Remus stepped into Grimmauld Place, hopefully for the last time.
“Are you sure you will be ok here by yourself?” asked a concerned Tonks.
“Yea, I just need to be alone for a little,” replied Remus, who was trying desperately to conceal the fact that he was going to break down any moment now.
“Ok then, if you don’t need anything…” said Tonks, clearly trying to stall for time.
“I’m fine,” said Remus somewhat forcefully. He wished she would just leave so he could have his break down in peace, with no one trying to comfort him. He didn’t want to be comforted by anyone else. Only Sirius could comfort him. Sirius was gone.
“Right,” Tonks exclaimed as she left through the door. Remus waited a little to be sure she was gone, and then collapsed against the wall.
He couldn’t believe it. Sirius was gone. His best friend, gone. Fate was cruel. Just when life was getting better in the blink of an eye it was at its lowest yet. It wasn’t fair. They had just been reunited once again. Moony and Padfoot. Padfoot and Moony. They were together again. Years of loss and pain had been made better. Years of confusion had been scattered by truth. Love had rekindled.
Remus sunk to the ground in despair, as memories flashed before his mind.
Two young, attractive boys stood before an outer wall of Hogwarts. The sheer height made them dizzy with excitement. A cool autumn breeze swept through the brown haired boys hair, as his eyes swept the grounds below, observing the world where he himself could not be observed. Or so he thought. The black haired boy was watching him through piercing grey eyes that showed no emotion. The brown haired boy glanced over at his companion, realizing that it was not one of Sirius’ good days. Remus returned to gazing out at the landscape, mentally preparing himself for the barrage that Sirius was about to emit to him. He waited, but nothing came. Remus glanced back again, to find Sirius now staring out at the world. In a stupor he walked over to the wall and leaned down against it, his back to Remus. Remus moved to join him, remaining silent, a fact that he knew Sirius admired in him. If Sirius was going to tell him what the matter was, he would tell him in his own time. Remus knew that the more he hassled him, the farther in himself Sirius would go, until he shut Remus off completely. Finally, Sirius broke the silence with the question he always asked,
“Why do you like me?” the piercing grey eyes bore into Remus, “I’m a Black, I’m scum, lower than dirt.”
Remus sighed and said what he always said, “No you’re not.”
Remus waited for Sirius to contradict him and play the next part in their rehearsed conversation, but instead he remained silent and returned to gazing out over the world. Remus was shocked. He remained staring at Sirius, waiting to see what would happen next.
“If I died would you cry for me?”
Remus stared open-mouthed at Sirius. Whatever he had been expecting Sirius to say, it wasn’t this. He finally choked out a, “What!”
Sirius turned to face Remus with blank eyes.
“If I were to jump off this wall right now, would you cry?”
“Sirius…”
“Answer me Remus!” Sirius yelled. He got up on the wall, with Remus powerless to stop him. The conversation had gone beyond Remus’ control.
“If I jumped would you be sad? Would you even care? Or would you be happy that I was finally out of your life? One Black down, right? One bastard gone forever. I know how you really feel Remus. I know how you all bloody feel about me. You pretend to be my friend, and for a while you were doing pretty damn well, but I saw through it, Remus. I saw through it!”
Sirius was breathing heavily, his chest heaving. He was starting to sway back and forth. Remus tried to deny it, but tears threatened to spill over and a tightness was blocking his throat.
“I’ll just end you’re miserable lives, shall I? It would be so easy. One step and your life is happier. Should I do it Remus? Should I try? Or will you stop me? Would you catch me if I fell?”
Sirius’ grey eyes were searching Remus’, asking silent permission to jump. Asking for a justification to end his own life. Remus took a step forward. Sirius involuntarily tried to step backward, but his foot met air. Remus watched as if in slow motion as Sirius started to fall backward, a look of pure terror on his face. Grey eyes met his, pleading for help. In a split second Remus had leaped forward and grabbed Sirius’ arm. He held his friends life in his hands. Slowly Remus pulled Sirius up, and they both tumbled to the ground, and panting they leaned against the castle wall.
Remus didn’t try to stop the tears that flowed down his face. He looked to Sirius, who wore a mixture of horror and relief on his face. Sirius looked over at Remus’ tear streaked face and murmured,
“You caught me.”
Anger boiled inside Remus, along with relief and love. He didn’t know whether to laugh or hit the fool. Instead he grabbed Sirius to him, his head against his shoulder, and held him tightly in the safety of his arms.
“Damn it Sirius, of course I caught you, you bloody fool,” Remus murmured into Sirius’ shoulder.
“Oh God, I love you Padfoot. I would never let anything happen to you.”
“I love you too Moony.”
Remus held him out at arms length and looked him straight in the eyes.
“Then promise me you’ll never do that again, promise me Sirius.”
“I promise,” Sirius said automatically, trying to calm the other boy down.
“I promise.”
But you broke your promise Sirius. You broke it, damn it, and look what happened. You died. You idiot, you died. And guess what? I’m crying. You once asked if I would cry when you died, and look at me now Sirius. My shirt is soaked through from my own tears. I’m crying you moron. I’m crying for you. I’m crying because of you. Because of what you have done. You promised me. You promised me that you would never fall again. Sirius, you fell. You fell into the veil. You broke your promise. Shit Sirius, you fell.
But how can I say that, when I have broken our unspoken promise. Damn Sirius, I failed you. I failed to catch you. You’re dead, dead because I didn’t catch you. It’s all my fault. I should have been there. I should have caught you as you fell.
Catch Me As I Fall by evanesco123
Chapter Notes: Disclaimer- Yea its Jo's.
Anyways... this is my first fanfiction on this site so hope you guys like it!