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Realizing It's Never Too Late by Gryffindor Girl

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Chapter Notes: Is anyone still there? Yes, I'm actually still writing this thing. Hope you enjoy.
Chapter Eighteen
Catharsis


–Hello,” Ben called, walking into the garden. –Nice weather you have going on in here. It’s freezing out there.”

–Just perfecting that weather charm!” exclaimed Hermione, a smile on her face as she gave Ben a hug. –I’m so happy to see you.”

–You feel like you are about to break,” Ben told her, half-jokingly. Hermione laughed nervously.

–I’m all right,” she said gently.

–Are you sure?” Ben asked, glancing at her sideways as he picked Jane up from the blanket Hermione had laid out on the grass.

–So to what do I owe this visit?”

–Just wanted to check on you,” Ben simply said, planting a kiss on Jane’s cheek.

–How are things?”

–Well, I think everything is going exactly the way you would expect,” Ben said dryly, sitting down on the blanket with Jane.

–Would you like anything to drink, or--”

–No, no. Sit down, please.”

–How are they?” Hermione asked quietly, sitting cross-legged in front of Ben.

Ben looked down.

–I don’t really know where to begin,” he told her. –Elizabeth is clearly letting herself go. She transferred her company shares to Peter. Now he has an overwhelming advantage over the rest of the board. A lot of people are angry.”

There was an awkward pause.

–What else, Ben?”

Ben looked uncomfortable. The silence sat awkwardly between them. Jane was playing with Ben’s watch. He tickled her, and her laughter filled the garden.

–As far as I know, Elizabeth is putting all of her affairs in order and Peter’s very worried. He’s stopped going into the office altogether. I think he’s so concerned that he is considering getting her professional help. To be honest, I don’t understand how he hasn’t done it already.”

–How do you know all this?”

–Where do you think Liam has been staying?”

–Liam’s living with you?”

–He moved out of his place,” Ben said, nodding. –Says he’s going to sell it. Something about too many memories there.”

–So what?” asked Hermione, suddenly irritated. –He’s just going to pretend Michael never existed? He’s just trying to forget him?”

–Hermione,” Ben said quietly, –I think Liam is just trying to forget Michael is gone.”

Hermione looked away, suddenly interested in the way the grass moved at the will of the wind.

–I received a letter from Peter this morning,” she told Ben, still looking away. –He’s asking me to go visit them in Bedford.”

Jane giggled. She pushed herself up to play with the butterflies fluttering around the nearby patch of flowers.

–What did you say?”

–I haven’t written back.”

–But what are you going to say?”

–Well, I’m not sure I know yet.” Hermione sighed, exasperated. –This is a lot to take in.”

Ben thought carefully of what he would say next.

–It would do them a world of good if you visited.”

–I’ll keep it in mind.”

–And since when hasn’t Jane seen her--”

–Don’t push me, Ben.”

–All right. I’m sorry.”

–There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Hermione said gently. –But... you know Elizabeth hates me.”

–Being completely honest with you, I highly doubt that is the case anymore.”

Hermione gave Ben an incredulous look.

–Trust me,” he said.

–How’s Beth?” Hermione asked, changing the subject yet again.

–You keep asking about everyone but won’t let me get a word in to ask about you.”

–Are the children all right?” Hermione pressed.

Ben smiled wryly.

–John and Beth are taking a Caribbean holiday at the moment.”

Before Hermione could say anything, she noticed Jane had started to put flowers in her mouth.

–No, no, Jane!” she shrilled, getting up to grab her daughter. –Pretty flowers are not for eating.”

Ben laughed.

Jane began to cry when her mother separated her from the bright blooms.

–All right, I think it’s time for your nap,” Hermione said.

The three of them headed towards the house. Ben was taken aback when he went in.

–What’s this?” he asked, looking at all the boxes around him. –Are you moving?”

Hermione’s face turned pink. –I am,” she admitted.

–Why didn’t you tell me?”

–I... didn’t know how. Michael had this house for a long time. I didn’t know how you would react.”

–What do you want to do? Where will you live?”

–I think we’ll go to Oxford.”

–Maybe you can have Liam’s place,” Ben said insincerely.

There was silence. Jane squirmed in Hermione’s arms, trying to break free.

–I’m sorry,” Hermione said.

–No, I shouldn’t have said that. I just didn’t expect you to move. I mean, when my dad died, all my mum did was rearrange the furniture.”

–Well, the house is much too big for the two of us. And I live all the way up here, far from family and friends... I know that shouldn’t even matter, because you can all be here in a second if need be, but... it matters to me.”

