Harry picked at his breakfast in the Great Hall; he did not feel particularly hungry after the events of the previous night. He had gone into the Pensieve and viewed the memories that Professor Dumbledore had left him, and he had come out more confused than ever. Everything that he had believed about the headmaster had changed in one night “ as had everything he thought he knew about Severus Snape.
Harry sighed and looked at his friends. They were quiet as well, no doubt wrapped up in their own jumble of thoughts when it came to prophecies and spies and traitorous potions masters. The worst part was that he still had a third memory to watch; Harry didn’t know if he wanted to see it anymore, his curiosity stifled by his first two experiences in the magical Pensieve.
Hermione finally threw down her copy of the Daily Prophet. “This is ridiculous!’ she exclaimed. “We can’t just sit here like this, we need to find out more! Harry, you should talk to someone, or just go watch the last memory already.”
Harry glanced up from his oatmeal and shrugged. “There’s no one to talk to anymore,” he said dully. It was true: Sirius was gone, and now Dumbledore. Even if Harry had dared go to Snape, he could not, because the former potions professor had died at Spinner’s End after delivering the enigmatic memories Dumbledore had left behind. Harry felt truly alone.
“You could talk to McGonagall,” Hermione suggested, a somewhat desperate look on her face.
Harry shook his head. “No, she wouldn’t understand. I don’t think she knows anything anyway.”
“What about Hagrid?” asked Ron, sliding his eggs around his plate. “He’s a member of the Order, he could help.”
Hermione gave him a skeptical look. “I doubt Hagrid knows much either,” she said. “Besides, he’s still dreadfully upset.”
“You should talk to Professor Lupin,” said Ginny quietly, taking the copy of the Daily Prophet and scanning it for news.
“That’s it!” said Ron excitedly. “He helped you out third year, and he might know something about Snape. You should definitely talk to him.” Hermione nodded her agreement.
Harry realized that they were right: Lupin had been close to Dumbledore, and might know more than he let on. He also had a history with Snape that could shed some light on what Harry had seen in the Pensieve. Finally, Lupin had helped him with the Patronus Charm during third year, and had been a loyal member of the Order since Voldemort’s return. Harry decided that of all the adults in his life, Lupin was one he could trust with the Pensieve memories. More importantly, he was still in the castle, until Dumbledore’s funeral the following day.
Lupin was sitting at the head of the hall, speaking in a low voice with Professor McGonagall. Harry decided he may as well speak to Lupin as soon as possible, and stood abruptly, startling the others.
“Here goes then,” he said shortly, and walked off toward the professor’s table before his resolve failed him.
Lupin and Professor McGonagall stopped speaking as he approached and watched him with sad, thoughtful expressions. Harry had the distinct feeling they had been talking about him. For a brief moment he questioned his decision to confide in Lupin; swallowing his doubts, he stopped in front of them and spoke. “Excuse me, Professor McGonagall “ Professor Lupin, could we talk?”
Professor McGonagall merely nodded, indicating that she was finished with whatever they had been discussing. Lupin stood, laying his napkin down with a small smile. “Of course, Harry. Let’s go for a walk, some fresh air will do us good.”
Lupin silently led the way from the Great Hall. Harry could feel Ron, Hermione, and Ginny watching him as he left; he would have to fill them in later. As they stepped out into the bright sunshine, Lupin turned to Harry and gave him another tired smile. “What can I do for you, Harry?” he asked quietly.
Harry struggled with where to start. He hadn’t told anyone else about Snape, and felt like he was betraying some sort of trust after what the former potions master had done for him in Spinner’s End. Yet Snape was dead, and Harry needed guidance, so he took a deep breath, and began.
“I didn’t tell you everything about the night that Professor Dumbledore died,” he started. Lupin raised his eyebrows and nodded.
“Of course you didn’t, Harry, but I figured you had a good reason, and would tell us in time. I’m glad you felt you could trust me. So “ what happened that you wish to share now?”
Harry let out his breath, relieved at Lupin’s calm and supportive reaction. He gathered his thoughts, and began to tell him what really happened on the Astronomy Tower. When he got to the part about Snape casting the Killing Curse that had ended Dumbledore’s life, Lupin stopped short, and grabbed Harry’s arm.
“Snape killed Dumbledore?” he whispered, his eyes wide with shock. “Snape?” he repeated.
Harry nodded, not surprised at Lupin’s reaction. “Yes, I saw him do it, but so much happened after that I didn’t want to say anything until I understood more.” Harry felt the familiar anger in his chest, touched with even more confusion after what he had seen in the Pensieve.
Lupin let go of Harry’s arm, his face pale and upset. “I can’t believe it - Dumbledore trusted him! What happened next?” He continued walking, his hands behind his back, his eyes troubled as he listened closely.
Harry told Lupin how Snape had captured him and brought him back to Spinner’s End. Lupin grew angry, but Harry continued, and told him about the memories Snape had given him before Voldemort had arrived. They had arrived at the black lake by then, and they stopped, staring across its calm waters.
“Is everything else you told us what really happened?” Lupin finally asked, looking at Harry closely. Harry nodded.
“Yes. Snape wanted to hide Draco and his mother, but Voldemort arrived just as he was about to let me go. He tortured Snape, then killed Narcissa Malfoy. Snape helped us escape.” Harry ran a hand through his hair, frustrated again as he thought about the contradictory actions of the enigmatic Death Eater and spy. “That’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone: Snape killed Dumbledore, but he died to save our lives. I still don’t understand.” He also still questioned whether the potions master “ along with Draco Malfoy - was truly dead.
