Uncertainty
Hermione walked silently alongside Ginny, behind a nurse. The few minutes she had spent following her seemed like hours. With each step, she grew more and more nervous.
She had arrived to St. Mary's Hospital not knowing what to expect. After the initial shock of learning that Michael had been hurt, Hermione listened as Harry tried to explain what he knew about the accident.
“He crashed Liam Parke’s car when he was on his way to London,” Harry had said. “There was some kind of construction work going on and he crashed against one of those concrete barriers.”
“Was Liam with him? Why was he driving that car?” Hermione knew Liam’s car was a tiny convertible built for speed, not safety.
“I think Liam wasn’t in the car... I don’t know why he was driving. I mean””
“I need to get to the hospital,” Hermione interrupted Harry, walking out of the kitchen and putting her coat on.
“I’ll go with you,” Ginny told her.
“Ginny, you don’t have to””
“But I want to.”
Hermione would have been lying if she’d said she didn’t want Ginny there with her.
They finally reached double doors that read, “Intensive Care Unit”Restricted Access.”
“They’re through here,” said the nurse gently, sliding a key card through a card reader and opening one of the doors for them. Hermione and Ginny were suddenly standing in a long corridor. Hermione recognized the four figures sitting in a little waiting area at the very end of the hallway.
Ginny looked at her friend worriedly.
They walked quickly, in silence, until they reached Liam, Beth, Peter, and Elizabeth. Beth stood up as soon as she saw Hermione.
“Thank God you’re here,” she said, giving her sister-in-law a strong hug.
Hermione felt embarrassed. Last time she had seen Beth she had practically thrown her out of her house.
Peter, who was sitting next to his wife, also got up. Elizabeth didn’t move one bit. Hermione thought she was praying.
“How long has he been in?” Hermione asked. She was shaking. Peter gave her a peck on the cheek.
“About an hour. He’s in surgery.” Beth answered. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen.
“How” How bad is it?” Hermione asked.
Beth didn’t reply. Peter lowered his gaze.
“Beth,” Hermione insisted, her voice trembling as she grabbed Beth’s arms and shook her slightly. “Tell me how bad!”
“It’s pretty bad,” Beth finally whispered.
“Shit.” Hermione felt her stomach flip.
“He was in Liam’s Aston Martin, this awfully tiny car... They don’t know what happened exactly, but since he was driving over the speed limit...” Beth drifted off.
Hermione remained silent. She couldn’t fathom the idea of Michael, of whom she had always made fun of for driving like an old man, driving irresponsibly.
“He went through the windshield,” Peter whispered, almost to himself. Ginny gasped.
“It’s a miracle he’s still alive,” Beth sobbed.
Hermione looked at her with pure horror etched on her face.
“Can’t they transfer him to St. Mungo’s?” Ginny asked. “Surely his injuries can’t be much of a challenge for a Healer.”
“Daddy called a few of his friends, and I told Ben to come over, but they said that while Michael was in the operating room there was nothing that could be done.”
“Where is Ben? And John?” asked Hermione. She didn’t want to talk about Michael anymore. She didn’t want to know any more details about the accident. She couldn’t think about her feelings right now.
“They went to get some tea for Mum...” said Beth. “I’m going to call home, see how the children are doing. Excuse me.”
Hermione nodded and turned to Peter. Elizabeth appeared to be unaware of her presence.
“I’m... I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner,” Hermione told him.
“The important thing is that you’re here. Hermione...” Peter sighed. “I’m deeply sorry about... everything. I only found out what happened a couple of days ago. If I’d known something sooner””
“Thanks. I know,” Hermione replied.
“How’s your wife?” Ginny asked politely.
“She’s scared,” Peter answered. “The doctors here... Well, let’s say they didn’t give us much hope. But they are the best in London. The very best.” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself.
Hermione noticed Liam sitting quietly on a corner. She walked over and sat next to him.
“I’m so sorry,” Liam told her. “I don’t know how I let him get in that car.”
“It’s not your fault,” Hermione replied.
