The Harry Potter Literary Storm by Mind_Over_Matter
Summary: The Harry Potter Literary Storm has caused quite the sensation around the world, JK Rowling’s magnificent series of books touching the hearts of people of all ages. But what if Harry Potter was never written by JK Rowling in the first place? What if another genius was behind it?
Many thanks to the fantastic people who nominated this story for the Quicksilver Quills: Best Humour Fiction award. I'm truly flattered.
Chapter Seven, Part Five is now up - yes, that is the final chapter!
Ratings: 1st-2nd Years [ - ]
Category: Humor Fics
Characters: None
Warnings: Alternate Universe
Challenge:
Serie: None
Chapters: 12 Completed?: Yes
Wordcount: 37366 Viewcount: 36987
Published on: 09/10/06 Updated On: 01/05/07
Many thanks to the fantastic people who nominated this story for the Quicksilver Quills: Best Humour Fiction award. I'm truly flattered.
Chapter Seven, Part Five is now up - yes, that is the final chapter!
Ratings: 1st-2nd Years [ - ]
Category: Humor Fics
Characters: None
Warnings: Alternate Universe
Challenge:
Serie: None
Chapters: 12 Completed?: Yes
Wordcount: 37366 Viewcount: 36987
Published on: 09/10/06 Updated On: 01/05/07
1. Chapter One: Little Baby Potter and the Hut Out at Sea by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (2773 words)
Disclaimer: Well, I’m happy to say that I do, in fact, own Happy O’Brien, Jackie van de Geissen, and the entire troop of anonymous authors…
All characters relating to JK Rowling’s Potterverse, however, I do not own, and fully disclaim, along with all their accessories. They’re not mine. They’re the author’s.
Finally, while I did write and piece together the events in Happy’s version of the Harry Potter verse, many of the theories are not mine, and are stuff that are floating around on the web. When I use them in the story, I apologise to some of the authors, especially the authors of theories that still could happen. I’m not out to prove or disprove anything, and I’m definitely not out to insult anyone.
Author Note: All around the web, you will find theories, questions and statements about the Harry Potter books that you simply cannot look upon without thinking, ‘Now that’s just ridiculous’.
However, as there are so many theories, I thought it was about time the theories and first drafts got their day. Just to avoid confusion, the very first theory you will see in practice is the idea floating around on the internet that there is no JK Rowling, and both she and the Harry Potter novels are constructs of some kind of writing committee.
Since the Prologue is not long enough to be a ‘prologue’ on MNFF, it will be included with the first chapter. Just before I finish this note, I would like to warmly and ecstatically thank Schmerg_the_Impaler, for the wonderful job she has done beta-ing this story.
2. Chapter Two: A Hoggy, Wartsy Happening by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (2094 words)
Happy O’Brien’s creation has plunged the world into a category one literary storm, which is all well and good. But now it’s time for Happy, Jackie and the gang of anonymous authors to come up with a second brilliant masterpiece…
Disclaimer: I know, I know, it’s terrible, but still I do not own the Harry Potter characters. Just my people.
And here we have it, Chapter two! Thanks go to Schmergo, for the terrific beta-ing she has done. Not to mention, thanks to anyone who decides, of their own volition, to leave a review.
3. Chapter Three: The Furry Teacher by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (1962 words)
The world has responded ecstatically to the release of ‘Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince’, the second book of the Harry Potter series. But now as Happy and his team approach their third challenge, everyone has one question in their minds:
What will they write about?
Happy, Jackie and the Authors join us again for the third, fun instalment of ‘The Harry Potter Literary Storm’.
Disclaimer: I’ve decided to express my disclaim-ment using symbols.
Mad AU Characters = Mine
Everything Else = JK Rowling’s
As usual, thanks go to Schmergo for the fantastic work as beta for this story. Also, extra, flattered thanks for your Quicksilver Quills nominations, Schmergo and Valentinia - I'm buzzing around, on top of the world... Cheers so much, you guys!
But now, on to chapter three...
4. Chapter Four, Part One: The Next Book About the Guy With the Thing by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (2063 words)
Happy has never been so happy with himself. The Harry Potter books couldn’t be more successful, and are receiving glowing reviews, the Potter Phenomenon is simply phenomenal, and, as usual, he’s the one to thank for it all.
What will Happy O’Brien, Jackie van de Geissen and all the anonymous authors come up with for the fourth and middle Harry Potter book?
Disclaimer: I would like to disclaim everything that’s not mine in this story – in other words, basically everything that’s really worth owning. I own Happy, Jackie, the Authors, ‘News Newspaper’, the random fan and Dr. Bryant, but other than that, everything belongs to the wonderful JK Rowling.
I'm sorry, guys. I promised my favourite chapter yet, but for some reason, the chapter's being chopped off after 4,700 words. Which seems like such a random number. Anyway, the point is, I've chopped it in half. The much-beloved part will be in chapter four, part two. So stick around!
As usual, my rambunctious thanks go to Schmergo, for her fantastic beta-ing, infectious enthusiasm and random comment about wanting to see more of Happy's version of Voldemort, which led to the creation of the entire second part of this chapter. You rock, Schmergo!
I'd also like to remind everyone that I am forever grateful to Schmergo, Valentinia and Froggie, who all nominated this story for the QsQ awards. You guys really poured yet more fuel into Happy's ego.
5. Chapter Four, Part Two: The Next Chapter About the Next Book About the Guy With the Thing by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (3111 words)
It's time for Happy to inspect the second featured chapter of the fourth Harry Potter book: A Dark Power Darkly Darkens the Day.
Disclaimer: None of this is mine, although I just realised that I did, in fact, invent Martin Malovski Saint Clair. Never the less, anything you know and love in this story is not mine, and belongs to the fabulous J.K. Rowling.
