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“Do you think he’s still sleeping?” Ron whispered.
“He must be, Ron, otherwise he would have gotten up already,” Hermione answered under her breath. “How many times has he been out here all night?”
“This is the fourth time in eight days,” Ron responded, shifting a little to see if he could tell if Harry’s eyes were open.
Harry was lying on the couch facing its back. He had indeed been spending nights in the common room; he slept better out there he told himself. Even when he woke at dawn, he would go upstairs and climb into his bed for a few minutes before making a show of getting up. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt more at ease when he fell asleep on the couch. The orange cat would always be with him when he fell asleep and would always be gone when he woke.
He rolled over. “I am awake, yes I slept here all night, and I could tell you were here before you said anything,” Harry remarked dryly as he stretched and yawned.
“Are you all right, Harry?” Hermione asked nervously. “Why do you keep sleeping out here?”
“I’m fine, Hermione. I have had a lot of homework to do and I just tend to fall asleep on the couch while reading. It’s all right, I’m not bothering anyone.” Harry didn’t know why but he did not want to let them know that he was having a hard time sleeping since the dream and that he was finding comfort in some first year’s pet. “So, are you off to breakfast?” he asked, changing the subject.
“Yeah, do you want us to wait?” Ron interjected before Hermione could answer.
“No, I’ll be down in a few minutes. Save me some toast, okay, Ron?” Harry said as he walked past them to the stairs up to the dorms. Hermione gave him a nervous look but let the questions lie for the time being.
Harry felt awful for not telling his friends what was going on, but he felt he needed to keep them at arm’s length as much as possible.
He took a quick shower and walked back into his dorm room. He was dressed and on his way out when he heard a faint tapping at his window. Hedwig was sitting on the windowsill, waiting patiently for her master.
Harry walked over and opened the window. Hedwig hopped through with a small hoot. She lifted her leg and Harry removed the attached roll of parchment. He then walked over to his trunk, pulled out a box of Owl Treats, and gave a couple to the snowy white owl, who in turn nipped at his finger, saying good bye. She then leapt out the window and Harry watched her fly towards the Owlery.
Harry opened the roll of parchment, which had a Ministry seal on it.
Dear Harry,
I can’t believe that the Ministry didn’t give you one. I heard the other day that the committee was planning on awarding them during the Halloween Feast, but I just can’t believe that you are not the one they are giving them to. I’ve read the reports so I know that Ernie and Hermione helped and all, but I can’t believe they are the only ones getting the awards. Oh, and I heard about poor little Dennis Creevey. His uncle works with me at the Ministry in the Department of International Magical Cooperation. It’s just so sad. I think Colin is going back to Hogwarts soon, but I don’t know when.
Well that’s all from here. If you need to talk about things, Harry, I am always here. Just owl me and I can come to the school. See you soon.
Hugs and Kisses,
Cho Chang
Department of International Magical Cooperation
Harry read the letter a second time. He couldn’t understand what Cho was talking about. Well, the last part he thought he understood, but what awards could they possibly be giving to Ernie Macmillan and Hermione?
He was still thinking about this as he reached the bottom of the staircase.
“Morning, Harry,” Ginny shouted down to him. He looked up and saw her yawning.
“Morning, Ginny, didn’t you sleep well?” he asked. He noticed she had dark circles under her eyes.
“Oh, no. Just lots of homework last night, and I had patrol so I was up later than usual. How about you, I saw you when I came back. Did you go to bed last night or did you sleep on the couch again?”
“On the couch, how did you know?” Harry questioned as they reached the portrait hole.
“Lavender told me she saw you when she and Seamus went for a late night ‘walk’ and they noticed you when they got back. They said you had some cat lying on the couch with you,” Ginny explained. She had a slight blush going and Harry thought she might feel embarrassed for him.
“Yeah, some first year’s cat likes to sit with me in the evenings,” he replied. He did feel a little embarrassed about it, but not enough to complain. The truth was that the little cat had provided a great deal of comfort for him during the last several days.