Ben nodded.

–Fair enough,” he mumbled.

They went up the stairs and into Jane’s room, where there were toys scattered all over the floor.

–Pardon the mess,” Hermione said. –Mind the creatures.”

–Somebody has been busy!” Ben laughed, tickling Jane.

–You have no idea. She grabs everything within reach. Most of my day consists of me hovering over her to make sure she doesn’t put anything in her mouth. I don’t remember the last time I took a proper bath.”

–Well, why don’t you take one now? I can look after Jane. She’ll be asleep anyway.”

Hermione laughed. –I’ll be fine.”

–No, I mean it,” Ben insisted. –You go and I’ll prepare lunch for us.”

Hermione closed the drapes as Ben tucked Jane in, then almost ran to her bedroom, extremely excited about the prospect of being able to take a bath without having to keep one eye on the baby in the bouncy chair lying in the middle of the bathroom.


–Merlin, Ben, you have no idea how much I needed that,” Hermione laughed lightly as she walked into the kitchen. In front of her stood Ben, with Jane in his arms, and sitting at the table was Ron.

–Hello,” Ron said meekly, with a hesitant wave of his hand.

Hermione looked at Ben, then back at Ron, then at Ben.

–How long was I up there?” She was frozen in place.

Ron snorted.

Hermione sighed, a smile threatening to break out.

Jane, who was in Ben’s arms, cried and stretched her chubby arms towards her mother.

–Jane Elizabeth, I thought I left you napping,” Hermione said sternly, still flustered by Ron’s presence in her kitchen. She moved towards Ben and took her daughter.

–She started fussing a bit after Ron got here,” Ben said.

–Oh. Had you met before?” Hermione looked at both men, confused. She kept trying to place Ben and Ron in the same place at the same time and failed.

–No,” Ron said. –We just met.”

–Didn’t take much to realize he’s one of Ginny Weasley’s brothers, though,” Ben said, fuzzing his own hair and making Ron laugh.

–What are you doing here?” Hermione asked softly.

Ron’s cheeks turned pink. He turned serious.

–Just wanted to see how you were,” he told her, not quite making eye contact.

Ben cleared his throat.

–How about I take Jane upstairs so you two can have a proper chat? Ron here tells me you two haven’t spoken in ages.” Without allowing Hermione to refuse, Ben took Jane from her arms and exited the kitchen.

–Would you like anything?” Hermione asked awkwardly.

–I’m all right, thanks.”

–It’s nice to see you,” Hermione whispered.

–It’s terribly nice to see you,” Ron replied.

Hermione felt uneasy. Her hands were trembling, and her head was pounding. She tried very hard to control her breathing. The last few times she had seen Ron, Hermione had realized how she kept trying to repress her feelings and how violently they resurfaced when she let her guard down.

–How have you been?” she managed to ask.

–Everything’s going well.”

–How’s the ministry?”

–I really love it there,” Ron immediately replied. –At least Claudia and I get to work together now that we’ve graduated from paperwork.”

–That’s nice,” Hermione told him in the most sincere tone she could muster. She sat down next to him, but both just stared at the table without making eye contact.

–How’s everyone in Ottery St. Catchpole?” she continued. –I got George’s wedding invitation. Molly must be busy.”

–You have no idea.”

–I miss you,” Hermione suddenly admitted. From the corner of her eye she saw Ron’s head snap sideways.

–So do I,” he muttered. –Jane has grown so much.”

–I know,” Hermione replied, a smile lighting up her face. –She was so tiny, and now she tries to wrangle her way out off my arms whenever she sees something shiny.”

Ron laughed. –Harry tells me you’re moving to Oxford?”

–Yes.”

–At least you’ll be closer to us.” The way Ron said –us” made Hermione smile once again. –Do you need anything?” he continued. –Are you and Jane all right?”

–Yes, we’re doing all right. I’ve been trying to pack up Michael’s things... Ginny and another friend have been dropping by to help.”

–I’m sorry I haven’t--”

–No, please! You don’t have to. I appreciate you coming over today.” A definite understatement.

–I was sorry to hear about what happened. I should have been here the last time, too,” Ron told Hermione, referring to her parents’ deaths.

It was then that she began to tune him out. It was too painful to remember –the last time.” Too painful to remember his absence. Too painful to remember what led to it.

Suddenly, she felt Ron’s hand on hers, which was clenched into a fist. He smoothed his fingers over her own until the fist relaxed, and poured her a glass of water.

–Thank you,” was all Hermione said.

