Welcome to the fifth edition of the Ravenclaw Quibbler! This month’s issue was written as part of an in-house challenge on the beta forums. The challenge was to write an article about a conspiracy regarding the final book “ the more ridiculous, the better. Following you will find several theories worthy of Luna Lovegood herself. We hope you enjoy this special edition of the wizarding magazine often referred to as “rubbish” and “trite.” We also hope that none of these scenarios play out in the end.
FenrirG
Rating and Warnings: 1st-2nd Years; a brief and mild joke about Student/Teacher ships
Last June, witches and wizards around the world mourned the death of one of the greatest wizards of all time: Albus Dumbledore. According to Witch Weekly, The Daily Prophet, and numerous other news sources, Dumbledore was murdered at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry by Death Eaters on the eve of June 13. BUT WAS HE?
In an exclusive interview with the Quibbler last month, an important Ministry official, who wishes to remain unnamed, informed us that Dumbledore, indeed, is alive.
“He’s doing very well, thank you,” said the official calmly, “and is currently living incognito amidst the”well, obviously I can’t tell you too much, but I can assure you that Dumbledore is alive and well and has made several important breakthroughs about how to defeat You-Know-Who.”
Minister of Magic Rufus Scrimgeour was quick to dismiss the theory, calling it “pure codswallop,” but (rather suspiciously) refusing to comment further. However, a second well-placed source confirmed that Dumbledore, indeed, is living incognito”with Dementors.
“It’s true,” confirmed the Quibbler’s informant assuredly. “Dumbledore’s a tall man, light on his feet… I helped with his disguise myself. All he needed was a dark hooded robe, and no one could tell the difference!” As an afterthought, she added, “He was very adverse to shaving off his beard, though, but it was a bit of a giveaway… had to be done…”
“This explains so much!” exclaimed an enthusiastic Ernie Macmillan, a Hufflepuff who just finished his sixth year at Hogwarts”and bore witness to Dumbledore’s supposed death. “His hand”have you heard about his hand?”
Macmillan went on to explain that Dumbledore’s right hand, for nearly a year preceding his death, had been blackened and shriveled “rather like a Dementor’s.” Perhaps, Macmillan suggested eagerly, he had been slowly adjusting himself in preparation for his disguise.
It certainly is an interesting theory. If Macmillan is, indeed, correct, then this observation may mean even more that he realises: it means that Dumbledore knew of his murder in advance”and that Severus Snape, suspected Death Eater and ex-Potions Master of Hogwarts, wanted for Dumbledore’s murder, is innocent after all.
“That’s preposterous,” declared Minerva McGongall, who became Headmistress of Hogwarts following Dumbledore’s supposed death. “I can guarantee that Albus would never do something of that sort”and if he did, I would know. There were witnesses there on the tower when… when Snape committed the murder. Just ask Harry Potter.”
Harry Potter, coincidentally, conducted an interview with the Quibbler last year. However, he declined to comment on speculations that his long-time mentor and headmaster was still alive.
In an attempt to locate the “Hiding Headmaster”, as he has been dubbed, a team of reporters journeyed to London, where rogue Dementors have been sighted with frightening regularity.
In a novel and groundbreaking new method, our group of reporters elected one of their own to serve as “bait”; under the influence of several strong Cheering Charms and the Essence of Euphoria potion, Junior Reporter Luna Lovegood was sent to wander the streets of London, followed closely by the rest of her team.
As predicted, Miss Lovegood’s magic-induced happiness served as a magnet to perhaps all the Dementors in London. Going along perfectly with the plan, the Dementors gathered around their would-be-victim”and gave our reporters the perfect opportunity to look for Albus Dumbledore.
However, before the investigation could be completed, a laughing Luna Lovegood was forced to produce a Patronus Charm in order to avoid being Kissed.
As the father of Miss Lovegood, I must say I am not at all disappointed by her actions. While her Patronus frightened away the Dementors and called a halt to our investigations, I am pleased that, despite the Cheering Charms, my daughter had the presence of mind to put her own safety first. After all, although our question about Dumbledore’s death was not answered, it is a small price to pay for the fact that my daughter was not Kissed by a Dementor”or, heavens forbid, by her headmaster.
radishearrings3
Rating and Warnings: 1st to 2nd years; Angry Dairy Cow Farmers and Mention of Dairy Products (For our Lactose-Intolerant readers).