“It’s like I gave him a loaded gun, Hermione! He wasn’t well... He wasn’t fit to drive. I should have known better.”
Hermione didn’t reply.
Two hours later. No news. Elizabeth Sandford was getting anxious.
“They haven’t been out in a long time, Peter.”
“Maybe those are good news, darling,” Peter tried to assure her. “No news has to be better than bad news.”
“We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her,” Elizabeth told her husband, her voice dripping with disgust. She didn’t realize Hermione and Ginny were able to hear everything she was saying from where they were sitting.
“Elizabeth, this was Michael’s fault,” said Peter firmly. “You know this very well.”
“She kicked him out of his own house!” she hissed. “She broke my son’s heart!”
“Don’t give me that,” said Peter angrily. His face was red.
“Well, what do you want me to say?” Elizabeth shot back. “He deserves to be here? He went mental, Peter! He could have killed Patricia!”
Patricia?
Hermione looked at Ginny. They both had confusion etched on their faces.
“For once and for all, face the facts,” Peter said, raising his voice slightly. “Your son is here because of his own irresponsibility and utter disregard for other people.”
“He’s your son too, Peter. Don’t you care?”
“I think I care more than you ever will.” With that, Peter stood up and walked away, leaving Elizabeth looking hurt.
“I don’t get it,” said Hermione. “What did she mean ‘he could have killed Patricia?’”
“I’m as confused as you are,” said Ginny.
Michael came out of the operating room shortly after Elizabeth’s exchange with Peter.
“The surgery went well,” the doctor told them hesitantly. “But he is still in a very fragile condition. It’s going to take a lot of time for him to recover.” The doctor paused. He did not seem ready to say what was coming next.
“What is it? Please,” Hermione begged.
“Is he going to be alright, though? Did the concussion affect him severely?” Elizabeth insisted.
“Mrs. Sandford,” the doctor said, addressing Hermione, “it is likely your husband lost eye sight because of the injuries he suffered when he went through the car’s windshield.”
“Oh, Merlin,” Hermione groaned, shaking her head. The doctor was taken aback.
“My experience tells me it’s unlikely we can give him his eye sight back,” the doctor said.
“No, no, no,” Elizabeth moaned over and over as Peter hugged her.
“It could be worse, Lizzie,” Peter told her gently, trying to hold back tears and failing. “It could be worse. He could be dead.”
“Can I see him?” Hermione asked unexpectedly.
The doctor nodded. She followed the doctor into Michael’s room without looking back.
As soon as she saw him, she felt sick. The scene in front of her was dreadful.
Most of Michael’s body was covered in either bandages or plaster. His handsome face was covered in cuts and bruises, his eyes bandaged. A breathing tube was taped to his mouth.
“Oh, Michael...”
Hermione spent a few moments in the room with Michael. Her face said everything she couldn’t say. She was horrified, confused, and she didn’t know what to do.
Of all the scenarios she imagined when she eventually had to see her husband again, never did she imagine that he would be fighting for his life.
“Mrs. Sandford?” Hermione was startled as the nurse interrupted her train of thought. “Um, your mother-in-law””
“Say no more,” Hermione told the nurse, walking out of the room. As soon as she did, Elizabeth got up from her chair and almost ran into the room. Hermione could hear her sobbing.
“Is it really bad?” Ginny asked as Hermione sat in the chair next to her.
Hermione could only nod.
“I am so, so sorry,” said Ginny, wrapping her arms around her friend. “Are you feeling alright?”
Hermione looked at her sternly.
“Right,” Ginny said. “Stupid question.”
“Hermione? Are you awake?”
She felt someone calling her from very far away. Oh, she thought”rather foolishly”in her unconscious state, they must want to talk to me.
“Hermione?”
She opened her eyes to find Ginny and Beth looking at her with concern.
“Darling, the doctor is suggesting we go home to rest,” said Beth.
“Oh,” replied Hermione, still trying to wake up. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. They say Michael is stable and that it’s not likely he’s waking up soon,” Beth told her.
“Also, that chair looks very uncomfortable,” Ginny chimed in.
