I Don't own anything in the Harry Potter Universe.
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Harry felt the rage building in his mind. The image of Ginny lying on floor, bleeding from the cut over her eye, filled his head. There was pressure on his mental walls; his fear of losing Ginny, of someone he loved being hurt, now seemed to be driving his movements.
He raised his wand.
Harry could feel his heart pounding away in his chest. He was having trouble controlling his breathing, but he was intent on destroying this creature that had wanted to hurt the girl he loved. Part of his brain was yelling at him to stop; he ignored that part. He was going to do what was necessary. He had shown mercy once before, to Wormtail in the Shrieking Shack, but not this time. This piece of pureblood filth didn’t deserve mercy.
The words formed in his mind. Avada Kedavra. All he had to do was say those words and this evil would be destroyed.
Harry’s wand hand trembled as he stared at the body in front of him. He could hear voices telling him no, telling him to put his wand away, but they were only vague sounds in his ears. The rage was continuing unabated.
Killing is far more difficult than the innocent believe.
Harry heard Dumbledore’s voice in his head. His wand hand dropped slightly. His mind raced through the memory of that night on the Astronomy Tower, of the conversation Dumbledore had had with Draco, just before Snape appeared. Draco had been unwilling to kill the Headmaster that evening; Harry knew Malfoy never would have been able to do it.
His reason began to overpower the rage in his mind, and his breathing started coming easier. But he tried to kill your Ginny! raged the other part of Harry’s mind. He tried to take her to the Dark Lord. It would be easy to kill him here. No one would blame you. They would probably give you the Order of Merlin for it.
One must choose which path to take”the one that is easy or the one that is right. It was Dumbledore’s voice again.
“Harry, NO, put your wand down. Please don’t do this,” Hermione cried. Harry noticed her standing there for the first time. He could hear Ron shouting at him from behind. His brain finally started working properly again, and he dropped his hand. The pressure in his mind immediately went away and his breathing came under control again. He could still feel anger, but it was not the uncontrollable rage that he felt previously.
“Is Ginny all right?” he shouted, turning from Hermione and racing back towards Ginny and Ron.
“I think so, but we need to get her up to the Hospital Wing. You all right?” Ron asked tentatively as he picked Ginny up in his arms.
“Yeah, I just lost it there for a second, I’m okay now,” Harry replied, guilt making him unwilling to look into Ron’s or Hermione’s eyes.
“What is the meaning of this”oh my,” McGonagall declared as she stormed down the hall. “Mr. Potter, what has happened?”
“He attacked us!” Pansy Parkinson bellowed from the floor, still bound tightly in black ropes.
Harry shrank back towards the walls. The guilt of seriously considering killing Malfoy was beginning to overwhelm him.
Hermione stepped in front of Harry and began to speak. “They were trying to kidnap Ginny, Professor. Draco Malfoy is with them. He is on the floor over by the wall. Ginny’s hurt.”
Professor McGonagall took in the scene as more teachers made their way into the hall. “Professor Slughorn, please take charge of these three”members of your house,” she nearly spat. “Take them to your office and I will be there shortly to discuss what to do with them.” Slughorn quickly removed the ropes from Pansy and revived Crabbe and Goyle. He then marched them back towards his office.
“Mr. Weasley, please take Ginny up to the Hospital Wing. Miss Granger, go to my office and contact the Ministry”inform them that we have a Death Eater here who needs to be taken into custody.”
Hermione seemed reluctant to leave Harry alone. He was standing with his back against the wall and had paled considerably since the others had arrived. “Now, Miss Granger; I will have Professor Scurlock keep an eye on Mr. Malfoy. Mr. Potter, you may go to the Hospital Wing and check on Miss Weasley, but I will expect you in my office in one hour to give a complete explanation of what happened.”
During the time that McGonagall had been issuing orders, Harry had been moving closer and closer to the wall. It seemed that the building was closing in all around him and that he had no way of escaping. His mind raced with possibilities of what would have happened if he had pronounced the curse. He was feeling cornered and needed to escape and think.