Severus Snape. Now a household name after his mysterious, violent murder of the great Albus Dumbledore. A name that strikes fear into the hearts of many. A name that even strikes fear in to many who lack hearts. And now, most importantly, as many may be shocked to learn, the name of a cow.
The Ministry of Magic has recently discovered a lead suggesting that Mister Snape himself is in fact an unregistered cow animagus and is now residing among some of our innocent and adorable dairy product-producing friends.
No matter how disturbing and absurd it may seem, the evidence has been right in front of our faces for many months now. This, for example, sheds light on the otherwise unexplained attack and capture of Florean Fortescue, ice cream parlor owner, by You-Know-Who and his followers in the beginning days of the Second Wizarding War. The Ministry believes that You-Know-Who had earlier instructed Mister Snape to find refuge as a cow if his cover as a teacher at the renowned Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry failed to keep him out of the Ministry's view while he plotted the murder of the great Albus Dumbledore. The Ministry believes You-Know-Who, fearing that Mister Snape's DNA might be present in Mister Fortescue's ice cream, murdered the ice cream parlor owner (the only one serving England's magical folk) seemingly randomly to ensure that evidence of Mister Snape's clever hiding place would not be discovered.
While You-Know-Who and his followers may or may not have known whether DNA (a strange code Muggles use, which I have determined from my research) of a cow is located in its milk, let alone whether or not he knew what DNA was, is unknown by the Ministry, so, here at the Quibbler, we took it upon ourselves to find out the truth.
Through another classified resource, we found the Muggle dairy cow farm from which Mister Fortescue ordered his milk. Joe's Cows, as it was called, was a charming little place with a barn, large pasture, and cozy farm house. But we didn't let the simple atmosphere its name suggested lull us into a false sense of security, and kept our wands, as well as our quills, at the ready, just in case Mister Snape decided to reveal himself to us, with possibly violent consequences.
So we knocked on the front and back door, all the windows, and a few walls of the farm house, with no response from anyone inside, and through a little more exploration, we discovered no one in the barn either. With no Muggles there to interview, we turned to the cows.
Now the cows at Joe's Cows where a variety of colors, ranging from black to brown to white, with many combinations in between. We tried to avoid the black ones, for our source from Hogwarts specified that black was the usual color Mister Snape was found wearing, and usually signs of what the animagus wear while in wizard or witch form are apparent in their animal form, and we where trying our hardest to avoid a direct confrontation with a particularly dangerous bovine.
Though as we noticed throughout the afternoon, from the suspicious withholding of information on the cows’ part, Mister Snape must have formed quite an alliance with the innocent creatures. The most we where able to get out of an afternoon of interviewing the flock of them was an occasional loud, low, groaning sound. Some of the cows didn't even look up at us from their mid-afternoon snack while we interviewed them! Though we found this much less startling than the strange noises some of them made, it didn't make it any less rude.
After interviewing each and every brown, white, and spotted cow in the vicinity, we became quite frustrated with the rude and noisy cows, and where about to Apparate back home when a rusty and noisy Muggle transportation mechanism came rolling down the dusty road, pulling into Joe's Cows.
With a new vigor, we rapidly approached the squat old man exiting the tired-looking contraption, hoping for a much more informative interview.
Though he didn't seem to be too pleased with our presence, telling us to, "Get your [censored] [censored] off my property!" we persisted.
After a bit of persuasion and explanation (but not too much explanation, he was a Muggle, after all), the man we determined to be Joe (yes, the Joe) turned a lighter shade of pink and began to use his inside voice.
Though Joe seemed rather uneducated, being unaware of what DNA even was, he was a bit more cooperative than his cows. After a few more questions, Joe seemed to be catching on, saying, "So, you're tryin' to find a man who turned himself into a cow?"
After confirming that that was in fact what we where looking for, he then stated, "Well, if you're lookin' for a man, you won't find any in my herd." When questioned further on this statement, he said, "Well, there's no such thing as a man cow. Man cows are called bulls an' they don't make milk, an' I don't have any. Now get off my [censored] property, freaks."
While this investigation must be continued due to this new information, we at the Quibbler are always concerned about the wellness of the wizarding community, and in these desperate times, we strongly recommend avoiding all black cows (and bulls), DNA testing your milk, and thoroughly cooking your beef.