“So, you said you had patrol?” Harry inquired. This was the question that had been hanging in his mind since the conversation started.
“Yeah, Ernie and I had patrol last night. He kept me past eleven thirty. Stupid prat,” Ginny stated.
The beast in Harry’s chest gave small growl at the idea of Ginny being out with Ernie that late. Harry also thought he heard of touch playfulness when she called him a stupid prat”the kind of playfulness one hears when you call someone stupid because you actually like them.
“Who sent you the letter, Harry?” Ginny inquired happily as they walked down the hall towards the stairs that would take them to the first floor.
“Oh, it’s from Cho,” Harry replied, a little too brightly. “It didn’t make much sense though.”
“Oh,” Ginny grumbled. They walked on in silence down to the Great Hall, each lost in their own thoughts and jealousies.
By the time they reached the Great Hall, they were both frowning. They spotted Ron and Hermione and walked over to join their friends. Ron seemed to be attempting to calm Hermione down as she talked and motioned with her hands at the table.
“Hermione, is everything all right?” Ginny asked. She sat down across from Hermione and Ron while Harry sat next to them with Hermione in the middle.
“No, everything’s not all right. This is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard of,” Hermione spat, brushing Ron’s hand from her back.
“What’s going on?” Harry requested sternly. Hermione pushed a copy of the Daily Prophet at him to read.
Hogwarts Students to Receive Order of Merlin
The Ministry of Magic has decided that two students from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry will be awarded the Order of Merlin, Third Class for their heroic efforts during a battle that took place in Hogsmeade on the first of September. The Ministry is only now releasing information about this incident to the Prophet.
Hermione Jane Granger and Ernest Alexander Macmillan will be receiving these honors during a private ceremony at the school on Halloween night.
Harry folded the paper and placed it back on the table. He looked up and saw that Ginny had grabbed another copy of the paper from a fellow Gryffindor and was finishing the full article. “Hermione, that’s wonderful, this is a real honor,” Harry exclaimed. He was not sure why she was so upset about the whole thing.
“No it isn’t, Harry. I didn’t even do anything,” Hermione exploded. “It was you and Ron who planned it. It was the rest of the DA who fought. I went with the other students. Anyone from the DA deserves this more than me.”
“Hermione, congratulations,” Ernie said, stepping up next to the table. “Good morning, Ginny, I hope you slept well,” he said with a smile. Harry fought to suppress a snarl.
“Good morning, Ernie. Congratulations on this. I, however, cannot accept it. I didn’t do anything,” Hermione declared just above a whisper.
“Well of course you did, you’re Head Girl. You were a leader, and as such, you deserve this honor,” Ernie retorted. He seemed completely caught off guard by Hermione’s reluctance to accept the praise that was being offered to her.
Hermione just sighed, got up and walked out of the Great Hall. Ron followed suit, glaring at Ernie as he left.
“What did I say?” Ernie asked no one in particular. No one attempted to answer him. “Ginny, can I have a word?” Ernie asked after a few seconds of silence.
“Actually, Ernie, I have”” Ginny began but did not get a chance to finish.
“No problem, Ernie, I was just leaving,” Harry interrupted her. He got up and stalked out of the Great Hall. He looked back and saw Ginny glaring at him while Ernie took a seat across from her.
++++++
By dinner that evening, the Hogwarts rumor mill had gone into full swing. The news of Hermione and Ernie receiving the Order of Merlin spread like wildfire and the idea that the Halloween Feast was going to be a formal Ministry Gala had become the rage around campus.
The rumor mill was nothing new to Harry, having been a victim of it more times than he could remember. He recalled when he and Hermione were supposed to be a couple in fourth year. That rumor had actually been circulated off and on for the entire time he had been at Hogwarts. Then there were rumors about him and Luna, him and Parvati, him and the entire class of fifth-year girls. He thought Romilda probably started that one.
