Remus was seething, storming around the room and knocking over the already splintered chairs within ‘his room’ of the Shrieking Shack. No, it was not his favourite time of the month. That was not the problem this time, but he needed somewhere to vent his anger. What better place to let out his feelings than the one where he turned into a terrifying beast every full moon?
He had just about had it with all of the insults and jeers that he received on an almost weekly basis. He hated all of the whispers and stares that followed him down the corridors, beating him over the head with the taunting words of his peers. Well, he was a sort of outcast, so he supposed that he should be used to them by now. But he wasn’t. Remus knew that some”most”of his classmates thought him reclusive, strange, and anti-social. When he became a prefect, some of those ill feelings had been replaced with respect. A few students decided to test his shy ways and provoke him into some sort of action, other than his usual mild temperedness. Thank goodness he had his friends to keep him sane.
Until Remus Lupin had come to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, he had never had any friends. Not since he was a small boy, anyway, thanks to his lycanthropy. The anger and furious thirst for vengeance that raged within his body as a werewolf made him afraid. Afraid to be around people when he was in his human form, for fear that they could see the monster that lived inside him, waiting to be released with the call of the full moon. As a result, Remus had become a quiet and reserved boy for a great deal of his childhood. Until he met Sirius Black on the train to Hogwarts.
Remus had been immediately taken with the confident, outspoken boy. Sirius hadn’t judged him; he had just accepted Remus as though there was nothing wrong with him. Of course, Sirius hadn’t known until the end of the year that Remus was a werewolf, but Sirius’ acceptance meant a good deal to Remus. And then Sirius and Remus had become friends with James Potter, who introduced them to a chubby boy named Peter Pettigrew. They had been together nearly every day after that for the past six years.
Although James and Peter were two of the best friends a person could ask for, Sirius had always been Remus’ best mate. Remus could not forget Sirius’ open-armed reception on the Hogwarts Express that day so long ago. Remus loved Sirius better than anyone in the world. And therein lay the problem.
Remus loved Sirius more than anyone, and he reasoned that he probably always would. James, Peter, and his Uncle Romulus weren’t far behind, but there was something different about Sirius. Remus admired Sirius’ outgoing personality, his strong opinions, and his ability to make Remus and the rest of his friends laugh until they nearly wet themselves. Remus wished he had even a sliver of Sirius’ spontaneity and bravery. However, the trait that Remus revered the most in his friend was Sirius’ ability to care and accept nearly everyone. He had a large group of friends, though none of them could ever be as close to him as the Marauders. Sirius made a person feel accepted, wanted, and special, even when the entire world was telling a person otherwise. That’s what had drawn Remus to Sirius in the beginning. He valued Sirius’ friendship immensely.
However, a few did not see Remus and Sirius’ relationship as friendship. Someone got it in their head that Remus and Sirius were…how to put it…intimate with each other, which was completely untrue. Yes, Remus knew that there was a difference between the relationship he had with Sirius and the one he had with James and Peter. He didn’t know how exactly to explain it…He felt he had known Sirius his entire life. They got along so well, and seemed to complement each other so perfectly, like two sides of the same galleon. Sirius was sociable and passionate, while Remus was mild-tempered and introverted. Remus loved spending time with Sirius, and Sirius enjoyed Remus’ calming presence just as equally. And Remus loved Sirius. But he hated that question everyone insisted on posing behind Remus’ back: “Is Remus Lupin gay?”
Remus wearily sat down on the broken chair, his head in his hands, and all of his anger withered away. He wished he could find a simple way to answer that question. All he knew for sure was the way he felt about Sirius. He loved him, loved his best friend with all of his heart, and he would give anything to be with him forever. Give anything to have Sirius always by his side, laughing with him, fighting Death Eaters with him, crying with him…just being together, because Remus couldn’t stand to be away from Sirius. He had no desire whatsoever to become sexually intimate with Sirius”the thought of defiling his best friend like that was nauseating. But all of the other feelings he had for his best mate…Maybe those did make him homosexual. Somehow, he didn’t think so. He was just in love with his best friend in the most non-sexual way possible.
A noise from the hallway outside startled Remus. He jumped to his feet, knocking over the chair, and drew his wand. Sirius came crashing through the door, landing at Remus’ feet.
“Hey, mate,” Sirius said easily, cheerfully rising to his feet as if it was completely normal to make such a dramatic entrance.. He is so incredibly graceful, thought Remus wryly. “We’ve been wondering where you’d gone to.”
“Just thinking,” Remus muttered, rubbing the back of his neck absently.
“Ah. Don’t you do that enough as it is?”
Remus managed a weak smile for his friend.
“What’s up?” Sirius asked, plopping himself on the floor again.
“Nothing.” Remus said, resuming his place on the broken wooden chair.
“Okay.”
They sat in silence for a moment.
“Sirius,” began Remus cautiously. “Do you ever…listen to the rumours?”
“What rumours, exactly? If you’re referring to the one Lily and Dorcas started-”
“No, no, nothing like that,” said Remus, rolling his wand between two fingers. “The one about you…and me and…you know…”
“Oh, that one?” Sirius dismissed it with a wave of his hand. “That was just Maggie Engelberg spouting jealous rubbish. Don’t think anything of it, mate.”
“But…” How was Remus to explain this to Sirius? “Sirius, I think there may be…some truth to those rumours.” Remus could feel his telltale blush sweeping over his cheeks.
“Remus, don’t be ridiculous,” Sirius said firmly, looking directly in Remus’ eyes. “I know you’re not like that, and you know I’m not, so that’s all that matters.”
Remus began to protest again, but Sirius interrupted him.
“Remus, I know exactly how you feel.”
Remus shot him an extremely sceptical look but didn’t say anything.
Sirius continued. “I know exactly how you feel because I have the same feelings.” Remus’ look was surprised this time. “I do. I can see it in your eyes that you love me. I’ve seen it for years. I know it perfectly. It’s exactly the way that best mates feel about each other. The four of us Marauders are close, and we all care for each other. But ever since meeting you, Remus, I knew that we would be different from everyone else. I don’t know what it is, but we just…go together, you know? We’re right for each other. As right for each other as the best of mates are supposed to be.
“What you feel isn’t weird or gay, Remus. I feel it, too. We just love each other is all.”
When Sirius finished, the two men stood looking at each other, then embraced each other in a ferocious hug.
“Thanks, Sirius,” Remus choked.
“I meant every word, you know,” replied Sirius as they released each other.
“I know.”
“But just so you know,” Sirius said over his shoulder as he and Remus descended the stairs leading to the tunnel under the Whomping Willow, “I don’t do the whole snogging thing.”
Remus laughed at his friend’s absurd statement. “I don’t either.”