The Final Battle (capitalized, of course!) was coming. Severus has left Crystal in the dungeons and rushed out to risk his life on a mission and he had been successful. After reassuring his damsel in distress that he was alive and well, he had hurried to Dumbledore’s office to tell him the news: Voldemort was doing the one thing no one had expected. He was attacking Hogwarts.
“No! Let me go with you! This fic may make me clingy and annoying, but I could help! Remember, I’ve been possessed by Tom before. I know him… Please! …”
Ginny might have gone on for hours longer, but Harry swooped down in a very manly way, gathered her in his arms, kissed her and said in a deep voice, “No, my love. I couldn’t bear to lose you!”
Having reduced Ginny to a melted puddle on the floor with his manliness, Harry walked away, to where his army awaited him.
“Draco, you have to make a choice. You know I’ll always love you.”
“Oh, Mary-Sue. I know, I know, but it’s so hard to disappoint my father who beat me when I was young. I so crave his approval… But you’re worth more! I choose… the Light”
The two fell into each others arms, and Draco burst into the tears he would never let anyone but Mary-Sue see. Then, still holding each other, they made their way towards Harry’s army.
Dumbledore had been dosing pleasantly in his office, when Severus had burst in. Without even accepting a lemon drop (sherbert lemon, whatever) he had told Dumbledore about Voldemort’s impending attack.
Dumbledore smiled to himself. He might seem senile and drunk (okay, so maybe he was drunk) but he was still a very powerful wizard!
He knew that the power of love would save Harry and so he’d decided to stay out of the Final Battle. After all, this was Harry’s war. And he was feeling pretty sleepy, anyway.
The entire faculty (minus Dumbledore whom everyone believed to be on a vital mission) was there, along with the DA and all of Gryffindor (a.k.a the “good guys”). The only Slytherin in the mass was Draco Malfoy, who was sneering at all those who passed. He might have chosen the side of the light, but that didn’t mean he would be nice, even if he knew that his life was in the hands of these people now.
Harry rose to a podium at the front of the room.
“Okay everyone. This is it. The Final Battle…”
“Hold on a second,” came a voice from the audience, “How do you know this will be the last battle? I mean, Voldemort could still escape, right and the war would continue…”
“No!” Harry yelled, cutting the insolent boy off, “This is it! The Final Battle! This is the end. The last one. I hope my speech has inspired you, as being with Mary-Sue has made me so mature (even though I broke up with her, of course) that I can lead us all into battle and you all trust me. Good luck guys!”
And they followed Harry out onto the grounds. Since it would be ridiculous for the entire army to have to stand there waiting, the Death Eaters arrived just at that moment.
Giving a long, manly battle cry, Harry charged. The Order Members did the same, fighting the Death Eaters with lots of creative (but never Dark!) spells. Finally Harry and Voldemort reached each other and everyone else just randomly stopped fighting, obviously knowing the enemy would do the same and therefore not fearing for their lives.
“Hello, Tom!” Harry yelled, not afraid at all.
Voldemort flinched.
“How dare you!” In a fit of rage the Dark Lord ran at Harry, seemingly forgetting that he had far superior magical strength. The two muggle-duelled for a ridiculously short amount of time. (Please consider every single step described in detail nonetheless.)
Finally Harry grabbed his wand and yelled the final incantation. Both he and Voldemort were thrown backwards. Voldemort died instantly, but Harry had sacrificed himself, too. Strangely enough though, unlike Voldemort, Harry did not die instantaneously but rather had time to lay on the ground, his strength drained.
Just then Ginny came running towards the battle field.
“Ginny… I thought I told you to stay inside…” Harry moaned, clutching his wounded side.
“Harry!” Ginny cried, oblivious to his words, and bent down to kiss him.
Then, miracle of miracle, the impending threat of death vanished and Harry rose up to gather Ginny into his arms.
“I’m alive! Oh, Ginny, your love saved me! Marry me!”
“Oh Harry! Yes! I’m yours!”
Following Harry and Ginny’s example, all of the couples began embracing each other.
“Hermione, will you marry me?” came a shy question.
“Oh, Remus, yes, of course!”
“Crystal… I’m still dangerous, but without the war…”
“Oh, Severus, of course I’ll marry you!”
“Luna, I… I know we’re nothing alike and you kind of scare me, but… we’re sort of the only ones left. Will you marry me?” Neville inquired, looking at his feet.
“What? We weren’t even in this fic… Erm, I mean… Yeeees, of course… Look, a Crumplehorned Snorcack!”
“Mary-Sue… I love you! I’ve slept with half of Hogwarts and never loved any other girl, but you are different. You’ve taught me the importance of love! Will you marry me?”
“Of course, Draco my love! And the moral of the story is… Clichés … eh, I mean, Love Conquers all!”