Failure
She sat silently on the veranda. Jane was next to her, fast asleep in her pram, warm and snug.
It was a very cold day in Hogsmeade, but Hermione had warmed up her usual spot on the veranda, and was admiring the high street, which was covered in snow. Everything was very quiet, but in her head, a storm was raging on.
Michael had been gone for three days. Three long days that found Hermione cursing Merlin every time she remembered the cringe-inducing argument they had before he left.
Now she had no idea of what to do. She had not told anyone; not even Ginny or Harry. She was still trying to think of what to tell them. She doubted Michael had told his family”Beth would have arrived in Hogsmeade immediately, and Elizabeth would have at least owled if they knew anything. So where was Michael? Probably in Oxford, Hermione had decided, staying in Liam’s house.
She felt an urgent need to sort things out. She needed to decide properly what would happen with her marriage, but the finality of that made her anxious. Michael had tried Flooing, phoning, and owling her, but Hermione burned the letters, disconnected the fireplace from the Floo Network, unhooked the phone from the receiver, and turned off her Blackberry.
She couldn’t talk to anyone.
“I keep trying to Floo-call Hermione, but it doesn’t work,” Ginny said that afternoon. “You have her telephone numbers, don’t you?”
“I do... They’re on my desk,” Harry replied distractedly.
“Don’t you think it’s a bit odd we can’t reach her?”
“It is,” said Harry. “But maybe she’s on holiday with Michael.”
“I highly doubt that. They can barely stand each other these days,” said Ginny, in a slip of the tongue.
“How would you know that?” asked Harry, a curious expression on his face.
“I... Well, you see... When I was at the hospital with Hermione, and we were waiting for Jane’s healer, she let it slip that she and Michael... hadn’t been on the best of terms with each other lately. She was desperate to change things. Their anniversary was this past weekend, so she was hoping things would be at least amicable by then.”
“It’s incredible a year’s gone by.” Harry pondered over that thought for a moment, but then moved on to another subject.
“I talked to Ron a couple of days ago,” he told Ginny.
“Yes? What did he say? He hasn’t been over for Sunday dinner in a while. What did he tell you?”
“Things have gotten pretty serious with Claudia.”
“Oh. Well, that was bound to happen,” she said, disappointed. “That’s... I guess that’s actually good for him. Do you know if they... Well, you know...”
“Do I?” Harry eyed her with amusement in his eyes. Ginny gave him a meaningful look.
Suddenly he understood what she wanted to know.
“Ginny! Why would you want to know that? He’s your brother!”
“Hey! I know you’re wondering too!” Ginny exclaimed, blushing. “And for the record, I just want to see how serious things have gotten.”
“Well, he didn’t tell me. Not that I’d tell you, anyway. But to give you an idea, things are so serious that... I think he’s finally gotten over what happened. I think Hermione might be just a thing of the past. A mishap.”
“‘A mishap,’” Ginny repeated with disgust. “Did he say that?”
“Not in so many words.”
“Un-believable.”
“G”Good evening, M”Mr. Sandford,” stammered a startled Rebecca, as her boss walked past her that Monday evening as she was leaving the office, without even acknowledging her presence. He was heading straight to Patricia Walters’ office, looking furious.
“How could you?” Michael said, slamming the door as he entered Patricia’s office.
“What on earth are you talking about, Michael?” replied Patricia with a sickeningly sweet voice. She was clearing her desk, probably heading out for the day.
Michael just stood in front of her while she attempted to ignore him. Patricia picked up her purse and stood in front of him.
“Get out of the way. I’m going to be late.”
“You are not going anywhere.”
“Of course I am.” She tried to get past him but he grabbed her by the arm. “Let go of me!”
“How could you do this to me, Patricia?”
“Are you drunk?” asked Patricia, revolted by Michael’s breath. “Oh please, I didn’t do anything! Let me go! What happened? Doesn’t your wife want to be with you as much as you want to be with her?”
Michael didn’t answer. He simply let go of her arm and took his wand out of his pocket.
“Michael... What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Patricia said in a low voice. She eyed his wand nervously, backing away from him. “Rebecca! Get in here! Now!”
Someone tried to open the door, but Michael had locked it. Patricia didn’t know what to do. She was not going to be able to get her wand out of her purse. Michael was now pointing his wand straight at her.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asked again, terrified.
“You ruined my life!” Michael roared, starting to cry. “You... You fucked up everything good I had!”
Patricia jumped as someone knocked hard on the door.
“Michael?” Peter Sandford called out. “Open this door, now.”
