Harry had been unable to sleep. Passion was surging through him, tightening every nerve in his body. Though he knew that it was somewhere around three o’clock in the morning, he had dressed again and went to the drawing room. He sat there, alone, with an open book on his lap, but he hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights. What would be the point? He could hardly see straight, due to the ire. He couldn’t believe that she had left with Malfoy and his mother. Their friendship had meant nothing to her.
In his hands, he was turning over a lovely silver quill that Luci had left in her room. It smelled like her, like a sweet shop. Maybe he’d never see her again. How could she go before they’d had a chance? He’d wasted so much time, fighting with himself. Now, he very much felt like fighting with her.
He knew he should go to bed, and he was certainly worn out, but the sofa was so cozy, and his eyelids were so heavy, but not as heavy as his legs…
The noise of a door opening. He had dozed off. He looked out to see the light on in Luci’s room, the door standing ajar. A powerful surge of some intense emotion shot through him, half anger, half excitement. He scrambled from his chair, the book and quill forgotten, and stalked down the hallway.
“Welcome back.”
Luci gasped and stopped cold in her tracks, dropping something onto the floor. She turned slowly to face him, and her expression was definitely one of panic, like a caged animal.
He was so angry with her that he felt as if he might detonate on the spot. He clenched his hands to stop them shaking.
“Harry…” she began.
“Where the bloody hell have you been?” he shouted at her.
She staggered backwards into the desk. She looked terrible, completely exhausted, her eyes puffy and bloodshot.
“I… Draco disappeared… I had to go after him! He’s not safe!”
“And you couldn’t bother telling me?”
“I thought you pretty much never wanted to see me again, so I just… left…”
“That’s mental, Luci, I…” He broke off. He wasn’t going to reassure her. Not this time. He continued, “If you thought that, why did you come back?”
“Because I couldn’t find him. I need help.”
“No one here cares about him, so you’ll have to go somewhere else for your help.”
Luci made a noise that sounded a bit like she was being strangled, and then nodded slowly.
Harry felt guilt creeping in, but he pushed it away. She had hurt him, and this was the least she deserved.
She said softly, “So you do hate me.”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You know that’s not true.”
Neither of them said anything, but she was staring at him with a strange expression that he couldn’t distinguish.
“What happened with Malfoy?”
She shook her head. “Well, he hates me, anyway. He was too arrogant to listen, and Narcissa was furious, so they ran off. I’ve been trying desperately to find them and I’ve looked everywhere. I finally decided that I needed to regroup.”
“Why didn’t you go to your good friend, Snape?” he spat at her, trying to ignore the sorrow in her voice and his own impulse to take her into his arms.
“Harry, I told you, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you everything. What more can I do?”
“This isn’t about you and Malfoy. This is about you leaving here without even considering me. I thought I’d never see you again,” he said hotly.
“So did I. I meant for it to be goodbye.”
Harry blinked, literally feeling his heart ache with misery. “Has it all meant nothing to you?”
“No! Just the opposite,” she whimpered.
“The opposite? That doesn’t make any sense. Why would you-”
“I’m such a disaster, Harry,” she cut him off. “It’d be better if you never saw me again.”
“How can you say that?”
“You’re so angry…” Luci said abjectly.
“What do you expect, after all you’ve done?” he exploded.
She bit her lip and swallowed. Her voice was trembling when she spoke. “I don’t have the right to expect anything. All I have the right to do is try to leave here without ruining anything more in my wake.”
Her eyes anywhere but on his face, Luci hastily went to the desk and picked up a few items before starting towards the door. But he couldn’t sustain his fury at her and he couldn’t let her walk out, so he seized her arm before she could pass him.
She stopped but still didn’t look at him. They stood there silently for what must have been several minutes, his hand on her pale skin, their bodies almost touching, her breathing shallow, as if she was frightened. There was so much energy between them that it was making Harry lightheaded. He was too scared to ask if she felt it too.
At last, he took a deep breath. “Why did you leave without saying anything to me? I thought we… I mean… Did you really think that I never wanted to see you again?”
She finally gazed up at him, and then replied, hesitantly, “Yes. I thought you’d be happy to get rid of the daughter of a Death Eater.”
He swallowed. When she said it like that, it made him want to throw up.
“No, I… We were friends, weren’t we?”
“Aren’t we?”
He said nothing.
“I don’t know how we can be,” Luci continued, shaking her head. “I’ve wrecked it all. And there are too many ‘I’m sorry’s for me to say. I can’t expect you to ever forgive me for everything. And I know that you’ll never see me the same way, now that you know. But can’t you see why I didn’t tell you? Don’t you wish that you’d never found out?”
Harry didn’t know how to respond to this. She was wrong “ he didn’t wish that he’d never found out; he wished that it wasn’t true.
“So I will go find my help elsewhere,” she said, when he didn’t respond. “Thank you for… everything. I can’t tell you what y- what it’s meant to me…”
“So you’re just going to leave me again?” He still had a firm grip on her arm.
