A Life Worth Living
For Mari
You are amazing and wonderful, and I really, really hope that you are satisfied with my attempts at this story. Enjoy!
Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself. - Jean Anouilh
Angelina Johnson set down her quill and rested her head in her hands. A long sigh left her lips as she played her ‘to-do’ list over in her mind. With every day closer to the wedding, Angelina’s headache grew. If there was anything at all to be learned from the experience, it was that the term ‘simple wedding’ was nothing more than an oxymoron. It seemed as though she couldn't make a simple decision without it being blown out of proportion. Her current dilemma was convincing the floral shop that no, she was not interested in daisies rather than roses, despite what may or may not be in season.
She needed a break.
She knew that she should be excited for the wedding. It was, after all, in less than twenty-four hours. But she found that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t bring herself to feel anything more than a constant nauseous sensation in her stomach. She tried to tell herself that it was only nerves, but she knew that it was more than that. She didn’t want to marry Andreas.
Somewhere in the background, the doorbell rang, snapping her out of her reverie. She ignored it, letting her mum answer it. Even though she had been back for weeks, the thought of being back at her parents’ house struck her as odd. It had been two years since she had lived with them, and here she was, back again, leaving in only a day’s time. She was struck with a pang of regret as those thoughts registered. Tomorrow she would be leaving. Tomorrow she would be starting a new life. Tomorrow she would be married.
Sure, Andreas was a great man; Angelina was instantly drawn to his natural charm and his seductive smile. She gave a small smile as she remembered the first time she had met him. It had been an ordinary day, working behind the counter at Quality Quidditch Supplies, when Andreas walked in. He was the stereotype of tall, dark, and handsome; his skin deeply tanned and his black hair gleaming. Angelina couldn’t recall the how or the why”only that they had talked and set a date for the following Saturday.
Angelina sighed, trying to savour the sweet flavour of her fond memories. She looked back at the happy girl that had stood in the Quidditch shop, and wondered what had happened to her.
They had only been dating for six months when he had proposed. Angelina had been taken aback. She wasn’t aware that he had felt so strongly for her, and she wasn’t even sure what she felt for him. Maybe it was the reminder of the two page obituary that she had read in the Prophet the day before, or the thought that she didn’t have forever to make up her mind, or perhaps just a drink too many urged a feeling of spontaneity so strong that the word yes rolled off her tongue. But for whatever reason, she woke the next day with a sickness in her stomach and a ring on her finger. Neither seemed to be going away.
“Angelina!” came a shrill voice, startling her as her bedroom door swung open.
“Alicia! Oh my goodness, hey!” Angelina nearly tripped out of her chair in her haste to greet her friend. Pulling her into a tight hug, she continued, “I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow! What on earth are you doing here?”
Alicia pulled away, a grin firmly set on her face. “I got off work early! Isn’t it great? I was just thinking the other day that I never see you anymore, and now that you’re getting married! Who knows the when I’ll see you next! And, well, here I am!” Her words came rushing from her mouth in a single breath.
Angelina smiled, hugging Alicia once more. “Come! Sit! Talk!”
Though Angelina’s room was a mess, she managed to drag Alicia across it and onto her bed, where they sat facing each other, legs crossed, just as they had back in school.
“So, tell me!” Alicia began. “How’s everything with the wedding? You must be so excited! Well of course you are; you’re getting married!” The last word hung in the air for a moment after Alicia had finished; the sounds of excitement and envy filling Angelina’s ears as she sought her reply.
“I can’t believe it either. To think we were only in school two years ago! I suppose I should be happy.”
“You…you mean you aren’t?” Alicia looked somewhat taken aback by her response.
“Well, I don’t know, really. I haven’t had much time to think about it!” Angelina said truthfully. “I’ve hardly a spare second for thinking at the moment. I just want the whole thing to be over and done with.”
Alicia frowned. “I can’t believe you’re not happier about this! Angelina, you’re getting married. Isn’t that what you want?”
