Susan had always hated winter; everything seemed to be so dead.
The trees lost their leaves and the birds stopped singing. Even the sky seemed to lose its life. Today it was a grey color, a dull, lifeless grey.
It had been snowing earlier, which was at least a sign that something was living, but it had stopped hours ago. Now, walking along the frozen lake, Susan failed to see anything that looked remotely alive. Without their leaves, the trees shadowed the horizon ominously, towering over her. There was no sign of the Giant Squid in the Black Lake or of cheerful students shouting and throwing snowballs. It was too cold for everyone to be outside. Everyone but Susan. But it didn't matter. Even the cold outside was more alive than the way she felt.
She trudged through the snow slowly, as if to measure each step before taking it. The snow may have stopped falling, but it was still thick and deep, making a walk around the Hogwarts grounds almost impossible.
Susan wasn’t even sure why she had decided to come outside- she knew it was colder than ever and that she would most likely return to the castle half-frozen. The snow was already seeping through her shoes and freezing her feet, but she ignored it. She didn’t want to go back inside, back where the students were exchanging gifts and telling jokes in the Hufflepuff common room.
She just wanted to stay outside.
Susan sighed, her breath forming a small cloud that hovered in the frigid air. It had been a long year.
First, it had been her aunt, killed in a Death Eater’s attack. Then Hannah’s mother, murdered by Death Eaters too. And then Hannah herself, forced to leave Hogwarts for good.
Susan remembered the three days perfectly. She remembered reading the paper the morning her Auntie Amelia had been killed; she even remembered what the article had said. The words had etched themselves in her memory.
RESPECTED MINISTRY OFFICIAL FOUND DEAD
Last night, Wizengamot judge Amelia Bones was found brutally murdered in her London home. The Ministry suspects foul play, but has no leads in the case as of now.
It had of course been Death Eaters, but hell would freeze over before they admitted Voldemort was back.
She remembered when Hannah’s mother had died, she remembered Hannah sobbing uncontrollably, shaking violently. And she remembered when Hannah had told her she had to return home; they both had been devastated.
It was March of last year, their sixth-year, just a few weeks after her friend’s mother was killed. Hannah had gone home for the funeral and had returned for almost two weeks. Then, her father had sent her a letter asking her to come home and help him take care of her two younger sisters.
“Will you come here for a moment?” Susan asked, desperation flooding her voice. “I need your help with this Herbology essay; it’s due tomorrow.”
Hannah hadn’t answered, and instead continued to stare at the piece of parchment she had received ten minutes earlier in the Great Hall.
“Hannah,” Susan called, frustrated with her friend for not helping immediately. “Please, you know how dreadful I am at Herbology.”
Susan had expected Hannah to laugh softly in that way of hers, and then come help her; it was a running joke between the two- how abysmal Susan was at Herbology. But she didn’t budge from her position on the couch.
She stared at Hannah, wondering why she wasn’t saying anything. “Hannah, are you alright? Normally you love to help me with my essays; you know, make lots of corrections so that I feel like a dunce.”
“Look,” Hannah said abruptly, thrusting the letter towards Susan. Susan slowly walked towards her, mind racing with what could be wrong. Had they caught the Death Eaters who had killed her mother?
Hannah,
What I am about to request of you is something I know you won’t agree with, but I feel it is necessary. With your mother gone, Sarah and Mary have been going through a rough time. I know it’s unfair of me to ask you this, but we need you at home. I can hire a tutor so you can continue your studies, but Sarah and Mary need their older sister. I know you love Hogwarts, but I hope you love your sisters more.
I’ve written Headmaster Dumbledore regarding our situation, and am coming to retrieve you from school on the 17th of April.
Love from,
Father
“Retrieve me,” Hannah said bitterly, “like he thinks I’m some sort of damn object. He doesn't know what to do with us now that Mum's dead. He doesn’t know how to be my dad, he just knows how to be distant. Oh, Susan, I don’t want to leave!”
She had never seen Hannah so angry before, quiet and rosy-cheeked Hannah. Hannah, who at sixteen, still wore her pale blonde hair in pigtails.
“It’s not fair!” she cried brokenly, tears streaming down her face. “I love my sisters and my father, but I don’t want to go home. Home makes me think of- It makes me think of Mum. I just want to stay at Hogwarts and pretend like nothing happened.”
“Hannah,” Susan whispered, unsure of how to help her friend, and on the verge of tears herself, “I’ll miss you.”
Susan had understood why Hannah’s father needed her at home, but when had understanding ever made anything easier? Hannah was her best friend, what was she going to do without her? She still had Ernie and Justin, but it wasn’t the same. She had known Hannah since their first year. It had always been the two of them, Susan and Hannah.
Susan sighed softly; it was getting late and she knew she needed to head back to the castle. She turned slowly and began stumbling through the snow towards Hogwarts. Suddenly, her foot sank, and she was pulled down into the snow, landing face first in the cold. Susan struggled to get up, the deep snow holding her captive. She cried out, tears streaming down her face, but whether from falling or remembering, she wasn’t sure. It took all the strength she had to pry herself from the snow’s grasp. When she stood up, she was shaking and shivering.
Susan had always hated winter.
She continued walking, more carefully now, but with a grim determination to get back to Hogwarts. She wanted to take a warm shower, crawl into her bed, and disappear. She wanted to be away from the world.
After what felt like ages, Susan reached the castle doors. She stepped inside Hogwarts and made her way slowly to the Hufflepuff common room. On her way, she heard a voice call her name. She hoped whoever it was would be quick, she was in no mood to talk with anyway.
“Susan! I’ve been looking all over for you. An owl came addressed to you. It’s from Hannah, I think.”
It was Ernie. He was holding a letter in his hand.
“Thanks,” Susan said softly, grabbing the paper. She stared pointedly at him for a moment, before he realized she wanted him to leave. Susan felt bad about her rudeness, but she wanted to be alone to read the letter. She watched Ernie walk away, and as soon as he was out of sight, she ran her thumb under the envelope’s seal and pulled the parchment out greedily.
Susan,
Before you get your hopes up like you always do, I’m not coming back. I wish I was, but Dad still won’t let me. But, I do have good news. He’s agreed to let you stay with us for the summer holidays! Not for too long, but for at least a week! I hope you’re doing okay at Hogwarts, and write back as soon as you can!
Love,
Hannah
She could stay with Hannah! Susan smiled broadly, the action seeming foreign to her mouth. She briefly wondered how long it had been since she had truly smiled, but tossed the thought away. She would get to see Hannah in six months’ time, a Christmas miracle! It wasn’t everything, but it was something.
And that was a start.