CHAPTER TWELVE: Confessions of a Pre-Teen Werewolf [Part Two]
Remus made it to Herbology just a few minutes late, and as a result was forced to partner Bertie Clyesdale, a clumsy Hufflepuff who often found himself bereft of a partner. Remus didn’t really mind; they were working with Fanged Geraniums, and Remus thought perhaps it would be better not to be distracted by Sirius and James’s antics like he usually was. But even the two rowdy boys seemed unusually subdued, or maybe they, too, were concentrating hard. Avoiding danger”while not often their favorite activity”seemed prudent during this particular lesson.
However, as the bell sounded and the students began to file out of the greenhouse, Remus caught up with Sirius and James. Their greeting, though friendly, was a bit tense, Remus thought, and they headed straightaway for the Quidditch pitch, even though their practice didn’t start for another thirty minutes.
Remus was puzzled, and a little bit miffed. Surely, surely they weren’t mad at him for asking them not to explore the passage? He frowned and headed up to the castle alone, not even bothering to walk with Peter, Janus, or the Gryffindor girls.
Sirius and James waited until Remus was out of earshot before they started speaking. “I think you’re right, mate,” James said as they approached the pitch. “Did you see the scar across his forehead? Definitely new.”
“Yeah. Then again, he could just have a really violent cat we don’t know about,” Sirius replied, though his face indicated that he didn’t believe this any more than James did. It seemed that they both had something to say, but neither wanted to go first.
They walked in silence for a minute before James spoke. “What’s the date?”
“October thirteenth,” Sirius responded automatically.
“And when was the last time we noticed he was gone?” James asked, his voice rising slightly, though he was trying to stay casual.
“‘Bout a month ago, why?” Sirius replied, looking at James out of the corner of his eye.
“Was it just about a month ago? Or was it””
“Actually a month ago?” Sirius finished, his eyebrows shooting up.
“It was! It was the second week of school, because Quidditch practice had just started. Sirius, do you know what this means?” James turned suddenly and grabbed Sirius on the arm.
“Course I do! You think so, too? Blimey, if that’s true...”
“Then everything makes sense!”
“But it can’t be true, right?”
“I know. You think someone would have told us.”
“Or not. I mean, I wouldn’t necessarily tell, would you?”
Their words were coming so fast, it was hard to tell who said what. They continued debating for a minute before each looked up, straight up to the sky.
James looked down first. “Not dark yet.”
Sirius shook his head. “But sunset...”
“Yesterday, in the Greenhouse.”
“And then he was gone at night.”
“Of course!”
The boys kept looking at each other, mouths agape, before they noticed a third person starting at them. It was Michael McKinnon, the Gryffindor Seeker. “You two practicing a ventriloquist act or something?” He laughed.
Sirius and James both chuckled nervously, though neither could think of a thing to say. Michael raised one eyebrow and shook his head. “Finishing each other’s sentences. Do you share a bed, too?”
“Only on the weekends,” Sirius responded with a wink.
Michael grinned and headed for the changing rooms. “See you on the pitch.”
Sirius and James held back for a bit, but soon started walking again. “You don’t think he heard anything, do you?” James asked.
“Well, he probably heard, but didn’t understand. We weren’t making much sense to the untrained ear.”
“Good point. Anyway, should we tell Remus we know?” James looked worried.
“Let’s just let him take the lead, and we’ll go from there.”
“Agreed,” James said with a nod of his head. There was another brief silence before James spoke again, softer this time. “Crazy, isn’t it?”
“Mad. Absolutely mad.”
***
Remus was pacing. It was 5:25; the boys were due in the Greenhouse in five minutes. Normally Remus felt relieved the day after transformation. Today was not a normal day. He sat on a stool and looked out the windows. The sky was clear and the sun was setting fast. Dusk was Remus’s favorite time of day. He liked how calm everything seemed, all bathed in that soft orange light. It was autumn, too: not yet really cold, but just chilly enough for sweaters. And the Greenhouse was the perfect place to watch sunsets, having three walls and a ceiling made entirely of glass.
Yesterday, though, he had hated the sunset. He had been mere minutes away from transforming and preoccupied with a number of things. Today, however, his preoccupation was limited to three people, and he heard them traipse up the stairs.
As the boys opened the door and came into the room, Remus was struck by how somber James and Sirius looked. He was gripped by a sudden panic. Something was not right. Did they know? They were going to hate him. They already did hate him. What was wrong?
He took deep, steadying breaths and tried not to let his nervousness show. Thankfully, Peter was in a particularly exuberant mood and was first to break the silence. “What’s the big secret, mate?” he asked, walking over to check on his plants. He giggled to himself, but Remus ignored him.