Angelina sighed. “I’ve just been thinking. Andreas is the first person I’ve had a serious relationship with; I’ve no one to compare him to! How do I know that he’s the one for me? How do I know that I really love him?”
“You were with someone at Hogwarts for quite some time, weren’t you?” she asked pensively, frowning slightly as she racked her brain for a name. A look of dawning recognition crossed her face as she exclaimed, “Oh, yes, it was that Fred Weasley!”
The old name sent shivers down her spine. “Don’t be silly, Alicia. That was a school-girl crush.”
Alicia stared at her skeptically. “I thought you really cared about him. So you didn’t love him at all?”
Angelina shrugged. “Alicia, that was a long time ago. I hardly remember him at all, let alone love him!” She hardly registered the lie that she had just told. She did remember him. But she wasn’t about to bring back feelings for a boy that she had maybe loved, years ago, on the eve of her wedding. She just wondered why the name had evoked such a strong emotion in her. She could have sworn that Alicia cast her a knowing glance, but she quickly brushed that thought away before changing the subject.
**
“I suppose I should get going,” Alicia said after an hour or so of chatting. She stood up, crossed the room, and hovered by the doorframe for a moment. “I’ll see you tomorrow then! And cheer up. I know you’ll be happy in the end.”
Angelina nodded, though Alicia was already halfway down the hall by the time the words had sunk in.
Sighing, Angelina returned to her letter to the floral shop, replaying the conversation that she and Alicia had had earlier. After a half hour of last minute wedding preparations, Angelina found herself asleep on her desk.
**
The next morning, she scarcely felt different than she had the previous day. It actually took her a moment to register that it was actually her wedding day. When the reality of it sunk in, she only groaned and laid her head back down on her desk. But she knew that no matter how she felt, she was getting married that day, and there was much left to do before the ceremony. She didn’t have any time to sleep.
She dressed shortly after she had gotten up. As she studied her reflection in the mirror, she wondered how she could look so… normal, like she did every other day, as if today wasn’t a special occasion at all. She could hear the doorbell ring downstairs. After a second of silence, she called, “Mum? Do you have that?”
The moments of silence passed, and Angelina rolled her eyes. She didn’t want to deal with her great aunt fussing over her, or her cousin scolding her for not being properly dressed, or facing the wrath of whoever was on the opposite side of the door, but it was clear that no one else was home.
As the doorbell rang again, Angelina shouted, “I’m coming!” before rushing through the hall and down the stairs. She strode over to the door and tentatively pulled it open. As she saw who was waiting outside, she could feel her stomach flip. She blinked, trying to convince herself that it was a mere hallucination, but found that there was no luck.
“Fred.”
He grinned and shrugged. “I hear tell you’re getting married.”
She nodded blankly, at a loss for words. “What”what are you doing here?”
He shrugged once more. “You didn’t invite me.”
“I”what?” she exclaimed. That was the last thing that she had expected. “You come all the way down here to tell me that I didn’t invite you to my wedding?”
He grinned. “I guess not. Can I come in?”
Though a small part of her said, Just leave it. Walk away, she found herself nodding and pulling the door further open.
“It’s, erm, pretty messy, what with the preparations and everything, but we can go to the kitchen, I guess.”
Without looking to see if he was following, she led the way to her kitchen and conjured up two chairs at the counter. “Coffee?”
He shook his head and took a seat.
Angelina fidgeted with her shirt collar for a moment before gathering the nerve to break the silence. “So, what are you doing here?”
He took a deep breath, and stared at the counter for a moment before looking up into her eyes. “Angelina, I love you.”
She had opened her mouth to speak, but found the words caught in her throat. “I”you”you can’t be serious.”
He redirected his gaze towards the table. “I am.”
“Fred Weasley, I’m getting married! You… you can’t just show up, and, and””
“Do you love him?” he asked suddenly, his eyes once more on Angelina.