He also thought back to some of the more laughable relationship rumors he had heard: he and Millicent Bulstrode, he and Pansy Parkinson, Ginny and Crabbe, Hermione and Crabbe, Ginny and Draco, Hermione and Draco. These last couples had Harry completely dumbfounded. Who would believe that Hermione or Ginny could ever think of Draco Malfoy as anything but a world-class git”even before he went off to be a Death Eater.
The Hogwarts rumor mill, Harry knew, was something less than reliable. In fact, they got it right so infrequently, it was something of a blessing when your name ended up with someone you didn’t like, virtually ensuring you would never date them. Today, however, Harry was putting more stock in the mill. The latest rumor was that Ernie was taking Ginny to the Halloween Feast. Harry knew that he had no right to be upset by this news, but the beast in his chest would not let him alone. The idea of Ginny moving on hurt him, and it was all he could do not to let it show.
+++++
Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were sitting in the Room of Requirement that evening. Colin Creevey had indeed returned to school that day and the DA decided it would meet to welcome him back. Harry didn’t think it was a good idea but was outvoted.
The group had arrived an hour early, at Hermione’s insistence, but they weren’t talking now. Ron and Hermione had had their first real row since they’d gotten together. Hermione was continuing to refuse to accept the Order of Merlin, and Ron had finally gotten irritated about it. The row happened earlier that day.
“Hermione, you are just being silly. Of course you should accept the award,” Ron argued
“No, Ron, I shouldn’t accept it and I won’t. I won’t accept recognition for something I didn’t do. I didn’t fight the Dementors or the Death Eaters. I was with the children,” Hermione countered.
“Exactly, Hermione, you were doing what was needed. You were leading the younger students to safety. You deserve the honor, and it honors all of us that you’re receiving it.
“I don’t care, Ron. I didn’t earn it. I’m getting it under false pretenses. If anyone deserves it, it’s you and Harry. You both came up with the plan and fought. I wasn’t with you, so I don’t deserve to be rewarded.” Hermione had finally burst into tears and run from the Great Hall.
That event took place at lunch, and for the rest of the day, both Ron and Hermione remained very quiet towards each other and Harry. Harry was more than a bit confused by their silence towards him, but since he was fuming over Ginny and Ernie, he didn’t mind much. Now, they sat in the Room of Requirement still not saying much to each other.
Ginny hadn’t spoken to Harry since glaring at him as he walked out of the Great Hall during breakfast. She was sitting at the table now looking everywhere but his direction.
Harry was also scowling around the room, feeling angry about the Ginny and Ernie rumor and the fact that Ginny was obviously mad at him for something. He could not understand what.
Finally, after fifteen minutes that seemed more like fifteen hours, Hermione broke the silence. “Harry, when are we going to Hepzibah’s house?” she asked just above a whisper.
Harry was not expecting this question, so it took him a second to register it and think of his response. “Oh, I don’t know yet. I still have some research to do,” he lied.
“That’s funny, I thought you had all your research done. It looked like it from the notes you left in the library the other day”the ones you were working on when I came in”which you tried to hide under your books,” Hermione declared with more boldness.
“Oh, we could go during the Halloween feast,” Ginny mentioned, her face brightening for the first time all day.
“Don’t you have a date?” Harry hissed. He regretted it the moment he said the words.
“No, we can’t go on Halloween because Hermione has an award to accept,” Ron stated.
“We can too go on Halloween, Ron, because I am not accepting that award,” Hermione exclaimed.
“What do you mean don’t I have a date? What are you getting at Harry?” Ginny demanded.
“Hermione, why won’t you understand?” Ron pleaded.
“THAT’S IT!” Harry shouted, drawing the attention of the other three away from their oncoming row. “I am planning on going to the Smith house on Halloween night. All right, Hermione? You and Ron can stay and go to the ceremony or not go the ceremony. Ginny, you can go with your date and have a wonderful time. I am going and I’m going alone.”
“You can’t, Harry, we have to go with you,” Ron interjected.
“You can’t shut us out,” Ginny said. Her eyes were pleading with Harry, and he almost broke. He closed his eyes and the images of them all dead on the Quidditch pitch once again rose before him.