Ashley/GryffindorGoddess
Rating and Warnings: 1st-2nd years; Character Death and fatal dust of lunar origins -- allergy-sufferers beware!
More than ten years ago, retired Quidditch Keeper Dirkus Fleogan achieved the unthinkable by flying to the moon on a Cleansweep Six.
“Nobody thought I could do it,” Fleogan said. “Guess who’s laughing now?”
Fleogan vowed to prove everyone wrong and did so by returning from the moon with no less than sixteen moon frogs. Of these gray, powdery little creatures, Fleogan claims were model citizens of the moon and perfect additions to life here on Earth.
“They were closer than any pet I’ve ever known. More like brothers, really. And Kermit…” Fleogan paused to pat a worn, grayish spot on his knee. “This is where he used to sit. But that was before.”
And all the painful memories of the Final Battle rushed back to this aging universal explorer as he remembered those he lost. Fleogan relived the carefree days when he visited his moon frog brood at the petting zoo of the British Family Circus, the Happiest Circus on Earth.
Unbeknownst to circus performers and animal handlers at the time, the moon frogs’ purpose at the BFC was much more than fun and games. Moon frogs, Fleogan was told by the Emperor Frog Delicrius the Dusty, grow larger and stronger in the presence of wonder. Onlookers old and young contributed to the grooming of this unusual army of frogs for their ultimate conquest: the defeat of the Dark Lord.
According to Fleogan, ten years of basking in the awe of circus visitors was more than ample time to prepare.
“I have to admit though,” Fleogan said sheepishly, “that I was rather scared the first time Delly mentioned the battle. He heard visitors just coming from the Magic Show speak of unexplainable deaths in the news. I told him quietly of You-Know-Who, and the Emperor took it from there.”
What we still do not understand is exactly how these moon frogs were able to use this power as a weapon. Fleogan described what happened to his frogs in the battle as “absolutely terrifying.”
“Well, there we were, all eating our dinner together at the Circus, when a gang of miscreants came crashing through the petting zoo entrance. They were all shouting curses and hexes at each other. I didn’t know what to do, but the frogs did.”
When asked to continue, Fleogan turned his head in embarrassment, trying to hide his emotion.
“Then they exploded.”
Exploded? Yes, you heard right.
“They puffed out their chests with as much of this un-breathable air as they possibly could, and then in an instant turned into magnificent clouds of grayish-white powder. It hung in the air like a cloud and fought its way into the eyes and nostrils and lungs of the Death Eaters.”
Fleogan’s recount of the Final Battle asserted the frogs essentially used their bodies in powder-form to temporarily blind the Death Eaters and bring on coughing spells so that Harry Potter and his legion of heroes could finish the task.
“Most of them were dead or Petrified by the time my frogs’ bodies drifted down to a gathering of dust piles on the ground. The only problem was the boy hadn’t fought You-Know-Who yet.”
That’s when, as Fleogan reported, a young blonde witch came to him.
“She had these mad round eyes and a silly little necklace of butterbeer corks. Luna, I think her name was.”
Luna Lovegood is the only child of the Quibbler’s own Kyurius Lovegood.
Apparently, the butterbeer corks usually worn around the Ravenclaw student’s neck were actually time portals in disguise. How she got her hands on such rare magical devices, Lovegood has sworn to secrecy.
“See, what happened was Kermit exploded a little too early,” explains Fleogan. “He was out of range to make any effect on You-Know-Who, so that fearsome little girl threw a cork on the ground in front of her. Instantly we’d gone back in time a whole minute! It was enough time to explain to Kermit that he needed to wait just a mite longer before exploding.”
That’s when, as Fleogan proudly recalls, Lord Voldemort began coughing and digging his sharp fingers up his nose to block the inhalation of grimy frog dust. He was so irritated and distracted that Harry Potter defeated him more easily than a Flobberworm.
“I’m so proud of my moon frogs. They went on to a better place and helped save the world at the same time. The way they exploded so easily in a time of desperation will never be forgotten.”
This is the true story of Voldemort’s downfall: adventure, bravery, a time portal, and a little moon frog dust.
- Winifred MacDougal, Senior Reporter
Lady Granger
Rating and Warnings: 3rd-5th years, for "name" includations and extreme OOCness.
