**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Alright, so I said at the end of Siriusly that the next fic was going to be a romance... only then I saw a picture on artdungeon that gave me a flash of inspiration, and I had to start writing immediatly. This is the product of that inspiration, a product that I hope you'll enjoy. Happy reading.**
“The Conquering Hero returns,” Sirius said, bursting through the sagging door of the living room of the Shrieking Shack with a six-pack of butterbeer in each hand. Even though it was about ten in the evening he was dressed impeccably, and even had his robes on, a miracle after classes were over. He slung the drinks down on the table, and Remus pointed his wand at one of the packs, saying gelidium.
“Chilled to a perfect negative 10 celcius,” Remus said, motioning for his friends to take one. The other three glanced at each other, and then James reached over and tapped one of them with a knuckle.
“Frozen solid,” he said, picking one up out of the other pack. “They’ll be alright in a couple hours. At least you didn’t shatter the bottles this time, Lupin,” he said. Remus grinned and shrugged in apology. The other three followed James’s example and grabbed a bottle apiece, twisting off the cap and flipping it over to see the message imprinted on the metal.
“’You will have a very good day soon’,” Sirius read from the inside of the cap.
“’Look up’,” Remus read from his. He followed its instructions, saw nothing, and shrugged. James laughed and held his up into the light to read.
“’Give up already’,” James read, then looked up at his friends. Sirius oo-ed dramatically.
“Do you think these are written by real Seers? Or maybe just by everyone else in Hogwarts. Maybe Lily wrote James’s,” Sirius said, grinning at James. James threw the bottlecap at him in response.
“I hope they’re not written by Seers,” Peter said, staring at his.
“Why, what does yours say?” James asked.
“’A member of the opposite sex will confess their feelings for you soon.’” He looked up at his friends with horror in his eyes.
The other Marauders busted up with laughter. Sirius was laughing so hard he was crying.
“You’re taking the news well,” James choked out. Finally Sirius wiped his eyes and took a big swig of butterbeer.
“Alright, Wormtail, work your magic.”
Peter smiled and produced a pack of playing cards from his pocket and laid them on the table. Remus grabbed them and began shuffling expertly, not even looking down at the cards.
“Wait a minute,” Sirius said, looking around. “Did you check?”
James sighed.
“No, we forgot,” he said. Remus put the cards down, and all three pulled out their wands.
“We’ll go over the room if you’ll get Peter,” James said to Sirius. Sirius nodded, and James and Remus started running their wands along the walls, checking for magical devices. Sirius made Peter stand up and spread his arms, then ran his wand all over Peter, checking him for any spells. Peter was notorious for planting some sort of spell or magical device that would help him cheat.
“Found it,” James said. He was standing in front of the painting of an ugly old patriarch on the back wall. Every time James waved a card in front of the painting’s eyes, the eyes moved. This had been painted before the charm had been found that made painted portraits move. James tapped the painting with his wand, and the painting’s eyes snapped back to where they had been “ staring straight ahead. James waved the card in front of the painting a few more times to make sure his spell had worked, and the eyes remained stationary. Satisfied, James put the card under the bottom of the deck.
“Alright,” Remus said, sitting back down at the table and starting to shuffle again. “Wands on the table.” Each of the other marauders put their wands on the table, clearly visible.
“You ready for this?” Sirius asked James. James nodded and loosened his tie.
“You dressed very nicely for the occasion,” Remus commented at Sirius. Sirius just grinned.
“Prongs got me, last time,” he said. “That will not happen again.”
“Right, right,” James said with a grin. “Face it, Black, I’m just better than you.”
“No, you were just luckier than me. But you know what they say “ ‘dress for success’.”
“Yes, well, now you can just go down in style,” James countered. Remus smiled and passed him the cards.
The ante for all their games was this “ if you didn’t want to play a hand, you had to eat a handful of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans picked out by the rest of the table, which included, for the most part, the worst flavors they could guess at. If you did play the hand, you stayed at the table.
“Chicken dance,” Peter said, starting the betting for the first round. If anyone folded now, they would have to do the chicken dance.
