We are ‘friends’ again. Friends, what a joke. Hermione and I friends again. How can I be friends with the best friend that stole the guy I loved? How can I go back to the way it used to be?
I can’t. Well, I don’t think I can, anyway. But I have forgiven Hermione, truly. There is only one reason for that forgiveness.
I am no better than her.
I did just what she did in my envy and temptation. I betrayed her, and now she’s not the only scum between one’s toes. Now I am too. And that’s why I forgave her. Because doing it personally, I know what it was like for her.
I don’t sympathize. I hate her for what she did, but Hermione is forgiven. We tried going back to being great friends like we used to… but I can’t do it. I may have forgiven, but I did not forget and I never will. Deep within me still lies my greed, my hate and most of all, my envy.
I am still envious of her. And I still want to be her. I don’t care how much pain she goes through, I still want to be her. But I cannot. And yet, I have forgiven.
And Harry. Sweet Harry, my love. My true love.
Did I forgive him? Well, of course. No one can stay mad at someone they love. It’s just not possible. Of course, I forgave him. But I did not forget either. And I still love him, still so much that it hurts. It hurts every time I see him because I know we are not together. I know he is still with her.
We tried being friends too. Not working at all. It went even worse than mine and Hermione’s attempt, really, which is saying quite a bit. I just can’t pretend like nothing happened. Because something did happen; something very big. The biggest thing in my life happened, and I cannot just turn my back on it.
I stay away from them. I have not moved on, and I never will. So instead, I moved away. Away from Harry, away from Hermione… away from pain. Away from it all.
In hope of never seeing their faces again. I know what will result if that were to happen; unwanted emotions brought to the surface again. And another reminder of how I forgave them…. because I knew what it was like. I did their deed myself.
So I stay here, in this… place. I am isolated, but I don’t really mind. There’s only one person in this universe I’d want to spend time with anyway, and he is sitting happily with some one else, and probably a batch of kids, joyously spending time together.
And while they’re happy, I am all alone out here.
Alone and free to wallow in my greed, my hate and most of all, my envy.
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There we go the end of Greed, Hate & Envy. Kudos to Nelly for the title, taken from a song out of the album Country Grammar. And kudos to the brilliant beta of Kris & Meg. WORSHIP THEM!
xo anniePADFOOT