This summer, one of our Quibbler employees, who happens to be Muggle-born, was watching a “television show” called “Dancing with the Stars.” The episode was one from the country of Bulgaria, and seemed to have featured the Bulgarian Quidditch seeker, Viktor Rum, dancing with an unknown girl with brown, bushy hair.
Viktor Rum, the Quidditch legend, is known to be a reckless, though graceful dancer, confirms Draco Malfoy, a family friend. “Oh yes, he’s always been a great dancer,” says Malfoy, 18, by owl. “I remember him at the Yule Ball, he was terrific “ he did, however, waste his good skills on a filthy (censored.)”
Which, from these last comments, take us to Hogwarts to speak to those who may have been in attendance “ could the girl he danced with at the Yule Ball the same one on the recent episode?
Neville LongUnderwear, friend of The-Boy-Who-Lived-For-Only-A-While, was at the Yule Ball that year.
“Yes, I went with Harry’s girlfriend, whose friend went with Mister Rum,” he says, speaking from the Three Broomsticks. However, when asked who Rum went with, he says, “Very lovely girl, smartest in our year . . . though I can’t quite remember the name…”
Luna Lovegood, daughter of the Quibbler editor, was also at Hogwarts the year of the Yule Ball.
“No, I did not attend,” the seventeen-year-old says, “though I can confirm to you that a Hermyknee Ranger did attend the ball with Mr. Rum.”
Though later, when asking Professor McGonagall about the young witch, she says, “Why yes, the darling did go with Rum.” Though when asked the whereabouts of Ms. Ranger, we receive a no-comment.
Harry Potty himself knows this young lady. “Ranger? Oh, yes, very … erm, nice, girl. However, she is married and doesn’t go by this anymore.”
Which leads us to reviewing the video footage, with Mr. LongUnderwear, Mr. Potty and Ms. Lovegood themselves in attendance.
“Oh, yes, that’s Ms. Ranger,” they say. However, Mr. Potty’s guard seems to be down as he replies, “Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Rum, they’ve been dancing together for years, this isn’t the first competition.
Which leads us to an article of news submitted by an unnamed reader four moths ago.
“Mr. Rum is signing contracts for leaving the Wizard game of Quidditch to move the Muggle world of dance, where he will earn much more money. He will be, with his bride, moving to America sometime in the late fall.”
Earlier dismissed as junk mail, we can now confirm, after later confirmation with that author, that he is a close friend to Mr. Checko, a Bulgarian seeker, who leaked this to him while intoxicated.
However, it is still unknown whether or not Mr. Rum will or will not be moving to America, as all of his close relatives refuse to reply to any mail we have sent.
After later contact to Mr. Checko, we can confirm to you, our devoted readers, that Mr. Rum is indeed leaving the wizarding world in search of a more-favourable Muggle world of dance.
According to Mr. Ludovic Bagpipe, we can expect a rather small turnout “ and many fewer wins “ at the Bulgarian Quidditch games. “The majority of games were won by Mr. Rum. I hate to see what kind of record they will have after Mr. Rum leaves.”
Many Bulgarian fans “ including Amos Diggory, who works at the Ministry of Magic, and whose son was a champion along with Mr. Rum “ agree with Bagpipe. “We can expect very few fans now,” he says. “And even fewer wins,” he agrees.
Well, Bulgaria, we wish you the best of luck in recruiting a Seeker, as your team seems to have a very gloomy future.
And Mr. and Mrs. Rum, we wish you the best of luck with your new life of dance in America!
- Anna Cyzon,Quibbler Reporter
mugglemathdork/mgleteacher
Rating and Warnings: 1st-2nd Years; None
Nelson Noodlesniffer, reporting for the Quibbler, with the groundbreaking, earth-shattering story of the century. After a long year war with Voldemort, formerly known as ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,’ it appeared to many witches and wizards that the ultimate demise was unavoidable, and their ‘Chosen One,’ one Harold James Potter, was nothing more than a farce. However, in a strange set of circumstances, when all seemed lost, the lowly house elves came to the rescue of the inept teenage wizard hero, Harry Potter, due to the pleadings of Dobby, the radical house elf who gets paid wages at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
In a true act of selflessness and love, the underappreciated, overworked, and overly-abused house elves came forward and revealed to the wizarding community that they had the power to destroy Voldemort. And they did in a matter of days; what with their numerous population and powers, they were able to spy, perform covert operations, and be overlooked by the Death Eaters as nothing but useless pests.
