Severus Snape looked up and groaned as his weary classmate approached him. He was tall and had the potential to be quite handsome if it weren’t for the tattered robes and weary look that always haunted his young face. He seemed to carry the weight of seventy years rather than just seventeen. The young man dumped his cornucopia of books on the table beside Severus and ran his hand over his brown hair, looking cagily at the chair in front of him. After a moment of brief consideration he sat down.
“Hello Severus,” said the young man politely.
“Hello,” replied Severus tartly, pulling out his potion ingredients. "Let’s not dally then.”
“No,” his partner agreed solemnly, “we’d better get to work.”
“Rotten luck, Remus!” a black haired boy yelled across the classroom. He was leaning back in his chair facing another young man with very canine-like features.
“I don’t know about that, James, good blackmail could come out of this. If there is any assignment to get right, Remus, it’s this one!” the second boy chimed in, grinning madly.
“Let’s do this,” said Remus, his face flushing slightly. Severus continued to scowl at Sirius Black and James Potter who laughed brightly at their own private jokes, not even bothering to start on the assignment.
Remus Lupin and Severus Snape on the other hand got to work right away. The assignment was to make Veritaserum, or as it was more commonly known, the truth serum. With the end of the year approaching Professor Slughorn made sure that this NEWT class was worth their time and was pressing them with the toughest potions -- or at least he thought he was. Severus was certain that most sixth years should be able to make this potion, but he wasn’t one to point this out to the professor and get mauled by the students after class. Besides, he could bear it that they were a little behind; Potions was a tolerable class, and he was very good at it. He could usually put potions together better than the book could at this point, and this made him very smug. He had even started making notes in his book on easier ways to make the potion. Snape’s partners usually didn’t care that he did this, but as he glanced over at Remus he didn’t want to take any chances, especially since Remus was a prefect.
Remus looked nervous as he stirred the potion that was still bubbling quite healthily. Severus reread the directions, picking at his fingernails anxiously. They had done everything right; of all the partners he could have had, at least Remus was mostly competent. Usually he was stuck with Martha Sutter, who was so painfully stupid he couldn’t imagine how she had passed the O.W.L. to get into this class. However, he noted, both Sirius Black and James Potter were able to scrape their way into the class. If Severus were the Potions Master he would never have a NEWTs class with anyone who got less than an “Outstanding” on the O.W.L. His eyes darted over to where James and Sirius were hurriedly trying to pull together their potion at the last second.
“That’s enough!” yelled Professor Slughorn. “No more work on the potions! I will grade them at our next class, and you will test them for yourselves. For your assignment you will read pages six hundred to six hundred and fifty and then write me a two foot parchment on the importance of making this potion correctly.” He paused and then added, “Some of you will quickly realize what that importance is when we test them on Friday. Hold on to your potions until then, I don’t want them scattered about my dungeon, thank you!” The professor’s eyes shot in the direction of where James and Sirius were sitting. They looked innocently back at him, or at least with as much innocence as they could muster. It seemed to Severus that it wasn’t much.
“Do you want me to hold on to it or should…?” Remus drifted off as Severus interrupted him, snatching the beaker of potion back from him.
“I would rather not have your friends getting a hold of it and poisoning it.”
“As you wish, Severus,” replied Remus helplessly as he picked up his books.
“You’re letting him take it!” cried Sirius incredulously as he and James approached where Remus was still arranging his belongings. Severus twirled around and was about to spit out a not too wholesome remark when Lily Evans appeared out of nowhere and took him by the arm.
“Severus, can you explain to me why my healing potion turned black instead of blue…I was making up that assignment and it didn’t turn out...” she trailed off leading him away, but before she walked out of sight she flashed an angry glace over her shoulder at the three Marauders left standing in the classroom.
Remus looked down almost ashamedly, but James stared at the door with a cocky grin on his face. “She loves me,” he said. Sirius shook his head.
Remus muttered to himself, “I’m not so sure of that.”
***
After finishing up the last couple inches of his parchment on the truth serum, Remus sat back in his chair and rubbed his eyes drowsily. After the afternoon Quidditch match against Ravenclaw there had been a huge victory celebration in the Gryffindor common room. There was always a victory celebration, sometimes even losing celebrations. Sirius and James seemed to always find a reason to celebrate. Nonetheless, the festivities went long into the night and Sirius wouldn’t hear of Remus leaving early to finish a Potions assignment. So at about midnight as the party was finally dying off Remus was able to sneak away and finish the essay. Now the three o’ clock hour was upon him and he felt exhausted. He gathered his belongings and was about to leave when he saw a flame of red hair flickering near the back corner of the library. In a drowsy state he walked over to the hypnotizing flames.