“This is going to be hard, so just bear with me, OK?” he asked, looking to Sirius and James.
James nodded, but Sirius blurted out: “We know the secret!”
James hit Sirius on the arm and sent him an intense glare as Peter exclaimed, “Yeah, we know!”
Sirius was about to glare back at James, but whipped his head around and looked at Peter. “What?”
“Yeah, what?” echoed James.
“Yeah, what?” repeated Remus.
“Oh come on, it’s so obvious!” Peter exclaimed, waving his trowel in the air.
The three other boys shared a look of utter bewilderment.
“Remus, are you or are you not””
Remus felt his breath catch somewhere in his throat as Peter took a dramatic pause.
“”an undercover MI6 agent for British intelligence?”
It was so quiet you could almost hear the plants grow. Remus didn’t know whether to be relieved, angry, or amused, so he settled for no reaction. Sirius and James, however, both turned on Peter.
Upon seeing their looks of confusion, Remus helped his friend: “Guys, an MI6 agent is a spy for the Muggle government. There are these Muggle films about an agent named James Bond and...” He trailed off.
Peter was laughing at his own joke, and Sirius gave a bit of a smile. “Good one, Pete.”
James groaned, though. “Come on, Pete, be serious!”
“I don’t want to be Sirius, I want to be Peter!” he exclaimed, sending himself into another fit of laughter.
Now Sirius groaned. “That’s it; I’m changing my name.”
Peter was taking big breaths to keep from choking on his chuckles. “OK, OK, I’m sorry. Remus isn’t a secret agent”we don’t think. So what’s the real deal?” He wiped a tiny tear from his eye.
Remus took another deep breath and felt his right leg start to twitch involuntarily. This was it. He was just going to say it. Get it out there. He squinted his eyes shut as if bracing for an impact. “I’mawerewolf,” he spurted.
“I knew it!”
“We were right!”
“WHAT?”
Remus opened one eye hesitantly and tried to match the three exclamations with their owners. James and Sirius looked triumphant. Peter looked... scared? Remus wasn’t sure.
He felt his head spinning. It was out there. Not, perhaps, the reactions he was expecting but hey, they weren’t attacking him with garden trowels, which was a start. “You two knew?” he asked, pointing at Sirius and James. They both nodded.
“And you didn’t tell me?” Peter exclaimed, looking hurt.
James turned to him and put one hand on his chest. “Honestly, Pete, we just worked it out today before Quidditch practice. If it had been any earlier, we would have told you. Honestly.” He looked and sounded genuinely apologetic, and Peter must have accepted it, for he nodded.
“So when did this happen?” Sirius asked. He sounded quite calm.
“When I was six. We were living in the country, and”” Remus stopped. He hated talking about that fateful day. The pain still seemed so fresh in his mind. It was the only time in his life he had cried. It was agony.
“Do you know who bit you?” James asked.
Remus nodded, but didn’t say anything. Fenrir Greyback. He shuddered involuntarily, and the boys must have realized that he didn’t want to rehash that particular memory at all.
Sirius and James shot forth a long string of questions, trying to change the subject. Well, as much as it could be changed.
“Who here knows?”
“How do you manage the transformations?”
“Does it hurt?”
“Do you eat raw meat?”
“Is that why you have such big canine teeth?”
“Is that why your hair is even messier than James’s?”
“Is that why you sometimes lie worse than Sirius?”
“Hey, I’m a good liar!”
Remus felt the first true wave of relief pass over him. They weren’t afraid. They weren’t going to reject him. They weren’t even being very serious about the whole matter. He should have known. He grinned. “Well, that’s a lot of questions, boys. I’ll go in order. Dumbledore knows, and all the teachers, too, but not any other students, unless they’ve figured it out.”
“Not even Lily?” James interjected, warranting a punch on the arm from Sirius.
“Your girlfriend doesn’t know everything, James,” he said.
“She’s not my girlfriend, wanker,” James responded, looking put-out.
“Will you let the man”well, the wolf-man finish, you hopeless git?” Sirius said with mock annoyance that was betrayed by his giant smile.
“OK,” Remus said. “So Dumbledore and the professors know. I manage the transformations by sneaking down that passage underneath the Whomping Willow and holing up in the shack near Hogsmeade,” Remus said, continuing as looks of comprehension registered on the boys’ faces. “It hurts like hell. Every time. I do like my meat a bit on the rare side, yes, and I didn’t really think I had abnormally large canines, but I suppose I do. After that, you guys got a bit silly, so I don’t remember the questions, but feel free to ask them again.”