“Leave you?” She glanced back up in surprise, her eyes searching his face.
He inhaled, holding her stare. “Yes.”
“Harry… I’ve hurt you so much and I never meant to and I’m so unbelievably sorry. All I wanted was to keep Draco safe, and now, so many other things have become important, and I’ve done everything wrong, and I’m just… I shouldn’t have left without saying anything. I was just so scared of what you must think of me and I couldn’t bare to face you and I’m just spineless in general and I’m sorry, I really am. I wish that we could start over.”
She meant it. She had barely made it through the dialogue, and there were tears in her eyes as she gazed remorsefully up at him. Her body was still only inches from his. Harry, forgetting his rage, realized now that he couldn’t go any longer without knowing what it felt like to kiss her. He leaned down and touched his lips to hers. He almost expected her to shove him away, but, instead, after a soft noise of surprise and after dropping everything in her hands, he was thrilled to feel her kiss him back. Electricity shot through his body. He became aware of a feeling that he’d never known; it was as if nothing terrible had ever happened to him. He was just here, in this single moment, and there was nothing else.
He began to pull her closer, her body heat seeping into his skin, but she broke their kiss and took a step back, almost tumbling over the items on the floor. She looked up at him. They were both breathing deeply.
“What does this mean, Harry?” she asked, carefully.
This simple question seemed to weight the air heavily.
Harry wanted to tell her what it really meant to him. But he couldn’t slow his blood after the rush, and his head was buzzing, so instead, he stammered, “I’ve just… wanted to kiss you…”
Luci raised an eyebrow. “I see.” She had a hand to her chest.
They looked at each other for a moment. This wasn’t going right at all.
“Oh!” she exclaimed, turning away from him. “This is so wrong!” Then, looking even more panicked, she gasped, “I’m going to lose my job.”
“I’m of age, Luci,” Harry reminded her, hoping that this would make a difference.
“Yes, but I’m still a Ministry Official and you’re still a Hogwarts student!” she said, continuing to look fretful and avoiding his gaze.
He could say so much, but he didn’t know where to start, so he just stood there and watched her.
“What about you and Ginny?”
“There is no ‘me and Ginny,’” he replied.
“Oh, god, she’ll think I…” She didn’t continue, but she kept pacing back and forth.
Finally, she stopped, faced him, and declared, “We can’t do this, Harry.”
“Why not?”
“Because… it’s… inappropriate,” Luci said, slowly, but she sounded unconvinced.
“But you do feel something for me?” His voice was shaking.
She shook her head. “This is all my fault… If I’d known this was happening…” But she stopped.
“What?”
“I would have stayed away from you. I should have.”
Harry could see that she was clenching her jaw.
“Why?” he asked.
She looked trapped. “Just let it go, Harry.”
“No.”
“Please. Just… You need to go.” She sounded as if she were pleading with him.
“Not until you tell me that you don’t feel the same way. Don’t you… I mean… there’s something here, isn’t there?”
She murmured an inaudible reply and stared at the floor.
“Look at me,” demanded Harry. If she didn’t feel something, she wouldn’t be this distressed. Right?
Luci finally looked up at him, and the color in her eyes had changed. Then she responded in a very hollow voice, “I don’t feel the same.”
A wave of humiliation hit Harry powerfully in the stomach.
“But, Luci, I…”
She shook her head. “I don’t.”
“You’re lying. Again. Why can’t you ever be straight with me?”
She wouldn’t meet his eyes. She simply said, “Just go.”
He stared at her for an instant, and then said quickly, “Fine,” and moved towards the door.
“Harry.”
He kept his hand on the doorknob and didn’t turn to face her.
“I’m… so sorry. You have no idea.”
“You’re always sorry,” he replied.
Harry couldn’t see her expression, but she made a muffled noise.
“Just… stay here tonight, OK?” Then, with a heavy heart, he left the room, slamming the door behind him.
Harry had pulled the quilt up over his head. He couldn’t believe he’d done it. His lips still burned. Part of him was elated; the other mortified. She had rejected him. But she had kissed him back… Hadn’t she? Was she incapable of telling the truth, or was that the truth, and she really felt nothing for him? He was so confused. He’d finally made up his mind… And now this.
He was running it over in his head, for what had to be the tenth time, the butterflies fluttering in his stomach at the memory. Then, all of a sudden, he heard voices downstairs. They were a mixture of hurried whispers and shrieking voices, one of which was definitely Sirius’s mum. Ron had woken, as well. They exchanged a questioning look and, as Harry hastily threw on his glasses, together, they rushed out of the room.
All three landings were filling with curious voices as everyone emerged from their rooms. Luci had hurried out, as well, and, at the sound of her name on Narcissa’s elevated voice, stopped near Harry and Ron.
“Now she wants my help,” Luci grumbled to them.
They both smirked.
“Luci!” Narcissa repeated in a panic. “He’s taken Draco! The Dark Lord has taken him!”
