Like a diamond in the sky

 

Hungry.

 

So hungry. There is a cavern inside of me, desolate, empty, and yearning to be filled. Oh, what it must be like, to be complete - to be whole again. To be free of this cloaking, enveloping, suffocating darkness. It wraps around me like creeper vines, choking and squeezing, and never, ever letting go. It has invaded my cavern, filled it completely and won’t give me any peace. It screeches at me, this darkness, screeches in the night. It drags its nails down my cavern walls and screams, the sound reverberating and resonating deep within my cavern, getting louder and louder and louder until I need to strangle this monster, this darkness…

 

Hungry.

 

I can’t though. However hard I try. My fingers fumble and skitter in the darkness. I am blind. This darkness brings a blindfold of its very own, and it is stronger than me – I cannot wrench the cloth from my eyes.

 

Hungry.

 

Oh, Oh! I see something, a light, a beacon, shining out to me. Could this be! Could it? Oh, how I wish it is! A soul! Yes, yes, it is! Faster, faster, I must go faster, I must see this soul, bathe in its light. Closer, closer…

 

Hungry.

 

I see a boy, a living boy, a warm boy. And I can see his soul. It’s there huddled inside of him. It’s quivering – scared, scared… of me. Oh, yes, and how it should be. Fear me; fear me, pretty little soul.

 

Hungry.

 

It’s shining, it lights him up from the inside. It tries to hide, tries to cower further into its host… but I see it. I see all. I want all. I want it… closer, closer, must get closer.

 

Hungry.

 

It’s so bright, so pretty, and so bright and so warm. How I want to be warm. To feel more than this biting, scratching, piercing coldness. It feels like glass shards dancing over my flesh, like steel knives tracing their glistening way across my skin. How I want that coldness to flee, to fear me as the brightness does. Why does the brightness hide from me? What does it flee? Why can’t this brightness battle with my darkness. Why does it run and take its warmth with it, and leave me in the dark?

 

Hungry.

 

Oh, there’s a man with the boy now! There are two, two of them! Two shining brightly, drawing me, coaxing me, teasing me… His soul is not as bright as the boys though. He has been tainted, he is not full. He has been tasted before, tasted by my brethren before me. His soul is fluttering, sputtering, spitting and fading… It is cracked, oh; I see it now, cracked into pieces. Like a jigsaw, yes, like a puzzle! Oh, pretty soul, you have been tasted and now you are incomplete – a puzzle that can never be whole, never be finished. It recognises me, us, and it shakes in fear. Don’t hide, pretty little soul, don’t hide from me. I want to taste you, to dance in you, to breathe only you…

 

Hungry.

 

But no, you are not as fresh as the other, you are not as whole. You are going stale; you pale in comparison to that bright star, that star that shines out like a diamond in the sky. That beacon of light and warmth and life that shines out arrogantly next to you. You would fracture so easily if I tasted you… you would crumple and crumble and shatter and break. You have fed too many, my pretty little soul, and you are no meal for me.

 

Hungry.

 

Oh, twinkling soul, oh how I yearn for that taste, that elixir that would flow through me. It would twirl through my veins and whirl through my flesh. It would skip into that cavern, that darkness that desolate, barren, nightmare inside of me. It would curl up there, and its brightness would shine… oh, how it will shine! And that cavern, my cavern, our cavern, it would be its home! Oh, a home. And we would be less cold, it would drive away those knives, chase away those needles. It would protect me, and share its light, and make shadows from the darkness.

 

Hungry.

 

Those shadows, oh, those shadows would never leave. They would make a new home inside of me, for always, for perpetuity. They would never escape me. But shadows can move, shadows can dance and shadows can play. The shadows would mime games on my cavern walls, they would walk with me across the barren landscape of my cavern, they would talk to me and our voices would echo together… forever…

 

Hungry.

 

I want it! Oh, I need it! That brightness, that warmness, it’s there, there in front of me. Come, come little soul, come out to play! Oh, the boy is fading; he sways now, as if he is merely a leaf in the wind. And that beautiful soul, it shall be mine! It is mine, all mine, forever, for always!

 

Hungry.

 

No! No! Go away, go away, it’s mine! You cannot have it! It is my soul, mine, all mine! I found it, I found it first. You can have the other, the one made of tarnished bronze while mine shines out gold. Go my brothers and sisters, leave me, leave us. You are not wanted here! This is my soul, mine! We shall play and dance together – it wants me!

 

Hungry.

 

No! Leave them! I must get there first. They would steal my pretty little soul. They would grab its brightness with their claws of night, and they would devour it all for themselves. They would have shadows of their own to make friends with, while I would be left… abandoned, cold, hungry… again.

 

Hungry.

 

Faster! Faster! It is mine! Mine, all mine!

 

Hungry.

 

No! What… what, there’s another boy now. A boy that looks identical to the one who claims my soul. What… what is he…?  Brightness! Oh, so bright! Too bright! No, take it away - it hurts, oh, how it hurts! Light! Heat! Oh, so hot, it’s like knives of fire now, knives that cut and slice and puncture. Oh, too hot, it’s like a furnace, an eruption of passion and protection and… love? No! It’s taking my soul away from me! Oh, how it hurts. It’s there, I can feel it – and it’s so… so… big. It’s soothing, consoling, reassuring my soul. His soul, no! My soul – it shall be mine! It should be mine! Don’t take it away from me! Oh, the pain, I can’t stand the pain – so hot and so bright and so powerful… I can’t… can’t…

 

Hungry.

 

No, no, no, no. Oh, pretty little soul, oh beautiful light, of beacon of warmth that would have driven out my monster.... Oh, how I wanted you… how that boy did not deserve you…

 

Hungry.

 

The darkness is coming again, and the cold. Oh, old friends, old bullies, just leave me in peace. How I long for peace… for silence, away from the screams and the nails and the knives. Peace. Where I wouldn’t be hungry anymore, where I wouldn’t be cold…

 

Hungry.

 

Always hungry, always cold.

 

Hungry.

 

Always dark.

 

Hungry.