Michael shook with a sob.
“Why did you have to do it, Patricia? Why do you make it your business to ruin other people’s lives?”
“Michael! Unlock the door!”
The door burst open, and at the other side stood Peter Sandford, standing with his wand at the ready. He was shocked to find his son threatening Patricia.
“Michael,” he said cautiously. “Give me your wand.”
“Please, Michael,” Patricia pleaded, tears swimming in her eyes. “Don’t do anything stupid. Please.”
“I love her, Patricia,” Michael sobbed. “I have a daughter with her. Now she won’t let me near her...”
“Come on, Michael,” Peter insisted. “Hand me the wand.”
Patricia stood at the other side of the room, motionless.
The window next to her shattered with an explosion, and Peter shouted, “Expelliarmus!”
“Oh, Jane, what are we to do?” Hermione said, as she bathed Jane.
The baby answered with a smile that made Hermione wish she were her daughter, and that she could be taken care of, oblivious to the problems around her.
“I envy you, princess.”
Hermione wrapped her daughter up in a towel and carried her over to her room, where she dressed her in a soft, pink babygro.
“Have a good night’s sleep, sweetheart,” Hermione whispered, as Jane, now lying on her crib, slowly closed her eyes.
Hermione turned off the light and walked downstairs to the kitchen. It was still early, and she was considering on grabbing a book before going to bed, but she felt sick. She just sat awkwardly on the sofa in the sitting room, staring into the fire. It made her uncomfortable being practically alone in such a big house. She was nodding off when, suddenly, a knock came from the front door.
She quickly panicked, thinking Michael had come back. It had been a week since he left, after all, and she had stopped receiving letters from him. Hermione grabbed her wand from the coffee table and walked as silently and slowly as she could towards the door.
“Who is it?” she asked shakily.
“It’s Beth. Please open up.”
Hermione flung the door open to find her sister-in-law standing at her doorstep, hair drenched.
“What happened to your hair? It’s not raining.”
“I was taking a shower when I... when Mum called.”
“So... you know?”
“I... Yes, I know.”
Hermione let out a sigh. Beth stood awkwardly in front of her.
“Why are you here, Beth?”
“I can’t believe neither of you said anything.”
“I really didn’t want to explain all of the gory details.”
Beth swallowed.
“I’m so sorry he did this to you. I truly am,” she said.
“It’s not your fault,” replied Hermione, moving aside to allow Beth into the house. “It’s mine. I gave him the liberty to do what he did. I let him walk all over me.”
“Don’t talk like that””
“But it’s true!” Hermione was exasperated. “Don’t you understand? I had my suspicions! I knew something was out of place! But I never confronted Michael! Sure, I implied things... and Michael said that there was nothing going on... But, honestly! How thick can I be?”
“Hermione, you did what I would have done.”
“Beth, I knew Patricia Walters was trouble. You told me Patricia Walters was trouble. But never in a million years did I think that things with that... that... Ugh! I never thought he would go so far with her! When I found out that his secretary left, I thought that for once he had gotten his priorities straight. I mean... It was all probably wishful thinking. And when I was pregnant, even though I thought he was seeing someone else... I tried to think my mind was playing tricks on me, you know? I was so stupid!”
“Hermione, don’t blame yourself. Michael was out of line. He really doesn’t deserve you thinking this is your fault. I’m sorry because I didn’t do anything.”
“How much did you know?”
“I didn’t know...” Beth said slowly. “At least, not for sure. But I was pretty certain he was... up to no good.”
“Whatever,” Hermione said. She angrily brushed a tear off her eye before it fell. “It’s too late for regrets. I have to think about me now. About me and Jane.”
“Please, Hermione. You have to sort things out with Michael.”
The words Beth spoke shocked Hermione.
“Is that what you’re here for?” Suddenly, Hermione was angry. “To intercede for your brother?”
“I hate what he did to you. No one deserves something like that. But he is still my brother. And your daughter is my niece, and I love her as if she were my own. I just want you to consider that the decision you take now is not only going to affect your life. It will affect hers too. And to keep Jane away from her father””
“You have no right! How can you come in here and try to manipulate me with my daughter!”
“I am not trying to manipulate you.”
“I thought you were different, Beth. I thought you’d understand. But how can you? You’re one of them,” said Hermione with disgust.
“What do you mean?”
“You are just like your mother. That selfish woman has been manipulating me since the day we met.”
“Don’t you dare talk about my mother that way!” Beth exclaimed indignantly.
“This is my house! I’ll talk about her however the hell I want!”