“What?” she shrieked hysterically. She heart was throbbing and her palms were sweating. The nerve of him! forcefully played over and over in her mind, though the last thing she felt was angry. She didn’t know what to feel.
“Do you love him?” Fred repeated plainly.
“I can’t believe this. You come into my house on my wedding day””
Fred smirked. “You’re avoiding my question.”
Angelina gaped at him in disbelief. “You honestly expect me to answer you? Fred, this is none of your business!”
“Answer me this at least,” he said, the force of his words surprising Angelina. “Did you ever love me?”
She blinked, her voice faltering as she whispered, “What… what do you mean?”
“You know very well what I mean,” he said. “I at least have a right to know how you felt about me.”
“I don’t know, Fred. That was so long ago.”
“Don’t pretend as though you don’t remember. Don’t act like there was never anything between us! You know as well as I that there damn well was!”
Tears were forming at the back of Angelina’s eyes, and she tried to blink them away. “So what if there was? Fred, that was a long time ago!”
“Stop saying that, Angelina!” he cried, jumping to his feet. “It was only a few years ago, and you know that you loved me!”
“So what?” she shouted, getting to her feet as well. “So what if I did?”
“I think you still do.”
“Fred, I’m getting married to Andreas.”
“You don’t love him. Angelina, I know you. I know that you don’t love him, and I know that you loved me. And you still do.”
“Shut up!” she shouted, screaming the first retort that came to mind. How childish of me, she thought shortly.
“Angelina, be honest with me. Be honest with yourself. Do you love this man?”
The tears had begun to fall, and Angelina hurriedly wiped them away. “I don’t know, alright? I just don’t know! I did love you, but that was years ago. I might love Andreas, but I just don’t know!”
“Why are you getting married, then?” Fred pressed.
Angelina wanted to sit down; to have time to think, time to breathe. She wanted Fred to slow down.
“Because he asked me.”
The cocky grin had returned to Fred’s face as he replied, “You know that you can say ‘no’, right?”
Angelina glared at him. “No, I couldn’t! I couldn’t say no to him! Every day someone I know dies! Every week I get owls with useless safety precautions from the Ministry. Every passing second I think, ‘What if it’s me next?’ I want a chance to live, Fred! I want a chance to be happy before I die! Andreas gave me the option of marrying him and I said yes. I don’t have forever to live! You realise that, right?”
Fred simply frowned, and Angelina continued on. “No, I don’t think that you do. I don’t think you’re aware of the constant threats that are facing us every day. You were always so carefree; you didn’t give a damn about anyone or anything else! You don’t know what it’s like to live in this constant fear!”
After a moment of silence, he finally spoke. “No, I don’t think I do know what it’s like to live in fear, Angelina. I know what it’s like to receive owls from the Ministry saying that my brother Charlie had been killed, and I know what it’s like to have my brother Bill in St. Mungos’, unsure of whether he’ll ever get better. I am certainly aware of this war around us, but I don’t know what it’s like to live in fear. After all, I’ve got a life to live.”
Angelina stared at him in disbelief. She opened her mouth to speak, but she didn’t know what to say.
“Just do me a favour, alright? Don’t get married because you have to; do it because it’s something that will make you happy.”
Angelina remained speechless, the tears readily pouring down her face.
“I came here thinking that you still had feelings for me. I guess I was wrong. I’ll be going, then.”
He walked to the kitchen door before turning around and staring at her one last time, his brown eyes searching her. “Fred, don’t”don’t…” she muttered, trying to find the right words. She couldn’t. There weren’t words to say what she was trying to.
“Live your life, Angelina,” he said softly, and her eyes filled with fresh tears. He turned to go.
**
“Honey, you look gorgeous,” her mum noted upon stepping back to admire her work on Angelina’s makeup. Angelina nodded blankly, staring at the girl in the mirror, the one who wore pearl earrings to match her necklace, and whose eyes shone under the faint gold of her eye shadow”the one whose wedding dress made her look as though she was to attend an event with the Minister of Magic himself. Her small smile stared emptily back at Angelina. She wished she knew that girl.