Upon hearing he could leave, Harry bolted out of the hall. He wanted to see Ginny, but he needed to go and get his mind in order first. I almost killed Malfoy, he thought as he raced out of the castle. He ran through the snow, anger building again. The anger this time, however, was focused on himself.
He ran in no particular direction. He knew that he couldn’t leave the school grounds, and he didn’t want to; the last thing he needed was to risk encountering a Death Eater. His pace slowed and he walked for several minutes until finally reaching the lake.
He noticed the eternal blue flame of Dumbledore’s tomb glowing off to his left and was drawn to it. He stepped through the snow and stood before the tomb of his fallen mentor.
The ground and air around the tomb were strangely warm, as if someone had placed a Warming Charm on the entire area. Harry looked at the white tomb, which was currently bathed in blue light. He felt he needed to say something, but he didn’t know what. Finally, his emotions broke and tears formed in his eyes.
“I failed, Professor. I’m no better than they are. I almost killed Draco Malfoy tonight. He was unarmed and knocked out and I still almost killed him. I’m no better than Voldemort.” Harry put his head in his hands and sank to his knees.
Which path was chosen? Harry heard in his head. He looked up to see if anyone was with him. He was alone.
Which path was chosen? The easy path or the right path?
“I was going to kill him,” Harry answered out loud. “I was going to use the killing curse on another human being.” He shook his head again, trying to clear it. He kept hearing the questions in his mind. He raised his mental walls and an image of Dumbledore came into perfect view.
“Professor?” Harry whispered. “Professor, is that you?”
Yes and no, the image of Dumbledore responded. Which path did you choose tonight, Harry?
“I don’t understand, Professor?”
Did you chose the path that was easy, or did you chose the path that was right?
“I don’t know…I guess, eventually I chose that path that was right. I didn’t kill Malfoy. But, Professor, I really wanted to. I wanted to hurt him because of what he had done to Ginny and what he would have done if he succeeded. I wanted to kill him.”
What stayed your hand?
“I don’t really know. I just thought about how you had shown him mercy when he was there to kill you. I guess I decided that I wanted to show him mercy too.”
Then you are decidedly unlike Tom and his followers. The image of Dumbledore smiled. Harry could just make out the twinkle in his eyes. Tom does not believe in showing mercy and will not in any case. His followers also will not, for fear of him. You, Harry, showed mercy, when all of your emotions were telling you not to. You controlled yourself and chose the right path. That is why you are not like Tom and will never be like him.
“But I wanted to kill him.”
And you chose not to. That, Harry, is the point.
The image of Dumbledore faded from Harry’s mind, and he was left to wonder if it had all just been in his head or if he had really just spoken with his former Headmaster. He stood to go, wiped the tears he had shed from his face, and walked back to the castle.
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Three hours later, he was in the common room with Hermione and Ron. Ginny was all right; she had regained consciousness before Ron got her to the Hospital Wing, but was required by Madam Pomfrey to stay overnight, for “observation.”
Harry had seen her and was relieved that there was no permanent damage done. He’d then gone to explain as much as he could about the events of the evening to Professor McGonagall. Now he was back in the common room discussing things with his friends.
“Ginny said they just jumped her during her patrol,” Ron explained. “They surprised her and got her wand before she could do anything. Then they started for the secret passage. She said that she felt you, Harry, in the hall, and decided to play the fainting damsel to try and stall for time.”
“It worked,” Harry interjected.
“Hermione and I were in the party and we both sort of heard you yelling, in our heads, to come to the humpbacked witch, and that Ginny was in trouble,” Ron continued. “We got there as quickly as we could, but we must have taken a different path than you did since we were on the other end of the hall. It worked well though.”
Hermione seemed to become nervous as she opened her mouth to speak again. “Harry, you really scared me there for a minute. I thought you really were going to kill Draco.”
“I think for a minute I was. I just felt all this rage and anger, more than I’ve ever felt before. I don’t really know how to explain it. I was ready to kill him, but I didn’t. Eventually my reason began to control my anger.”