“I nearly didn’t see you over here, Lily. Are you about done?” asked Remus, letting a yawn slip from his mouth.
“Nearly,” she answered shortly, not looking at him.
It was very clear to Remus, even in his drained state, that he was not welcome in Lily’s presence.
“What’s wrong, Lily?” he asked, expecting a quite unpleasant answer.
“It’s not like you care, Remus,” she snapped, continuing to write, pressing her quill more firmly now so her writing became darker.
“I hope you don’t believe that,” he begged in a pained voice. The words stung him harshly because they weren’t true at all; he cared very much. He couldn’t help it, his whole life he had cared, even if he didn’t want to. This time he did want to care; he cared more for Lily than she would probably ever know.
She stopped writing; her quill hovered over the parchment as she seemed to contemplate what he had said.
“No, I don’t believe that, but you have a poor way of proving it to people.”
Remus gaped, and he swallowed hard. He felt like he had just taken an punch to the chest. Finally he choked out, “What do you mean?”
Now Lily put down her quill down and her emerald green eyes examined him as if she were deciding whether or not to answer his question.
“I’m talking about Severus Snape,” she said evenly.
“If you mean today, I didn’t do anything. It was James and Sirius…”he started, trying to defend himself.
“That’s not what I mean,” she interrupted. “I know it’s James and Sirius, it’s always them, and for a year now I’ve tried desperately to get them to stop, but I can’t. I’ve done everything I can, but what about you?”
“I certainly can’t do anything to stop them!” Remus replied defensively.
“You are a prefect, and you are their best friend. If anyone can stop them you can! They will listen to you!”
“They would never forgive me if I stood up to them, Lily,” Remus said helplessly.
“Remus, I know you can feel his pain every time James humiliates him, every time Sirius calls him unspeakable names. He doesn’t deserve it, Remus! You know that…I know you do.” Lily’s tone was exasperated as if she were trying very hard to get him to understand.
Remus inhaled and exhaled very deeply and couldn’t get rid of the awful feeling, the guilt that Lily had just laid upon him. He stared at her painfully; he wanted very much to be miserable with her, but he knew she was right. Severus was just another person, and he really hadn’t done anything as horrendous enough to deserve what Sirius and James usually dished out. James and Sirius' influence had always instinctively told him to always despise Severus but reflecting on this feeling it now seemed unfounded. There was no reason to hate Severus, even if he was a bit cold. How would you feel if you were constantly everyone’s scapegoat? If you had done nothing wrong but the world looked upon you as its enemy, wouldn’t you feel cold? Remus blanched. He could feel vomit rise to the back of his throat and quickly swallowed it down. Remus had never considered Severus like this; he had never considered why he was so cold or so unpleasant. As the overwhelming evidence flooded him, Remus felt deadly sick. Images of James and Sirius casting spells and Severus crawling away as Lily tried to hold them back filled his mind.
Remus was only seventeen; most students his age didn’t give a thought about other people. James and Sirius wouldn’t give a thought to others for maybe another decade or so. He could feel things that other people didn’t feel; he felt guilt, he felt people’s pain and sorrow, sometimes as a way to cover his own. Ever since that fateful night when his life changed drastically, things changed -- they did every month. It didn’t take Remus very long to realize that even though he was a monster once a month he didn’t want to be, didn’t need to be, a monster all the other times of his life. He strove very hard to have the compassion of a saint; he even prayed every day, though he was unsure if God heard the prayers of a werewolf.
Despite his want to be good, he also very much felt like he needed to be accepted, this turned out to be a lot harder than it seemed in his head. James and Sirius accepted him for who he was, all the time; even on the days he hated himself. As much as he might have wanted to help Severus he wasn’t sure he could lose the very thing he needed in his life, his friends.
As Remus looked at Lily, though, he realized that for some reason he needed her too.
“Why is it so important?” he asked her.
"Why must he be your enemy? No one deserves that kind of cruelty, and you have the opportunity to change it. Doesn’t everyone deserve a chance? ”
“I think everyone does,” replied Remus. Though it sounded as if his mind had been made up, after he and Lily walked back the Gryffindor tower and went to their respectable beds, he didn’t sleep a wink that entire morning.