“You lot can’t go. I know you want to help me, but this is something I have to do alone. I can’t lose anyone else.” Harry watched as the two Weasleys jumped up to protest. Hermione remained in her seat looking terribly sad. “I know what Dumbledore said, but he has been wrong before. I don’t want to risk any of you. I feel guilty enough about Dennis, and I was barely his acquaintance. What would I do if something happened to you, any of you?” Harry slumped back into his chair, waiting for the angry response that he knew would come from his friends.
“So what are we doing all this training for if not to help you find these bloody things?” Ron shouted, leaning on the table.
“To make me stronger, to help me feel better, I don’t know.” Harry was now on his feet. “I just know if any of you go with me and have to face Voldemort then you are going to die. I can’t live with that.”
“Okay, Harry,” Hermione whispered, tears running down her cheeks. “If you don’t want us to come, we won’t come.”
Ron seemed to deflate before Harry’s eyes. Ginny glared at Hermione but said nothing by way of protest. She slowly sat back in her chair. Harry was stunned. He had expected more of a fight. He thought they would never let him go alone, would never let him face finding the Horcruxes without them. He had really not wanted them to come, but now that they said they would let him go alone, he was frightened by the prospect. “Good”I mean, if I can, I’ll bring back whatever I find and we can figure out how to deal with it here.”
The group settled into a tense silence for a few minutes. Ron and Hermione had somehow repaired the damage to their relationship by silently agreeing that Harry could go alone. Ginny still looked terribly angry and glared between Harry and Hermione. Harry closed his eyes and tried to gather his thoughts. He raised his mental walls, but immediately dropped them again. He could feel the hurt and anger coming from his friends and he knew that there was nothing he could do about it.
“Is it time?” came the nervous voice of Padma Patil as she walked into the room.
“Yes, Padma, we need to get started,” Hermione said, getting to her feet. The others followed suit and the table and chairs in the room were replaced by cushions, while spell books appeared on the walls.
Ten minutes after Padma arrived, the rest of the DA came in. Colin entered with Neville and a sixth-year Ravenclaw girl with dark red hair whom Harry didn’t know. Colin marched up to Harry with a grim look on his face. Harry watched Colin’s eyes as they bore into him. The little starstruck boy with the Muggle camera was gone. This was a young man who knew loss and pain. He was yet another boy who had to become a man before his time. No hero worship in there. I hope he doesn’t try to kill me for getting his brother killed. Harry held his gaze. He would not refuse Colin’s chance to blame him, to rail away at him for allowing Dennis to die.
“All right, Harry?” Colin asked.
“Yeah, Colin, look I’m”” Harry began. Colin waved him off.
“If it weren’t for you, Harry, and Ron and the rest of the DA, a lot more people would have been killed that night. Dennis knew what he was fighting for, and so do I.” Tears began to streak down his face. Harry watched, willing the tears in his own eyes to hold off. “Harry, it seems that it is going to be you who leads us in fighting”Vol”Voldemort. I’m with you.” Colin held out his hand.
Harry took it, feeling a new upsurge of pride in this group of young people standing in front of him, and also guilt for pushing those closest to him away. “Let’s just get through tonight, Colin.”
Colin smiled a small smile and took his place with the rest of the group. Hermione had tear streaks on her cheeks. Ron swiped at his eyes which were red and shining. Ginny looked on with her eyes filled with compassion for Colin. She then looked to Harry; he thought he could see a glimpse of that same compassion, but just as he thought he could see it, the hard glare returned.
“Okay, let’s get started,” Harry announced. “Tonight we are going to work on some Shield Spells and casting the Patronus. Voldemort likes to use his Dementors as a first wave in his battles because there aren’t many wizards who can cast a Patronus. Most of you can, at least to some degree. The more of you there are who can cast a strong and sustained Patronus, the better.”
+++++
The meeting went fairly well. By the end of the night, most of the DA was able to cast a corporeal Patronus and control it. Harry was puzzled by the lack of success of some of the group, however. As the meeting was winding down, he walked over to Ginny, who was standing with Neville and Luna. The three of them had not managed to cast a Patronus all night.
