The door creaked open as Remus stepped inside. He hadn’t been back to Grimmauld Place since that night. He quietly made his way upstairs to his room. He needed to collect a few things before setting off on his new mission. He peaked into various rooms as he passed. He doubted anyone had been back since that night, as everything looked the same. There were books on the floor in the library, just where he had dropped them when Snape’s message came through. As he passed another room, he saw that the chess set was still set up, waiting for he and Sirius to return to it. He blinked back a few tears at the thought. Now was not the time to get emotional. He needed to get out as soon as possible. He wished that he could just leave everything here, like the others were planning. The others, however, had not been living here full time and most had a bit more income than he did currently.
A few more steps and he reached his room. The door creaked as he opened it. Even in just the few weeks of disuse, the room smelled musty again. He glanced quickly around, mentally locating the few necessities that he had come back for. That’s when he noticed it. Her presence. It was gone.
Remus and Tonks had become quite close in the few months that they had known one another. She was always hanging around Grimmauld Place, keeping Sirius company in her spare time. She said that she wanted to get to know the cousin that her mother had always gushed about. She and Remus had been paired up on almost all of their order missions as well. It was an odd pairing, at first, but the more he got to know her, the more he wanted to be around her. She was a damned determined ray of sunshine in this house. She made life here worth living.
Remus shook these thoughts out of his head. He couldn’t think about that now. He had made his decision. He transfigured a candlestick into a bag and started pulling his few belongings out of the drawers. When he opened the second drawer, he was taken aback. Against the faded grey and tattered brown jumpers, the brand new pink blouse glared out at him. Without thinking, he brushed his fingers against the soft fabric.
“We aren’t that different, you and I,” he remembered her saying.
He gasped, pulling his hand away from the offending item. He looked up and could swear that he saw her standing there, just as she was that day, looking incredibly confident and beautiful, with her Weird Sisters t-shirt and ripped jeans, her pink hair spiking up in all directions.
“The money is material and doesn’t matter. The age is inconsequential and you know it. And as for your lycanthropy,” her gaze dropped, then met his again with determination. “We can do this, Remus.”
“Please,” he whispered aloud. “I can’t remember this today.”
Her voice faded as he swallowed back his emotions. Right now, just this once, he would admit it. His missed her in-your-face hair and attitude. He missed her innocent good nature. He missed the way she smiled, and made him smile in return. He missed…her. He closed his eyes for a moment, reminded himself that he wasn’t supposed to miss her, and then continued packing. When he had finished, he shrunk the bag and put it in his pocket. He took one last look around the room, and all he could see was the glaring absence of her things. Her gloves usually ended up somewhere on the desk, a t-shirt on the floor, her nightshirt on the bed. They didn’t share a bed, or even a room, but her things somehow always ended up in here. Remus sighed, then closed the door and started down the steps.
When he reached the front door, he took one last look around the house. For all he knew, this would be the last time he’d ever see it. While the circumstances in which they had all come to live here weren’t the best, some of the best times he’d had in recent years occurred in this house and he was sorry to leave it. He savoured the feeling of a solid roof over his head and a relatively warm house for a few more moments. He was going underground to live with his kind, the werewolves, and who knew when he would be in a place like this next?
He turned to the front door and closed his eyes just before turning the knob.
“Goodbye Sirius,” he whispered. “You deserved better than this.” He opened the door and stepped out into the early morning light. “And Nymphadora deserves better than me.”
Better Than Me by rard
Chapter Notes: I own nothing! Ms. Rowling was just kind enough to let Harry & co. come out and play.
This story was inspired by "Better Than Me" by Hinder so major props to them as well!