***
“Good Morning!” greeted Remus brightly as Severus sat down in his normal seat towards the back of the class.
“Aren’t you going to sit with them?” asked Severus waving his hand towards James and Sirius who had just walked in the door.
“Is someone sitting here?” asked Remus suddenly flushing.
“No, I just thought that…” Severus trailed off as Remus interrupted him.
“Do you have the potion?” he asked, still blushing brightly.
Severus stared hard at Remus, trying to figure out why he was acting so strangely.
“Yes, I do.”
James and Sirius had sat down in the seats right in front of Remus and Severus. Severus scowled darkly. He was pretty sure he had it figured out now. It was a setup of some kind. The three of them were planning to humiliate him somehow. Immediately Severus became guarded. He was not going to let them get the best of him today.
Professor Slughorn instructed them on their assignment before wandering back into his office to “study” the effects of some “dangerous” potions. All of the students knew he slept during his early NEWT classes. After all, he spent too many late nights with the “Slug Club” eating crystallized pineapple and sometimes even firewhiskey would come up in the stories. Nonetheless this made his early classes a nescience after all he wasn’t getting any younger.
Their first task was to drink the potion they made and to quiz their partners while their partner tried to lie under the effects of the potion. They were then supposed to write about what they felt when they tried to lie. If they completed this within the class period they were supposed to write a thesis as to why this happened and the chemistry involved in such a truth potion.
Before Remus could even speak Severus blurted out the first question, “What are you and your friends plotting?”
“We are planning…we are planning,” Remus coughed and choked and tears started to well up in his eyes, “we are planning nothing.”
Remus gasped for breath, staring at Severus questioningly.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because for no reason you decided to sit next to me today, when the three of you would much rather plot something devious in the corner.”
“We don’t sit around trying to make you miserable,” retorted Remus.
“Hey Snivellus, is it true you have a crush on Lily Evans?”
Now it was Severus’s turn to gasp and choke as Sirius’s eyes burned into him the question hanging in the air. Finally in a defeated voice he answered.
“Yes.”
This seemed to take all three boys who were listening by surprise, though the answer wasn’t really unexpected. Sirius frowned, James looked absolutely furious and Remus seemed puzzled, or at least thinking intently.
“Sirius Black, how did you manage into a NEWT potion class?”
Sirius’s eyes grew huge and he stared hard at Severus. James jumped up out of his chair. He quickly cast a Silencing Charm on Sirius.
“James, don't cast a…” warned Remus, who winced as he saw it was too late. With a loud explosion, James and Sirius were both thrown backwards towards opposite ends of the classroom. James’ wand sizzled on the ground next to him, but it was quite apparent he didn’t need it anymore. James started to charge at Severus like a bull at a red cape. Remus’s eyes grew wide in horror as James pushed Severus on top of the table and started choking him with both hands. It was very hard to say why James was so angry. It could have been because Severus admitted he like Lily or perhaps it was because he was embarrassed that the charm had backfired and he needed some way to reduce his embarrassment.
Severus resisted, tugging at James’s wrists with his own hands, but this did nothing to help him. James was an athlete and far stronger than Severus, so all of Snape’s resistance did no good. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. Lily had run up to pull off James and she was the only one that tried. No one else seemed to care what happened to the greasy potions bookworm. James didn’t even notice it was Lily he shoved aside. It was like an animal had possessed him. Remus knew that James would not leave humiliated today but to hurt everyone just because he was afraid of being embarrased was unacceptable.
“James! Stop it!”
Remus knew he couldn’t stop James either. He was weak -- though it was a week after the last full moon, it seemed he never fully recovered until it was time for the next full moon. Despite the knowledge that he would probably not succeed, Remus pulled on James’s shoulders and with all the energy he had and gave a huge pull. James fell backwards as he and Remus tumbled to the floor. Remus heard an awful crack the moment his shoulder hit the stone floor. James had fallen squarely on Remus’s left shoulder and rolled off of him finally giving up on the floor.
A lot happened after that moment, and things finally started to speed up. Professor Slughorn ran out and started barking orders and screaming at people to get back to work. After making sure that Severus could breathe properly Lily rushed over to help Remus up. She grabbed his left arm and he swore loudly at the pain that ripped through his shoulder.
