Someone was touching his forehead. Panicked, Harry grabbed for the hand, his eyes flying open. He heard a soft gasp of surprise.
“Sorry,” came Luci’s voice. “I was just… Your hair was in your face…”
“If I had known it was you, I wouldn’t have…” Harry began.
She smiled awkwardly and this was when he realized that the room was full of people looking down at him. Mrs. Weasley was holding his hand, though he had just noticed. He felt heat rushing up to his face.
“How are you, Harry, dear?” asked Mrs. Weasley, softly.
“Er…” Harry started, sitting up in bed. “I’m all right.”
He saw that someone had dressed him in his pajamas and that the wounds that he had sustained had all been bandaged meticulously.
“I found you in the entryway. Where the hell have you been?” Mad-Eye Moody was standing at the foot of the bed.
Harry looked at Luci gratefully. She hadn’t told anyone that he was leaving.
“Luci, you knew about this?” Tonks asked in astonishment, catching Harry’s glance.
Luci blushed. “I…”
“It’s not her fault,” interjected Harry. “I didn’t tell her where I was going.”
“It’s not about that, Harry,” Lupin said. “We were all worried sick about you!”
Tonks nodded. “Remus looked everywhere for you! And poor Ginny! We could hardly get her onto the Hogwarts Express this morning!”
“I’m sorry,” Harry murmured.
“What do you have to say for yourself, Luci?” Mrs. Weasley asked her.
Luci glanced at Harry, who gave her an apologetic look. “Harry’s of age… and so am I, for that matter.”
Mrs. Weasley scoffed. “Hardly!”
Luci looked at her insolently.
“This is inexcusable, Miss Keegan. Harry’s life was at risk,” said Mad-Eye.
Luci’s face had gone crimson, which was a drastic contrast to her usually very pale skin.
“I’m sorry,” she replied meekly.
Harry felt guilt boiling in the pit of his stomach like hot acid.
“It’s really not her fault,” he said again.
Mrs. Weasley frowned disapprovingly. “It was her responsibility to inform us of anything that could harm you, including the fact that you were planning to run off by yourself to who knows where!”
Luci was still hanging her head in shame.
Anger was swelling in Harry’s mind. “I’m not a kid anymore! And I won’t let you take this out on Luci!”
Mrs. Weasley gasped in shock. “Harry, I never…”
“Sorry. Look. It’s no one’s job to protect me anymore. I’ve faced Voldemort plenty of times and been fine, and I’ll do it again. This was no big deal!”
Everyone fell into silence at these words.
At last, Luci stood and then hurried from the room.
Slowly, the others began to follow her out, until only Mrs. Weasley remained.
She let go of Harry’s hand and got to her feet. “We all love you very much, Harry. I just wish you’d be more careful. You know you’re like one of my own. And once you’re rested, I expect you to explain where you’ve been and what the devil happened to your poor hand!”
Guilt continued to rumble through Harry’s insides.
Mrs. Weasley bent down and kissed his forehead, saying softly in his ear, “Don’t get too attached to Luci.”
Harry gave her a curious look as she straightened up, but she just smiled and left the room.
Waiting a few moments to make sure that she was gone, Harry leapt out of bed and went to his clothes, which were folded on Ron’s bed. He fumbled in his pocket for the golden wings. They were gone.
That evening, Mrs. Weasley brought Harry’s dinner upstairs to him. She had refused to let him leave his bed.
“Mrs. Weasley?” he asked, as she was putting his dinner into his lap.
“Yes, dear?”
“Moody found me in the entryway?”
She looked at him curiously. “Yes… why?”
“Is he still here?”
“Why do you want to see him?”
“I need to ask him something,” said Harry, vaguely.
Mrs. Weasley looked suspicious, but she agreed to send Mad-Eye up to the room.
Harry was just finishing his sandwich when the door flung open.
“Looking for this?” growled Mad-Eye, holding out the pair of golden wings, which were now perfectly immobile and didn’t seem to injure Mad-Eye’s skin at all.
Harry’s eyes widened.
“Hard to miss. Fluttering around in your pocket like a mad bat.”
Harry gulped. “Does anyone else know about it?”
Mad-Eye shut the door behind him. “No.” He paused. “Do you know what it is?”
“No, sir.”
This was true. Harry had no idea what the wings were, but he hoped…
Mad-Eye grunted. “It’s a Horcrux, Potter. And what were you doing with a Horcrux?”