–Don’t worry about it.” The silence that followed was agonizing.

–Claudia and I are willing to help with whatever you need.”

Hermione flinched internally. She nodded.

–Thank you,” she finally managed. –Thanks for... caring.”

–I’m not here because I feel guilty, Hermione.” Ron sighed. –Just because we’re not together anymore doesn’t mean I don’t care. And I should have been there for you in the past. There’s no excuse for that. You would have been there for me. We were best friends for years, Hermione. Me not being here for you right now would be... just unacceptable.”

Hermione did all she could to stop herself from wrapping her arms around Ron and begging for his forgiveness. Because he had been blaming himself far too long for something she was just as guilty of.

–I better go,” Ron said. –You know how to find me.” Awkwardly giving her a pat on the arm, he walked away.

–Thank you for coming, again.” Hermione’s voice was soft and quiet.


Hermione walked into the sitting room, where Ben sat reading an old issue of Quidditch Today.

–Is everything all right?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

Ben looked at her quizzically. –Should I serve lunch?”

–I don’t know.” She looked dazed.

–Hermione, I’m not joking. Are you all right?”

–I don’t know.”

–What happened?” Ben looked horrified.

Hermione sighed.

–Ron is... my ex. Boyfriend.” It sounded so trivial.

–Oh,” Ben said, suddenly uncomfortable. –It never occurred to me you had any of those.”

–I’ve got just the one.”

–Did he want anything from you?”

Ron didn’t want anything from her anymore. He had Claudia now.

Hermione’s eyes welled up. She shook her head.

–Hey, it’s all right,” Ben said softly. He took her hand. –What’s the story with this bloke?”

She finally smiled.

–Oh, you have no idea how long the story is.”

–I have loads of time.”


Hermione knocked on the door.

Within seconds, Peter Sandford answered it.

–Hermione,” he said softly. –Thank you for coming.”

Hermione gave him a gentle smile.

–How could I not?” she said, hugging him as she walked into the house. Jane was in her arms.

–And how is the prettiest girl in the world?” asked Peter, grabbing his granddaughter’s attention.

Jane smiled broadly as her mother handed her over to her grandfather.

–How are you?” Hermione asked Peter.

–Well, I’m taking things one day at a time,” he told her, as Jane managed to get a hold of his glasses, making him smile. He looked exhausted, though.

–Let’s join Lizzie for some tea.” He took Hermione’s hand and led her toward the north sitting room.


Elizabeth Sandford was sitting on a chair by the window. The day was a perfect reflection of her life nowadays. No colors. No spirit. Just days of sitting around, not knowing what she waited for.

Elizabeth felt someone approaching, and yet she remained just like she was. She didn’t have the energy to sit up straight, or put makeup on, or dress properly.

–Lizzie,” her husband said. –Hermione and Jane have come to visit.”

Elizabeth remained still, her back to her guests.

–Hello,” she managed.

Hermione stood awkwardly, not knowing what to say or do.

–Why don’t you have a seat?” Peter said, gently nudging her forward.

–Of course,” Hermione replied, walking towards Elizabeth and taking the seat next to her. Hermione was surprised to see the state her mother-in-law was in.

–Why don’t you talk while I take Jane to see the horses?” Peter said nervously. –Beth’s boys are down there and they will be very excited to see this little one.”

–Are you sure?” Hermione interjected quickly. –I would be more than happy to go with you down to the stables.”

–I think you two need to talk,” Peter said. He walked out of the room, talking to Jane animatedly.

Hermione noticed that although she had been in the house for more than five minutes, the only thing Elizabeth had said to her was –hello.” No criticism. Nothing. The only thing the woman had done had been stare at the cup of tea on her lap.

Elizabeth looked different. Thinner. Paler. Deteriorated. Quiet. But just when Hermione thought she should go after Peter, Elizabeth broke the silence.

–I always expected Michael to marry a society girl,” she said. She was so calm it scared Hermione. –You know, a girl with a title. Someone who had been raised and prepared for a life as grand as I wanted my son’s to be. And then he fell in love with you.”

Ah, there it is, Hermione thought.

–I was not prepared for you, Hermione. I was taken by surprise by Michael’s sudden enthusiasm with such a simple girl. It just did not go along with my expectations.”

To say this conversation was destroying anything Hermione expected from her visit would have been an understatement.

–I once wanted Michael to be Minister for Magic,” Elizabeth told her. –Did he ever tell you that?”

Hermione was taken aback. She shook her head.