Hermione sighed. “It is.” She had chosen to stay in the waiting room and leave Peter and Elizabeth with Michael. She couldn’t be in there with him. Not until she got a grip on the situation.
This had all happened too fast. One minute she was trying to reach Michael to sort things out between them, and the next she was facing a very hard future: having to look after a seven-month-old baby and a blind husband.
Part of her was angry at Michael for doing what he did, for betraying her trust. She was almost angry at him for getting himself into this mess. But another part of her told her that what had happened was punishment enough for him.
“The Healers from St. Mungo’s came by,” Beth said, bringing Hermione back. “They said they could transfer Michael as early as tomorrow morning.”
“What do you say?” Ginny asked. “Want to go home with me? We can get back early in the morning.”
“I guess that’s okay. I won’t do anything by staying here, right?”
Hermione and Ginny apparated to Penny Lane. Although Ginny fell asleep almost immediately after her head touched the pillow, Hermione found herself unable to close her eyes. After tossing and turning for 45 minutes, she got up and went downstairs to fix herself a cup of tea.
As the water reached boiling point, Harry walked into the kitchen.
“Can’t sleep, eh?” he said.
“No,” Hermione replied. “What’s your excuse?”
“Becky decided she wants a snack,” Harry told her. He looked at her worriedly. “I know you must be pretty tired of hearing this question but... How are you?”
“I’m so confused,” Hermione said, letting out a sigh. “I wasn’t even sure of what I was going to do before the accident and now... I’m completely lost.”
“Which is funny because you always had amazing advice for me,” Harry said in a light tone. Hermione gave him a weak smile.
“I’m really sorry this is happening,” he continued, serious now. “But I’m sure you will get through this. You’re strong... You’re brilliant... And I think that deep down you know what to do.”
“I... I love Michael,” Hermione told Harry. “I care about him. But the truth is that I don’t love him the way I said I did. I never have and I know I never will.
“Despite all this... He is Jane’s father. I don’t want her to grow up with a single mother. I want us to raise her together. It’s hard to explain it. I just think she deserves that, you know?”
“I understand,” Harry said quietly.”But you don’t have to stay in the marriage against your will. Subjecting yourself to a loveless marriage won’t do any of you any good.”
“I know that. The thing is, ‘to love and to hold’ wasn’t the only vow I made. Michael really needs me now, and I know that if he were in my position he would be there for me.”
It was Harry’s turn to give Hermione a sad smile.
“I told you you’d know what to do.”
After being able to sleep a bit, Hermione got ready to go to the hospital once more and, this time, face the responsibility that came as a consequence of Michael’s accident.
“Good morning,” Harry told her. He had been waiting for her at the foot of the stairs.
“Hi,” she replied with a yawn.
“There’s a letter for you,” Harry told her. “It’s from Beth.”
Hermione took a look at the letter and sighed.
“Michael’s in St. Mungo’s,” she said. “I’ll just apparate over right now.”
“Good luck.”
Hermione experienced the familiar feeling of being pushed through a tight rubber tube for a second, and then she was facing the busy atrium of St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.
She knew where to find Michael. Since his injuries weren’t of a magical nature and St. Mungo’s didn’t usually treat those kinds of injuries, he would probably be on the third floor, where Ben could help with his recovery and keep a close eye on him.
Peter and Elizabeth were with Michael when she arrived.
“Hello, Hermione,” Peter said when she entered the room.
“Good morning,” she replied. “How is he?”
“They mended all his bones,” Elizabeth replied with a smile, something Hermione had not seen her do in ages. “Ben got him to breathe on his own, too. Also put a bit of bruise healing paste here and there... We’re just waiting for him to tell us what can be done for the eyes.”
Peter squeezed his wife’s shoulder.
Hermione looked at Michael, realizing he looked much better than the day before. His breathing tube was gone, and the cuts on his face were fading. The only thing that remained the same was the gauze over his blue eyes.
“Hermione! You’re here!” Ben said brightly as he entered the room.
“I take it you have good news?” she said as he hugged her.
