Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or anything in their magical world. These characters and their world belong to the talented J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros.
Once she was alone, Bella attempted to sleep. It was a lost cause. Even without Ted and Tonks yelling at her, she could not sleep. Her mind was far too jumbled for sleep or relaxation to be an option.
She knew that she had to get out of the Tonks’ home as soon as possible. She was nothing but a liability to them. Her sister would never admit it, but Bella knew that was the way it was. She could not let Andromeda be tossed into Azkaban because of her. She had already caused her sister enough heartache.
Tonks’ accusations swirled around in her thoughts. It pained Bella to admit it, but her niece had been mostly right. She had always avoided thinking about the things she had done. None of the other Death Eaters had room to be judgmental, so no one had ever really attacked her about her actions before.
It was true that she was hateful. She chose to hate anyone that was inferior to her. She had dedicated her entire life to the importance of blood purity. She didn’t doubt the superiority of Pure-blooded witches and wizards, but was it really worth killing over?
She had given her life and her loyalty to a cruel and evil master. She had killed and tortured in his name. When she looked back at her life, she saw that it was void of anything else. Her entire existence had focused on serving her master, on killing and torturing. She hadn’t done a single decent thing since she was a teenager, and until that moment, she hadn’t realized it.
The only thing her niece had been wrong about was saying that Bella thought she was right. That just wasn’t true. Bella knew that she was wrong. She knew that following the Dark Lord had been a mistake. She knew that she had no right to kill those that were inferior to her. She would have realized these things much sooner if she had bothered to think, instead of just obeying her master.
If she had it to do over, she would do things differently. But she knew that she would never have that chance. People have one life”one shot. There was no going back. She couldn’t fix the past, but she could do the right thing in the present. She was not going to be a burden on Andromeda and her family any longer. For the first time, she was going to do the right thing. She was going to give her sister her life back.
She lay silently, listening intently for the voices of Tonks and Ted. She didn’t want to accidentally run into them, some great escape that would be. She knew getting out of the house was going to be challenging. After all, she didn’t know the house, and she had no idea how to navigate without the use of her eyes. But she wouldn’t let that stop her. It was time for her to repay Andromeda for all of her kindness by getting the hell out of her life.
She couldn’t hear anything, so she decided to focus her attention on getting up. She was able to slide into a sitting position, without too much pain. Apparently, the Mudblood knew what she was doing, after all.
She allowed her legs to dangle over the edge of the bed, for a few minutes, before attempting to stand. In that time, she thought about the wand tucked in her pocket. She could try to Apparate, instead of trying to walk through the Tonks’ house in complete darkness, but she didn’t know what affect blindness might have on her Apparation abilities. She decided this was not the best time to find out. Her luck, she would accidentally Apparate in the middle of Kingsley Shacklebolt’s living room.
She lowered her feet to the floor and forced herself to stand. Immediately, pain surged through her body, and she fell back to the bed, fighting back tears. Apparently, she should have accepted the pain potion when Tonks offered it.
It took her a moment to compose herself. She realized just how little she wanted to leave the comfortable bed her sister was offering her. It would have been so wonderful to crawl under the blankets and allow her body to rest. But she knew that she couldn’t do that. She needed to leave”for Andromeda.
Again, she attempted to stand. Pain went through her body, but she was able to remain on her feet. For a few moments, she stood there trying to get her balance. She felt lightheaded and worried that she might fall back to the bed.
When she concluded that she could, indeed, remain on her feet, she took a few tentative steps forward. She held her hands out in front of her so she wouldn’t run into anything. She cursed her new state of helplessness. She briefly considered using her wand to end it all, but she couldn’t do it. At least, she couldn’t do it in her sister’s house. She couldn’t do that to Andromeda, especially after what happened to Narcissa.
She forced those thoughts from her mind. It was not the time to think of suicide. It was not the time to think of Cissy. It was time for her to go. Slowly, she continued to move forward, hoping that she was heading in the direction of the door.
Her hand brushed against a hard flat surface. She had either found a wall or the door. Sliding her hand up and down, she searched for a door knob. When her hand closed around the rounded knob, she could have jumped for joy. Then she was filled with shame. It was hard to believe what she had been reduced to. People used to cower, trembling at her feet, in fear. And somehow, her greatest accomplishment had become the ability to find a door knob.
Her situation sickened her. She suppressed the urge to curl up in a ball and sob. There was no time for such self-absorbed weakness. She needed to keep going. She had to be gone before Andromeda got home.
She pushed the door opened, listening intently for the voices of her niece and brother-in-law. She still heard nothing. Maybe Tonks had convinced Ted to go back to work. Without Ted to distract Tonks it would be harder to get out of the house unnoticed. It didn’t matter though. She had to try. It wouldn’t be fair to Andromeda if she stayed.
She stepped through the door, once again, with her hands in front of her. She chose a direction by instinct and took a few steps.
Suddenly, she was overcome by a feeling of weakness. She felt as though her head had detached from the rest of her body. Her legs turned to rubber. She reached out for something to hold onto but found nothing.
She began to fall, but hands grabbed her from behind. Someone helped to steady her. They allowed her to lean against them as tried to regain her balance.
“What are you doing out of bed? You’re not strong enough to be wandering around. You can’t even see where you’re going.”
“Andy?” Bella asked in a weak voice.
“Who were you expecting?” Andromeda demanded, with a slight chuckle. “Let me help you back to bed.”
Bella nodded. She leaned on her sister, allowing herself to be led back to her room. Even when she tried to do the right thing it didn’t work out. All she could do was pray that her presence would not end up costing Andromeda her life.