Well, here I am, back on track with the rest of chapter four. As always, uninhibited thanks go to the lovely Schmergo. Without her, I would never have considered writing this section, which turned out to be one of my favourites. A round of the plause for Schmergo, please! *Round of the plauses*
6. Chapter Five, Part One: A Troublesome Flashback by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (1663 words)
When one of the anonymous authors runs into a situation of difficulty, it’s time to call in the expert. But will he help?
Disclaimer: Nope, I can't claim any more characters yet, so Happy, Jackie and the anonymous authors are still my only characters in this story.
Schmergo = *heart*. That's all there is to it.
7. Chapter Five, Part Two: The Flashback Extraordinaire Man Of Geniusness by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (2567 words)
Happy and the flashback-writing anonymous author get into contact with the Flashback Extraordinaire Man Of Geniusness, to write up a storm.
Disclaimer: HA. This time, I can claim yet another character – the Flashback Extraordinaire Man of Geniusness. Also, his secretary. Never the less, no Harry Potter characters are mine, and belong to JK Rowling, as you well know.
Just before I get with the story, I must say two things:
1. I'm forever grateful to Schmergo, the Humour Extraordinaire Beta of Geniusness AND
2. Please keep in mind when reading about this new Extraordinaire fellow that I am, in fact, an Australian and proud of it. I needed an unlikely expert, and he's about as unlikely as they come.
8. Chapter Six: A Funeral Full of Shocks and Fainting by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (3557 words)
Good news, everyone! Chapter Six comes in one, pretty long part, and is my favourite chapter yet.
As Harry Potter gains popularity, Happy, Jackie and the anonymous authors rejoice. Now, however, it’s time to stop all this rejoicing and get to it with book six… Another success is on the way.
Disclaimer: Nothing’s mine except for the stuff I invented, like Happy, Jackie, the authors, and any concepts you come across that are totally crazy and/or stupid.
Book six is partially disregarded. Of course, the other books are partially disregarded in this story, but I thought I should just bring this to your attention. Once again, thank you to the fantastic Schmergo, the Hebog who rocks the proverbial socks. Without her, this story just wouldn't be the same.
9. Chapter Seven, Part One: Publicity, Flashbacks and a Deal by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (3545 words)
It’s been a long journey, but the Harry Potter series is almost complete. One final challenge is presented to Happy, Jackie and the Authors: The creation and success of the seventh and final Harry Potter book.
Will they come through, or will they fail?
Disclaimer: Well, slightly more of the plot is mine now, considering the last Harry Potter book hasn’t been written. However, practically everything still belongs to J.K. Rowling.
Also, this chapter contains a direct quote from HBP, which is not mine even a little bit.
Chapter Seven is much longer than the others, seeing as I needed to describe the entire plot of the book, because it hasn’t been written. Thus, the chapter will come in five parts: Part One, Part Two and Part Three, Part Four and Part Five.
Go figure, right?
Finally, another gratuitous thank you to the gorgeous Schmergo, for all her fantastical betaing work on this chapter and this story. *Waves pom poms* Oh, and her betaing was brilliant too, because I just found out that ‘Fantastical’ means existing only in fantasy or ‘ludicrously odd’.
10. Chapter Seven, Parts Two and Three: Of Horcruxes and a Search by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (4513 words)
Sorry, guys! I was so sure I'd already submitted this! Anyway, here it is now, present, written, strange, and as full of rumours as ever! Partly because of this, I have a
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:
Part Two and Part Three have been mushed, mixed and moulded together. Thus, there will be NO Fifth post of chapter seven, and the story's completion will be the update after next. I chose to do this, because both sections Three and Four were quite short and I thought you guys deserved a decent sized lump of Happy-ness (I swear, that pun was NOT intended).
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. J.K. Rowling exists, and, in fact, owns the Potter books and everything in 'em.
As per usual, hearts, hugs, thanks and chocolate go to dear Schmergo, fantastic friend and brilliant beta!
11. Chapter Seven, Part Four: ‘X’ Marks the Spot by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (3336 words)
Here we have Part Four, and the second last instalment of this story!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter. And I don’t own J.K. Rowling either – I’m not just averting credit for tax reasons! I seriously don’t own the Potterverse or anything you see in the Harry Potter novels. Also, I don’t carry more than two dollars in change.
Guess who I’m going to thank?
*Drumroll*
Thanks go to Schmergo, my friend and beta who’s seriously only slightly insane!
12. Chapter Seven, Part Five: Happy O’Brien’s Monumental Success by Mind_Over_Matter [ - ] (6182 words)
And here we are, the end of the story – the last enormous bucket-load of rumours. In this chapter lies a climatic fight scene, an uplifting epilogue and, finally, everything I’ve hinted about Ron (yes, including the ‘Ron-cactus thing’).
Disclaimer: I seriously don’t own anything in the Potterverse. When you’re reading this and some weirdo character you’ve never heard of turns up, it’s mine, but apart from that, they all belong to the fabulous J.K. Rowling.
The only other little disclaim-ment I have is a small mention of ‘Voldy’s Deathpants’, an… erm… artefact in my team’s story for the Quidditch World Cup challenge. The story (which is quite fun) is under the name ‘Deathpants’.
I would like to take this moment to give extra special 'thank you's to Sekhmet and Schmergo, for all their support not just with this project, but... well just about everything lately! I don't know what else to say... but I sure wouldn’t have smiled as much of late without you guys.
Also, to everyone else who has reviewed (and I’m sorry, I’m already probably pushing it by having a message this long so I can’t go naming everyone), especially those who’ve been around for a while now, thank you! *Sends out love*And finally, to the lovely mods: Sliced bread ain't got nothin' on you guys.
But now, onto the story, eh?