“Harry, do you think it was more than just your anger?” Hermione questioned.
“What do you mean?” Harry responded, not knowing where this was going.
“Well, I have been thinking about the connections you have,” Hermione began. “You have a connection to all of us, and we help you, but you also have a connection to Voldemort. He used it during our fifth year with the dreams you were having. Do you think he was doing something to try and influence you tonight?”
“I don’t know. I remember there being some pressure on me, like something was driving me to hurt Malfoy, but I can’t believe it was Voldemort doing it.”
“Why not? Look, your fifth year you were almost never yourself,” Hermione explained. “Sorry, but it’s true. You were angry a lot and would just fly off the handle all the time. I was thinking about that, wondering if perhaps that was a result of Voldemort putting pressure on you. Maybe he was influencing you, in a way that none of us realized. If he did it then, perhaps he was doing it now. Maybe he was driving the angry feelings you had and trying to make you lose control.”
Harry thought about this for a second. “Why would he want to push me to kill Malfoy?”
“To get you out of the way,” Ron responded. “I bet he thought that if you killed Malfoy, you would be so bound up with guilt you would give up everything and just run somewhere…or else you would like it and it would make it easier to control you later.”
Hermione looked admiringly at Ron. Harry was surprised by the insight of both his friends. He thought that what they said made good sense and it made him feel better. “So Voldemort was using the anger I was feeling and trying amplify it, to make me kill Malfoy.”
“Precisely,” Hermione stated. “If that’s true, you are going to have to be really careful about your emotions”especially when you face Voldemort. If you are filled with rage and anger, he may be able to have some control over you. If you are focused on emotions he can’t understand, he has much less power over you. Dumbledore understood that; that must be why Voldemort feared him”he knew he had no power over Dumbledore’s emotions.”
Harry thought about this final bit of information. He remembered watching his former Headmaster duel with Voldemort. He thought of the taunts that Voldemort threw at him, but Dumbledore never replied in kind. He continued to exude the compassion and caring that marked his personality. He refused to hate Voldemort; he only pitied him, and wanted to see him turn from the dark to the light. He already knew that he would have to try and direct good thoughts of love and joy into Voldemort’s mind, but he would also have to make sure he didn’t allow his anger to come to the surface.
They continued to quietly contemplate the events of the evening as the fire in the common room burned low. “Well, I’m off to bed,” Hermione announced as she got up to leave. She gave Ron a kiss and headed for the stairs.
Ron and Harry watched her go. “By the way, Harry, that Stunner you hit Malfoy with”bloody brilliant.” Ron was now grinning at Harry.
“Thanks, Ron.” The two young men rose and went to get some sleep.
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The following two weeks went by slowly for Harry. He found out that Malfoy was being held at the Ministry, for further questioning. Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy were confined to the Slytherin common room at all times except during class. There was a thought of expelling them, but it was decided that if they were removed from school, they may simply join with the rest of Voldemort’s Death Eaters and increase his numbers. The three had claimed Malfoy used the Imperius Curse on them but McGonagall didn’t believe them.
Ginny was released from the Hospital Wing the day after the attack. She had no recollection of the events following Draco hitting her. Harry was glad she hadn’t seen him standing over his body. He thought he would need to tell her at some point, but since only Hermione and Ron knew what had transpired, he didn’t want to tell her just yet.
Other concerns had Harry’s focus at the moment. He had a Christmas party to deal with, and now he sat waiting for Dobby to arrive.
Crack.
“Dobby, you’re late,” Harry stated. He quickly smiled as the house-elf looked near to punishing himself. “It’s all right. I’m not mad so please don’t hurt yourself.”
Dobby relaxed. “Harry Potter, sir, the house is coming along wonderfully. The trees are up in the parlor, the dining room, the billiard room…” Dobby continued to list different rooms of the house.
“Wait, Dobby, what are you talking about? I didn’t ask for all those trees,” Harry questioned.
