McGonagall called Remus and me into her office today. She said it was about the Order.
The Head’s office was so different. Dumbledore’s shelves with all the little instruments he used were all gone, Fawkes no longer sat next to his desk, everything was all in a different order, and there was a portrait of a sleeping Dumbledore on the wall with all the other Headmasters and Mistresses of the past.
“Nymphadora, Remus,” McGonagall greeted us as we walked in. “Have a seat.”
We sat, fearing the worst.
“I regret to tell you that we lost two Order members this week,” she started off.
“Who?” I asked.
“Shacklebolt and Doge,” she replied.
“What happened?” Remus asked.
“They were attacked by Death Eaters, taken captive, and we found their bodies yesterday near Grimmauld Place. The Killing Curse was their end.”
“That’s horrible...” I said quietly.
“And I’m sorry to tell you, Remus, that I do need you to go underground now... to recover any information you can...” she said sadly.
“What?” I gasped.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, “but we need to find out anything we can.”
“What about here? We’ll be short one teacher!” I pointed out.
“I’ll take Transfiguration back over and you’ll move to Defense Against the Dark Arts,” she said calmly.
“But-”
“Nymphadora. You’re an Auror. I think you can handle it.”
I nodded. She either didn’t know what I was protesting about, or was ignoring it.
After that, we left for the Great Hall in silence.
I had no idea what to say. Remus had to go, but I didn’t want to let him. I was so afraid of losing him. But I knew I had to keep it together. At least for him.
I said nothing during dinner, afraid that if I opened my mouth to speak, I’d just start crying and attract attention to myself. I stared at my plate and picked at my food, only eating a few bites. The horrible feeling in my stomach was too much, I felt if I ate anything, I would end up in the bathroom vomiting a few minutes later.
“Tonks,” Remus said gently near the end of the feast, “c’mon.”
I looked up at him and he led me down the corridor into his office.
By the time we got into his office, I couldn’t hold it in any longer, the tears started pouring out of my eyes.
“Remus...” I managed through uncontrolled sobs. “You can’t leave...”
He wrapped his arms around me. “I have to.”
I buried my face in his robes, never wanting to let go. Never.
“Tonks,” he said after a moment.
I looked up into his prematurely aging face. His eyes were glistening with tears too. I couldn’t take it, everything was happening too fast. McGonagall told him he wouldn’t have to go underground because we had enough members working on information. Then we lost two of them, and Remus suddenly had to leave to go live with other werewolves working for Voldemort.
He leaned in closer to me until our lips met. He tasted like pumpkin juice, and smelled like the Great Hall. My mind went blank at that moment, and all that was running through my mind was how much I loved him.
I ran my fingers through his soft hair, and he wrapped his arms around my waist tighter, pulling me closer to him. My chest was pressed close to his, and I could feel his heartbeat. I wanted to freeze time, to make the moment last forever, so I would never have to see him leave.
Still kissing me, he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom where we spent our last night together.
______________________________________________________________________________
The next day, Remus started getting ready to leave. He planned on leaving that afternoon, and all I could do was help him pack.
“But... Remus, what if-”
“Tonks, please. Don’t make this any harder on us,” Remus mumbled.
“But-”
“Tonks.”
I sighed and closed his suitcase. “I’m just scared. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not going to lose me,” he smiled wearily. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
He waved his wand and all his things shrank so he could fit them into his pocket.
I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat. I couldn’t fall apart again. I had to let him leave. He had to go, for the Order.
I looked down at my feet as I realized this and softly said, “Goodbye...”
Remus tilted my chin to look up at him. “Bye, Tonks. I’ll see you soon.”
No he won’t. He’s leaving you, a voice said in the back of my head.
He kissed my cheek one more time, and left .
The voice in my head started talking again. It said, Forget him, Tonks. He’s not worth it. He’s leaving you. He won’t come back for you.
I shook my head and forced the voice, or thought, or whatever it was, out of my head.
“He’ll come back,” I said aloud to myself. “I know he will.”
For the next two weeks, the voice kept coming back, getting more negative every time. I started talking back to it. Telling it to stop, to go away, or to shut up, but it kept talking.
The third week of it came around and I started getting dizzy and cramps started up in my stomach. I dismissed it at first because I thought I was just nervous that what the voice was saying was true, that Remus was not coming back. I thought it was go away after a while, but then, when it didn’t I went to Madam Pomfrey.
“Alright, Tonks,” she said, “what seems to be the problem?”
“I just feel awful. I get dizzy spells and cramps all the time...” I told her.
She checked me out, and the next day called me down to the Hospital Wing.
“Tonks...” she started.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong, dear. You’re pregnant.”