“Truth lives on in deception”
The next few days were strange. I was floating in a semi-conscious state in which I knew where I was and what I was doing, but I didn’t know why, and I couldn’t seem to remember anything for more than a couple of hours. In this drifting state of mind, I dreamed. I dreamed things that I’d never allowed myself to think about before. And then when I woke up, I couldn’t remember any of it. It was as if I was going in a continuous circle, and it scared me, because I knew that once I was pulled from this cycle, I would have to face the reality of what would happen on Saturday night with James and his friends.
I still couldn’t believe that I’d said yes. It was as if when he’d asked, someone else had taken over my body, made me say that I would go with him. I certainly didn’t want to go. I was dreading it with almost every fibre of my being- not that James was a bad person, but I was afraid of what could happen. Now that I had thought about it, I knew that that was what was holding me back, keeping me from going out with him, or any of the other guys Gina had made me go out with.
I didn’t want to hurt myself again. So I had built a cocoon around myself, and locked myself away from the world.
At the restaurant, I know I seemed a bit out of whack. I saw more than a few customers giving me strange looks, and then, when they thought I couldn’t hear them, they would start talking about me, saying things like, ‘What on earth was that girl doing last night, I wonder?’, or ‘It’s a disgrace, she looks like she’s on drugs.’ I didn’t care much, because I knew they were probably right. I hadn’t been sleeping much, despite my dream-like state, which probably made me look a bit strained.
I knew Gina was worried. After I had told her about my “date”, she was so excited I thought she might explode. But when she saw my reaction to what had happened, she stopped talking about it altogether.
But that couldn’t go on, I found out as I was leaving on Friday, the day before I went out with James, and my last day working at the restaurant. I hung my apron up on the back of the kitchen door, yelled a goodbye to Gina, and had just begun to walk out the front door when I felt a hand grab my shoulder. Surprised, I turned around quickly to find Gina’s familiar face right next to mine, an expression of mindless determination on her face.
‘What’s up, Gee?’ I asked her, thinking that I’d probably just forgotten something.
‘Come with me, Hannah.’
‘Where, Gee? What’s wrong?’
‘We need to talk about some things,’ she said, and I felt a strange sense of foreboding.
‘Gee-Gee….I can’t. I’ve got stuff to do.’
‘No, Han. You’re not getting out of it this time,’ she said sternly, and with that she grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the restaurant and into her car, despite my many arguments.
Half an hour later, she pulled the car into a parked position, got out of the car, came around, and pulled me out.
‘What’s the matter, Gee? What’s so important that you have to drag me all the way out here?’ I asked as she dragged me over to a bench, and sat me down on it.
She sat down beside me, then said dangerously, ‘You tell me, Hannah, you tell me. I’ve known you five years now, but I still don’t really know you, do I? You’re just so secretive. Where do you come from, for instance? Why don’t you have any other friends or relatives apart from me? Why don’t you ever want to go out with any guys, even when you’re interested? You know everything there is to know about me. I don’t even know what your God damned favourite colour is!’ she stopped to draw breath after her outburst, and then looked back up at me.
‘I just want to know what’s going on, Hannah, and why it’s so important that you have to keep it from me.’
I took a deep breath, then exhaled. ‘You really want to know? Because you’re never going to believe me when I tell you.’
‘I don’t care. I don’t care if you were brought up by the devil in Antarctica and are secretly planning to kill me at the end of this sentence. I just want to know who you are.’
‘Ok, but get comfy, because this is going to take a while.’
And then, to my utter surprise, I told her. I told her everything. I told her about my childhood, I told her about how my life had been turned upside down when I’d been sent away to boarding school, about all the dangerous adventures I’d had with my two best friends. I told her about the brief romances I’d had at school, and how none of them had worked out. I told her about how the guy I really liked had never seemed to like me back, especially when he started going out with our other friend’s sister.
I told her about how we’d gone on our most dangerous task yet, and how we’d eventually defeated the most evil person alive, and become famous across our world. I told her about how during this time, the friend and I had become closer and closer. I told her about how he’d finally kissed me, and how we’d started going out together. I told her how I had loved him so much it felt like my heart would burst.
I told her about that night, that terrible Christmas night when everything fell apart. I told her how I’d felt like dying over what had happened. And finally, I told her about how I’d run away, how I’d changed my name and gone into hiding from everything I’d ever known.
After that, I sat there and watched her. I didn’t want to hurry her or anything. She had a lot of information to digest.
She looked up at me after a couple of minutes, taking in the features that had once seemed so familiar to her, that now had a foreign edge to them. She breathed out heavily. ‘Wow…no wonder you’re completely insane.’
We both started laughing then. The pressure had mounted so much between us that we both just needed a break, and this was it. For minutes we just sat there, laughing, and when we came down, we just sat there smiling.
‘But what am I going to do, Gee?’ I said, looking out across the empty park. ‘I can’t go out with James while I’m still in love with someone else.’
‘Han, the fact that you’re still in love with this other guy isn’t your problem. Your problem is that you don’t want to let him go. Give yourself a chance. Go out with James tomorrow, and if you can’t handle it, don’t. Just take it slow.’
‘Ok,’ I said, a thought striking me suddenly.
‘What am I going to wear?’
I walk slowly up the stairs, nodding my head slightly at Molly to acknowledge that I’ve seen her. I continue my slow walk until I reach Ron’s room, which I go into and cross the room to his desk where Harry’s beautiful snowy owl, Hedwig, is sitting, as if she is waiting for something.
I hear Ron stir in his sleep behind me, and hurry to tie the letter in my hand to her leg, even though I know that Harry will never read it. And how could I blame him? Why should he want to talk to me after what happened? But I have to try to reach him before I leave. I’ve got two other letters to send once this one is gone- one to my parents, and one to Ron, which I won’t send until I’m about to leave.
As I watch the pure white owl sail out of the window and off into the distance, a single tear rolls down my cheek.
From now on I’m alone
See you next chapter!
luv ya,
chlo xoxo
PS. Don't own any of it