James dealt expertly, flicking the cards so they landed in a small pile directly in front of every player. He threw out the last card and set the deck in the middle, then picked up his cards.
“Eat a barbecue crisp-covered cauldron cake,” Sirius said next. Remus made a face at the thought.
“Belt,” he said. James raised his eyebrows in mock horror.
“Oh, no,” he said. “However will I get over the shame of having to take off my belt?” He glanced at his cards. “Call,” he added.
Peter laughed.
“Left sock,” he said.
“Modest Wormtail,” Sirius joked, grinning at Peter, who blushed slightly but smiled back.
“Left shoe,” Sirius said. “Got to get the shoes before the socks.”
James laughed and flipped the next three cards face up on the table.
These cards were different from Muggle playing cards in that they had different suits “ wands, stars, brooms, and spiders. This was Wizarding Poker, played with special cards. And, as always, the Marauders bet clothes.
“Aw,” Remus said, looking at the cards on the table.
“Do the disco for five minutes,” James bet.
“Smell Remus’s feet,” Peter bet, and everyone laughed, even Remus.
“Smell Peter’s feet,” Remus said in return.
“Ask Rita Skeeter to go on a date with you,” Sirius bet. Rita was a very annoying third year who talked incessantly. They all groaned.
James lay down another card.
“Gah, I’m out,” Remus said, throwing down his cards. He took off his shoe, put his foot up on the table, wiggled it at Peter, and then ripped off his sock with a flourish. Peter made a face.
“Ugh, get that away from me,” he said, pushing Remus’s foot back off the table and then throwing down another card. James laughed. Remus took off his belt and wrapped it around his neck like a scarf.
“Put the next card out already,” Sirius said, frowning in concentration.
“I don’t think so,” James said, pretending to consider. Then, with a grin, he flicked the card onto the table. Sirius sighed slightly after looking at his card, and then threw down his cards.
“Wrong suit, Padfoot,” James said, shaking his head. “Too bad.”
“Tic-tac-toe, five in a row,” Peter said, laying down his hand. Sure enough “ he had the ten, nine, eight, seven, and six of wands.
“Full house,” Sirius said, laying down his own cards. James just smiled more broadly.
“Royal flush.”
“Ugh,” Sirius said, but he and Peter both put their feet up on the table and dutifully took of their left socks, left shoes, and belts. All other bets only counted if you folded that round.
“You know, Padfoot, you might be better off following the phrase ‘undress for success’,” James said as he started shuffling the cards.
Sirius just rolled his eyes at James and took another swig of butterbeer.
“Hey, Black, where’s the food?” Peter asked.
Sirius waved at hand at James.
“Ask him. He was in charge of that, this time.” James handed the cards to Peter to deal, then went over to his bag that was flung in the corner and started pulling out boxes of sweets and pastries and bags of crisps.
“What do you want?” James asked.
“You got any barbecue-flavored crisps?” Peter asked. James rolled his eyes, and Remus made a face.
“How can you stand those?” Remus asked as Peter finished dealing.
“How can you not?” Peter responded.
“Of course I have barbecue, what do you take me for?” James asked, throwing a crisp bag at Peter, who caught it and opened it. The tangy scent of barbecue started to permeate the room as he lay down a card.
“Throw me some Cauldron Cakes,” Remus called.
“And then come play, it’s your turn,” Sirius said.
“And tuck in your shirt,” Peter said. The other two looked at him.
“Well, you were giving him directions, so I didn’t want to miss out,” Peter said with a small smile. James rolled his eyes again, but he was grinning. He came over and sat down, sliding a box of Cauldron Cakes toward Remus. Then he picked up his hand and threw down a card.
“There “ is everyone happy, now?” he asked.
“No,” Peter said, choosing another card and playing it. “You didn’t tuck in your shirt,” he continued with mock seriousness.
“Sorry, Mother,” James retorted, grinning and reaching for some of Peter’s crisps.
“Mine,” Peter said, quickly picking up the bag and hugging it to him with a grin.
“Hey, I worked hard to get those crisps,” James said. “I deserve to be able to eat them.”