“No, sir, but you said you wanted it like when the Potters lived there. Tinky, Pinky, and Brian said that the Potters would have a tree in almost every room in the house. Is sir not wanting to have that many trees?” Dobby appeared on the verge of tears at disappointing Harry.
“No, that’s fine, Dobby. Erm, how many house-elves are there?”
“Six in total, sir. I told them that you would gladly pay them, but they have all refused. Miss Hermione will not be pleased, so they are going to stay out of the way. Just Dobby and Winky will be seen working during Christmas, sir.”
Dobby bowed, his ears touching the ground. “It is an honor to help the great and powerful Harry Potter, sir.” With a crack he was gone.
Harry shook his head and walked out of the classroom. One more week of work and then some time off. He smiled and walked into the Great Hall to catch the last few minutes of lunch.
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Friday dawned bright and clear as the students got ready to leave for the Christmas holiday. The Ministry was providing Auror protection for the Hogwarts Express, along with security for both Hogsmeade Station and King’s Cross.
The others had gone to help ensure that the students arrived at the train station safely, which left Harry to contemplate his next move.
Harry waited in his room, thinking, and staring at the note he had found in the gold locket that night months ago. He had placed it in his trunk when he got to the Dursleys’ and had not thought of it much since the summer ended. Now his thoughts were firmly focused on the locket”he thought he had finally discovered the identity of R.A.B.
During breakfast that morning, he had been sitting in the Great Hall when the owl post came. Hermione received her normal morning edition of the Daily Prophet. For once, she never made it past the front page. The main story was about the discovery of the remains of Regulus Alphard Black, in a small house on the coast near Lancaster. The remains were badly decomposed”only a skeleton”but they had been positively identified as belonging to the youngest Black. It took Harry and Hermione almost no time to make the connection: R.A.B. was Regulus Black.
He was still wondering over the information when Neville walked in. “Hi, Harry, thanks for inviting me for Christmas. Gran says she will be there a couple of days after Christmas since she is visiting my uncle and aunt.”
“No problem, Neville. I was hoping that you and Luna could come and stay. You haven’t seen the size of this house, but we are going to need all the people we can get to fill it up.” Harry went back to contemplating the locket.
“Um, Harry, speaking of people in the house, could I invite someone to dinner Christmas day?” Neville seemed nervous about his request.
“Of course, Neville. Oh, it isn’t Romilda Vane, is it?”
Neville frowned. “Oh, no, I was just wondering if I could invite Parvati.” Neville broke into a furious blush.
Harry smiled, “Of course! So, you two?”
Neville continued to blush. “Yeah, for a couple of weeks now. We’ve kept it quiet though.”
“That’s great, Neville.” Harry smiled, genuinely pleased that his friend was dating one of the prettiest girls in the school.
“What’s great, Neville?” Ron asked, coming back into the dorm.
“I’m bringing Parvati to Christmas dinner at Harry’s,” Neville replied, filling with pride.
“Really? That’s great, Neville,” Ron commented. “So, Harry, you ready to get to out of here? McGonagall said that we can Floo from the common room. Mum and Dad should already be at Lion’s Watch.” Ron grabbed his pack.
“Yeah, let’s go. I think I am ready for some Yule Tide cheer,” Harry declared. He put the locket and note into his pocket. He intended to take a trip to Lancaster during the holiday, but he would think about it after Christmas.
They met Ginny and Hermione in the common room, ready for a Christmas holiday at Lion’s Watch.
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A/N: Well it is certainly good that Harry chose the correct path and didn’t kill Malfoy in cold blood. Did anyone really think he would? Thanks as always go out to my prebetas cableguysmom and Kerrbear, and to my wonderful beta, that is working diligently to try and help this story get finished BEFORE “Deathly Hollows” is published. Thanks ladies.
I am curious to know what you think about Ron and Hermione, as well as any other thoughts you have so far. Let me know what you think.
Up next a little Christmas Cheer, and the return of the fly motorcycle!