“This was a bad idea. You are obviously not yourself right now. We’ll talk some other time.”
“You don’t have to be so bloody condescending!” Hermione yelled as Beth opened the door.
“I’ll see you later, Hermione,” Beth said calmly. “Give Jane a kiss for me.”
Hermione felt an unbelievable desire to scream her lungs out as Beth walked out of the house. Before she could, she found herself sobbing, tears streaming down her face.
“It’s pouring... Merlin, why do we keep getting nasty weather?” Ginny muttered, coming down the stairs after tucking in Becky. Thunder and lightning had been bothering the triplets all night, and she had ended up soundproofing their room and boarding up the windows.
“It should be fine by tomorrow,” Harry replied. “You know... I’m going up to Hogsmeade, I think,” said Harry, as he fed Henry in the kitchen.
“What for?” asked Ginny.
“I have a feeling that something’s not right with Hermione,” Harry told her.
“A feeling? But you haven’t had one of those in years! Don’t start worrying me like that... Should I be concerned?” Ginny mocked him.
“Don’t make fun of me, Ginny!” Harry exclaimed, feigning resentment.
Ginny laughed.
“Harry,” she told her husband, taking his face in her hands and staring directly into his green eyes. “This is Hermione we are talking about. You know how distant she’s become recently. I’ve been wondering what has been going with her, too, but I think she’s probably off on some holiday with Michael and Jane... That’s why it’s been impossible to reach her. Now I’m telling you that there is probably nothing to be worried about.”
“Ginny, don’t you think she would have told us if she went away? And weren’t you the one that said that Michael and Hermione couldn’t stand each other anymore?”
The doorbell rang.
Ginny looked at the clock over the window, shocked by the sound of the doorbell after midnight. She looked at Harry in confusion.
“Hold that thought,” she said quietly, getting up to answer the door.
As she walked up to the door, she looked out the window and couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw Hermione.
“Harry! Get over here!” she yelled, opening the door.
“I can’t take it anymore, Ginny,” Hermione said. She was standing under the pouring rain, drenched from head to toe, with Jane crying in her arms. Her suitcase was next to her.
Ginny immediately took Jane from Hermione’s arms. “Come on in, quickly!” she said.
Harry rushed out of the kitchen, carrying Henry, and looked as baffled as Ginny did to see Hermione in front of him.
“Get her trunk,” Ginny told him. Harry walked over to the door and tried to pick the trunk up, but it was too heavy. “What the bloody hell do you have in here?”
“Everything,” Hermione said, breathlessly.
Taking his wand out of his back pocket, Harry levitated the trunk and shut the door.
“Hermione, would it have killed you to use a water repelling charm?” Ginny asked, drying both Hermione and Jane’s clothes. “Jane came out of the hospital less than two weeks ago.”
“I’m not even thinking straight anymore...” Hermione replied, sinking down into the sofa and burying her face in her hands. “I’m exhausted.”
“Let’s just...” Harry didn’t know what to say anymore. “Why don’t I tuck in Jane?”
“Can you tell us what’s going on?” Ginny asked softly.
Hermione burst out in tears.
Ginny signalled to Harry that they should go upstairs.
“We’ll be back in a minute,” she said kindly. “We’re going to tuck in these two.”
Harry and Ginny left Hermione alone for a couple of minutes, after which Ginny returned downstairs to find her in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water.
“I’m sorry,” said Hermione, as Ginny went into the kitchen.
“Sorry for what?”
“It’s twenty minutes past midnight.”
“Oh please, don’t be ridiculous. We were up anyway. The babies kept waking up because of the storm.”
“I meant to come earlier... I just... I’m not well. I... I mean...”
“Just stop talking,” said Ginny abruptly. “You seem like you’ll hurt yourself if you keep going on.”
Hermione exhaled. She hadn’t even realized she was holding her breath.
“Let’s go upstairs,” Ginny went on. “Harry is tidying up the guest room for you, and Jane is already asleep with the triplets.”
“Thank you so much, Ginny. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Hello,” said John sleepily, as his wife sat down next to him to have breakfast.
“Hi,” Beth replied in a weary voice, planting a kiss on John’s cheek.
“You haven’t told me what happened when you went to see Hermione last night.”
“Oh. That. You... You were right.”
“I told you. You have to give her space. You’re her sister-in-law! She won’t want to talk for a while.”
“But I’m her friend””
“Ultimately, you are the sister of the man that betrayed her, Beth.”
“Sometimes, I really wish Michael would think before fucking things up. I don’t think I can look at him the same way anymore.”