Lupin nodded slowly, and indicated that they should sit on the grassy banks of the lake for a while. “What about the memories? Have you watched them yet?”
“I’ve watched two of them,” Harry answered, and he told Lupin about the night of the prophecy, as well as the conclusions Hermione had come to afterwards.
Lupin paused to think about it for several minutes before answering. “I knew much of that memory already, Harry, but not all of it. I don’t think anyone knew Severus was there that night to offer his services to the Order; we assumed that came much later, after your parents died.”
“That’s what Dumbledore said too,” said Harry, gazing across the lake. “He didn’t want me to know it was him and not Snape who sent the prophecy to Voldemort.”
“Yes, and I think Hermione was right as well.” Lupin sighed and passed a hand over his eyes. “I see why you are so confused, Harry. Dumbledore had a terrible choice to make at that moment, a decision that has affected your entire life. I can only imagine the regrets he had to live with afterwards.”
Harry did not reply, because he had wondered the same thing.
“What about the other memories, what did they tell you?” asked Lupin.
Harry took another deep breath and told him about Snape’s memory. Lupin immediately sat up straighter and listened closely until Harry had finished telling him about how Snape had deliberately thrown the attack on Harry’s parents, how Snape had been tortured by Voldemort much like he had in Spinner’s End, and how Snape’s wife had been killed, right in front of him, as punishment. Lupin stared at Harry, even more shocked.
“I had no idea,” he said softly, shaking his head. “I don’t think anyone did, except Dumbledore.”
“It must be why he turned spy,” said Harry.
“Of course it is, something like that will drastically change anyone’s life path,” replied Lupin. “He came to Dumbledore and offered his services to the Order, and Dumbledore sent him right back to the man who had killed his wife and child.”
“With the prophecy,” Harry added bitterly.
“With the prophecy, so that Voldemort would accept Snape back into the fold.” Lupin shook his head again. “I can’t believe it. Harry, I’m surprised he left you this memory.”
Harry hadn’t even thought about why Snape had left him such a personal memory; he had just assumed it was on Dumbledore’s orders.
“Have you watched the third one then?” asked Lupin, interrupting his thoughts.
“No,” replied Harry. “It was too late, and I’m not sure I even want to know anymore. Everything I thought I knew about both Professor Dumbledore and Snape has turned out to be wrong, and I don’t know if I want to see anymore.”
“Harry,” said Lupin earnestly. “That last memory could be the final answer. It could tell us why Snape killed Dumbledore.”
“Does it matter?” asked Harry pointedly.
“Of course it does!” exclaimed Lupin. “I would certainly like to know how Snape could do such a thing after all Dumbledore did for him, how he could turn on the one man who trusted him with his life and kill him.”
“Maybe he’d had enough,” suggested Harry. Snape had seemed almost demented as Harry had chased him that night, and may have simply snapped.
“Possibly,” answered Lupin thoughtfully. “I think there is more, though, and I think your last memory will tell us the final link between Snape and Dumbledore. I would like to put Dumbledore to rest tomorrow knowing his death wasn’t in vain, so that his memory can rest in peace, wouldn’t you?”
Harry thought about it: could he really ignore the last glass vial Snape had given him? Could he really forget about the final memory, if it might explain what had happened on the tower that horrible night?
Glancing across the lake once more, Harry knew that he couldn’t. He needed to understand everything, before he could begin his hunt for Voldemort’s Horcruxes. He needed to restore his faith in the headmaster “ and even Snape “ before he could even hope to succeed in defeating Voldemort with the power Dumbledore had named love.
“I’ll watch it,” Harry answered quietly, then impulsively added, “Will you go with me?”
Lupin looked at him in surprise, but Harry knew he had done the right thing. Lupin was the closest person he had to a father figure, now that both Sirius and Dumbledore were gone. Harry knew he would need a guide, a mentor, as he continued his journey. He also felt that Lupin deserved to know what had happened between Dumbledore and Snape, and should experience it himself.
Lupin appeared somewhat touched by the gesture. “Of course, Harry, if you are sure you want me to. Dumbledore left those memories for you and your journey, not mine.”
Harry nodded fervently. “I’m sure. You deserve to know the truth as much as I do now, and I trust you.”
Lupin inclined his head. “Thank you, Harry. When you would like to do this?”
Harry stood up. “Now is as good a time as any,” he said, determined to be done with it.
Lupin joined him and they made their way back to the castle. “I’ll ask Professor McGonagall for the Pensieve again.”
Harry grinned. “I’ve already got it,” he admitted, somewhat sheepishly.
“Of course you do,” replied Lupin, with a light laugh. “I should have realized. Why don’t we return it to its proper place, then? I will meet you by the headmaster’s office.”
“Won’t Professor McGonagall want to know what we are doing?” Harry asked, frowning. He may have shared his thoughts with Lupin, but he was not ready to share them with anyone else.
“I’ll ask her for a bit of privacy,” answered Lupin. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell her a thing. Meet me there as soon as you get the Pensieve and the memories.”
They entered the castle and Lupin left for the headmistress’s office. Harry made his way back to his dormitory, ready to finally understand what had happened on the Astronomy Tower that fateful night.
* * *
A/N: And so we begin to wrap things up! I really feel that while Harry must ultimately complete his journey alone, he would do well to take someone like Lupin into his confidence. I hope he does, as Lupin would make an excellent mentor. He is also one of Harry’s last connections to his parents. I hope to post the next chapter “ I am anticipating it to be the penultimate chapter, but one can never be sure “ before the holidays. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews!