It was dusk as they walked the path to Hogwarts from Hogsmeade. Night was progressing quickly, turning the shapes and objects that were so familiar with into silhouettes. Distant echoes of laughter cut through the air. It was March, and there was a tingle of warmth in the air. It was the period of stillness before the spring arrived. It was the time where everything seemed to be stuck, like a car in mud, just waiting and trying to move. That’s what they were doing. They were wishing and urging for the vibrant colours of warmth to arrive. After a bleak winter, they were waiting for the breath of fresh air, for the sun to shine once again. But it wouldn’t happen until it did, and all anyone could do was wait.
James Potter turned his head slightly to get a better look at the girl he was walking with. He could see Lily Evans’ eyes through the layer of darkness accumulating between them. They were bright green and shone like jewels.
“I really like you, Lily,” he said. James had said the words a lot in the past, but he wasn’t pleading this time. He wasn’t trying to convince her of it or make her accept a date with him. It was just a simple statement, an earnest truth.
Lily didn’t answer. The words triggered something in her. The day was flashing through her mind, then the past seven years moving quickly. It was still somewhat of a shock: she was walking next to the boy she once hated. It didn’t make sense. Why was she walking with him? He couldn’t have changed that much. People didn’t change that much…
“I want to see you again.” He paused, a boyish grin on his face. “I mean, not just see you, I see you everyday. I want to see you. You’re different from anyone I’ve ever known.” James sighed in exasperation, not being able to get his point across. He took a breath and looked directly in her eyes. “I want to go on another date with you, Lily.”
Any girl would have swooned, would have accepted graciously, would have giggled and started planning outfits and hair. But all Lily could think of was James “ James in his worst moments. James picking on Severus Snape, James embarrassing her, James never taking responsibility for the things he did. A fear crept through her. What was she doing? It was Potter.
“I don’t think so,” Lily answered. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” she restated, watching a strange look come over his face. It wasn’t the deflated, crushed look that usually entered his face after she rejected him.
“Okay,” James said. Lily couldn’t read him; he looked almost indifferent.
“That’s it?” Lily asked after a moment, clearly astonished. Usually he’d fight her, beg her, plead with her or continue to ask her out relentlessly. She had never gotten an ‘okay’ from him.
“Listen.” He knew what she was thinking. He knew that his reaction was very unlike him. Lily turned to him. His face was calm and there was almost a freedom there. “This is it for me. The end of a long, worn-out road.”
“What do you mean?”
James still looked calm, examining her face. “It’s been one too many dead ends, and I just can’t do it anymore.”
Lily was holding her breath, barely aware of the night and chill that had set in around them.
“I don’t understand.” James was looking far off, concentration and deep thought written on his face. He was picking his words carefully. He understood that every word out of his mouth would change his life dramatically. Everything he had ever known was going to be gone. The one thing he had depended on, the one thing he always had, was the fight for Lily, and soon he wouldn’t have that. He would have to find something new to do with his time and to occupy his mind.
“I’m going to stop chasing you. I’m going to give you what you’ve always wanted. I can’t make you feel something you don’t. And I guess I must be growing up, because I finally get it.”
That was it. Lily couldn’t believe it. He was over her? He was done always being there? Always pestering her? Always picking her up? Always making her laugh?
“But, hey,” he said, his voice rough and raw, fighting back whatever emotion he was feeling. “Friends? I don’t know if it is possible, but I’d like to try.”
Lily gave an answer, “uh-huh” or “yes, that’d be nice”; she didn’t remember. Before she knew it, James was gone, disappearing behind the tall doors of Hogwarts.
Lily didn’t know how she felt. Part of her wanted to scream after him. She didn’t hate him; she didn’t want him to move on to some other girl.
Instead, she went to her dorm. James was nowhere in sight, and Lily spent the night convincing herself what she did was right “ James was no good for her. She even took to calling him Potter; James sounded too intimate.
The next morning, Lily walked to the Great Hall for breakfast by herself. She didn’t really want to speak to her friends. She wanted to see James. She wanted to say, “Absolutely, I really like you too and would go on another date with you in a heartbeat because I’ve never felt this way before.” Nothing too verbose.
Lily scanned the Gryffindor table, spotting Remus, Sirius and Peter, but there was no sight of James. He was always with them…
Lily shrugged it away; it was for the best. He was a jerk. No, he’s not, thought Lily reluctantly.
After a minute of debate with herself, she called to Sirius. She hadn’t even realized she had done it until it was too late.
He turned to Lily, a look of surprise on his face.
“Where’s James?”
Sirius’ handsome face changed from mildly curious to intensely interested. She hoped James hadn’t told him what had happened the previous night.
“Why do you want to know, Evans? Trying the new ‘friendship’ role?”
His tone was bitter and angry. But after all, Lily had hurt his best friend… multiple times.
James had told him. Of course James had told him what had happened. Lily hadn’t really expected anything different. She knew James well enough to know that he would confide anything in Sirius.
“I just wanted a word.”
Sirius didn’t look impressed with Lily’s answer. “He left last night, around two.”
James left? At two in the morning? What did that mean? But Lily didn’t get a chance to ask, for Sirius had already turned back to Remus and Peter to continue their conversation.
Although Sirius knew, Lily knew he wouldn’t tell her anymore than he already had.
**
“Mr. Potter will be gone for a minimum of two weeks. So, until his return, Mr. Mercer will be the temporary Head Boy. I believe you two have met,” said Professor Dumbledore. He had called Lily into his office before it was time to patrol.
It was all true. Official. The voice of authority had spoken, and James was gone.
“Professor?” Lily asked timidly, unsure of how Dumbledore would react to her question. “James and I are, well, we’re, err, friends.” James had said it himself, or at least he said it as a future possibility, so it wasn’t a complete lie. “And I was just wondering if you might be able to tell me where he is?”
Dumbledore studied Lily’s face intently for a moment before answering calmly. “His father recently took ill, and he isn’t doing well. There is a large possibility that he will not make it, so when James was informed last night, he insisted on going home to be with him.”
Lily absorbed the words, nodding. James was a good person and she knew it. She just couldn’t tell him now.
“But don’t worry, Ms. Evans, he’ll be back soon,” Dumbledore said, as if reading her mind. Lily smiled and nodded, then went to speak to Kevin Mercer, who was waiting outside the door for her.
“Hi Lily. Ready to patrol?” Kevin asked, with a grin on his face. “Lily?” Back to reality.
“Sorry,” she mumbled in response. “Just thinking.” Kevin inclined his head towards the corridor, indicating that they needed to patrol.
“Ready?” he repeated calmly.
Lily flashed a grin and a mischievous smile. “Born ready.”
They walked in silence for a few moments. She had nothing to say to the boy, and she found it strange patrolling with someone other than James. Usually, they would chat easily, Lily enjoying the scent of him and his jokes.
“You know, you’re different,” Kevin started. Lily was startled by his sincerity.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
He looked at her. Kevin Mercer “ he had cloudy blue eyes, almost grey, and light brown hair “ not extraordinarily handsome, but not ugly. Lily hardly knew him. Kevin meant nothing to her; he was just a boy she went to school with.
“I like you.” I really like you, Lily. “As much as I hate Potter, I’ve always agreed with him about you.”
She didn’t care about Kevin Mercer. What right did he have to hate James?
“Why do you hate him?” asked Lily, her voice quiet, thoughts rushing through her mind like a waterfall.
“Same reasons you do.” This is it for me.
“He’s an arrogant git. He thinks he’s so much better than everyone else because he has money.” It’s been one too many dead-ends.
“He’s not that great looking, and he’s such a prat.” I’m going to stop chasing you.
“I mean, he’s not even funny! But you know that, Lily.” I’m going to give you what you’ve always wanted.
“Lily?” I can’t make you feel something you don’t.
“But I do!” Lily cried out. “I do feel something!” Kevin stopped abruptly and looked at her.
“What?”
But Lily was gone. She didn’t want to analyze anymore. She didn’t want to think about James or what he said to her, what she gave up. She just wanted to talk to him. No. She wanted to sleep. So that’s where she went “ to her dorm.
Lily did sleep, for a total of three hours. The rest of the time, fragments of their last conversation fogged her mind.
**
Two weeks slid by. No matter how one feels, time goes on. It slips by like sand through your fingers. As hard as you try to grasp it “ even if it’s just a single moment “ it keeps moving.
Lily was called to Professor Dumbledore’s office again. She harboured high hopes that it would be news of James. And it was “ partially.
Professor Dumbledore had called Lily into his office to inform her that she was selected to intern at the Ministry of Magic for one week. Dumbledore felt that she was the best person to represent the school and she would get the most out of the experience.
The truth was, Lily had been looking into a career in the Ministry of Magic, and Professor Dumbledore hoped that this experience would deter her from it. A career at the Ministry wouldn’t fit Lily, and Dumbledore knew it. She was much too talented and too bright to be stuck in the Ministry. He knew that Lily would want to do something to really help people.
Lily would leave in a week, on a Saturday. James was to return the Sunday after she left.
**
The day before Lily was to return to Hogwarts, she was anxious. She wanted to see James Potter, yes, but it wasn’t just that. She missed the castle itself, and her friends. It was hard to imagine that in a few mere months she would be out of Hogwarts and released into the world. A world where she wouldn’t have Slughorn or McGonagall to punish her for her wrongdoings, where Dumbledore wouldn’t be there to protect her from the outside world of impending peril. There wouldn’t be the constant appearance of familiar faces, the comfort of always being around her friends, of people she had grown up with. There wouldn’t be James Potter and Sirius Black raving about Quidditch or James grinning at girls, trying to be sly. There would be no more Severus Snape running about scratching notes in his Potions book. Lily shuddered at the thought of the new terrain she would be forced to face.
And that’s when it hit her. It would be over soon. Since age eleven, the walls of the castle had protected her; she had been with the same people, had the same teachers and slept in the same bed. It would all be gone soon, and the people in her life would be the ones she chose to include. Lily wouldn’t have to see anyone she didn’t want to; she would be on her own. And she wouldn’t see James.
Lily hadn’t really ever considered that there would be a day when James wouldn’t be there. She couldn’t even have imagined a day where James would be mature enough to move on. She always figured he’d be there, even after Hogwarts. Lily figured one day, he’d make a grand gesture and that’s when she’d give in. Lily hated him for a while, or she so she said. But she didn’t. She never had. She was just waiting for him to do something she couldn’t resist. Not something childish, like the things he did at Hogwarts, but something romantic, something sincere. She was waiting for James to show her that she meant more to him than anything else did. Something that said, “Even if I saw you everyday for the rest of my life, it wouldn’t be enough.”
Maybe the things James did were sincere, but Lily just didn’t see it like her friends did. When he wrote her name in the bright blue sky over the Quidditch Pitch, Lily had gotten frustrated. But was it that terrible? Was it something he had done for attention, or was it proof of how he felt?
Confused, Lily did the only thing she could think of. She grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill.
The funny thing was she didn’t know how to start. Lily felt so much that it didn’t seem as though a piece of parchment could hold it all. There was so much guilt, regret, apologies and love. How could a piece of parchment capture it all and make him understand?
After a few minutes of staring out the window in dissatisfaction, a yellow ribbon floated by. It was as if it came from the sky. It gently danced down, drifting from side to side and making all of Lily’s irritations disappear. She knew what she would write.
James,
I haven’t seen you in a while. I wouldn’t have ever thought I’d care. But I do. I don’t know how you feel. Honestly, I’m feeling a lot. We left with you moving on. You giving up on us. You’ve chased me for a long time; it’s hard to remember when you weren’t there. I’ve just had about three weeks of them, and I have to say, I don’t like them, James. I really don’t like them.
You’re a bigger part of my life than I could have ever imagined. Before, I was afraid. I’m not used to feeling this way about you. Actually, about anyone. I’ve never felt this way before.
I’m coming back to Hogwarts tomorrow. If you still want me, tie a yellow ribbon around the beech tree near the lake. And if you don’t, I’ll blame myself and forget about this letter.
-- Lily
And she sent it.
**
The next day, Lily Flooed back to Hogwarts.
She walked through the castle to check the beech tree near the lake. She still couldn’t believe she actually sent the letter. Lily had offered her heart to James Potter after crushing his so many times. It was surreal.
Maybe he didn’t get the letter; maybe the owl was intercepted, thought Lily, as she grew nearer to the door leading out of the castle.
Lily swallowed hard as she pulled the door open with a sweaty palm. Why are you so nervous? What’s the worse that can happen? He doesn’t tie one?
As she grew closer to the tree, she didn’t see one yellow ribbon. No, there wasn’t one “ there were twenty. A grinning James Potter leaned casually against the bark, twirling a sunflower in his hand.
When Lily got to James, he silently held out the sunflower, which she took. Only James would give a girl a sunflower. Not a rose, or even a daffodil, but a sunflower.
For a moment, Lily and James just looked at each other. Lily was still stunned by all the ribbons and her beating heart. James was astounded that the whole thing wasn’t a joke. No, there was a mutual understanding. It wasn’t a joke. Both Lily and James knew exactly how they felt.
Then James held out his hand. Lily looked at it for a moment and then back to the tree. The yellow ribbons were a golden colour and shimmered in the sunlight. She grasped his hand, without saying a word. Even though her heart was still beating quickly, she felt at ease, like nothing could go wrong in the world, because they had each other.
And they walked around the lake. Neither one said a word. No words needed to be said.
Later that day, Lily left James, something she found she didn’t like much, and went down to the lake. She untied all twenty of the yellow ribbons meticulously and placed nineteen in a box. It wasn’t a James box. Lily knew she wouldn’t need one. It was just a box for safekeeping until some of the ribbons were sewed onto her wedding dress and others on Harry’s baby blanket.
The twentieth ribbon was tied around her wrist and never removed. Lily didn’t need a reminder of what she had “ the feelings never went away. But to Lily, it was a symbol of what they had and the long road it took to get there. It was the thing that had shaped her life. Without those yellow ribbons, there was no life. For Lily, there was no living without James, that’s just how it was. He was everyone to her, as she was to him.
The yellow ribbon symbolized their love, and in that, both Lily and James’ lives. Every time Lily looked at the ribbon, she could feel a warmth on her wrist and knew her place in the world “ next to James. Anything less, for either of them, wouldn’t cut it. They were each other’s forever and for always. Neither James nor Lily would have it any other way.
Tie A Yellow Ribbon by KASK
Chapter Notes: I hope you all like this story!
Thanks to my Beta, joybelle423 (Abigail).
This story is loosely based on the song "Tie A Yellow Ribbon ('Round The Ole Oak Tree)" by Tony Orlando and Dawn.