However, after the defeat of Voldemort, the truth came out: the house elves have deceived us wizard folk for centuries! Inadvertently, through their random act of kindness, word soon got out that the house elves have ruled us all though their manipulative magic! We’ve been their puppets! One house elf admitted to adding Amortentia in the food of students at Hogwarts to win bets against other house elves on whom was dating who in school.
“Oh yeah, it was hilarious watching Harry Potter moon after Ginevra Weasley, knowing he really fancied her brother,” mentioned on house elf who chose to remain anonymous.
Hermione Granger was interviewed about the sudden change of roles, and after turning a lovely shade of purple, was rudely interrupted by her fiancée, Ronald Weasley, who exclaimed, “I told you they liked doing that.”
This information has created a unique sense of turmoil in the Ministry of Magic, and whether to classify wizards and witches as a sub-category of special creatures. This reporter truly believes that the house elves will shower us with magic pixie-hornets dust, which is quite well known to cause mass memory loss. Then we’ll all revert to a state of bliss and ignorance where house elves serve us as indentured slaves, and they can continue to toy with our lives.
Lily_writes
Rating and Warnings: 1st-2nd years; Sphinx mention, Part-Sphinxes in denial
Many in the wizarding community have likened the Minister of Magic, Rufus Scrimgeour, in his appearance to that of a lion. After long hours of interviewing, searching, and digging, this reporter can reveal exclusively to the Quibbler that the Minister’s appearance can be attributed to his unique family heritage.
Despite denial by owl from his office, coworkers and unnamed friends confirm that Scrimgeour is half-Sphinx.
“One day I saw ‘im use a Dis’llusionment Charm on ‘imself, I did,” one brave former employee recounted. “‘E ‘ad these massive sharp teeth and a big mane all ‘round ‘is ‘ead. ‘Course once ‘e noticed I was there, ‘e sacked me and tried to wipe me mem’ry. Nat’rally, it didn’t work, see, on account of me thick skull.”
A close, personal friend had this to say: “Rufus? Part-Sphinx? Sure he’s a part-Sphinx, and I’m a flaming hydra by night.”
This shocking admission goes along with reported sightings of flaming hydras south of Carlisle to be investigated at a later date.
“Minister Scrimgeour being half-Sphinx sure makes plenty of sense to me,” I.P. Freeley of the Department of Magical Transport’s Portkey Office commented. “Every time I step into his office he asks me something that I don’t quite hear and he gets mad with some of the answers I give and excuses me for others. Next time I need to be careful that he doesn’t try to kill me if I answer his riddle wrong.”
A poll of random Ministry employees showed feelings on how safe they felt upon being told their boss is part-Sphinx. Forty-seven percent said they felt as safe as normal, ten percent said they now worried for their safety, twenty-four percent refused to comment, and the remaining nineteen percent called this reporter either insane, ridiculous, or stark raving mad. These results are troubling as Sphinxes can be vicious creatures should someone falsely answer their riddle, which makes Mr. Freeley’s tale even more incredible.
While uncovering this story, many witches and wizards wished to know how and why Minister Scrimgeour has been allowed to work in the Ministry, let alone become a Head Auror and then Minister of Magic. An employee from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures granted me with answers.
“Albus Dumbledore naturally knew about his condition while he was at school and the information was passed on here when he started Auror training,” Sphinx expert Eileen Dover revealed. “We were required to keep it quiet for so much time before the information could be freely given. It expired a year ago and Scrimgeour hasn’t made any orders to conceal it further.”
A fellow Sphinx expert and Miss Dover’s colleague also offered to shed even more light on this topic.
“Oh yes, it’s quite simple to spot signs of a half-Sphinx masquerading as a full-blooded wizard,” Anne Fellout said. “For one, their hair grows at such an alarming rate that they must shave their faces and trim their hair almost daily. Secondly, a half-Sphinx’s eyesight is rather poor in a human form so they have a need for glasses. A third sign is a great liking for rare or medium-rare meat. Anyone who is familiar with Minister Scrimgeour knows about his hair like a Sphinx’s mane and his weak eyesight. Those closer to him such as myself knows that he enjoys his steak medium-rare.