“You’re the Shrieker?” Sirius asked, his face a mix of pity and pride, which sharply reminded Remus of his parents.
“Yes. I am the reason it is called the Shrieking Shack. I’m not particularly proud of that, though,” he said reproachfully.
“No, of course not,” Sirius responded quickly, rearranging his face so as not to reflect pride in his friend for scaring such vast quantities of people.
“Wow,” James breathed.
“Yeah, I know,” Remus said, laughing out loud. “I can’t tell you how good it feels to have this off my chest.”
“Your hairy werewolf chest?” James asked with a grin.
Remus laughed again. “Yes, my hairy werewolf chest.” He turned to Peter. “You’ve been pretty quiet, Pete. What are you thinking?”
Peter just shook his head. “I’m sorry, Remus. It’s just a lot to take in.”
“I understand. Take your time. I’m not expecting everybody to just accept it and move on.”
Peter nodded and gulped. He opened his mouth as if about to speak, but then shut it again.
“What?” Remus prodded. “Seriously, ask me anything you like. I’m sure you have questions.”
Peter paused, then spoke. His voice was very quiet, and he seemed far away. “Have you ever bitten anyone?” He didn’t meet Remus’s eyes.
Remus shook his head. “No.”
The playful mood soon evaporated as everybody finally realized the full implications of Remus’s confession. He was a werewolf. He was dangerous. More dangerous than any daring prank or silly game.
The sun was almost lost behind the horizon as the four boys sat in silence. Remus wasn’t sure what to say, so he just watched the sunset.
A few minutes later only the hazy remnants of sunlight remained. The Greenhouse was bathed in an almost eerie glow. Nobody bothered to light his wand. Somehow the light seemed fitting.
“Well,” said Sirius, breaking the prolonged silence. “What are we going to do?”
“Well, I have some essays to finish up, but if you want to go to dinner first...” Remus began.
“No, you silly twit. I meant what are we going to do about this? About you?”
Remus was confused. “I’m not sure what you mean, Sirius. There’s not really anything you can do. There’s no cure, after all.”
“Yeah, but we can’t let you transform and go through all that pain and sit in that God-forsaken shack all by yourself now, can we?” James chimed in.
Peter made a little squeak and appeared to be trembling. Remus pointed to him. “See that? That is how you should feel. Are you crazy? You want to be in the Shrieking Shack with a full-fledged werewolf?” Perhaps the boys hadn’t grasped the situation as well as Remus had thought....
“Remus, you’re our best mate. This is a huge part of your life, so it’s a huge part of our lives, too,” James said, Sirius nodding vehemently beside him.
Remus was overwhelmed by their compassion, but felt at a loss for words. He just nodded, and willed himself not to cry. Though he was clearly not a generally weepy person, something about James’s words made a lump well up in his throat.
“What if”and bear with me on this one”” Sirius began. “What if there were a bunch of real wolves in the hut with us? Maybe they would calm you down, or distract you, or something?”
“OK, now you want to put us in a tiny room with a werewolf and a bunch of real wolves? Are you off your rocker?” James exclaimed. Peter was visibly shaking now, though he managed to smile.
“Maybe if there were normal animals in the room?” Peter said timidly. “Harmless animals, I mean. Do you hurt them?”
Remus shook his head. “I don’t think so, no. Smaller animals, maybe, but not big ones unless they attack me.”
“OK, well that’s a start. Good thinking, Peter,” James said. Peter beamed, though his face was still white as a sheet.
“All right, so all we need to do is round up a herd of animals every twenty-eight days or so, lead them into the Shrieking Shack, and hope that they calm wolf-man down enough so he doesn’t attack us. Good plan, mates, good plan.” Sirius was now pacing around the room, hands clasped behind his back.
James rocked back on his stool, perilously close to toppling over. “If only we were animals, then we could command them or something,” he said with a laugh, then suddenly rocked his stool completely forward. “Wait a second”what was Gwendolyn talking about today at lunch?”
“Quodpot?” Peter ventured.
“Yes!” Sirius shouted, locking eyes with James.
“But that’s just crazy. It would never work,” James responded, speaking only to Sirius.
“Why not?” Sirius fired back, eyes ablaze in the ever-dimming light.
“Because we’re twelve years old!” James said, hopping off his chair.
“Well, I’m almost thirteen, but I guess that’s beside the point,” Sirius countered.
“Are they still talking about Quodpot?” Peter asked Remus.
Remus shook his head. “I don’t think so, Pete.” Sirius and James had recently developed the habit of speaking in rapid-fire, fragmented sentences only they could fully understand. It was a bit exhausting to follow said conversations, and Remus was trying his hardest to catch up to this one. What else had Gwendolyn said at lunch today? He hadn’t really been paying attention. She had mentioned her brother, asked about Quidditch practice, pulled out the Daily Prophet.... Remus’s head shot up as it dawned on him. “You have got to be kidding me,” he said to Sirius, interrupting him mid-dialogue.