Harry had no idea how to respond to this question without getting himself into a whole mess of trouble.
“Did you… Is it…”
“I will take care of it,” growled Mad-Eye.
Harry sighed with relief. One down. Three to go.
“You haven’t answered my question,” Mad-Eye said, gruffly. “What were you doing with this?”
Harry looked uncertainly at Mad-Eye. He wasn’t getting out of this one.
“I found it at Voldemort’s orphanage,” said Harry, hoping that he wouldn’t have to admit that he was actually out hunting for Horcruxes.
“And what were you doing there?” Mad-Eye frowned.
“I thought going there might give me some insight on him.” This was also the truth, however simplified and slightly shrouded.
Mad-Eye looked doubtfully at Harry. “What do you know about Horcruxes, Potter?”
“Nothing.” This time, Harry had lied.
Mad-Eye narrowed his eyes but remained silent.
So Harry asked, “What are they?” He gestured towards the wings, as he didn’t want to seem at all interested in Horcruxes.
Mad-Eye grunted again, as if he knew that Harry was withholding information, and therefore, he wanted to do the same. But he said, “Belonged to Rowena Ravenclaw. Stolen from the Hogwarts trophy room in 1943.” He turned the wings over in his hand, examining them. “Very magical item, these wings…”
Of course! Ravenclaw’s heirloom!
Then he looked up at Harry again and said, “Is this how you sustained that burn?” while nodding towards Harry’s bandaged right hand.
Harry averted his eyes. “Why don’t they burn you?”
Mad-Eye gave Harry a significant look. “I’m not The Boy Who Lived.”
Harry had just opened his mouth to ask what this meant when Mrs. Weasley bustled back into the room to take Harry’s dishes.
With a small smile, Mad-Eye said, “I’ll make sure this is returned to its proper place,” and exited the room, leaving Harry with innumerable questions and a desperate need to know what Mad-Eye was going to do with that Horcrux.
The next morning, after Mrs. Weasley had insisted that Harry have breakfast in bed, he had gone to visit the bathroom. As he was drowsily heading back to his room, he was feeling very dejected at the recurring thoughts of his mother and Snape.
At the end of the hall, he encountered Luci and Malfoy, who seemed to be arguing about something.
Going instantly silent at the sight of him, Luci gave Harry a concerned look. “Are you OK, Harry?”
“Fine,” said Harry flatly.
Luci turned to Malfoy. “Go ahead and start without me. I’ll be right there.”
Malfoy looked disappointed about whatever he was supposed to start on his own. He gave Harry a spiteful jeer, ostensibly just for good measure, and went to his room.
As soon as Malfoy was out of earshot, Luci turned to Harry. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Her eyes narrowed.
“You’re lying to me,” she said, as if this deeply wounded her.
Harry just looked at her.
Luci was still studying his face.
“If you won’t tell me, you should at least tell someone,” she said.
He shrugged.
“Remus?” she suggested.
Of course! Lupin knew both his mother and Snape! He would have some answers!
Harry’s delight must have been evident in his eyes.
Luci smiled at him and turned back towards Malfoy’s room.
“Wait,” Harry said, abruptly.
She turned to face him again. She was so close that it made Harry dizzy.
He took a breath. “I’m sorry that I got you into trouble.”
She smiled softly. “Don’t worry about it.”
Luci seemed unruffled at the moment, but Harry had seen that she’d been totally humiliated when Mad-Eye and Mrs. Weasley had berated her over Harry’s disappearance. Where had this confidence been then? He suddenly got the unpleasant feeling that she was very good at hiding.
Harry frowned at her. “They seemed pretty mad at you.”
“They’ll get over it,” she replied. “And they don’t have any authority over me, so I’m not bothered by it, and you shouldn’t be either.”
Harry kept forgetting that she was of the same rank as the rest of the Order.
He cleared his throat. “Well, thank you for not telling anyone that I was leaving.”
Luci touched his arm softly and responded, “Wouldn’t of dreamt of it.” Then, she walked away from him, down the hall, and into Malfoy’s room, where she shut the door.
Harry’s skin burned where her touch lingered. He inhaled deeply in order to clear the haze.
Then he went downstairs to find Lupin.
He was in the kitchen with Tonks. They were going over something on the table in the middle of the room.
When Lupin noticed Harry’s arrival, he swiftly muttered, “Evanesco,” and whatever was on the table disappeared.