It was four in the afternoon, and the wedding procession was soon to begin. Angelina found herself being guided numbly through her day, replaying her conversation with Fred over and over in her mind. A part of her liked to convince herself that it hadn’t really happened”that it was a dream that she could readily forget. But she knew that what had happened was true.
“Are you ready?” her mom asked her. She nodded solemnly. “I’ll be outside waiting, then!” her mom continued, her face aglow with glee. She turned and hurried out of the bedroom to where the wedding was to take place.
Angelina sighed. She looked one last time at the girl in the mirror”the beautiful, happy girl that stared back”and her stomach sank. I can’t do this.
She found herself taking a single step, and then another, and another until she had reached the top of the stairs. Fred was right, about everything.
She continued down the stairs, and her fingers fumbled with the door handle. I don’t love Andreas.
She stepped out of her house, and the warm summer air greeted her. A gentle wind caressed her face as if mocking her. She continued on to her back yard where the gathering had assembled. I don’t love Andreas. I love Fred.
“Oh, Angelina, there you are!” her father called, rushing up to her. “Right this way, we’re ready to begin!”
Angelina nodded. She made her way through the yard up to the front of the crowd. She surveyed it for a moment. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins all littered the rows of chairs. And there, in the back row, was Fred.
“You look…amazing,” Andreas breathed, coming up behind her. She just nodded in response. “Are you ready to start, then? You’re the bride; you have the final say.”
Angelina’s father came up behind her. “We should get going, if I’m to walk you up the aisle. Let’s go, Angelina.”
But she stayed rooted to the spot, shaking her head slightly. “He was right,” she mused.
“Who”who was right? Angelina, are you alright?”
“He was right. About everything.”
“What on earth are you talking about? Could someone get this girl a glass of water?” Andreas cried into the general crowd, though no one was paying any attention.
Angelina shook her head. “Andreas, I’m sorry. I”I can’t. I can’t do this; I can’t marry you.”
Andreas stared in disbelief for a moment before saying, “It’s only nerves; you’ll be fine. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Yes, I do. I know perfectly well what I’m saying. I’m saying that I don’t love you.” Her eyes welled with tears as the force of those words hit her. “I”I’m sorry.”
“Ang”Angelina! Angelina!” he called after her, but she had already turned and headed off into the milling crowd.
Not entirely sure of her destination, Angelina broke into a run, away from Andreas, away from her guests, away from what, moments before, had been her fate. As she neared where the end of the yard met the house, she slowed to a walk, catching her breath. She didn’t want to stop. She didn’t want to have to think about what she had just done”what it had meant. She wasn’t getting married. In a way she felt relieved, but in a way she was weighed down by a pressing guilt. I ran away from the only thing that I had. Now what? What do I have now?
“Angelina?”
She turned with a start. Fred Weasley stared inquiringly back at her.
“What’s going on? What about your wedding?”
A small smile crossed her face as she searched for the words. She shrugged, directing her gaze towards her feet. “Fred, you were right about… about everything you said earlier… it was all true. I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry. What I said to you… it wasn’t fair. I was just trying to deny the reality of it all. You were right.”
He smirked at her. “Naturally,” he replied, getting to his feet and wrapping her in a warm embrace. She held him tightly, letting her tears freely fall.
Fred pulled away and grinned. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?”
“I haven’t the slightest notion.” He turned and tugged on her hand for her to follow. She sighed before breaking into a run after him. She found that she didn’t care where they were going”didn’t care about what she was leaving behind. After all, she had a life to live.
A Life Worth Living by lily_evans34
Chapter Notes: This was writing for the HP rare exchange fic on LJ. I hope I fulfilled my prompt well enough--I tried!
And thanks to my amazing beta, Jenn22291, whom I could not have writen this fic without. You pwn.