“It’s not impossible, Remus,” Sirius said, an almost maniacal grin playing at the corners of his mouth.
“James?” Remus asked. James was usually the voice of reason. Granted, that wasn’t saying much.
James hesitated, and Remus could tell Sirius had won him over. “Well, we are pretty good at Transfiguration...”
“OK, you’re definitely not talking about Quodpot. What is going on?” Peter demanded. He didn’t look angry, just curious.
“Pete, you were on the right track with that comment about animals,” Sirius said, turning to Peter.
“I was?”
“Yeah. Except we are going to be the animals,” James said, now looking almost as exhilarated as Sirius.
It took Peter a moment to register what they had said. Then his eyes popped nearly out of his head. “Animagi?” He almost shouted the word. Sirius and James nodded feverishly.
“Think about it, Peter!” Sirius said. “If we start working on the spells now, we could probably have them mastered in a few months, no sweat. And then we can be with Remus when he transforms!”
“Yeah, but...” Peter started, clearly trying to think of excuses.
“But what? No buts!” James cried. “It’s the perfect solution!”
“I guess, but don’t you think it’s going to be really, really hard?” He sounded cautious, but his face betrayed his excitement. “I mean, didn’t Gwendolyn say there were only a few Animagi this century?”
“Well yeah, but that’s probably because nobody really bothered with trying,” Sirius answered.
Remus gave a snort. “I doubt that very much, my friend.”
“Yeah OK, but we’re definitely talented enough to try it. And I bet we can do it, too.”
“Yeah, definitely,” agreed James.
Nobody said anything for a minute. It was now almost completely dark. Sirius lit his wand and stuck it in a pot of soil. He grabbed the other three wands, lit each, and stuck them in as well. They cast eerie shadows throughout the room, and Remus felt an involuntary shiver run down his spine. “Right here, right now,” Sirius said to the three boys. “Let’s swear it.” He looked a bit like a madman in the strange half-light.
“What, like an Unbreakable Vow?” James asked, looking worried for the first time all night.
“No, you idiot.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Just a simple statement of purpose. A ‘we solemnly swear, on this, the thirteenth day of October, blah blah blah’ kind of thing. I’ll start. You just repeat after me.”
“Do I have to, also?” Remus asked. “I mean, my transformation is pretty much set.”
“No, but you can if you want. That will make it all the more important.” Sirius grinned and grabbed James’s and Peter’s hands. Soon they were all four gripping hands in a circle around the center table.
“I feel incredibly stupid right now, just to let you know,” James said.
Sirius ignored him. “We solemnly swear,” he started.
Remus stifled a laugh, and Sirius glared at him. “Repeat it!”
“We solemnly swear,” the three boys dutifully repeated.
“On this, the thirteenth day of October, 1972,” Sirius continued.
“On this, the thirteenth day of October, 1972.”
“To devote ourselves, body, mind, and soul, to becoming Animagi to help our dear friend and wolf-man, Remus Lupin,” Sirius said with a conclusive nod.
“To devote ourselves, body, mind, and soul, to becoming Animagi to help our dear friend and wolf-man, Remus Lupin.”
Remus fought the urge to squeeze the hands he was holding, for he thought, perhaps, that this would not be seen as the most manly of moves. He was immensely proud, though. Of himself, sure, but especially of his friends. He smiled.
“Can I let go of your hand now, mate?” James asked, opening his eyes”apparently he had closed them during the “ceremony.”
Sirius laughed. “Yeah. That’s all done now. And I even promise not to tell Lily you were holding Remus’s hand.”
James punched him on the arm again.
“How are we going to work on this project?” Peter asked, now fully on board. “With classes and everything?”
“We’ll figure it out,” Sirius said reassuringly. “This is the most important thing we’ll ever do.”
“Agreed,” said James.
“Here, here!” said Peter.
“Now let’s go eat, I’m starved. Nox,” Sirius said, and tossed every boy back his wand.
Remus was glad they were bathed in the sudden darkness. For only the second time in his life, he was crying.
Of Cauldrons and Comrades by LuthAn
Chapter Notes: Hello, hello, dear readers! Wow. I can't believe that it has almost been a month. All my professors here at school must have gotten together to come up with a sinister plan to keep me busy for the entire month of March... But I'm free (for a bit) now, so here you go! The second half of Remus's Confession. Thanks to super-beta Nielawen, and happy reading!