“Oh… alright,” Peter said, setting them down gently, as if they were the most precious thing in the world. James grinned and grabbed a handful, setting them on the spotted tablecloth beside him. “But don’t pull the ‘I worked hard’ gimmick “ what, did you have to say ‘please’?”
“It’s a long way to that painting from the common room, I’ll have you know,” James joked, putting out the next three cards. “I’m going to be sore tomorrow because I had to go all the way up there.”
“You are the worst liar in the history of the world,” Remus said.
“I’m done,” Peter said, checking his cards with the cards on the table. “What did we say this time?”
“Free for all,” Sirius replied. Peter grinned, put his foot up on the table, and took off his right shoe.
“Peter, where’s your sense of adventure?” Sirius asked.
They went around again, and then Sirius sighed and lay down his cards and stood up. He did a little dance and slid his robe off, obviously acting like a stripper, although it was foiled, slightly, by the fact that he still had a buttoned shirt and tie on.
“Ugh, Padfoot, virgin eyes,” Remus said, throwing down his cards (face down) and putting his hands up in front of his face. Sirius laughed.
“Come on, Moony, you know you like it,” he joked. He sat down and hung the robe on his chair.
“Ha,” Remus said after he and James compared hands. James sighed heavily and, grinning, stood up. He slid off his right shoe like Peter, throwing it down in front of Remus when he had finished.
“The spoils of war!” Remus said, holding it up to show the others. Peter raised his hands in mock celebration, and Remus sniffed it, wrinkled his nose, and threw it back at James, who caught it with a laugh.
“Talk about spoiled,” Remus said. James just lay it on the floor, laughing.
Peter started shuffling, concentrating pretty heavily.
“I can’t help it if you decide to smell my shoe,” James pointed out. Remus nodded, as if consenting to his point.
Sirius stretched out and sighed.
“Hard day?” James asked.
“Yeah,” Sirius sighed mid-stretch. “I had a hell of a time trying to get away from that Skeeter girl. She’s awful. I picked up a quill she dropped, or something, a few days ago, and suddenly she thinks we’re destined to be together for eternity.” He shivered.
“Well, you are a fifth year. And she told the entire common room last week that she didn’t date anyone who wasn’t older than her,” Remus said, grinning. “Rita and Sirius Black. I like it.”
Sirius grabbed the sock he’d had to forfeit the previous round and threw it at his friend in retaliation just as Peter finishes shuffling and lay the cards beside Remus to start dealing. Remus grabbed his wand and stopped the sock before it hit him, sending it flying at Sirius, who ducked. The sock fell against the back wall and bounced to the floor.
Remus, however, was looking at his wand with a puzzled expression on his face. He flicked the wand again, then waved it a few times.
“What’s up, Moony?” James asked. Remus shook his head, and then it suddenly dawned on him. He looked at Wormtail, who was eating, presumably innocent.
“Good job, Peter,” Remus said. “Now take it off.”
“What?” Sirius asked.
“Peter just did his first ever nonverbal, non-aided spell,” Remus said. “He’s charmed the cards, somehow. That’s why my wand is vibrating every time they go over the cards.”
Peter sighed, took the cards back, and muttered finite incantatem over the cards, then handed them back to Remus, who started dealing again.
“So, James, how’s the latest foray with Lily going?” Sirius asked as he started arranging his cards.
“Can you call them forays?” James asked.
“Alright, skirmish,” Sirius consented. “A skirmish in the war of love.” He put his hands on his heart in mock devotion.
“Sod off,” James said, smilingly. “It’s not going anywhere, and you know it. I could do anything, and she still wouldn’t notice me.”
“Untrue,” Remus said. “She notices you, alright. She just doesn’t like what she sees.” He paused, then said, “Shirt.”
Peter groaned, and everyone laughed.
“Yeah, well, it amounts to the same thing, Moony,” James said. “I dunno. I’m thinking about giving up.”
