “It’s over now. It’s just a memory. It can’t hurt you.”
Narcissa had no idea how untrue her words were.
Lost Innocence by Sly Severus
Chapter Notes: Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or anything in their magical world. These characters and their world belong to the talented J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.