I wanted it all, you know. I wanted it all; and Hermione had it all. Or so she seemed to. I wanted what she had.
That was my greed.
I wanted her smarts. I wanted her looks. I wanted her friends, her life. But most of all, I wanted her boyfriend.
It’s clear why I would want her smarts. She’s the most intelligent student in Hogwarts. It’s quite a miracle that she’s not a Ravenclaw, really. The Hat puts you into a house by quality and quantity of the quality. So if Hermione didn’t make it into Ravenclaw with her amazing brain capacity, then imagine how brave she must be to become Gryffindor. Yes, that brave.
Of course I wanted her looks. I was just plain old Ginny; horrid pale skin, ugly freckles and boring brown eyes. Plus the Weasley hair, which I hated; bright red and wavy. Bright bloody red, I tell you; you can’t miss me if you try. For me, all that plus my short, skinny figure does not equal beauty. Hermione’s tall, curvy frame, tanned skin, curly hair and big eyes do.
Her friends; well, I didn’t necessarily want them in particular. Ron and Harry, that is. But I wanted a group of friends as close as they were. Two great friends that I could rely upon to do anything for me. Anything, everything and whatever. We would never fail; she had that, and I did not.
Her life seemed so perfect, and I wanted it badly. She had everything else going for her everything I could see. I wanted to be Hermione. And being Hermione meant…
Having Harry.
All I ever wanted was Harry. All I ever wanted was to have him… have him to myself. To be Hermione and therefore have him.
How I wanted him. How I lusted after him. I did anything I could, really. I threw myself shamelessly at Harry. But he simply refused without trouble, pity for me in his eyes. I hated pity.
I dated other guys to make him jealous. But he never got jealous; he would only smile and congratulate me, a spark of hope in his eyes. Hope that I would move on.
I tried just being his friend first. Well that worked… sort of. But we were stuck on the friend level, since he refused to go further. And even that level I fucked up by trying to… well, trying to make it more-than-friend level.
I tried everything. And I still did not get what I wanted, what I needed. What I thought I would die without. And that was my first stage, my first stage of ‘The Obsession’, as it seems to reflect. Because it is an obsession now. And obsession of love.
That was my greed. My greed for something that was not intended for me.
My greed for what I would never have.
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Chapter one is complete. Stay tuned for two! Also, I am aware that this changes in tenses. Sometimes it is past, sometimes it is present. Well if you don’t like it... eh. Tell someone that cares; it works this way, and it’s my story.
xo annie