'Lay down,
Your sweet and weary head'
Night's falling,
We have come to journey's end'
The soft singing that came through the trees sent a chill down Brooke's spine. There was something familiar about the voice…and the words. The voice was one of true heartbreak, one she knew well. It was how you feel after a loved one is lost forever. The feeling like someone had ripped open your chest and tore out your heart. As she listened, everything came back to her in a flood; the darkness, the man, and Daniel's little face.
Brooke fell to her knees, tears running down her face. She wrapped her arms around herself and rocked backwards and forwards, as if her stomach hurt. But in truth it was her heart that cried out in agony. She closed her eyes and memories of that day flooded her, uncalled for.
Brooke kissed Daniel's forehead. "Go to sleep, darling," she told him. "You've got a big day ahead of you."
"I know, Mum. But I-" He was cut off by a big yawn. "-I'm not tired."
"Of course you aren't, sweetheart." She tucked the blankets firmly around his small frame and kissed his forehead again. She got up and started walking towards the door. A voice from behind her made her turn. "Mum, ca' I have a lullaby? Please?" Brooke smiled as she heard him drop his 'n', just as he used to. Quietly she began singing a lullaby.
'Sleep now,
and dream of the ones who came before.
They are calling,
From across the distant shore.'
She heard his quiet breaths and silently exited his room, a small smile on her lips. He hadn't even complained about the dark. Ever since his father's murder he had been afraid of darkness. The thought of his father nearly sent Brooke to tears. It had only been half a year since her husband, Tom, had been murdered by the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. She had known that no good would come out of his following the Death Eaters to their hideout. But he didn't listen. His job as an Auror had meant too much to him. It had been Daniel, recently four-year-old Daniel, that had found his fathers discarded body in the backyard the next morning.
Brooke broke free of the memory. She continued crying, but managed to stop her rocking. It only made her hurt more. It reminded her of cradling Daniel when he was only an infant.
'Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see,
All of your fears will pass away.'
Again the singing came from in between the trees, launching her back into memories.
Brooke heard sobbing coming from Daniel's room. Brooke hurried in. She had been sensitive to the sound of his crying for a while now. Daniel was curled up in bed, a scared look on his face, tears running down his pudgy cheeks. She ran over and began cradling him in her arms. "Shh…" she crooned softly. "It's alright, everything will be alright." It was a lie, and even then she knew it. Not everything was fine. He had lost his father, and not all was right in his life.
Slowly Daniel calmed down and his breathing became soft, nearly undetectable. For a second fear gripped her heart as she remembered holding her husband, how still his body had been. Daniel felt just as still. Tears nearly escaped her eyes. But nothing in the world would make her cry in front of Daniel again. Nothing at all.
Brooke looked down at her sleeping child, who lay so peacefully in her arms, and began singing another part of his favourite lullaby.
'Safe in my arms,
You're only sleeping.'
What can you see,
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
The second part she directed upwards, towards Tom. She missed him terribly. She needed his strength at her back. But she no longer had it, and she needed to fend for herself, and for Daniel. But she wanted to maintain some sort of connection with Tom. She would never survive without that. So she sent him these prayers, hoping that someday, she might get some sort of answer. It had taken her a while to be able to face the fact that he was no longer there. In fact, it had only really come to her when she was sitting at home that night. Usually, he would walk in at six o'clock, and sit and talk to her. Then he would make all her worries disappear. He would make sure she forgot all about the loss. But that day she had sat there, waiting, and waiting. Six o'clock came and went. By eight o'clock she finally realized that he was not coming home that night. That he was not coming home at all. He would never cheer her up again.
A hand gripped her chest and squeezed, making tears jump to her eyes. She gently lay Daniel back down in bed and went to weep out in the hallway.
'Across the sea,
A pale moon rises,
The ships have come to carry you home'
Brooke fought with all her might to break free of the memory, knowing what came next. A fresh torrent of tears escaped her eyes.
"I don't want to go, Mum," Daniel said quietly. "I want to stay with you. I love you," he said. He was afraid of the reception. He had been afraid of most people for a while now.
"But don't you want to make new friends?" she asked him gently.
"I don't want friends. I want to stay wiv you. Don't you want me to be wiv you?" Brooke looked down at her son. He had so much fright and sadness playing across his face she couldn't refuse him his wish. Deep inside her she also knew that she was afraid to let him out of her sight. She didn't want him to be hurt.
"Of course I do, darling. Come on, we'll go walk through the park."
Daniel smiled and followed her. He would not be alone in that big new place. He would be with his mum. He ran to catch up to her. He reached over and hugged her around the knees. "I love you, mum." He stated.
Brooke swung him up and kissed his cheek before settling him on her hip. "I love you too, sweetheart."
Brooke fought it again. She wouldn't re-live it. She wouldn't. She couldn't. It would kill her. She knew it. She couldn't go through it again
'And all will turn,
To silver glass.
The Light on the water,
All souls pass'
Brooke gave up on fighting. She would have to face it again sooner or later, so she might as well get it over with. Tears still streaming down her cheeks, she let the memories envelop her.
A noise from behind her made Brooke spin. Just then two jets of light shot out of a bush. One red, one green. Brooke felt one hit her chest. She fell to the floor, as everything turned black.
Brooke came out of the memory, knowing full well that she would be pulled back in. Her chest ached again, and her breathing was cut off. Tears came back in full force, and her throat stung because of the lump stuck in there. She closed her eyes, and slipped back into the memories.
'Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time. '
Brooke opened her eyes. She felt a hush come over the clearing where she lay. She felt someone take her hand. It was George, her best friend from Hogwarts. "Whe-" She began. Then it hit her, and she felt as if heart had been ripped out. "Where is he?" she croaked.
George looked at her and his eyes filled with tears. He had always had the gift of knowing what her mood was. He pulled her up and hugged her tightly before leading her over to the side. There, on a white sheet, lay Daniel. She picked up his limp frame and hugged him to her chest. As her chest clenched and tears welled up in her eyes, she began singing the lullaby again, one last time.
Don't say,
We have come now the end,
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again.
And you'll be here in my arms,
Just sleeping.
Brooke gave Daniel's cold frame another hug, and began rocking him back and forth, like she had only last year. Tears now flowed freely down her cheeks. She had cried in front of him again. She kissed the top of his head. Then she put him down and let George walk her away.
Brooke came out of the memories again. She knew there were no more memories to sink into. After all, it had only been half a year ago. She heard the singing coming from the trees, and joined in.
'What can you see,
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
A pale moon rises,
The ships have come to carry you home.
She directed the song up to her two loved ones, who were both out of her grasp. As the wind blew, she swore she could here them calling back down to her.
'And all will turn,
To silver glass.
The Light on the water,
Grey ships pass,
Into the West.
Living Without by guiding ray of sunlight
Chapter Notes: Thansk a thousand times over to my lovelt BETA Oppungo!!! Couldn't have done it without you, love!
The lyrics are property of Annie Lenox and Fern Welsch.