“Oh dear, Remus, I’m so sorry, here…” she tried with his right shoulder this time and he winced as she helped him off the floor. His left arm hung oddly from his body and Lily bit her lip at the grotesque sight.
“Were you a part of this too, Mr. Lupin?” asked Professor Slughorn, using his girth to be more intimidating.
Remus started to answer but Lily cut in, “No sir, Remus stopped it…I think he hurt his shoulder and needs to go to the hospital wing.”
He stared at Lily and Remus as if trying to see if she was telling the truth. However he knew better than to second-guess his favorite girl.
“Very well, you must report back to me Mr. Lupin, it seems to me I have some detentions to assign and some house points to deduct. I’ll need some more details about what happened. If I hear you spoke a single word to Mr. Potter or Mr. Black I will deduct more points from Gryffindor than you can imagine. I know they are your friends but I’d hate for them to…influence your story.”
Remus nodded painfully. The professor then instructed Lily to take Severus and Remus to the Hospital Wing.
The long walk to the Hospital Wing was excruciating for Remus and Severus. Remus was not only in pain because of his shoulder but he also silently worried about what James would do next time they met. He and Sirius would be furious that he stopped him from hurting Severus. Now if he turned them in to the Potions professor they would never forgive him. But if he lied, breaking his shoulder was all for nothing. He looked at Severus and Lily walking in front of him and sighed deeply. If he didn’t do the right thing Lily would never forgive him, and Severus would just keep being bullied, James and Sirius would never stop. Remus’s mind reeled. Even if he did turn them in, he wasn’t even sure that could stop the infamous trouble duo. Maybe he would be next on their list of people to harass, to retaliate for betraying them.
When they had finally gotten to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey made them both stay though neither of them really needed to. She was worried about Remus because of the sick look on his face, and she thought that Severus might have “emotional trauma”. Remus figured she was probably afraid to let him go because he might come right back again worse off than before. Remus lay in the hospital bed and stared at the ceiling, wishing he could lie there until he figured this out, which very well could be forever.
“Why did you stop him?” asked Severus, who was not lying down but sitting two beds away from Remus and staring at him sharply.
“What do you mean?” replied Remus closing his eyes. He wished Severus wouldn’t add to the confusion.
“You have never tried to stop Sirius and James before, when they start making asses of themselves.”
“I don't know, I've never seen James get so mad. I don't know what got into him," returned Remus, keeping his eyes tightly shut.
“Oh come off it, they re always like that! No one except Lily and now you has ever tried to be decent to me.”
“You don’t make it easy,” replied Remus bitterly.
“Would you be all peaches and cream if you had to put up with the shit your idiot friends dish out?” spat Severus bitterly.
We may soon find out, won’t we, Remus thought sadly.
“They aren’t bad people…” said Remus, words really failed him at the moment. Severus didn’t say anything to that but instead scoffed silently.
“I don't think we have to be enemies...” Lily’s words were spurting from his mouth and now he finally started to understand them.
“I will never be friends with Black or Potter,” Severus remarked darkly, turning his eyes towards the floor.
“Am I not as bad as they are?”
Severus considered this question for a moment, staring at the floor intently as if it would give him the answer.
“One act of kindness hardly makes you my friend. However, now I have a debt to pay to you. Perhaps if this “one day” comes, I will be there when you least expect it.” Severus looked up at Remus, his eyes hopeful, something not often reflected in his black eyes.
“What are you going to tell Professor Slughorn about what happened today?” Snape asked trying to hide his curiosity.
“The truth…for better or for worse.”
Remus still didn’t open his eyes but he smiled. He could feel it; something in the room had changed. There was hope. Even if Severus didn’t trust him, he respected him. Severus Snape didn’t respect just anyone. Now that awful feeling of confusion that Remus was feeling earlier was gone. Somehow he knew that he had done the right thing. Whatever happened afterwards was meant to happen, and because it did, Remus was a better man for it.
Lily was there to meet him after he recounted the events of what happened to Professor Slughorn.
“You did the right thing Remus,” she said simply, her bright green eyes sparkling.
“Eavesdropping Lily? You’ve been hanging around James too long,” he teased. The thought of James made him a little uncomfortable but he pushed the thought away.
“Thank you Remus,” she said and kissed his cheek, “you won’t regret it, I just know it.”
