‘Sir, more than kisses, letters mingle souls.’
By the time the weekend following the picnic arrived, I was really beginning to worry. I hadn’t seen Hannah all week, and she hadn’t answered her phone at all. I’d even called her friend Gina, but she hadn’t heard from her either. I knew it was my fault, this disappearance, because I’d upset her somehow at the picnic. I felt like an absolute idiot, and I couldn’t help but imagine what horrible things could have happened to her. Bad things had always happened to those around me when I was younger, why should it be any different now?
The sky was dark grey and heavy with clouds on Sunday evening, and thunder rumbled in the distance as I poured myself a coffee. I opened the newspaper, not really taking anything in as I attempted to read the same paragraph ten times. The slightest noise was distracting, and when I heard the mail drop in through the slot, I had to go get it.
As I got to the door, I saw that there wasn’t anything terribly exciting in the small pile of letters. Two looked like bills, one was from the bank, and there was one plain white envelope addressed in black ink. Putting off looking at the bills for as long as I could, I picked up the pile and put it on a table in the hall. I opened the one with the handwritten envelope, and took out the two pieces of paper in it. I was confused, because I didn’t know anyone who sent letters through the post anymore, but I picked up the first, less aged piece of paper and began to read.
James,
I know who you are. I should have known for longer, but the part of me that thought I would never see you again blinded me, made me see you in a new light.
I think you know who I am too, but you just can’t see past the wall your heart has built around itself to protect you. Let yourself go James. Inside, I think you know the truth.
These past months have been weird, and yet totally and wonderfully amazing, and I wanted to thank you. You’ve re-awoken a part of me that I thought was dead a long time ago, a part of me that died along with that boy I told you about, the one who left through a terrible misunderstanding. I still love that boy. If he ever wanted to find me, I would always be waiting for him at our place.
But I’ve decided that I’ve waited for him long enough. So after tonight, I won’t wait any longer for him to forget what happened that night. I’ve got a life to live, and I can’t do that if I’m still stuck in the past.
I hope this has answered any questions that live on, and that this goodbye has been a sufficient rebirth.
H.G.
P.S. I thought you might like to know what you missed five years ago. I kept a copy, just in case. Take good care of it for me.
If I’d been confused a moment before, that wasn’t anything compared to what I was feeling now. It was from Hannah, obviously, but what was she talking about, ‘the part of me that thought I would never see you again’ and ‘what you missed five years ago’? I’d only known her for just under six months. She couldn’t have found out, could she? Who could have told her? And why was she talking about her old boyfriend? ‘I still love that boy’. Thanks, Hannah, that’s encouraging. Hoping more than anything that the second piece of paper would clear everything up, I picked it up and started reading.
Dear Harry,
This is a letter you will never read. I know this, because I may not have the strength to send it, or you may choose not to open it. It might not even reach you.
So even though I know that this will never be read, and I will probably never see you again, I just needed to know that I tried. I’m sorry, Harry, that’s all I’ve got to say. I’m not going to beg for forgiveness, because I wouldn’t expect it of you. And I’m not going to say it wasn’t my fault, because in part it was. I’ve known you long enough to know that you don’t forgive easily, Harry, and that you stick to your convictions. But I thought I might be in with a chance.
I’ve thought about you a lot since you left. I daresay I’ve missed you the most, even with the Weasleys flipping out and the rest of your adoring fans practically mourning. But I’m not just some fan, Harry, and you’re not just some celebrity who hides from the cameras when the going gets tough. I’m your friend. More than a friend. I thought you might like to think about that.
After I’ve sent this off to you, I’m leaving. I’m putting all this behind me in a last-ditch attempt to have a normal, happy life. I’m starting over with a new outlook on living. I hope that you’re doing this too, and not sitting at a bar and drinking yourself to death, which would be typical you.
I’ve never known you to run from trouble, Harry. Generally speaking, you’re known to run straight into it. So what’s different this time? Was it really worth fighting all those years for our freedom, seeing so many die, just to end up running from me?
If you’ve read this far, you’ve exceeded my expectations, Harry. I suspect this letter would be in tatters by now, turning to black in some fireplace. But if you are still reading, I just want you to know that I’m truly sorry for what I did to you, for the pain we’re both feeling, and I don’t expect you to come back too soon. But just know, when you do come back, don’t come looking for me. I’ll be gone to a better part of my life.
Love always,
Hermione
For a moment I stood in shocked silence. Then, dropping the letter, I turned and punched the wall, hard. I hadn’t learnt from all the other times I’d done that, it really hurt my hand. Shit. I’ve been so blind. It all made sense now. The echoing similarities. The attraction I’d felt to Hannah even though I’d never met her before; it had been Hermione all along. Her song, her eyes, her sudden warming to me when she was at my house; she’d seen the photos. How she’d felt bad when asked about her friends and family. Her tattoo, how similar they looked. Why hadn’t I seen it before? It was so obvious. Hermione.
This was the letter she’d sent me, the one I’d ripped up and refused to read. I couldn’t deny how strongly I felt about her now, and it wasn’t anger or betrayal. I’d fallen in love with her all over again. I’d heard her side of the story, a side I would never have heard otherwise, and in that moment, I forgave her. She hadn’t done anything wrong.
A second later, it hit me that I had no idea about what to do. I had a life here; I couldn’t just up and leave. But what else could I do? I couldn’t let her go now that I knew. I couldn’t go through that again. I realised then that I was pacing around the room. I stopped, and went towards the phone. When I picked it up, however, I had no idea who I was calling. I wanted to call Greg, to ask for advice, and I wanted to call Hermione, just to ask her why she was doing this to me. But I couldn’t figure out what I would say. Would I be able to say anything? I felt like someone had ripped out all my insides, leaving me empty.
I dropped the receiver and went back to the first letter. I was that boy she’d been trying to forget all these years. But ‘after tonight, I won’t wait any longer for him to forget what happened that night’. Ok, yes, done, forgiven, forgotten. But where could I find her? I was reading feverishly. But then I found it. ‘…I would always be waiting for him at our place.’
With only a glance at the oncoming storm outside, I reached into the top drawer of the cabinet by the door, pulling out my dusty wand. And then, turning around, I disappeared from the living room with a loud crack.
***
It’s cold tonight, but warm by the fire where I sit, with her head on my shoulder. I reach my arms out, and circle them around her, pulling her to me. She looks up at me, and I kiss her softly. There’s nothing else tonight, just us.
‘Harry?’ she says, sitting up.
‘Yeah?’
‘Will it always be like this? Or will it be different when we’re older?’
‘I hope it’ll always be like this. No, it will. I promise, Hermione. You want to know why I think that?’
‘Why, Harry?’
‘Because I love you.’
She smiled, leaning into him again. ‘I love you too, Harry.’
And so we sit here, our bodies pressing together, binding us, making it hard to know who I am. And in this moment, I know that we’re joined in a way that cannot be broken, that we’re together for always. Forever.
did you like it? hope you did! ready for the next one? i have some idea of what will happen- better go write it
luv you all heaps and heaps,
chlo xoxo