“Oh, Beth, I’ve known Michael for quite some time now. I know better than to think he thinks things through before fucking up. We’ve had suspicions for a while””
“Yes, but John, now it’s out there. It’s confirmed. It’s... It’s all true. Before, there was always hope. Now everything’s awful.”
“Well, everything’s out in the open and there is nothing we can do except brace ourselves for the storm,” said John. “Which reminds me; your mother called earlier.”
“How’s Michael?”
“A healer saw him... Gave him some potions to calm him down and put him to sleep. Your mum said he’ll be fine, ‘not thanks to that complete cow of a woman he married,’ though. I don’t recall ever hearing that kind of language coming from your mother.”
“Oh, Merlin. Michael’s gone mad, and Mum’s getting irrational.”
“She got there a long time ago,” John muttered. “Anyway, I don’t think I need to tell you that Michael did what he did due to the vast amount of Firewhiskey he had ingested in a couple of hours. He wasn’t thinking properly.
"Did you tell Hermione about it?”
“No... Well, it’s not like she gave me a chance, anyway,” Beth said, taking a sip of coffee. “I think I’ll go to Bedford today. Or I’ll try to find Liam and tell him what a complete moron he is. Honestly...”
Hermione had been staying with Harry and Ginny for three days. She still hadn’t said anything about what had happened, and the Potters were sensitive enough to avoid the conversation until Hermione seemed ready to talk about it. She had been spending a lot of her time with Jane and the triplets, something for which Ginny was grateful.
In the morning, before Harry went to work, Ginny decided she would take Hermione on a walk that afternoon. Harry told her Hermione would not be ready to talk about her problem, but Ginny was too worried to listen to him.
“I’ll call Mum to see if she can come over,” she told him. “We need to talk without preoccupations.”
“Let’s sit here. My feet hurt,” said Ginny.
“It’s no wonder,” Hermione said. “Do you have any idea of how long we’ve been walking? It’s even starting to get dark. I’m hungry already.”
“I hope Mum cooks something. I’m tired.”
After a few moments of awkward silence, Ginny decided to break the silence with the question that had been bothering her for days.
“Hermione, what happened with Michael? You’ve been staying over for three days and you’ve barely said a word. Did you have a big row? Don’t tell me you’re running away.”
“Ginny, I...” Hermione swallowed. “I threw Michael out of the house last week.”
Ginny was gobsmacked. She blinked for a minute or so, at a loss for words.
“I... I never thought it could get this bad.”
“Someone sent me some pictures... of Michael with another woman, and they... They were quite compromising.”
"That bastard... And you’ve kept it to yourself for a week? And you say it as it were nothing of importance?” Ginny shrilled.
“Ginny... I didn’t want to burden you and Harry with my problems. I only came here because I realized the burden was too heavy for me to carry by myself”alone. And I say it the way I say it because... I’m exhausted. I’ve been lying to myself for such a long time...” Hermione said, starting to cry. “I feel so stupid. I feel so embarrassed. I feel like such a failure.”
“I promise Harry and I will help you with everything you need,” Ginny said, embracing her friend.
“I don’t know what to do,” Hermione said, producing a lace handkerchief from her pocket. “If I had only confronted Michael earlier... I just brought this upon myself. I let him lie to my face every day.”
“Hermione...” said Ginny cautiously. “Did you... Did you ever suspect he was cheating?”
“Oh, Ginny...” Hermione sighed. “It was so much easier to carry on with life and pretend everything was fine.”
Ginny took that as a “yes.”
“That isn’t like you, Hermione. Hiding from your problems is not the solution.”
“You’re right. I couldn’t run away from the fact that I failed to keep my marriage together,” said Hermione sadly.
“Hermione... Your marriage started to fall apart long before that wedding.”
“I know.”
“You’re... you’re so much different now than you were a few years ago.”
“Listen... When Mum and Dad died, I couldn’t have felt more alone. Even though I’m very grateful for having you and your family... I miss my parents every day, Ginny. Every day. Since the day I received the phone call that their plane had crashed, I was never the same. Mum was one of my best friends, and the person that I looked to for advice and guidance. And I didn’t have her anymore. I got scared of life. I didn’t want to live another day without her or Dad. And I also didn’t have Ron with me, so I...” Hermione paused. “I felt three times the grief. I dove into self pity, I started doubting myself... You know how many times I’ve replayed that scene at the restaurant with your brother?”
Ginny remained silent, looking at her friend with pity. It was clear these thoughts had been tormenting her for a very long time.