“Well, I still haven’t figured out what spell to use on the eyes. I’ve been reading and reading but can’t seem to find anything that may help. But apart from that, everything looks great! It seems he’s going to recover slowly but surely.”
“Oh Ben! Thank you so much!” Elizabeth gushed.
Suddenly, Michael groaned.
Everyone freezed.
He groaned again.
“Michael?” Elizabeth whispered nervously. “Darling? Can you hear me?”
“Hermione?” Michael said, his voice hoarse.
All eyes focused on her.
“Shh, I’m here,” she said, walking toward him but not getting too close.
Michael’s hand searched for hers.
She reached out hesitantly, not sure of whether she wanted to take his hand or not. She finally did take it, and it was freezing. He didn’t have much strength.
“Michael?” Elizabeth asked anxiously. “Do you feel alright?”
“What’s going on?” he mumbled. “Everything’s dark.”
As they explained to him what happened and what was going on, he started sobbing.
“Shh, it’s alright,” said Hermione quietly.
“I’m so sorry,” Michael said, his voice still rough.
And Hermione knew what he was talking about.
---
“Ready to go?”
“You’re going with me?”
“Yeah,” said Harry. “Ginny wanted to go keep you company but I think it’s better we let her sleep-in this morning, so I’ll just go to the Ministry in the afternoon.”
“Thanks for doing this.”
“Mind if we get some coffee first?”
“Not at all.”
Today was the day Healers would re-evaluate Michael’s condition, and they would let the family know when he would be discharged from St. Mungo’s.
Hermione was nervous. She didn’t know how long it would take to fall into a routine. She didn’t know how things would work now that technically she and Michael were back together. After a couple of weeks of having Michael in the hospital, Hermione still hadn’t fully grasped the situation.
Last night, she took Jane to see her dad. Michael had gotten better. His vision hadn’t returned completely, but he was able to at least see shadows. A visit from Jane, his princess, put him in bright spirits.
“You know,” he told Hermione, as he tickled Jane, “I love you both so very much.”
Jane was giggling. Hermione forced herself to smile weakly, but didn’t reply.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?”
“Oh, I’m just tired.”
Michael remained quiet for a minute.
“I’m very sorry,” he said quietly. “About everything.”
“I know,” Hermione replied. “You need to stop apologizing.”
“If I could go back and do things over again””
“The thing is, Michael, we can’t go back and change things. They are the way they are and what we have to do is embrace what’s happened and move on.”
This wasn’t the way she was expecting to move on, but she’d embraced it.
“You’re angry,” he said.
“I’m hurt,” she replied.
“I’ll make it up to you.”
“Let’s just get you out of this mess first.”
Jane bounced happily on her father’s lap.
Once they were inside St. Mungo’s, sipping coffee from warm Styrofoam cups as they climbed the stairs toward Michael’s room, Hermione asked Harry a question that had been bothering her lately.
“Is Ron alright? Is he happy?”
Harry allowed himself to look at his friend as if she were barking mad.
“He seems to be... Why are you asking me this?”
“Because I want him to be happy. That’s all.”
Harry knew there was something Hermione wasn’t telling him. And he had known her long enough to know that she was still deeply in love with Ron. She couldn’t fool anyone. Which is why he was so angered by the fact that his two best friends insisted on continuing to make more mistakes. But he told himself not to get involved anymore. The situation was too messed up already without his involvement.
As they entered the corridor, Hermione heard someone scream. She looked up, and she saw how Elizabeth Sandford’s petite frame fell to the floor. The man in lime-green robes stood awkwardly as Peter Sandford tried to console his wife.
Hermione dropped the cup in her hand and ran toward the Sandfords. She heard Harry as he ran behind her. Her heart was ready to pound through her chest. When she was getting closer, the Healer turned toward her, a pained expression on his face.
“I am so deeply sorry,” he simply said. “There wasn’t anything we could do.”
Hermione just stepped back slowly and fell into a chair. She looked at the Healer with a blank expression, as if she didn’t understand. The air seemed to vanish from her lungs. She stared blankly at the space in front of her.
Michael was gone.