“All right, everyone?” Harry questioned.
“Hi, Harry,” Neville replied. “Expecto Patronum.” A shot of silver mist came from Neville’s wand but nothing more.
“Luna, you and Ginny look like you both are struggling with your Patronuses as well,” Harry commented.
“Oh sorry, Harry, guess I was thinking of my upcoming date,” Ginny retorted. She turned red, her eyes went wide with surprise and her hand came to her mouth, as if she had not really intended to say that out loud. She then bolted from the meeting.
Harry blushed but said nothing as she left.
“Harry, you really ought to tell her that you love her. It’s pretty clear for all to see,” Luna commented. “Expecto Patronum.” More silver mist but nothing more. She tucked her wand behind her ear and looked at her watch. “Time to go, Harry.”
“What”oh yeah, right, time to go,” Harry stammered. He was stunned by what Luna had said. Can everyone tell I feel this way? Then why can’t she? Why does she like that prat Macmillan? Harry thought to himself. He looked at Ernie as he guided his silver horse around the room.
“Okay everyone, time to go,” Hermione shouted as her silver otter roamed around the room, followed closely by Ron’s dog.
++++++
Harry noticed it was quarter to one when the final group of Gryffindors went to bed. It was a group of fifth-year boys who were planning a prank to pull “right under the Head Girl’s nose.” Harry smiled to himself, thinking that Hermione would have it sniffed out and them in detention by lunch the next day.
Harry stretched and yawned. He opened his Defense book and began reading up on more advanced Shield Spells. The movement of his cat caught his eye. He had come to think of this little orange ball of fur as his”his friend and confidant. This cat had heard many of his greatest fears over the last couple of weeks: his fears about the future, about what he wanted to do after school; his fears that he would not live to see life after school. This cat was his friend. It didn’t judge him for feeling scared. It didn’t tell him he was being a prat for trying to push his friends away. It didn’t try to encourage or discourage him. It just listened.
The cat wandered around for a little longer than usual. Finally, after about fifteen minutes, it sauntered over to him, its tail raised and its head held high. It jumped onto the couch and walked over to Harry, allowing him to pet it.
“Well, at least you understand,” Harry stated as he gently scratched the cat behind its ear. “I know that my friends mean well and they really do have a role to play in all this, but I don’t think I could survive if I lost one of them.”
“Meow,” the cat announced.
“And the stuff with Ginny is driving me crazy. I don’t see what she sees in that pompous prat but she’s always with him. It’s probably better this way because with what I have to do, I don’t think I want her around me when it is all over.”
“Meow.”
“I mean if she knew what the prophecy said”that I would have to be killed by Voldemort or become a murderer by killing him”I can’t imagine her wanting to be around me after that, even if I do survive.” Harry’s voice cracked on the last couple of words. Harry looked at the cat and noticed it was looking directly into his eyes.
He pulled the cat close to him, feeling the warmth of its body on his chest. He leaned back on the couch, the cat still on his chest, and closed his eyes. He raised the walls of his mind and reached out to his friends. Ron was sleeping soundly; Hermione seemed anxious and also angry. Harry vaguely wondered if she had already found out about the prank the fifth years were planning. Neville was feeling nervous, either sleeping restlessly or still awake. He couldn’t reach Luna all the way in Ravenclaw tower. Ginny seemed very sad and angry, but Harry didn’t think it was directed at him at the moment. He felt the peace that always came to him when he focused on her flood through him. He relaxed and slept as the cat purred softly on his chest.
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A/N: Well there you have it. Harry is being noble again and going it alone. I hope you liked this chapter. I enjoyed writing this one a lot. Let me know what you thought with a quick review or a long one. I love to hear your thoughts, even the criticism.
As always, a huge thanks to go my pre-betas cableguysmom and Kerrbear, who have been wonderful helping me with plot development and keeping the story going. Major wonderful thanks to my beta JenC who is doing a great job making this sound good. Thanks ladies.
Up Next, Hufflepuff’s cup.