“How are you feeling, Harry?” he asked.
“I bounce back pretty quickly these days,” replied Harry.
Lupin smiled thoughtfully. Tonks giggled.
“Something we can do for you?” she asked warmly.
Harry hesitated, glancing up at Lupin.
“Loud and clear!” Tonks chimed, and she hurried from the room.
“Sorry,” mumbled Harry.
“She understands,” Lupin replied. “What’s the problem?”
“I wanted to ask you…” Harry trailed off. “About my mum, actually.”
Lupin sighed deeply. “Have a seat, Harry.”
Harry sat down upon the long wooden bench and Lupin seated himself opposite.
“You see, Professor, I…”
“Harry, don’t you think it’s time you called me by my first name?”
Taken aback, Harry nodded, but he didn’t think that it was time for that at all.
“I went to Godric’s Hollow,” he said instead. He figured he might as well just say it. “That’s where I was.”
Lupin looked startled by this information, but he was silent.
“I didn’t find much, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Harry went on.
Lupin gave him a patient nod.
“But I did find… letters…”
“Letters?”
Harry nodded. “From Snape to my mum.”
Lupin took a shallow breath but didn’t seem surprised.
Harry went on, “I think they were… love letters. I mean, I only had his letters to her, so I don’t know what she was writing back, but they seemed pretty friendly.”
Lupin nodded, and then began carefully, “They were friendly, yes. Severus tutored your mum in potions in our fourth year “ that’s how she got so good “ and they kept in touch over that summer. Severus was madly in love with Lily, and I think that she felt fondly for him too, but during that year at Hogwarts, he was terrible to her, and I don’t think that she ever forgave him. In our seventh year, she began going out with James. Severus was furious, of course, but he’d done it to himself.”
Harry was gaping at this point.
“No wonder Snape hates my dad!”
Lupin shrugged. “That wasn’t even the beginning.”
“What do you mean?”
“Severus hated James because Lily loved him, but even before that, in our sixth year, something else happened that made him hate James infinitely more.”
“What happened?”
Lupin took a deep breath. “Your dad saved Severus’s life.”
Then Harry remembered something. “Yeah, Professor Dumbledore mentioned that.”
Lupin nodded. “Yes, Sirius had tricked Severus into going after me in the Whomping Willow during the full moon, but James stopped him.”
Harry nodded. He’d heard this story and knew that Snape owed his father a life debt.
But all of this still hadn’t absolved the sickened feeling that had knotted itself in Harry’s stomach.
He looked up at Lupin, dreading the answer to his next question, but he had to ask it anyway.
“Did my mum… love Snape?”
To Harry’s surprise, Lupin smiled, then replied, “Is that impossible to believe?”
Harry shook his head, though he thought he might throw up.
“Your mother was very compassionate, and she saw whatever good there was in Severus. Obviously, none of that good remains, but it must have been there.”
Harry swallowed hard, forcing down the revulsion.
“So she loved him?”
Lupin shook his head. “Only your mother knows the answer to that question, Harry.”
“But you think that she did?”
Please say no, Harry thought.
Lupin gave Harry a scrutinizing look. “Do I think that she felt about him the same way that she felt about your father? No, I don’t. Do I think that she felt something for him? Yes. But she loved James. Whatever had happened in the past didn’t take away from how very much she did love him. And you.”
Harry met Lupin’s gaze.
“Your mother didn’t betray your father, Harry.”
Harry frowned. “Then why did she keep all of Snape’s letters hidden in a box that was parading as a book?”
Lupin narrowed his eyes in thought, and then said, “Your mother was very sentimental. That’s all it was. I’m sure of it.”
But Harry thought that he didn’t sound very sure at all.
“So my dad knew that she’d had feelings for Snape?”
Lupin laughed, disrupting Harry’s somber mood.
“James never let her forget it, in fact. He was always teasing her about it. She humored him, but she never said anything negative about Severus, not once. She did, however, eventually cease to defend him.”
“So maybe she realized that there was no good left in him?” Harry asked hopefully.
Lupin shrugged. “Perhaps.”
He looked considerately at Harry for a few moments.
At last, he said, “Do you feel any better?”
Harry nodded. But, in truth, it troubled him deeply that Snape was a good part of the reason that his mother had died, yet, he’d claimed to love her, and she had been nothing but wonderful, in turn, to him. Harry was no longer curious and confused; now, he was upset and angry.