While Minister Scrimgeour refused to comment, only strengthening our undeniable evidence that he is indeed part-Sphinx, we were able to get a word with the Junior Assistant to the Minister, Percy Ignatius Weasley.
“The Minister is not in any way, shape, or form a Sphinx or related to one,” he remarked. “Where do you get off making up fairy tales like that anyway?”
Upon further questioning, Mr. Weasley became rather irate and threatened to call security. His rudeness suggests that he is hiding something. That something is believed to be Rufus Scrimgeour’s dark and dangerous secret of his true descent.
~Junior Reporter, Ima Pepper
Gmariam
Rating and Warnings: 1st-2nd years; Utter ridiculousness
As the wizarding world celebrates the recent downfall of You-Know-Who, the Quibbler felt it was our duty to look more closely into the strange rumors swirling around his shocking demise. Just how did The Boy Who Lived become The Boy Who Saved the World One More Time?
Harry Potter disappeared last year among whisperings that following the death of Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts Headmaster, he had finally cracked and left the school in order to join a Muggle circus. The Quibbler has learned that while Mr. Potter may have indeed joined such an organization, those we interviewed stated he rarely graced the crowd with his performance of broomstick trapeze. It is more likely that he sought the cover of the big top in order to move freely about the country as he began to plot his plan for destroying You-Know-Who. He apparently developed a fondness for hot pretzels as well.
Our investigation next led us to Gringotts, where it was whispered that Mr. Potter began his final battle against the darkness last summer. It has long been suspected that dragons guarded the deepest caverns of our most beloved institution. This can now be confirmed, for we obtained a top-secret memo from the Department for the Care of Magical Creatures in which one was stated as missing from the esteemed wizarding institution. This same animal was then reported in no less than six Muggle newspapers by various eyewitnesses who spotted it racing across the countryside.
We can now exclusively report that it was indeed Harry Potter who broke into Gringotts and kidnapped this same dragon, riding it to his final confrontation with the Dark Lord up north. We also suspect that he is responsible for the loss of several ancient artifacts, including a rare goblet and a first edition printing of the Muggle novel David Copperfield.
Upon condition of anonymity, a source at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry confirmed our theory: "Yer right abou' the dragon. He was a right smart Norwegian Ridgeback from Romania on loan t' the bank fer extra security." How this source was able to confirm such information in still under investigation.
It is believed that Harry Potter rode the dragon “ long believed to be a creature not capable of domestic training - to the village of Godric's Hollow with his friends Ronald B. Weasley and Hermione J. Granger. Given the pages that littered the field at the end of the day, it is suspected that Mr. Potter threw the book at the Dark Lord before he was able to finally destroy him. Why this particular novel was important in the downfall of You-Know-Who remains unknown, as does the significance or whereabouts of the ancient cup.
Witness reports detail a terrible green light at the final moment of the Dark Lord's death. Having further interviewed said witnesses, the Quibbler has learned that this light was not the result of the Avada Kedavra curse, as was previously suspected and reported by the Daily Prophet. Eyewitness accounts report that the green light instead was shot from the eyes of Harry Potter, piercing the Dark Lord in the chest in the shape of a heart. Having been stunned by the heavy book tossed at him earlier, he was unable to repel the green bolts shot from the eyes of Mr. Potter, and finally exploded into nothingness. It was further reported that he cried "Bella!" to the dark night just before he died. A large amount of confetti was found at the scene of the explosion.
Harry Potter remains at St. Mungo's, unable to see, and asking only for hot pretzels. Doctors hope to restore his sight as soon as they understand the cause of his infirmity; they believe their copy of David Copperfield may aid them in this, but have not discovered just how as they don't know why it was important in the first place. The Quibbler continues to look into the issue. Meanwhile, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger remain unconscious at his side, though both show signs of life if you hum Muggle show tunes.
The missing dragon was finally found at Hogwarts, juggling a pair of Slytherins who have since been expelled for attempting to use Polyjuice Potion to usurp the identities of Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley.
The Quibbler will endeavor to answer all remaining questions about the triumphant victory Harry Potter won for our way of life. We shall begin our investigation at the circus, where we will share a hot pretzel in honor of the wizarding world’s victorious, though ever mysterious, hero, The Boy Who Lived Again.