“For about two years after he left, I went to bed every night remembering how excited I had been that night and how it all blew up in my face. It had been our first proper date in months! I’d been feeling hurt because I felt Ron was hiding something from me, but I still had high expectations for the evening. The more I think about it, the more I think what happened was all some huge misunderstanding. You know? Something he probably couldn’t tell me because of his training... Something that had nothing to do with me or with our relationship. Or even worse, something that was happening in my head.
“I remember how I stood up indignantly, angry at him for having to cut the evening short. It wasn’t even his fault! It was his job! But I stood up with no idea of what that would cause. I’d just planned to go home, cool off, and talk it over with him in the following days... But then he followed me outside... And I said things I regretted immediately. I didn’t want to break up. I loved him so much... But the words just slipped. The thing is... I never expected him to leave the way he did. I still had hope that it would all be solved in a few days time. And then he left without even saying goodbye.”
No wonder she’s so messed up, Ginny almost said aloud, immediately embarrassed by her thoughts.
“I guess this is how I changed. Slowly, but surely, I turned into someone I am beginning to be repulsed by. Merlin, I really don’t know how this went so wrong. This isn’t the life I imagined I would have. Not at all. This isn’t the life I wanted.”
Ginny thought of what to say for a moment.
“You know what I think? I think there is a lesson to be learned from all of this.” She gave Hermione the quickest of smiles. “And it’s time to make things right.”
Hermione nodded as she smiled.
“There’s only one good thing that has come out of this, and that’s Jane. I love her so much, Ginny. Like I never imagined I could. And my greatest fear is that she will be terribly hurt by the mistakes I’ve made.”
“That’s why I think you need to talk to Michael.”
Hermione looked at her in surprise. Ginny continued.
“I know I sound like a mad woman, but don’t you think it is quite suspicious the way these pictures surfaced? Things with Michael had been fine up to that point, weren’t they?”
“Relatively, yes.”
“The times I’ve seen Michael since Jane was born... I don’t know... He seemed different. It’s obvious that he cares about the two of you very much. I think you need to talk to him before you rush into any decision. Because it seems to me that, even though Michael was wrong in doing what he did, someone was trying to hurt you and your marriage.” Ginny paused for a moment. “Have you talked to Michael about the pictures? Has he told you when they were taken?”
“I think they were together while I was in the hospital.”
“You have to talk to him as soon as possible. The sooner you do, the sooner everything will be solved.”
Hermione and Ginny walked back to the house in silence, but Hermione looked and felt noticeably better.
“I’m going to call him,” Hermione told Ginny when they reached the front door, taking her Blackberry out of her pocket.
“Alright, but don’t take too long. I can already feel the effects of the warming charm starting to fade from my coat.”
“Don’t worry,” replied Hermione, laughing as Ginny went into the house.
She turned the phone on, ignored the voicemail alerts, and dialled Michael’s number. She was astonished to get his voicemail recording. Nevertheless, she prepared to leave him a very important message.
“Michael... It’s me. I need to talk to you. I’ve been thinking about us and Jane and I think we need to resolve our situation once and for all, but I need straight answers from you. Please contact me soon. I... I don’t know where you are, but I have a pretty good feeling you’re with Liam... I’m staying with Jane at Harry and Ginny’s house. I know she misses you. Call me soon. Bye.” Hermione ended the phone call and went into the house. There were voices coming from the kitchen so she hung her coat and walked towards them.
She was surprised to find Harry looking grim, sitting at the table as Molly served him a cup of tea. Ginny’s back was towards her, since she was looking out the window over the sink.
“Merlin, who died?” Hermione teased lightly, as she sat next to Harry. Molly tensed, but Hermione didn’t notice. “You are depressing me, Harry Potter. How many cups of tea have you had? Isn’t it time to bring out the Firewhiskey bottle?”
“Hermione...” said Harry, in a voice that told her something was very wrong.
Ginny turned to face her and Hermione realized she was close to tears.
“Oh my God! Is Jane alright? Where is she?” Hermione practically screamed.
“Jane’s perfectly fine!” Molly’s volume matched hers. “She’s taking her nap.”
“Listen,” Harry continued. “John was here until a few minutes ago. He waited for you for a while.”
“John? John Lancaster? Beth’s John?”
Harry nodded.
“What did he want?” Hermione asked slowly, looking bewildered at Harry, Molly, and Ginny. When no one said anything, her relatively calm demeanour turned frantic. “Is Beth alright? Are the children okay? Tell me, Harry! Say something!”
“Hermione,” said Ginny softly, “Michael’s had an accident.”