Harry heard Luci gasp and felt her grip his wrist. His heart skipped a beat at her touch. He glanced at her, and the little color she had was faded from her face. She quickly let go and hurried past him and Ron down the stairs.
“We’re going after him,” she stated resolutely, as she took the stairs two at a time.
“We can’t do that,” Narcissa moaned. “He’ll kill us all!”
“Well, we have to try, don’t we? We can’t just leave him there!”
Harry could tell that Luci was choking back her terror as she spoke.
“It’s too late!” Narcissa shrieked. “He’ll kill my Draco!”
“No, he won’t,” Bill said from the side of the room. “The Malfoy boy is bait.”
“Bait for whom?” asked Mr. Weasley.
Bill’s gaze moved up to where Harry stood motionless on the second landing. All eyes followed.
“Me?” Harry exclaimed. “Why would I care if he had Malfoy?”
Then he stopped, looking down at Luci, who had tears in her eyes. Voldemort knew. Of course, he did. He and Harry were connected. Damn if he hadn’t tried harder to learn Occlumency.
The room was silent. Harry took a deep breath. “We’d better be off then,” he sighed.
“But Harry,” he heard Hermione call from the landing below. “What about… you know?”
Harry considered this. “It’ll have to wait.”
Luci had insisted that they leave Grimmauld Place immediately, but Mrs. Weasley had forbid it. She had said that they needed a distress signal, and Hermione had suggested her own clever Galleon method. The members of the Order had agreed to this, and Hermione was upstairs, charming the coin. Her only condition was that she and Ron would accompany Harry and Luci to the Ministry of Magic. Narcissa had pointed them to this location, claiming that she knew it was a holding quarter for captives of the Death Eaters. Harry found this fishy, but Luci was unrelenting, babbling that they needed to get there as quickly as possible. He figured that they wouldn’t find anything at the Ministry and would have to search elsewhere, but he wasn’t really in a hurry to find Malfoy anyway.
Harry had dressed alongside Ron, snatching the two-way mirrors before he returned downstairs. If they were going to the Ministry of Magic, he had to find out about that veil.
Back in the kitchen, he found Luci, fully dressed and whispering with Charlie, who was still in his nightclothes. He didn’t catch anything that they were saying, but they looked pretty cozy.
Harry made an obnoxious noise.
The pair of them glanced contritely up at him. Then, without another word, Charlie scooted from the room.
“You know this isn’t going to be easy?” Harry said to Luci, deciding that this was not the time to confront her about Charlie.
She was looking at him, but she didn’t reply. She had put two fingers to her lips and a distance had appeared in her eyes.
“Luci?”
She seemed to snap out of it. “Sorry - what?”
“You don’t have to come with us.”
The idea of the four of them leaving unaided grated on Harry. If he were going by himself, it would be different, but this would put the three people he cared about most in grave danger, and the thought made Harry feel like he was plunging into concavity.
“That’s crazy. Of course, I’m coming with you. I’ve gotta get Draco out of there. I’m the only one who cares what happens to him.”
“You’re right, I don’t care about Malfoy.”
Luci looked at him pleadingly. “Do you care about me?”
“You know I do.”
“OK then,” she said tartly.
“You’re… important to me.”
“Harry, please don’t do this right now.”
“No, listen to me,” he commanded.
She nodded grudgingly.
“It doesn’t matter whether or not you feel the same. Voldemort knows how I feel and that means that you could possibly be killed.”
Suddenly, he realized that he’d broken up with Ginny for absolutely no reason. Voldemort would have known his feelings, despite whether or not they were dating, just as he knew Harry’s feelings now.
“I don’t care, Harry. He’s my brother and I have to go after him.”
Once again, he’d laid his heart on the table and Luci had totally disregarded it. It was fantastically depressing, and his stomach ached. He thought maybe she had just been hiding her feelings, but now he considered that she really might not feel anything for him. Malfoy had always been first with her. Harry had never had a chance.
“Fine,” he spat coldly.
“I should tell you…” began Luci.
“What?”
Her chest rose as she inhaled deeply, but she didn’t say anything.
“What?” he asked again.
“We’re ready,” said Ron, as he, Hermione, and Ginny entered the kitchen. “Mum has the Galleon, and the Order will come if we need them.”
“And the D.A.?” asked Harry, wishing he’d been able to continue his conversation with Luci, even though all they did was talk, around and around in circles.
“We’ll get the message,” Ginny replied, looking warmly at Harry.
Before anyone could say another word, she marched over to him and threw her arms around him. He had a sudden panic that she was going to kiss him, but she just murmured in his ear, “Please be careful, Harry.”
At a loss for words, he just nodded. Then, to his further shock, she turned to Luci and said, “Good luck finding your brother.”
Luci’s mouth fell open, but then she recovered and stammered, “Th-thank you, Ginny.”
“All right,” sighed Harry, “let’s go rescue someone we don’t even like.”