“But you can’t,” Sirius said in a dreamy sort of voice. “You can’t because then you’d loose the love of your life, and you’d always live incomplete, wishing for just one more chance to prove to her you were the man of her dreams.” He blinked over at James and gave a huge fake sniff. “How touching,” he said, his voice breaking with pretended tears.
“Oh, shut up,” James retorted, shoving his friend good-naturedly.
“Tell McGonagall you didn’t get your homework done because you were playing strip poker,” he bet. “I’m sure she’ll understand.”
“I never forget my homework,” Remus said.
“Neither do I,” Sirius said. “I just decide not to do it.”
“Honesty is a virtue,” James said.
“Wear ‘the girlfriend present’ for an entire day,” Remus bet. Sirius chucked another sock at him. The Girlfriend Present had been given to Sirius by Veronica Battings in their second year when she had asked him to be her boyfriend. It was a large gold necklace and had an enormous lion pendant on it which roared and growled enthusiastically still. Sirius had hung it on his bed for a while, but eventually it became annoying and he started hiding it in some socks in the bottom of his trunk. He brought it out sometimes when he was angry at someone and hung it on their bedpost.
“Wear boxers on your head for an entire hour in the common room,” Peter bet.
Remus lay down three more cards.
“You know, I give up,” Sirius said, but he didn’t fold.
“Speaking of girls, Sirius, you’ve been awful quiet lately,” Remus said. Sirius laughed.
“They’ve all gotten smart,” he said.
“Impossible,” James said.
“You think they’d catch on eventually,” Peter said. “I mean, it’s not like you ever give them what they want.”
“Which is what?” Sirius asked. “I live to serve.”
“Er… what every girl wants? Devotion, loyalty, unfailing attention, someone who’ll listen to them, true love, a prince to sweep them off their feet, romance… really all you do is snog them.”
“I object, your honor!” Sirius said with mock indignance. “I romance them. It may not be anything lasting, but they have romance for a while. For the few days or so they have my unfailing attention, and I always sweep them off their feet.”
“His argument is unfailing,” James consented. “Maybe not exactly what girls want, according to Peter, but still.” He looked at his cards, and then sighed. “I fold.”
He stood up and unbuttoned his shirt, then pulled it off and laid it on the table. Many girls in Hogwarts would’ve paid to be in the room at that moment “ his finely sculpted body, just short of being truly defined, came from years of Quidditch practice and self training. He grinned slightly as he sat back down.
“But you can’t let Sirius win this one, or he’ll be catching up with me.”
“They can’t help it if I’m just good,” Sirius informed James. He lay down his cards with a laconic grin.
“You win, you win,” Peter said, laying down his cards.
“No, I don’t think so,” Remus said, laying down his own cards. Sirius gaped at them for a moment, then rolled his eyes and got up.
“You win again, Lupin,” Sirius said. He unbuttoned his own shirt, then tied it around his neck like a cape by the arms. Peter took his off as well, then trundled into the bedroom to get a blanket from the moth-eaten bed, muttering something about it being cold in the room. James and Sirius grinned at each other.
Remus checked his watch, then sighed and stood up.
“We should get back, we’ve got classes tomorrow.”
James sighed, but started putting food back in his bag. Sirius picked up all the wrappers and empty bottles and put them in a garbage bag he’d brought along, then James stowed that in his bag as well. Remus put the cards in his pocket.
“Wait “ if you knew we had to go back, why did I have to take my shirt off?” Peter asked, pulling his shirt on quickly.
“Because you don’t like doing it,” Sirius explained. He draped his tie and robes over his arm. They surveyed the room one last time, then grabbed their wands and left.
Peter was the last to go. But right before he left, he pointed his wand at the painting of the ancient patriarch, and muttered a few words. Then he took a joker from his pocket, and waved it in front of the painting.
And the eyes moved.
“Pettigrew, don’t tell me you’re still afraid of the dark,” Sirius called from down the underground tunnel.
“I’m coming,” Peter yelled back by way of response, and turned to follow his friends, closing the door behind him.
And in the corner, a lone butterbeer bottle started to drip with condensation. It was finally starting to thaw.
**Well there you have it, ladies and gents. Review, please, and thanks for reading.**