***
Twenty-two years later, Severus Snape and Remus Lupin lay in a hospital again. The battle to end all battles was raging on miles away. Harry Potter fought desperately for his life and the lives of the entire wizarding world. The two now grown men hadn’t changed much in the twenty-two years. Severus Snape was still as lonely and as untrusting as ever. Remus Lupin was still as weak and still looked far older than he ever was. Time had worn on both of them in different ways. Despite the different paths they had taken, both had seen more death and fought a harder war than either could have imagined when they were only seventeen.
Remus’s eyes flickered open as the memory of how he arrived here soon became very clear in his mind. Scenes flickered through his head like a movie screen.
They were in a great battle, the Order of the Pheonix led by Harry Potter against the band of Death Eaters led by the Dark Lord. There had been a mad Death Eater charging at Peter Pettigrew who had Remus back up against the wall with his silver hand. Peter Pettigrew died at the hands of one of his own.
Hermione Granger was desperately trying to awaken Harry Potter who lying motionless on cot in a makeshift hospital. The rogue Death Eater had found a potion to bring Harry back to consciousness. McNair later unveiled the Dark Lord’s traitor as Severus Snape then dragged him away to meet a dark death.
He sat up quickly and his head spun. Where is he? Where is that bastard? Reason hadn’t really found Remus yet, he was looking for a dead man and didn’t know it. His eyes scanned the hospital looking for him. Though he shouldn’t have been there, Remus found who he was looking for two beds over, breathing shallowly and looking close to death.
Remus’s whole body ached, his head pounded in protest as he tried to get up. Placing his hand on his head as if to stop the pain, he clambered over to Snape’s bed and knelt down next to it.
“Are you a mad man? Whose side are you really on?” asked Remus harshly. The war had also changed him in a way that he had lost his patience. There was a time when he had all the patience in the world and now he was reduced to a very paranoid and drastic state.
Severus turned to look at Remus and smiled a cold and knowing smile and coughed.
“I’ve always been on my side Remus, my own side. I sided with the people who believed my side was right.”
Remus just stared gaping, not understanding.
“You want to know why I let you believe I betrayed you?” Severus asked raising an eyebrow. Remus just nodded.
“Old habits die hard …I don’t suppose you wouldn’t have believed we were on the same team even if I could tell you. No one would believe the monster that killed the wise Albus Dumbledore.” The cold spark in Severus’s empty eyes was gone, leaving him to stare unhappily at nothing at all.
Remus was speechless, he was right after all. After Dumbledore’s death no one in the world would have listened to Severus’s claim to innocence. Remus felt so foolish. Once again he had misjudged the dark lonely man he had left unprotected in his youth. The way the spark disappeared from his eyes told it all, despite the fact that he had bravely saved both Harry and Remus’s life that very evening. How could a man that savagely killed the only person who trusted him, return to that side if he didn’t believe it to be true. Dumbledore was really the only one in the Order who trusted Severus. Yet despite all the hatred towards Severus he fought for them anyway. Now Harry stood a chance to save the world.
“I’m so sorry Severus. I was stupid, I should have known better. You have always been fighting for us and no one gave you the chance…to be human. What you have done will give Harry the chance to win the war.”
“He’d better…” muttered Severus. The coughing started again, and he winced in pain. The two men sat together in silence, just listening to the death and dying beside them; their minds reaching through time to days that were far from where they were.
“I suppose my debt to you is repaid, Remus…” Severus said finally. Remus faltered for a moment as to what Snape was talking about. His mind finally settled on the first time they were in the hospital together.
“There are no words or actions that can express the debt that we all owe to you. For everything…” murmured Remus, his voice quaking slightly. “I was never fair to you, even when we were kids.”
“Don’t get all worked up,” Snape complained. “Maybe this debt I owed you was the one thing you did right. It was better that my life ended this way. At least now I can just assume I’ve saved the world even if Potter screws it up.”
“He won’t,” said Remus finally.
“I know,” replied Severus dully. He shuddered and sputtered trying to fight against whatever it was that was killing him. Remus covered his mouth but did not look away. He grabbed Snape’s hand and held it tightly as his last breaths escaped his lips.
“Sleep well, my friend, and know that your debt as been repaid.”
A Debt to be Repaid by SomberBallad
Chapter Notes: This was written for the Lovely Laura (Insecurity) for the SPEW Secret Santa Swap. She deserves so much more for being an amazing friend and writer. Thank you so much to my lovely beta Leslie who saves me again and again!