–Well, I’m not surprised. He hated the idea. He loved working with his father. He was very happy. But there was always something missing. I didn’t realize it then, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. He met you, Hermione, and suddenly... he seemed complete. But I guess he didn’t know what to do with that.”

Hermione could not believe her ears.

–I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted him to keep looking, keep my plan on track. Michael had to shine. He had his entire life ahead of him! And then you got pregnant and I just couldn’t believe how much was changing in such a small period of time.

–And I know Michael wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t spared the sordid details of my son’s life. Oh, Merlin knows I made sure he wasn’t perfect, too. It’s not something I am proud of. Yet you stuck by him. Until you just couldn’t do it anymore.”

Elizabeth’s eyes began to well up. She looked away, trying to control her tears with her sleeve. Hermione had no idea what to do. She took the cold cup of tea from Elizabeth’s lap and put it on the coffee table in front of them.

–I’m so embarrassed, Hermione,” Elizabeth said, voice breaking. –I’m so... ashamed. I owe you an apology. I’ve owed you one for a very long time. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t been so focused on myself... If I had stepped in and shaken some sense into my son...”

Elizabeth couldn’t finish, but Hermione understood the meaning in her words. She heard what Elizabeth couldn’t bring herself to say. So she did something she had never done before: she hugged her mother-in-law.

–I am so sorry, Hermione,” Elizabeth kept saying, trying to suppress her sobs. –It’s my fault he’s not here. It’s my fault! I’ve put you through so much... I’ve been so horrible all this time--”

–Elizabeth, please don’t--”

–You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve any of it.”

Now it was time for Hermione’s eyes to fill with tears. She pulled away and wiped them away, and Elizabeth took her hand.

–Please, I beg you,” Elizabeth continued, holding Hermione’s hand tightly, –don’t keep Jane away from us. Don’t take her away. She is the only part of Michael I have left, and I wouldn’t be able to bear the pain if I lose her as well.”

Hermione looked at Elizabeth with wide eyes. –I would never do that. I could never.”

There was silence for a while. Hermione held Elizabeth's hand while Elizabeth managed to calm herself down. Suddenly, Hermione heard the boys running into the house.

–Would you like me to get you some more tea?” Hermione asked, suddenly worried that the boys would come in and see Elizabeth crying.

–That would be lovely,” Elizabeth replied. –I’m going to get dressed.”

Mary came in and took Elizabeth’s hand, helping her up.

–I just put the kettle on, ma’am,” she said. –Let’s get you upstairs.”

Once her mother-in-law and the housekeeper had exited the room, Hermione headed towards the voices of her nephews. She found Spencer and Marcus playing with tiny race cars in the kitchen while one of the nannies tried to get them to eat their lunch. Andrew sat on a high chair, picking cereal from a bowl and only occasionally bringing it to his mouth. Meanwhile, Peter sat with his granddaughters at the end of the kitchen table, smiling as Jane babbled and Charlotte listened intently.

As soon as Spencer and Marcus spotted their aunt, they ran to her and hugged her.

–I’ve missed you guys so much!” Hermione exclaimed, crouching down to give them hugs and kisses. They giggled and Charlotte turned her attention over to them. –Charlotte, darling!” Hermione was in awe of her niece. It seemed it had been forever since she last saw her, but it had not been more than a couple of months. She looked so much bigger.

Hermione picked Charlotte up, which made the one-year-old burst into tears.

–Oh, sweetheart! I’m so sorry! You wanted to stay with Grandfather, didn’t you?” The baby girl was promptly placed on Peter’s lap. He laughed and gave Charlotte a kiss while he began to bounce his leg.

–She’s grown so fast I find it hard to keep up with her,” Peter said. Hermione picked up Marcus, who had been extending his arms to her.

A few minutes later, Elizabeth walked in, supported by Mary.

–Hello, Grandmother,” Spencer said quietly. He walked over to Elizabeth and took her hand. –Come see Jane.”

Hermione was nervous. She moved to get Elizabeth a chair next to Peter. Elizabeth took the seat and just stared at Jane, who was playing with a colorful scrap of paper she had taken from the table.

–Hello, darling,” Elizabeth whispered, carefully caressing one of Jane’s red locks of hair. Everyone in the kitchen was silent. –You’re so beautiful.” She carefully took Jane from Peter’s lap and placed her on her own. The baby was still focused on the paper in her hands, until she noticed Elizabeth’s shiny wedding ring and started playing with it.

With a glint in her eye, Elizabeth kissed Jane’s head and held her tightly. And for the first time in what seemed like a long time, she laughed.
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