The Dark Lord's Blog by Schmerg_The_Impaler

Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.

WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.

RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!

Ratings: 1st-2nd Years [ - ] Past Featured Story

Category: Humor Fics
Characters: None
Warnings: None
Challenge:
Serie: None
Chapters: 6 Completed?: Yes
Wordcount: 12002 Viewcount: 86140
Published on: 09/23/06 Updated On: 12/04/06

1. Chapter 1: Don't Try This At Home by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (2046 words)
(I don't own Harry Potter, and I certainly don't own Voldemort, although I do own his blog. Nor do I own the Beatles, Jamba Juice, Pirates of the Caribbean, or Monty Python, to which I make references and all of which I love. I don't own Power Rangers, either, and but I didn't mention them in the previous sentence because I don't love them. Oh yeah, and Cruci-Os are a bit of a Hufflepuff joke from the Beta forums. They're not my creation, I'm afraid.)

2. Chapter 2: A Selected List of Imbeciles by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (1459 words)
I don't own Harry Potter. Believe me, if I did, book 7 would mysteriously include a character named Schmergo. Also Voldemort would be defeated by tripping over Ron's foot and getting a concussion where he lost all of his memory, and Luna would save everyone riding to the rescue on a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.

3. Chapter 3: R.A.B. and Romance by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (2528 words)
(Hello, readers. Guess what? I don't own Harry Potter! I also don't own the songs that are used in this chapter-- "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt, and "You're Pitiful" by Weird Al Yankovic. I did tweak them slightly, so if you don't recognize the lyrics, that's why. I also don't own Pink Floyd, Josh Groban, or Alice in Wonderland.)
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4. Chapter 4: Fan Mail by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (2751 words)
Most of the reader mail was sent in by MNFF users, not me. And the other characters were created by J.K. Rowling. I also reference several rock bands, Dave Barry, eviloverlord.com, rathergood.com, Power Rangers, Power Puff Girls, and mugglenet.com, none of which I own, either. So I'm really uncreative, aren't I? By the way, the "Wrong Bananas" music video was created by the incomparable Joel Veitch of rathergood.com.
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5. Chapter 5: The Plot Sickens (Or: Not-Fan Mail) by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (1789 words)
(This chapter may seem pointless. But it's definitely not! It's also the penultimate chapter. As usual, I don't own Harry Potter, and I don't own Voldemort, though I do pwn him. Incidentally, I don't own Josh Groban, Count Chocula, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or basically anything cool. Also, the wedding idea was created by the lovely prongs_rides_again.)
6. Chapter 6: I Sold My Soul on eBay by Schmerg_The_Impaler [ - ] (1429 words)
(Well, this is the last chapter! *sniffle* I'll miss this story SO much! Er, as usual, I don't own Harry Potter, Josh Groban, the Power Rangers, eBay, The Corpse Bride, myspace, Hello Kitty, or basically anything cool. Luckily, I also don't own Draco's baby pictures.)
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